Two of my monster friends and I breakfasted on a porridge sweetened with honey that I initially mistook for oatmeal, but which had grains of rice and barley mixed in it as well. The bird hatchling, which resembled both a raven and a peregrine falcon, consumed the same grains, but in its meal they were dry and mixed with crickets. The toad? It just ate some crickets. I found myself once again eating rapidly, and I was on the second bowl of porridge when someone approached the table I and the bear cub sat at and the monsters less sat at and more existed around.
The newcomer was a man I assumed to be about sixteen or seventeen, wearing a green tunic and a pair of trousers that were the same color as the town guard. Over it, he wore a silvery breastplate and a sword belt on his hip with two steel octahedron reliquaries on the other. His hair was chestnut brown and tousled, and his eyes were stern and hazel colored.
"If you let your monsters just sit around you like a rabble, I am beginning to suspect Lord Darville was exaggerating with his estimation of your potential."
Only the bear cub and I were actually sitting because the saber-toothed kitten leaned and pawed at the table as it ate, and the black and silver bird alternated from standing and hopping on one leg as it ate. The horned toad-lizard creature, meanwhile, scurried around and shot the absurdly hot tongue it possessed at crickets to catch them and bring them back to it. The toad's actions caused the smell of cooked insects to permeate around us.
"Well, and hello to you too, stranger. I have been here one day and am still learning, besides these aren't my monsters yet according to what he said. So hold off on the criticism about how I corral them."
I put my wooden spoon across the bowl of porridge, then got up from the chair I was in.
That made him shake his head and gesture to sit back down.
"Ah, that's right, I didn't introduce myself. I am Edbert, one of the lord's personal guards. But why don't you sit back down, kid? Or is it that are you reckless on top of being lazy? You have to know how to walk before you can fight, as the proverb goes."
I did and even held back the grumble about being not a kid. I did glare at him, though. Without a word, I began to go back to shoveling the porridge with my spoon. If my mouth was busy, I wouldn't start an argument.
"So the next step is to actually see if you can interpret a monster's capabilities and stats. Do you know how to analyze?"
I was new to this video game system that seemed to interface with the world's -or possible VR game's- physics, so why would I know?
I took another scoop of porridge and just tried to infer rather than answer the obvious "No", which my pride demanded that I avoid.
Perhaps thinking "Analyze"?
I tried it and looked at the toad as it scurried about as I thought the word. My reward came without a moment's wait, and the increasingly familiar LCD green colored ethereal window popped up. The tinny voice from the monster bible before narrated the words of the window.
"New monster identified! Cindnutum added to your monster bible."
I moved my focus slightly and knew that this figure could tell what I was doing by my eyes moving slightly. I had seen it in others but did not pick it up until last night with Lord Charles Darville.
As I scrolled down, the windows contents were taken in without really having to read it- as if I just consumed the knowledge. As I read it, the voice added color commentary.
"Cindnutums are the smithies and traveler's best friend. This cindnutum is male. All cindnutums are fire and wind primary aligned monsters. This cindnutum has a nature secondary alignment. Its tertiary alignment is currently locked."
I kept scrolling and took in that it was level one, that it had zero experience points and that with the rest of its details hidden with black squares as if it had been redacted and with the words "Higher Analysis skill level required".
As soon as I finished reading it, I saw another prompt appear. "You have gained one skill point in the skill Analysis."
"I suppose I do. You look at a monster and think, examining it as closely as you can while thinking 'Analyze'. That bearded dragon horny toad I now know is a Cindnutum."
He smirked, "Excellent, now read the others so we can move to the courtyard."
The courtyard? Were we about to have a spar? I focused on the others, starting with the bird.
***
We had made our way to the courtyard of the barracks and I marveled at it, thinking I had stepped into one of the faux medieval scenes from the many low budget fantasy movies I had watched in my life. Guardsmen and cadets trained with wooden swords and spears, following kata and using training dummies. A few practiced archery, and throughout it all training alongside them there were monsters, both new and somewhat familiar. Towards the wall that surrounded the barracks was an octagonal sparring area with hard packed dirt.
Edbert led me towards the sparring grounds without so much as acknowledging those who were training around us. When we got to the grounds, he turned to face me with a heel shift and crossed his arms.
"So, if you have analyzed the monster cubs, you should be ready. Before we do anything else, you need to understand how to command your monsters and how to battle alongside them."
Now I knew the names, types, levels and basic information of all four of the monster partners that had been granted to me for what amounted to the final stage of my test, impressing the monsters themselves.
Now as I thought about it, I could practically see the prompts. Wait, I really could! Apparently, whatever strange video game logic existed in this world also allowed for a journal-like log of things to exist.
