Part Six 1/2_My Perfectly Normal Trip To IKEA

————————— PART SIX —————————

“That’s all now, Ms. Rubio-“

“-GODDAMMIT WHO DO YOU THINK YOU’RE SAVING?! LOOK AT THOSE PICTURES! TELL ME THAT BLOOD IS A MISTAKE! TELL ME THAT X-RAY IS A FUCKING REASONABLE DEFENSE! THAT’S A MURDERER’S MARK-“

“-Remove her please-“

“-Wait-“

“-DON’T YOU DARE! DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE-“

“-Hannah-“

“-Don’t talk to her, just go-“

“-YOU LITTLE SHIT DON’T YOU SAY MY NAME! THIS WON’T LEAVE YOU! YOU CAN’T BE RESCUED JUST LIKE THAT, THIS IS GONNA CURSE YOU! I HOPE IT HUNTS YOU DOWN LIKE A FUCKING DOG! ONE DAY IT WILL FIND YOU!”

“Get out of here. Now. Don’t respond to her.”

“ONE DAY IT WILL STRAP YOU DOWN AND RIP YOUR GODDAMN WORTHLESS HEART RIGHT OUT OF YOUR FREAK FUCKING CHEST! YOU SICK LITTLE FUCK!”

Cody Camargo: Unsure. I think it’s been a couple of days? I’ve stopped trying to tell.

For the past (indeterminate passage of time), I have been residing underneath what my new “community” refers to as The Warehouse. This blackhead pore in its floor doesn’t have a clever name like that, it’s just a hole. As it stands, said hole is now my sanctuary of survival, and the only thing protecting me from the outside.

This is it, guys! This is living! I’m doing it!

Yeah, doing anything isn’t really on the summer-camp itinerary down here. I’ve been spending essentially all of my time just sleeping or sitting in total darkness with these seven. It’s actually done my body some good. With nothing to occupy my time, I’ve been able to consistently rest in a comfortable position. “Comfortable” is generous, but my rib has greatly appreciated the leave of inactivity. It’s definitely a nicer resting position than the chair in that holding cell. My ears have become the only steadily active part of my body. There’s nothing to see, certainly nothing to taste, and I’ve been trying to ignore the sensations of feel and smell. Jesus, did I mention before how horrible it smells down here? Hang on, let me not drift off topic yet.

As I was saying, my aural stimulation usually consists of this constant channel flipping monotony:

1. Nick whispering to himself

2. Anthony and Anne Marie whispering to each other (Anne Marie appears to be the only person that Anthony converses with)

3. Wyatt less than politely asking Nick to never make a sound again in his life

4. The slight fur ruffles of Elizabeth rubbing Kanata’s stomach (Kanata appears to be the only living thing that Elizabeth converses with)

5. The much more often than preferable occasion of a Staff member patrolling above (they never walk down here, only run)

My only contribution towards the assembly is asking Abel questions that he refuses to answer aptly before telling me to stop talking.

1. Q: Why does talking matter if they can’t get down here? A: Don’t be so gullible.

2. Q: So, where’d Kanata come from? A: It’s not our dog.

3. Q: Did you guys come down here all at the same time, or did you meet here? A: I think Nick and Wyatt knew each other, not sure.

4. Q: What’s up with Anthony? Dude is creeping me the fuck out. A: You know he can hear you, right?

5. Q: Is anyone gonna go back up to get more of my water? When are we gonna find something to eat? A: It’s not worth the risk.

I had HEAVILY voiced my disagreement that anything is too risky for food and water, but my outcry was not heard. Abel had gone alone twice already to retrieve some of my water. We pitifully split up the portions he returned with like rats, but that felt like years ago. Abel had not managed to find the bottles of crushed peas that I promised were up there somewhere. I think he took my continued insistence of their white-whale existence as a ploy to get him out of the hole again. They were real, so I wasn’t lying, but it was absolutely a ploy. I know for a fact that I am the thirstiest I’ve ever been in my life. You never really appreciate how much your body demands something until you’re deprived of it. My throat is sticking to itself. My stomach is turning, but the hunger is not even close to contesting the dehydration. “The rule of threes” says that a human’s breaking point of fluid deprivation is a mere three days. I am not at all comfortable with how close to the seventy-two hour mark I feel down here. At least I had a little bit to break it up, but I’m sure it’s not as cut-and-dry as taking one sip of water and the timer hard-resetting. I wish I could stop stress-sweating. My body could be using that liquid in so many better ways.

