Fiona pouted during most of the train ride to Port Cullis. Andra couldn’t blame her, but this was another high-paying job, and with the amount they owed to Maxim, Lady von Ekko’s Glorious Adventurer Brigade couldn’t afford to pass it up. Kaylen was unusually quiet, too, for some reason. Riven read a book for part of the ride until she became more pale than usual and had to stare out the window.

Port Cullis was a picturesque city as long as you looked at it from the right angle. If you stood at the dock and looked up, you would see a huge hill full of rows and rows of beautiful cream-colored buildings full of rooftop gardens. If, however, you looked around, you’d see that you were surrounded by ugly, often crumbling warehouses and apartments. It seemed that unlike in Rampart City, the wealthy in Port Cullis didn’t bother pretending to care about the working class. When she was younger and more foolish, Andra would have thought that her noble birth made her superior, but she knew better now. Superiority was something you had to claim, not something that was given to you. No matter your birth, you had to build yourself into something great before you could truly be superior to anyone. Still, as the group walked through the streets, she couldn’t help but think to herself I could run things better.

The group soon reached their destination, the house of Prospero Atalan. They were admitted by a servant who led them to a drawing room where they were soon joined by Prospero and Melanie. Tea was served, including a tiny cup for Melanie, and they got down to business.

“How’s the new project going?” Fiona asked.

“Oh, he’s coming along nicely,” Prospero responded. “Already responding consistently to stimulus. Taking on mass a little slowly, but much more consistently than Melanie. It’ll likely be a good year or so before he can consistently hold a form.”

“Dad, listen, please let them be an actual kid,” Fiona said.

Prospero gave her a sympathetic look. “Fiona, I understand that my methods may seem cruel to you, but I know what I am doing. And you must at least acknowledge that my goal is a noble one.”

“I don’t have to do anything of the sort,” Fiona said, suddenly turning angry. “It doesn’t make any sense.”

“I am not having this conversation again,” Prospero said sharply. “I called you here for something more important than discussions of ethics. At that disastrous dinner, I took note of the fact that one of the members of your party is a thief and it occurred to me that you could help with a delicate situation.”

Riven and Kaylen glanced at each other nervously while Andra grinned confidently. “So this job calls for my talents, huh? What do you need?”

“As I’m sure you know,” Prospero began, “I am a member of the board of directors for the International Society of Alchemists.”

“I did not know that,” said Andra.

“Neither did I,” Kaylen added.

“Neither did I,” Fiona added. “Dad, when did you get on the board?”

“About two years ago,” Prospero said, sounding annoyed. “If you actually came home for your checkups, you might already know.”

Fiona rolled her eyes.

“Moving on,” said Prospero, “I joined in hopes of obtaining more funding for my work, but it’s proving to be more trouble than it’s worth. You see, recently, I and a number of my colleagues were burglarized. We each lost a number of papers detailing certain less-than-legal activities and now the fiend is blackmailing us.”

Riven smirked. “Ah, so even the people who make the rules for the ISA find them impossible to follow. Maxim’s going to love hearing about this.”

“Maxim will hear nothing,” Prospero replied. “You understand, in this matter discretion is paramount. If word of our activities got out, the scandal could ruin the ISA.”

“Good, you deserve to be ruined,” Riven said sharply. “You lot extrajudicially execute alchemists who break the very same rules that you’ve broken. It sounds like you’re just getting what comes to you.”

“And then what?” Prospero asked, his voice rising as he gripped his teacup tightly. “You would have our knowledge fall into the hands of whoever wants to use it, free of any oversight? You would allow just anyone to mix poisons, love potions, and explosives? To build war machines and firearms? All who study at our schools sign contracts to conduct themselves in a certain way. They know the consequences of failing to do so from the moment they begin to learn alchemy. The purpose of these rules isn’t to punish people, it’s to maintain order and to keep alchemists from abusing their power.”