As I marveled at that surprise I found a weight on my left shoulder and a peck at the corresponding ear. Through the corner of my eyes I could see the bird chick with features of a raven and a peregrine falcon had gotten impatient, yet again.
It had jumped the gun and the line earlier as well, becoming the second monster I analyzed.
"Quit being impatient, Hyborvid."
I pulled up the window displaying information about the bird again.
As the increasing familiar green light appeared in front of me I read over it again. So too came the tinny robotic and overly peppy voice.
"Hyborvids are considered lucky totems and cherished companions to merchants, mariners and pirates alike. This hyborvid is female. All hyborvids are wind and nature primary aligned monsters. This hyborvid has a water secondary alignment. Its tertiary alignment is currently locked."
I dismissed it as soon as I had read it a second time. The first for each had been so quick and followed by announcements of raising my Analysis skill points to 4 soon after the four that I read it again. I can admit without any qualms I may have fixated in the pirates part of the reading too much at first. Pirates were cool, even if the Strawhats beat out the Black Pearl pirates any day.
This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.
The cat that rolled around at my feet had been next and so I pulled it up next for sanity's sake.
“Ossicarns are considered to be ideal hunting partners and pets for all sorts; but they hold a special place among wizards, witches, and the forest wardens. This ossicarn is female. All ossicarns are earth and fire primary aligned monsters. This ossicarn has a secondary nature alignment. Its tertiary alignment is currently locked.”
After brushing up on the ossicarn, I dismissed the prompt window and called up the last one from my logs while dodging the bear cub’s new favorite game with a hop. Why did it like to do something so drastic? The bear cub liked to lean on my ankles from behind.
As I landed back from the hop, my eyes immediately went over the re-summoned prompt.
“Cerbeari are often companions to fishermen and are used in many places as guard monsters. Beware leaving them unintended for too long, they can be creatures of pure mayhem and destruction. This cerbearus is male. All cerbeari are water and nature aligned monsters. This cerbeari has a secondary earth alignment. Its tertiary alignment is currently locked.”
This time, I fought back the chuckle of laughter I had upon first reading it. Cerbearus as a name for such a monster? It was funny, but as much as I wanted to laugh at the name of its species, it fit. The cub was practically a care bear two-thirds of the time and Beerus the purple cat of destruction the other third of the time. No one could argue it didn't eat like it.
Edbert began stretching before releasing his own monster or saying a thing. As he did, I shrugged and followed along. By the time we were done, he was smirking and reached for one of the reliquaries in his holster.
A prompt that was familiar as could be ballooned across the horizon in front of me, despite having never been in a fight before on this world. It declared clearly, “Noble Guardsman Edbert would like to battle. Yes? No?”
As soon as the word yes was thought by me, Edbert threw the reliquary he reached for without hesitation or control, sending it into a spin on its point as if it was a top and not a magical die.
By the time it was done, it had landed on a face that I could quickly decide was higher than four. I didn’t know what face it was, which meant it was above a result of four. This wasn’t going to be easy, and that was before the massive dark gray dog that looked closer to a wolf; and that was without noticing glowing almost mist like energy around it. It felt like it was right out of Bram Stoker. This was supposed to be a test fight?
I would have never said that I was scared of the big bad wolf, but this was definitely intimidating. I focused on the wolf and fought back any indecision that might come into my mind. Thinking ‘Anaylze’ as I looked, a prompt window immediately popped up.
“Faerirs are vicious hunters and passable guards. Favorites among nobility and guardsmen, they should not be taken lightly. This faerir is male. All faerirs are earth and wind primary aligned monsters. This faerir has a secondary fae alignment. Its tertiary alignment is nature. Faerir are an evolved form of [redacted].”
The intimidation washed away like it was dirt, and I was standing in a monsoon. I could hold back from laughing at Cerbearus’ name, but rib cracking, maniacal laughter hit me. I may at my heart be a dad, but dads were known for being adherents of pun fu and there couldn’t possibly be an accident in this species’ name.
There was a kaw, a growl from the bear cub, and a meow of warning from Hyborvid, Cerbearus and Ossicarn, respectively. Cindnutum meanwhile just let out a bored ribbit. My reaction to looking down at them at the terrestrial animals was the only thing that saved me from a rock rocketing forward, as if powered by a high school baseball pitcher.
“Jeez! Monster battles are full contact here?”
“Why wouldn’t they be? Did the monster battles in your world not involve the human partner as well? Besides that, you were laughing at my partner - I can tell based on how you acted. I swear, Outworlders are so immature!”
Then he jabbed his right pointer finger at me, and commanded, “Faerir, try to hit him again with a wing sling.”