Which reminds me… back to the smell.

Despite how uninformed I am about the happenings of this group, I know that they surely could not have all been down here for very long without an unfortunate overflow. What I mean by that is, upon my arrival, I was not aware of a large joint that extended off from the main body of the hole. They have it covered by a nicely fitting stone that was probably cut directly out from that same part of the ground. That protective blockage does its best to hide what it’s entombing, but there’s no way to eclipse the real horror that’s sleeping next to us.

If it’s too much of a risk to go outside for provisions, it certainly is too much of a risk to go outside to relieve yourself.

Yeah, that’s about as putrid as it sounds. I’ve been using it just as much to vomit as I have to piss or other. The vomiting is mostly a dry heave by now. There’s nothing left to spit up. I’m living in a constant fog of human waste. I don’t even want to think about the laundry list of health defects it’s slowly causing. I don’t want to think about anything. I’m constantly trying to let the darkness swallow my awareness of my situation.

Even my own cerebral dark hole is preferable to this one.

I have no idea what is happening above The Warehouse. I don’t know if it’s daytime or nighttime up-up there. There’s no sleeping schedule in a place with no day/night cycle, so everyone here sort of fades in and out of exhaustion whenever they want. I had assumed differently from my initial meeting, but it is extremely rare that everyone is awake at the same time.

It’s even more unlikely that everyone falls into the same collective, weary blackout that I’m currently surrounded by. It’s been silent for a couple of hours. I seem to be the only one who is awake.

——————

Death is likely quite un-cinematic for most people. It’s probably unexpected to a point where you don’t really comprehend what’s happening. I imagine that most people go painlessly in that way, as the sensory confusion of your body shutting down is overpowering and eradicating any fear, or ability for discomfort. Maybe there’s at least a moment of the most horrible dread and unbearable anguish you’ve ever felt in your life, but once you’ve overcome it, I don’t think there’s anything left to really struggle against.

Of course I have no idea, but I really hope that’s true.

What if death is actually never-ending? What if you stay in this permanent state of hollow consciousness, and your soul becomes bound to wherever your last heartbeat hits? Maybe you just kind of sit there in that one spot of the universe until the end of time, slowly watching your body and the world around it churn to dust. Seeing, hearing and feeling, but never thinking. Being there, but not really being there. Not being able to grasp onto your sense of self. Not being able to reach the “I am”. It’s like your brain is receiving an eternity of information, but isn’t processing any of it. You’re just watching a 4D movie whilst being completely brain dead. Like an infinite seizure.

Sorry, I’ve realized recently that I am well overtired of using the word “infinite” as an adjective for anything.

Whatever, I’m just thinking about this because I don’t know how much longer I’m going to last. I just think it’s anticlimactic. I don’t want to drown, but if I have to, like everyone eventually will, I’d much rather have a boulder tied to my feet and be thrown to the bottom of the sea. Right now, my arms are bound with my head being held down in a kiddie pool. Maybe not as lame of a death as I could’ve had, but certainly not the high point I’ve always wished to go out on: Sitting in a dark hole with the nega-Swiss family Robinson.

There’s no “living” down here, that isn’t really a matter of determination. This is definitely not a place of human life.

I guess I’m more disappointed than anything. I just wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. I’m absolutely scared to die, I’m just saying that the not-being-alive part is not particularly the reason why.

I hate to sound corny, but I was really excited about where this story was going.

——————

Ya know, if it’s the story I care about more than my life, I shouldn’t think reasonably about my options. I should just try to get back upstairs. If there’s any place I don’t want my soul to be sitting for eternity, it’s here. Everyone’s still asleep, what if I just left?

As if. I’m so weak right now. My body doesn’t care about the story at all like I do.

——————

I sat up from the extremely comfortable floor (I’m surprised everybody doesn’t roll to the middle in their sleep). I’d gotten as much uninterrupted rest as I could manage here without stirring. I don’t know how much that is, I just know that it isn’t nearly enough for my tired body. I would need about two straight months of hibernation to fully recover, if a full recovery was even possible.