Riven was about to fire back, but Andra interrupted her. “Raven, none of this matters. As far as we’re concerned, our purpose here is to do a job, get paid, and improve our reputation. Think about what it means to do a job for a member of the board of directors of the ISA. This is really going to up our standing in the Guild.”

“Exactly. Discussions of ethics are irrelevant,” Prospero said. “All you need to do is your job.”

Riven sat back in her chair with a huff. “Fine. I see your point.”

“So you need to get these documents back? Not destroyed? They have to be back in your hands.” Andra asked. When Prospero nodded, she muttered “Too bad paper is flammable.”

“I don’t know what exactly was stolen from my colleagues, so if you can’t find it, don’t trouble yourself. What was taken from me was a series of letters from a man named Elderwood. Not only does it contain proof of my illegal activities, but the information contained in those letters is of vital importance to my research. I believe that the thief who took them was employed by a woman named Antimony Limerick, a dangerous radical within the alchemy community. Her home is here in Port Cullis, which is where I believe she keeps the evidence.”

The party finished their tea and made their farewells. As they were leaving, Melanie fluttered up to Fiona’s shoulder and quietly told her “Don’t worry about our new sibling. I’ll take care of them.”

Fiona paused at the door and nodded. “Thanks. I’m sorry to place this on you, Mel.”

“Hey, I understand,” Mel replied soothingly. “I never had it as bad as you or our other sisters since I was pretty much a failure from the get go. I totally get why the rest of you can’t be around him.”

----------------------------------------

Late that night, the party gathered outside of Antimony Limerick’s house. Antimony Limerick’s large house. Antimony Limerick’s three-story house no doubt full of studies and libraries and laboratories full of paper. How was Andra supposed to find one specific set of letters in all of this?

The house’s light potions had all been extinguished, so hopefully the owner and her servants were all asleep. Andra stared up at the house’s front doors.

“So what’s the plan, boss?” Fiona asked, excited. “Are you going to pick the lock?”

Kaylen snickered. “That I’d like to see.”

Andra desperately grasped for an excuse. “Of course not. It’s going to be quicker to sneak in through a window.”

She led the group around the side of the house. All of the windows here were shut and locked. She tested a few of them, but found that they wouldn’t open. She continued, leading the group to the back of the house where they discovered an open window.

“Ah, there, you see? What did I tell you?” Andra said triumphantly.

“Um, do you think it’s strange that they left just one window open like this?” Fiona asked.

Andra waved away Fiona’s objection. “Negligent servants. That’s all.”

She picked her way through the flower garden and carefully slipped through the window, into a stately dining room. Peeking back out of the window, she whispered to her friends.

“Come on, what are you waiting for?”

“What are you talking about?” Riven whispered back. “I thought you were doing this on your own.”

“I’m going to need extra eyes if I’m going to search this whole house,” Andra replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

The party shared a look, but one by one they climbed through the window, Fiona helping Riven. Placing a finger to her lips, Andra led the party through the dining room doors and into the hallway. It was too dark to make out much of the house’s interior, but in the hall she found several doors. Picking one at random, she found that it led into a small library.

“Perfect. Start searching, everyone,” she said, and the group split up to explore the library.

Andra made her way to a small desk and started pulling open drawers, finding a lot of loose paper, including several letters. It was too dark to read what was on any of it, so she started stuffing it into her shirt, hoping that it included the letters she needed.

“Boss,” Fiona hissed. “I think I found something.”

Andra joined Fiona at one of the bookcases. Fiona pointed at the place where it met the bookcase next to it.

“See here? I think this is a door.”

Together, the two of them managed to find enough of a grip to slide the bookcase forward where they discovered a staircase leading down. Once again, it was hard to make out the details due to the darkness, but at the bottom of the stairs, light could be seen.

“That is so cool,” Riven whispered.

Forgetting about the library, Andra led the group down the stairs. Closer to the bottom, she discovered that the stairs ended at a corner. As she reached the last stair she rounded the corner and nearly ran into a frightened-looking woman holding a flask. The woman squeaked and uncorked the flask, which spewed smoke right in Andra’s face. Then everything went dark.