I was going to reply with a ‘we didn’t even have monsters’, but I was too busy jumping to the side as my temporary menagerie of monsters scattered. Once again, we barely dodged a rock the size of the one before that had literally punched into the air by the paw of the wolf slamming into the ground, and then launched by the fog coming off of it forming into an almost wing like shape and batting it our way.
So he might be stoic seeming, but I had to think of things as closer to him being the type to shout ‘smell you later’ than letting it be a fair fight. In fact I practically had that guaranteed by the fact that he had sent an evolved monster to fight me and a collection of four level one monsters.
“Whatever.” I said as I rolled from the side of the third such volley, and then stumbled to my feet. This was a workout and taxing. It made me thankful for all those school days where we play dodgeball in PE. This wasn’t that different, I reasoned.
“Guys, calm down, but don’t group up! Wait for my orders. And make a noise if I’m about to be dinged!” I commanded the quad of creatures as I looked about to find an advantage to even the fight.
So the fight continued, with me glancing around me and trying to find a tool or weapon to use in between dodging the faerir’s rock volleys and being struck by the blasts of wind it launched in between. The wind was cold, both physically and mentally, and it slowed things down so I can excuse the fact that my solution to this dangerous situation was simple. You could say it was dumb as a rock, even.
As I frustratedly grunted after being doggy piled by the bear cub and saber tooth jaguar kitten and barely avoiding a too quick wing sling, I looked at where the rock that had just been launched at me as if I had just had an epiphany.
It was right there for the taking. I picked the rock that had nearly just broken my hip and stood back up. With exhaustion I didn’t even expect to have this quickly. I begun to spin my whole body while holding the basketball sized rock with both hands. I couldn’t keep it up too long before I got dizzy, so when I threw it I didn’t have much time to give commands.
“Everyone, it's time to show Edbert how a real Earthling fights! Cindutum, Ossicarn prepare to heat up the rock. Hyborvid, Cerbearus, help build the speed to propel it and aim it. When I throw, attack!”
So they did, with the cindnutum and the ossicarn launching bursts of fire hot enough to heat it up, the hyborvid flapping its wings three quick times as it flew and summoning a blast of wind, and the cerbearus literally threw out a blast of water as if it was redirecting a creek. The five actions collided together and magnified the sum total of each other to turn from what might have been a small attack into a huge one.
Huge enough that it was Edbert and Faerir’s turns to duck and roll as they moved quickly out of the way and the rock volley literally created a dent in the courtyard’s wall. Heads turned from sparring matches at the loud boom it had made.
I was winded heavily enough that I was able to stop myself from making an embarrassing remark about something something cannonball as my adrenaline tried to demand a snappy retort. I was silent for a moment, took in oxygen greedily, and Edbert and his faerir regained their composure.
“Hope you like your taste of the first fastball special.” I declared before preparing another with a glance for the other rocks around the field.
A prompt appeared as the dust from the rock I and the four child-like monsters had launched.
“You have landed your first critical hit with a thrown large object! In celebration, you have gained five points in the skill: Throwing. You have gained two points in the skill: Artillery.”
Before I could even take that in, or dwell on the fact this apparently medieval world had an artillery skill, Edbert threw both of his hands up in body language that screamed surrender. With a frown he looked at me and a prompt appeared.
“Noble Guardsman Edbert has surrendered. Congratulations on winning your first battle!”
I won the battle, but got no experience points? Who cared! I had won a battle! This meant I passed the test.
As I dropped to the ground to catch my breath now that the battle had finished and I no longer had adrenaline and danger propelling me to keep my feet.
“You have successfully gained one constitution. Your stamina has increased by five, your health has increased by one.”
Prompts and gains were one thing, but as I looked at the four monster cubs I wondered for the answer to the question that had been silently plaguing me since I had first seen them. Which one of these monsters did I want as my partner? Would any of them even see me as a suitable master?
“Lord Darville should be down to finish the process with you soon.” Edbert said stiffly, as if part of his teenage brain was irritated at the fact that I had just passed a test he purposefully made hard. As he walked to go talk to the other guards around, he actually added. “And don’t get overconfident, small fry. You may have passed the test, but you never got close to winning a real fight with me and my faerir.” As he walked away and I really noticed how much better made his clothes were when compared to the other guards, something clicked. With his posture, his attitude and the tone he spoke to people, I could tell he was a bully and an overconfident one at that. I could practically visualize the horse carriage, cheerleaders, and rockstar complex.
Before childish urges to shout hey and flip him off could overwhelm me, the cerbearus, the ossicarn and the cindnutum once again monsterpiled me. As I lay there exhausted and being used as a bed for the second time, the hyborvid landed on my forehead lightly and let out a “Kaaaaaw.”
I surrendered to the hatchling horde and took a nap.