I listened to everyone’s separate breathing as I sat in the heavy abyss. I stared into the darkness so identical to the inside of my eyelids like there was no border between them. I’m sure that if a blind man was suddenly cured whilst sitting in this hole, he would never be able to tell the difference.

My stomach grumbled.

——————

I heard her ears and head perk up as she trotted over to my side. I felt her soft fur brushing against my arm. I raised my hand and brushed it along Kanata’s back.

“Hey girl.”

She rubbed her nose on the back of my hand and rested her head on my wrist. Kanata had shown me more compassion than the rest of the group combined in these past (x) days. She tends more to Elizabeth, but I think she can sense how mangled I feel. She curls up next to me every couple hours. It’s usually only for a few minutes before she returns to Lizzie, but that few minutes is like a faraway solace of peaceful security. I caressed her nape. She had no collar.

I struggle to think about Kanata being here. It seems just as cruel as any other human being damned to this stuttering dimension. Dogs eat about half as much as humans, but it’s all relative. The thought of her starving down here is devastating to me. I wish it was a dream.

If I had stayed at home, none of this would have been real. Obviously that’s not true, but it wouldn’t have been real to me. I would never have had any reason to think about any of this happening until the day I died. I could’ve been so ignorant to whatever the hell is constantly going on here. Why does it have to be real? Is it even real? Where the fuck even am I? What kind of inebriated reality allows a place like this to exist? It just doesn’t make any sense. Yes the building makes no sense and the no-exit makes no sense and the monsters make no sense, but it’s not even that.

Has it always been here? Has this place always been sitting here just hiding? Hiding in plain sight and waiting for the day I stumble across it? Not me specifically, but anyone. How is that real?! This franchise should’ve been shut down decades ago. The buildings should’ve been leveled and the infrastructures shipped to fucking Area 51 or something, I don’t know. Like, does the government know about this? I’m not even mad for myself, I’m just so fucking pissed off that any random man woman or child could just randomly end up in this fucking hole in this fucking warehouse in this fucking IKEA. HOW IS THAT FUCKING REAL?!

——————

I want to stop thinking about this.

——————

I spaced out with Kanata by my side. I thought about what Chandler and Toby might be doing right now. I had been gone for about three weeks. I imagine that they would at least be wanting to track me down for my share of the rent, small as it is. I had never gotten a single text or call from either of them in all this time, but I had tried my best to leave that up to the idea that it wasn’t possible to reach me anymore. I wondered if they had reported me as a missing person. Truthfully, I now had a parole officer whom I’m sure would care much more about my whereabouts than the two of them currently did. If I were them, I would see this as a blessing in disguise.

An escape from association.

Although, the two of them are surely being questioned by the police and her about where I am. God, the thought of her talking to them. Walking around in my house. Probably in my room, asking them why this bedside table is destroyed.

I stopped petting Kanata as I struggled not to punch the floor, or God forbid her undeservingly.

I had met Sandra Krasinski for the first time in a post hearing meeting where I was held for about three hours after the second trial. She reminded me of essentially everything I unhealthily hate about women. I’m not gonna make a list or anything, but I felt as if I was purposely given a woman that would bait me into a repeat offense.

Sorry, that statement is in pretty bad taste, but seriously, fuck her.

We spent more time together than I would have ever cared to spend with someone I disliked even half as much as her. In a repressed trauma period of eleven weeks, there were large chunks of time when Sandra was the only person I ever spoke to. That cycle was only slightly broken by five weeks of house arrest, where I quickly realized that Chandler and Toby’s support was less than unconditional. I couldn’t blame them, and in fact, should be gracious that they even tolerated my proximity at all. No one should have to explain themselves for never wanting to see someone like me again, let alone sleep in the same house at night.

That didn’t change the fact that I preferred prison.

I’ve whined to you enough about destroying my relationship with the only two people in the world who I ever felt had genuinely cared about me simply because they could. I’ll just say that my heart was repeatedly broken every day and leave it at that.

