Am I going to die now?
I thought this to myself as my blurry vision caught the figure of two people, looking at me in a horror. Despite the gaping hole in the side of my stomach which flooded my whole body with blood, my leg pointed in an awkward position that instantly told it was dislocated or even broken, and bruises throughout my chest and my back, I can't really feel any pain.
Maybe it was too painful to the point where all my senses went numb? I don't know. What I do know is that I'm on the verge of dying with no doubts...
The noises around me felt like it was from a faraway place now. I won't know that the police have come if not from the blue and red light that illuminated the dark alley, the place where I lay down, full of blood, with several thugs whimpering around me, and my 'friend' cowering in the corner while watching me die.
So this is how I ended, huh?
What a pity....
I slowly closed my eyes, gave in to the darkness that's ready to swallow me.
For 16 years, I had lived my life like a complete loser. Like a bug, a trash, someone not worthy of being in a center of attention. If I may say this myself, my life is what they called miserable.
I was left in the street by my parents when I was still a baby. Even until 16 years later, I never met them nor knew who they were. I was adopted by an unloving couple who got divorced 3 years after they took me in. The woman left the house, leaving me with the old man who only knew how to use his strength to abuse me every day without a single break.
My body will always be covered by bruises or scars every time I go to school. With a weak body that will fall from a slight touch, a ragged-like uniform, and messy appearances, I was the laughing stock of the whole school. From elementary until high school, there will always be a group of students who would spend their time 'playing' with me. The bullies. The teacher turned a blind eye about this event. Even if they did react, no one really saved me. Instead of making them stop, it only got worse.
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That was my life until now. Being bullied, physically abused by my foster father, and being treated like a ghost by the adults and other students, I wonder why I even preserved until now?
I can't remember even a single day when I lived my life like a normal person... A happy life... Something that felt impossible for someone destined to live a life this miserably. When was the last time I genuinely smiled? Laugh? I don't even know what it felt to be happy....
Like I said before, what a pity....
And yet, as if all of it was not enough, I died before I could even reach adulthood. I died, saving my own bullies from a group of thugs.
I should've been able to escape if I wanted to. But I choose to stay instead, earnestly trying to fight with the thugs alone while the classmates who bullied me hugged their own knee in the corner of the alley, too scared to even move their feet.
I fought for them. I saved them. Although, of course, it led me to how I am right now. Dying.
I should've regretted saving someone who abused me all the time at school. But for some unknown reason, I didn't regret it.
Maybe I was already too tired of living to the point where I didn't even care if I die right now? I don't have anything in this world anyways. I can leave with no regrets. Maybe that was why I jumped to save my own bully without thinking before....
If that was the case... I'm relieved...
Haha...ha... Hahahaha....
Yeah right. As if that could ever happen. Relieved? What a joke...
If I'm being 100% honest, I’m so mad right now....
The reason why I managed to pull through for 16 years... The reason I can stand back up again after being beaten up by my foster father... The reason I continued going to school even though I knew I would only get bullied again... All of it... Was for one reason only...
Because I still hold on to the hope that 'I can also have a happy life someday....'
Silly hope, I know. But that was my only way to survive. Like a magic spell, I hold on to the belief that someday, I can also be happy... Like everyone else...
Because that was all I ever wanted...
A happy life.
But well, what can I say?
I died at 16 years old from saving my bullies from a thug before I could even experience happiness....
What a pity indeed....
It's over now...
It was all over.....
Or so I thought....