----------------------------------------

Andra heard the sound of giggling. She was in a sitting position, but leaning against someone. When she raised her head, it bumped against something hard and metal. She opened her eyes to discover that she was in an alchemy lab of some sort. However, unlike Maxim’s lab, which was pristine, clinical and modern, this one was aged and dusty and full of dated-looking equipment. A middle-aged woman with dark hair and tan skin was sitting at a desk in a corner opposite Andra, writing. She was wearing a stained shirt and trousers, neither as expensive-looking as what the large house would suggest. A tall, slender man dressed in black stood over her, looking down at what she was doing. Neither was the source of the giggling.

Andra was leaning against Fiona. Sitting up, she realized that her hands were restrained behind her back, with a chain that was woven around a row of iron bars behind her. Twisting around to look, she found that instead of another room or cell, all that was beyond the iron bars was a stone wall. To her right, she saw Kaylen and beyond her was the source of the giggling, Riven.

“She got all of you, too?” Andra asked.

“Sorry, boss,” Fiona replied.

“There,” said the woman, holding the paper she had been writing on up to the man in black. “I hope that will be enough to keep you in my employ. Honestly, you’re bleeding me dry.”

The man took the paper and examined it. “It will do, for now. Now, what shall we do with your prisoners?”

“Talk with them to start with. Then we’ll decide what to do,” the woman answered. Then she stood and crossed the room to look down at her captives.

“So, you’re finally awake, Slurg Sneerbrook?” the woman asked.

“Who?” Andra replied.

“Isn’t that the name on your I.D.?” Kaylen asked.

The author's tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

The woman pulled a card from her pocket and examined it. “Wait, so you aren’t Slurg Sneerbrook, member of the Thieves’ Guild of Rampart City?”

“Yes, I’m a member of the Thieves’ Guild, but my name is Andra von Ekko,” Andra explained. “I take it you’re Antimony Limerick?”

The woman nodded. “Correct.”

“Ah, this is wonderful,” Riven cut in. “Trapped in an actual mad alchemist’s lab. All chained up and unable to move.”

“Oh, very cute,” said Antimony. “You’re trying to make light of the situation so that I can’t see how terrified you are.”

“No, she’s actually just into this,” Kaylen explained.

“Who knows what wonderfully twisted things she could do to us,” Riven continued, her voice brimming with excitement. “Maybe she’ll give us a truth potion and make us reveal Paracelsus’ secrets.”

Antimony examined Riven with surprise. “That’s actually not a bad idea.”

Andra sighed with exasperation. “We don’t know any of his secrets. We’re just a bunch of idiots he hired.”

However, Riven wasn’t done yet. “Then maybe she could just make us reveal embarrassing things about ourselves.”

“Enough,” said Antimony sharply. “I’m not interested in embarrassing you. I’m not even really interested in Paracelsus’ work. His stupid little ‘make the perfect man’ project is flawed in its very premise.”

“Wait, his goal is to make the perfect man?” Kaylen asked. “But aren’t all of Fiona’s siblings sister? Why does he keep making girls?”

Antimony snickered.

“He doesn’t keep making girls,” Fiona explained. “He keeps making homunculi and tries to make us be boys, but we keep deciding to be girls instead. Then we lose our shapeshifting abilities and he can’t make us go back.”

Riven let out a laugh. “Seriously, Fiona? You’re trans, too? You’ve been holding out on us.”

“Well, I don’t think I’m really trans,” Fiona replied. “I wasn’t born male or female. My dad just forced me to live as a boy for the first few years of my life and then I made myself into a girl instead.”

“Uh, yeah, that last part is what makes you trans,” Andra said.

“Oh. Huh,” Fiona said simply.

“It’s a very curious pattern,” Antimony said. “Five attempts to make the perfect man and all have become women. I have to admit the papers he publishes about them are most entertaining.”

“Right?” said Fiona, “Does he bother to examine why? No. Instead he just forges ahead with the next attempt and puts another child through Hell.”