After the removal of my fashionable ankle bracelet, I had a recorded conference held every Monday to ensure that I hadn’t left the state. My first meeting was an embarrassing cornucopia of legal reiteration. The second was basically a public speaking performance on how I’d been uselessly spending my unemployed time. My third meeting was scheduled to be……

I’d say it would’ve been around my fourth day here. I guess I’m breaking parole. That problem is nowhere near my current top ten, but I applaud my cerebral fog for trying. It’s not invalid to say that it’s happening on a whole different planet, so I’m not very hung up on it.

God, I wish I was.

Kanata whimpers softly as I place my hand on her back again.

“It’s okay, I’m fine. Thanks for being here for me.”

——————

“Hey.”

No, it wasn’t the dog, I’m not entirely crazy yet. Stay tuned, though. Lizzie must’ve woken up when Kanata ran over to me.

“Come over here, quietly,” She said.

Lizzie is a good whisperer. She mostly just exhales while mouthing words more than she actually whispers. I slowly moved myself backwards over to her. My velocity of suffering wasn’t much lower, but the pain was a dull one rather than a stinging explosion.

I stopped somewhere in the darkness that I assumed was close to her.

——————

She didn’t say anything.

——————

“Do you um… talk in your sleep or did I mishear you?”

I felt a finger poke into my right shoulder.

“You suck at whispering. I just wanted to make sure none of them woke up from how clumsy your movement is.”

Well, I am practically crippled, so check your privilege.

“Sorry, I’m having some trouble controlling my body right now.”

Once again, she didn’t respond. Maybe I just got really good at whispering and she didn’t hear me. Haha! (It’s weird with the exclamation mark, I’ll stick with a period)

“Did you want Kanata back? She never stays with me for very long. I’m sure she would’ve gone back to you in a couple minutes.”

“No, you’re fine.”

I felt Kanata trot into the space between us and plop down, happily occupying both of our sides at the same time.

“She must really like you, huh?” I said.

———————

————————

———————

“Hey, I’m feeling kind of stuck in this conversation right now. Can you help me out a little?”

I heard her shifting in the darkness.

“Sorry. I’m just really sleepy.”

Hearing someone who was probably on the brink of total incapacitation say “really sleepy” felt unpleasantly ominous.

“When’s the last time you ate something?”

“It’s been… a while, I don’t remember.”

I regretted asking her that with no food to offer her. I probably only caused her to think about it more.

A staff member ran directly above the hatch.

——————

What does Lizzie think about? What goes on in a child’s brain in the midst of this?

——————

“How did you end up down here…… you ran away didn’t you…… from Return and Exchange?”

I didn’t want to make it a conversation. I didn’t want to hurt her, I just have no self-control. It’s how I’ve always been. I don’t care if I’m asking something insensitive, or dredging up some horrible trauma in someone, I don’t like a person’s internal storyline being a mystery to me. It’s dehumanizing, I’ve never cared.

She stayed silent for a long time, but I never interrupted the silence by following up with a different question. I waited patiently for her to respond.

——————

“Yeah. I didn’t know what I was doing. It was stupid, but I thought that an escalator meant escape. It didn’t.”

Hear hear.

“So, did Abel save you?”

Normal break of silence.

“No…. it wasn’t him…….. it’s hard to remember…….. I was scared to go down the escalator because it was dark, but I heard normal people talking at the bottom. A lot. Maybe thirty.”

Thirty? That can’t possibly be accurate.

“Before I realized what was happening, one of the staff had run up the escalator to meet me halfway and throw me down it.”

Jesus Christ.

“It threw you down it?!”

“Shh…. I think so. I remember feeling something grab me by the arm and throw me right behind. I fell a really really long way. I didn’t hit the floor, I crashed into something and my head got all fuzzy.”

Stop. Stop making her talk about it.

“It was so loud, and there were a lot of lights. Somebody was whispering to me…….. I don’t know…… I just woke up in the pit. There were a couple more people here before, they… fed me..…. I……. I’m not sure what happened to them.”

In only a whisper, I could still hear the strain in her voice.

It sounded like hallucinatory trauma. Whether that was her young brain being incapable of comprehension, or the severity of her injury, I didn’t know. Maybe both, but certainly not neither. I had only actually seen Elizabeth a couple times when the flashlight was occasionally switched on. The idea of her frail body being javelined down that drop was so morbidly comical that I found it hard to believe she survived.

I guess it was just as difficult to believe that she survived more than a day out here at all.

——————

“Why did you run away? It’s safe up there… in R&E.”

——————

“It didn’t feel that way.”

It hadn’t felt terribly safe to me either, but I was usually either being cursed out or beat up for most of my time there. I would hope the same wasn’t true fo-

Oh shit.

——————

“They weren’t….. hurting you…. were they?”

“Who’s they?”

“I…. I don’t know. Anyone there……. Robert?-”

“-No.”

I stayed silent for a long time.

——————

“I just didn’t like it there,” She finally said.

“Okay…….. well, it couldn’t have been worse than this, right?”

“Shut up.”

“……. Huh?”

——————

“Elizabeth, listen-”

“-Lizzie. Don’t call me Elizabeth-“

“-okay, whatever, but-“

“-Shh. You’re speaking, start whispering.”

——————

“…. Lizzie… you….. do want to go back, right?”

——————

“I don’t understand. Why would you run away from that? No offense, but did you actually mean to, or did you just get lost? Do you even understand what’s happening? Aren’t you only twelve years-“

“-I’m thirteen. They’re the ones who don’t understand what’s happening.”

——————

“So…. are you like… mad because they forgot it was your birthday?”

“Great. You’re a moron too.”

That seems to be the general consensus. Don’t see how it’s productive to our conversation, though.

——————

“Who are you, anyway?” She asked.

How exactly am I supposed to answer that?

“Did Robert send you to find me?” She added.

“You don’t call him dad?”

I could hear her breaking her rule of silence to audibly sigh in annoyance.

“Uh… no, he didn’t send me. I just….. ended up here on accident,” I said.

“On accident?” She somehow managed to whisper with sarcasm. “Why were you even out here?”

Ya know, scared little girl or not, you ended up down here too, so can we drop the attitude?

“I didn’t see the drop.”

Probably the least intelligent response I could have given, but also totally true.

“No, not that. I mean why were you out so far in this direction?”

“Huh?”

“Outside of Return. The main scavenging café is in a completely different direction.”

Sca-…scavenging café?

“I was just…..”

Out for a walk?

Wait! I’ve got a better idea. I’m so fucking smart.

“She told me to go look for another one.”

“Who?”

“You know, um, damn, starts with an N……”

——————

“You uhhhh… you know who I’m talking about, right? What’s her name again?”

“They kicked you out, didn’t they?”

Whomp whomp.

“……… so, you don’t wanna go back?” I asked.

“Dude, just so you know, I don’t think that bringing me there would convince them to let you back in.”

Have I always been this easy to read, or is it a new trait I’m developing?

I hadn’t really been thinking about it until quite recently. In a totally unique manner, I was only thinking about myself this entire time. The fear of dying before finishing my tasteless memoir had far outweighed my care of Elizabeth being a helpless child stranded in perdition. With nothing but wallowing days to occupy me, of course I had begun to consider the idea.

Consider isn’t a good word, fantasize is better.

I know it sounds shitty that I wanted to use her for that bargaining chip rather than saving her out of the kindness of my heart, but it was mostly just wishful thinking. I didn’t believe in it, it was just nice to think about.

“Sorry…. I only…” I began.

“Why do you wanna go back to that place anyway?”

“Excuse me?”

“It’s concerning to me that you’d risk your life to be there again.”

Is she trying to prove something? Because what the hell does she care?

“Why did you start talking to me, Lizzie?”

——————

“I just wanted to know if Robert cared that I was gone.”

My composure crumpled almost completely as she said that. Even though I knew there was no way I could right now, I felt the sudden need to cry.

“Sorry, it’s….. selfish to ask-“

“-He does…… he does care.”

It was loud, but she just let it ring. I barely even knew Robert. I still knew.

“He cares about you.”

——————

“I just can’t stomach a life in that place. I know what that means when I say it. I know that nobody takes my emotion seriously, because why would I get it? Everyone wants to act like it’s okay, and it might be for a little, but…….. I just feel like we all wouldn’t be here if we were supposed to be okay.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know, karma? I just never felt relaxed…… I feel like everyone there just forgot how horrible the situation is, and…….. I feel like they’re gonna get punished for that.”