“You know, I would be very interested in hearing your thoughts on⁠—”

The man in black cleared his throat.

Antimony blinked. “Oh, yes, we have more important matters to attend to. Specifically what to do with you. I’m going to be honest with you, I wasn’t really expecting to have to deal with intruders.”

“Is that why you’ve tied us up with BDSM gear?” Riven asked.

“Wait, is that why these cuffs are so comfortable?” Kaylen replied.

Andra felt the cuffs on her wrists. For the first time she noticed that they were surprisingly comfortable.

“Okay, yes, I had to run out and buy some chains before you woke up and the only place that I knew was open was a sex shop.”

The woman was unprepared. That was important information, Andra realized. Examining the woman, she suddenly noticed that the beads of sweat on her forehead were not from the basement’s air, which was nice and cool. She stood some distance from the man in black as if she didn’t completely trust him. She was completely in over her head. She had thought that the alchemists she was blackmailing would fall in line and give her what she wanted instead of hiring people to get back what was stolen. She apparently hadn’t even thought of calling the city guard to imprison the intruders, presumably because she assumed her own illegal actions meant she couldn’t make use of law. This was something Andra could work with.

“Listen, Dr. Limerick,” Andra said. “I can see you’re in a tough position. It’s late, you’ve been working hard both on your alchemy and your goals of reforming the ISA. You just want this night to be over. So let me make a suggestion that I think will satisfy everyone involved. Just let us go and give us the evidence against Paracelsus. We’ll be out of your hair, Paracelsus won’t send anyone else after you, and you’ll still have the evidence against all of the other alchemists. It’s the best possible solution.”

Unfortunately, before Antimony could consider this offer, there came a cry from upstairs.

“Intruder!”

The man in black’s eyes widened. He took off running up the stairs.

Antimony closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Seriously? Another one? This night will just not give me a break.”

She followed the man up the stairs, leaving the party to themselves.

Riven sighed a familiar quivering sigh. “She’s so pretty. And now she’s keeping us in suspense. I wonder what she’s going to do.”

“Fiona, can you break out?” Andra asked.

“Maybe give us a modified love potion to turn us into her loyal servants?” Riven continued.

“I don’t know, boss, I can’t really get good leverage.” Fiona started straining at the chains, trying to find a position where she could get enough leverage to break free.

“Or a lethe potion to make us forget about our mission? Oh, but maybe she gives us too much by mistake and makes us forget who we are entirely.”

Andra sighed. “Raven, if she was going to do any of those things, she would have done them by now. But she’s clearly a woman with a strong ethical code. Blackmail is one thing, but mind control is beyond what she’s willing to do. And she didn’t look like she was into your whole mind control fantasy, so even if she likes you back, it’s not happening.”

Riven thought about this for a long moment.

“Oh, well, that’s disappointing.”

There was a quiet click and Riven’s cuffs fell off. She stood, rubbing her wrists.

“Those iron bars are kinda weird, right? Who constructed this place?”

“What the Hell, Raven?” Andra asked. “How did you get out?”

“Oh, there’s an emergency release on the lock,” Riven explained. “This stuff is kink gear. It’s not meant to hold someone against their will.”

One by one, the other party members found their releases and freed themselves. As she stood, Andra once again considered hitting Riven. A table near the opposite wall had been cleared off to make room for the equipment Antimony and her cohort had taken from the party. As she gathered her dagger and Thieves’ Guild card, she examined the papers she had taken from the library. They were nothing but letters from various family members, meaning there was still a whole house to search.

As quietly as possible, Andra led the way back upstairs, staying low as she neared the top. When she was close enough to see the library, she found Antimony and the man in black, as well as another larger man with a cudgel. A third man was sprawled on the floor, surrounded by papers. Andra quickly debated over how to act. Antimony didn’t have any potions on her, and probably wasn’t a threat. The man in black was obviously a thief, presumably whoever Antimony had hired to steal her blackmail material in the first place. In fact, it occurred to her that she had seen him before. Wasn’t he one of the higher-ups at the Thieves’ Guild? Antimony must be spending a fortune on him. Which was probably why she was skimping on the other lackey. From the look of his clothes and weapon, he was just a cheap brute she had probably hired as extra muscle. Nowhere near as much of a concern as the man in black.