“Eli-… Lizzie, surely they’ve already gone through punishment enough to end up there. I can’t imagine what some of them must have seen-“

“-Seen? They haven’t seen anything. Almost all of the people there are only lucky enough to have found that place in the span of their first day. Everyone who fought to build that place is gone. Nobody new makes it past the first day.”

I decided not to speak on that right now.

“So? What’s your point? Do you want people to be depressed and freaking out all of the time? They may have just gotten lucky, but they’re alive. Nobody who ended up here is lucky in the grander scheme, they should be able to want to live-“

“-Shut up. I know that. I wanted to live, I wanted to forget about everything outside the walls. Who wouldn’t? I get it, I do. That’s what nobody wants to believe. Nobody wants to believe that I can understand how incredible Return is. When everyone realizes just how real an early death is, Return becomes like a loving mother. Of course I understand it, and I’m not saying that I think they’re all stupid, or childish for wanting to be at peace in there but…………….. I’m saying….. that place existing is like….. arrogant…….. just……. prolonging the inevitable.”

I sharply inhaled, as I realized I hadn’t taken a breath for a long time. Who would make a little girl think like this? I realize she’s probably depressed, and I don’t blame her at all, but someone had to have put these ideas in her head. Robert? Somehow I didn’t think so.

“But, you understand what that inevitability is, right? You get why they’re scared to process it?”

“Duh. I know what a fear of death is. It should just be death. But…….. in a place like this….. even up there where it’s possible to go for a long time…… doing that… fighting it off……….. almost seems like you’re testing the power of whatever put you here………. and….. I can’t see that ending any other way than bad.”

Not enough liquid in my body for my eyes to water.

“I just can’t stay there without feeling that something terrible is always waiting patiently outside the gate……….. something worse than death.”

——————

I’ve felt a pretty gray and sallow spectrum of emotions throughout my time here. I’ve felt what I know is the lowest I’ve ever reached, and the closest thing I’ve had to a good feeling has only been in a comparison to everything surrounding that. I’ve been angry, and there are plenty of human and inanimate witnesses that will attest to that, but I’ve yet to feel the level of hatred that I’m feeling right now. Not for that girl in R&E, not for Robert, not for Wyatt, not for Sean, not even for myself.

No level of distaste I’ve felt in this world has ever reached to even the edge of the same echelon that this total and absolute loathing is residing in.

This is the first time that I’ve truly realized my indescribable disdain for this “IKEA” itself. This fucking “IKEA”. This fucking “IKEA” that makes a little girl feel remorseful for being alive.

“I just……. I just don’t wanna feel that way again,” She said, as I had been silent for ages.

——————

If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

——————

I mentally stepped back and pulled myself together a tad.

“Lizzie, I’m sorry you’re scared, but just running away without telling anyone is not the way to combat that-“

“-I’m not scared-“

“-well you fucking should be goddammit.”

It felt wrong to say to a kid. I’m sure she already had a million voices in her head that were saying it, and I just wanted to try and pull them forward.

“Look,” I began. “If there is something…. greater… than us… watching…. I don’t think that it’s going to bow down to you just because you’re brave enough to be stupid, because what now? What are you going to do if you don’t go back there?”

“……. I…. I don’t know.”

Kanata began gently whimpering again as Lizzie’s voice cracked.

“I don’t want to stay here either….. I don’t want to be here when it happens.”

I wasn’t about to ask aloud for elaboration. It would take a serious amount of assholery to not explain what you’re talking about after saying something like that.

“I hear them talk about it…. Anthony and Anne Marie….. they want to kill themselves.”

——————

“They…. what?” I said. “Anthony and-“

“-no… not just those two… all of them. Before something else does.”

“Stop. What are you saying? How did you hear that?”

Her voice was breaking on almost every word.

“Don’t you hear them? It’s all they talk about. They’d all…… they would snap each other’s necks, and the last one would open up the hatch so tha-”

“-Stop talking.”

I remembered what Wyatt had said.

You think we’re trapped here? How dumb can you be?

——————

There was no saving these people. They were in a deeper hole mentally than they all were physically. I should have seen it. I should’ve known there was something wrong. More wrong than what I thought.

“Lizzie, you said they fed you. Are there café’s down here?”

Some time passed. I wanted her to say it.

“You know that there aren’t.” She said.

The Staff’s uniforms littered the ground of the pit. I wanted to throw up.

——————

This is Hell. It has to be.

——————

“I can get you out of here.”

I had a complete total of zero ways to back that up, but I didn’t feel uncertain for even a second when saying it. Even after I had realized what came out of my mouth, I was completely confident.

She sniffled as she cleared the tears from her throat.

“No, you can’t. That’s not a challenge, you have no ability to do that.”

Bet.

I stood up from the ground. That ever increasing difficulty of action made me a little uncertain, but not enough to stop. I lifted up my arms and realized that I couldn’t reach the ceiling.

“I want the flashlight. I’m gonna wake one of them up,” I said.

“Don’t. I’m serious, stop right now.”

I’m good.

I softly kicked my way through the darkness. The floor was so rough that it felt like my feet were being awkwardly grabbed with every step. Eventually, my foot found a body. I could hear Lizzie shoot up to her feet behind me.

“Dude. Stop!” She wasn’t whispering very well anymore.

I knelt down to the ground with paper knees. I softly poked around to make sure it wasn’t Anne Marie. After feeling the bulk of the body, I felt confident that it most likely wasn’t her. I started shaking them.

“Hey. Wake up.”

“Hmm.”

I heard the small groan as Abel’s. He stayed motionless. He was probably so close to death that his body was deciding whether or not to die in its sleep.

“Come on. Wake the fuck up.”

Lizzie paced towards me.

“Hey! Stop it!”

“Stop speaking, start whispering.”

Ha fuckin ha.

The body in my hands finally stirred.

“Ugh…”

“Are you awake enough to understand what I’m saying, or do I need to keep shaking you?”

“Fu.. yeah, I’m… yeah I’m up what…. What’s happening? Did someone come down?”

“No, I’m going up. Grab me the flashlight.”

I felt a small foot planted into my back.

“You idiot, stop!”

Lizzie was yelling now. I mentally noted that a timer had just been set off.

“Listen. I’m taking this girl out of this hole.”

“You’re… you’re what?”

“Nothing. He’s doing nothing. He’s insane, and a moron,” Lizzie said.

Ahem.

“Get me the flashlight.”

“Hey,” I heard the pretentious voice of Wyatt speak from somewhere in the darkness. “Are you looking for some late night action, or are you just that dumb?”

AHEM!

I ignored him and kept my attention on Abel.

“I’m getting out of here. I want that flashlight on, now. And get me that bookshelf.”

“Ahhhhh, I see,” Wyatt said. “Alright, I volunteer to ‘get him out of here’.”

“Calm down, Wyatt,” Abel said.

He began to stand up as I backed away. After a couple of seconds, the flashlight flicked on, as the red light flooded the room. He stood over me, looking down angrily. Wyatt slowly stood, looking just as angrily behind him. I hadn’t really thought this part through.

“What the hell has gotten into you, kid?” Abel said.

Should I backpedal here? Nah, screw it.

AHEM!

“Fuck you. I wanna punch you in the throat right now. Lizzie would’ve been better off on her own than down here with you fucking nut cases.”

He tilted his head slightly.

“Seriously? This is what you wanna do?” He said.

“Shut up. She told me what you’re planning. What were you gonna do? Off yourselves right in front of her? Force her to do it too? Kill her your damn selves to spare her the trouble? What about me? Why the fuck are you saving people if you’re planning on ending it?!”

In a red room, I probably should’ve seen the flags. He was definitely slightly malnourished, just like they all were. Despite that, a malnourished person shouldn’t have had the grip around my throat that he so suddenly did. A grip so strong that it was much more than I could fight against.

Did I miss something?

“Stop! Wait!” Lizzie began screaming behind me.

I gripped at his forearm with both hands as my body was literally raised a foot off of the ground by the neck. Abel was no longer my savior. Nick shot up from the floor as he was rudely awoken.

“W-what?! What’s going on?!” He panicked.

Anthony and Anne Marie quickly stirred right after him.

“Abel! What are you doing?” Anne said.

I tried to kick him in the stomach or groin, but it seemed to not even affect him. My core strength failed me after three underwhelming kicks.