Suddenly, a voice behind Andra shouted, “Die, conspirators,” and Kaylen pushed her way past and rushed into the library, swinging her mace at the large man who, alerted by her shout, easily swatted her aside with his club.

“Sorry, boss, I wasn’t watching her,” said Fiona.

“That doesn’t matter,” Andra replied, drawing her dagger. “Just attack.”

Nobody moved.

“D-do you want me to squeeze past you or what?” Fiona asked.

“Yeah, I’m all the way in the back. I can’t even see what’s happening,” Riven added.

The man in black, who until now had been watching the party with some incredulity, crossed the room with incredible speed, a dagger flashing in his hand. Andra felt herself shoved to one side as something long and metal thrust forward. The man in black narrowly dodged, and scrambled back, clearly thrown off by the sudden appearance of a spear in Fiona’s hand. This gave Fiona enough time to half-push, half-climb past Andra and renew her attack, forcing the thief farther away from the door.

The club-wielding man advanced on Fiona, but Andra rushed forward and slashed at his arm with her dagger. The man shouted in pain, but did not drop his weapon, instead turning it on Andra. Thankfully his swings were heavy and easy to read, and Andra had no problem dancing out of the way.

Meanwhile, the man in black seemed to be having an equally easy time avoiding Fiona’s spear. She was having difficulty maneuvering it in the crowded room, until it suddenly became a short, slender sword. The thief was surprised, unused to a weapon that could change form, and received a nasty gash on his stomach.

Andra was about to plunge her dagger into the brute’s stomach when something in the corner of her eye made her pull back suddenly. A flash of blue light shot past her and struck a bookshelf, sending books flying. Another one hit the man. Then another. He stumbled backwards clutching himself in pain. A fourth came very close to hitting Andra. Riven was wildly hurling bolts of magical energy at both men. With the large man distracted, Andra found the time in between Riven’s attacks to sink her dagger into his stomach before a bolt finally knocked him off his feet.

The man in black saw that the tide of battle was turning against him and turned to flee. Fiona tried to use the opportunity to morph her weapon into a throwing knife, but one of Riven’s bolts hit her in the back; she dropped her weapon with a yelp and the man dashed through the door, escaping. No matter, Andra decided, this was a humiliating loss for him anyway.

The large man was still lying on the floor, clutching his stomach, so Andra picked up one of the papers littering the floor, examining it. It was a record of delivery to an alchemist in Parapet City.

Antimony, during the fray, had found herself a corner to hide in and was curled up there now, wide-eyed and quivering.

“Are these the blackmail evidence?” Andra asked.

Antimony nodded, whimpering slightly.

“Are you sure you don’t want to use mind-altering potions to turn us into your servants?” Riven asked, kneeling before the woman.

Antimony shook her head.

“Pity.” Holding a hand in front of the woman’s face, Riven said an incantation and Antimony slumped over, unconscious.

While Andra gathered up the papers, Fiona and Riven checked on Kaylen, who was moaning on the floor. Once the papers were collected and Kaylen was back on her feet, the party turned their attention on the other intruder, who had been lying face-down on the floor since the fight had begun.

“I bet he’s the reason that window was open,” Andra said. “He must have been hiding in the house the entire time we were here.”

Fiona, carefully turned him onto his back and he moaned slightly, finally waking up.

“Wait, Forthright?” Andra said, surprised.

“It’s Frostwait,” the man said.

“You know him?” Riven asked.

“He’s another thief,” Kaylen explained. “Andra tricked him into giving her information on that assassin we hunted down a while back.”

“There’s no need to bring that up,” Andra said. “After all, we can both get what we want today. I’m guessing you were hired by one of the other alchemists Antimony is blackmailing?”

“Yes,” moaned Frostwait, “but there’s something you don’t know.”

He was speaking very quietly. Andra leaned in close. “Yes? What is it?”

“I was faking being unconscious,” he shouted, sitting up suddenly and snatching the papers from Andra’s hand. As he grabbed them he grabbed some of the lace on her cuff, tearing it as he pulled away. He sprang to his feet and dashed past the stunned Fiona and out of the room.

“Well, shit,” said Riven. “I’m too tired to chase after this one. Want to just call it a loss?”

“Yeah,” said Kaylen. “I don’t feel well at all after that fight.”

Andra stared at the torn lace on her sleeve. She tried to keep herself composed. She tried to stop it from happening, but she couldn’t. The tears started flowing and she let out a series of sobs.

Fiona rushed to her side. “Boss, what’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

Andra held up her damaged sleeve. “This was my last good shirt,” she said between sobs. “All the others have been burned. Or stained. Or torn by zombies.”

Fiona wrapped her in a hug. “Boss…”

“Well, shirts aren’t that expensive,” said Kaylen. “We can get you some more.”

“I’m all out of money,” Andra wailed. “I used to be rich and now I can’t even afford food and we owe Maxim so much and I needed the money from this job.”

“It’s okay,” said Riven, placing a hand on her shoulder. “We’ll be successful at the next job.”

“We fail all of our jobs,” Andra continued. “I always have to lie to get our money. I thought we’d eventually figure it out and get good, but Kaylen still gets knocked out right away and Fiona hesitates all the time and—”

She hesitated. It was difficult to admit it even now. “—I’m a terrible thief. We’re the worst adventurers ever.”

The rest of the party was silent. None of them could deny that truth. They had burned down a warehouse, let a demon and a necromancer and a runaway fairy go free, broken a potion right before delivering it. Every job they had attempted had turned into a disaster.

“Well, maybe it doesn’t have to be this way,” said Fiona. “Maybe we can still do this job right.”

“How?” Andra spat. “Forthright’s gone.”

“Well, he hasn’t been gone that long,” Riven replied. “Kaylen, can you do a soul trace?”

Soul traces were a holy power that could be performed to track a person. However, they could only be performed for a short time after the target had left the area.

“Yeah, there’s still time, but are you sure now’s…” She hesitated. “Actually, this is the perfect time to do that, isn’t it?”

Kaylen closed her eyes for a moment. “Dearest Goddess Sanguis, reveal to me the path to the sinner Frostwait that I may deal him retribution.”

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, slowly, small glowing lights appeared in the air, along the path Frostwait had taken.

Andra dried her tears with her ruined sleeve, then sniffed. “Alright. We can still do this. Let’s go.”

“Wait, what about him?” Fiona asked, indicated the wounded man on the floor.

Riven shrugged. “Antimony’s an alchemist. She must have some healing potions around here. And she’ll probably wake up before he dies.”

The party followed the lights back to the dining room, out the window, and out onto the street. Thankfully, it appeared that Frostwait’s flight hadn’t taken him over any walls or through any alleys. Instead he had traveled right down the street and turned a few corners. Apparently he had considered that sufficient to lose any pursuit. Eventually, the path led the party to a crowded bar.

“Is this where he’s meeting his client?” Fiona asked.

“Knowing Forthright, he’s celebrating,” said Andra.

Staying low, she approached the bar and peeked in through one of the windows.

“Oh, wow, seriously?” she said. “He’s sitting at the bar. Back to the door and everything.”

Riven joined her at the window.

“Unbelievable. This is going to be fun. I imagine you’ll want to do the honors?”

“Actually, since Kaylen’s the one who managed to turn this into a victory, I think this should go to her. Plus, she has the perfect style for it.”

----------------------------------------

Inside the bar, Frostwait took another swig of his mead. A victory like this one practically demanded that he get drunk to celebrate. As he sat down his mug he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned to see who was trying to get his attention.

“Die, thief.”