“Abel! Wait! Put him down!” Nick pleaded.

“Shut up, Nick. Don’t do this again,” Wyatt said in a hauntingly calm voice.

Again, Huh? I think I’m starting to get the picture here. Well, I was getting a picture mentally. As my vision was starting to blur, really it was getting harder and harder to picture anything. I could see my mistake, though. Hunger is a bitch. If somebody is starved enough to think about touching those.. things, I don’t see why they wouldn’t be fine with…..

Well, here I am, caught in the flytrap. Cody Camargo, served bloody and raw. An army of footsteps was approaching somewhere in the distance.

“Stop! Please don’t do this!” Lizzie wailed.

Abel was completely choking me out with one hand. His arm was longer than mine, I could barely grab his shirt, and even if I could reach him, he was surely impossible to move with my own hands. My pole was somewhere in this pit, but I forgot to look for it before picking a fight. In my defense, I hadn’t exactly known that I was picking one. Kanata growled loudly from somewhere I couldn’t see.

“What happened?! Why are we doing this now?!” Anne Marie demanded.

I started going into a state of obscurity. It’s hard to formulate a way to escape from something when it’s getting harder to breathe with every breath. I was panicking, flailing around like a fish out of water.

“I hadn’t planned on it. It was his idea,” Abel said coldly.

I guess this is technically what I wanted, a death with a little more action. Although, if I am truly living for the story, this is only a small step up of an ending.

So, what are my options here?

1. Fuck it? Die? Doesn’t seem very tempting of a choice.

2. Beg for mercy? I can’t really breathe right now, let alone speak.

3. Pray? Most likely pointless, but it seems to have worked well up to this point.

I looked towards the ceiling. I was told as a child that God’s light reaches everywhere, even the darkest pits of Hell. I had always thought that it wouldn’t make much logistical sense for God’s light to be touching Hell. Doesn’t that just seem counterintuitive?

I really hope I’m wrong though, because guess where I am?

A light was shining down above me.

——————

Ahhhhhh I get it. I feel like I just looked up how to solve a video game puzzle I was stuck on.

The flashlight above me was suspended in a piece of rock that curled around like a long hook from the ceiling, a red blanket wrapped around it.

Between our heads was the potential to free myself.

——————

Focus.

Stop struggling and focus on your right arm. One swift motion. Plan out exactly the direction and distance that it needs to go. Where is it snagged? Make sure it doesn’t get stuck there when you try to grab it. Focus. I could hear the myriad of voices yelling around me becoming progressively more blurry. There was a chaos approaching above us. I think I heard Abel say something to me, but I couldn’t really tell. The only reason I knew it was him was because of the vibration around my neck.

The timer went off.

Above it all, a wet pounding.

Focus.

——————

Abel heard it. Through the fuzzed film of my vision, I saw his head tilt the slightest bit upwards towards the impacts. The distracted grip loosened just the smallest bit from my throat. A quick shallow breath to let a small amount of oxygen back to my brain.

Gotcha bitch.

I swung my arm upwards, taking the weight of the flashlight in my hand. Second try, all my life in landing a hit. This time, the asshole most definitely flinched.

I brought down the most force I could drive into the freakishly pitiful muscles of my arm. The smallest little extension of the flashlight’s reach in my hand was enough to crack his skull. Audibly crack it. Abel fell to the floor, and I followed. I fell hard on my left arm. The flashlight slipped out of my hand as I gripped my throat on the jagged ground, gasping for air. I had felt an awkward pressure in my left elbow when I folded my arms up to grab my neck. It hurt to breathe. It felt like somebody had shoved a hot glue gun down my windpipe. The skin around my neck was sore and tender as I choked through my teeth.

A swarm of Staff was gnashing above.

Though I had definitely freed myself from the initial struggle, everything still felt incredibly hazy. I was horrified that my body was already finished. My cognition was shot to hell, as I realized I could barely even make out my own position in the room. The only thing that the light did at this point was illuminate the foggy frame of the second body that dashed towards me on the floor.

You fucking asshole.

“You fucking asshole!” Wyatt screamed as he dove towards me on the floor and bore his knuckles into my teeth.

I couldn’t even feel it. Well, that’s not true, but I think I just didn’t care. Not about the less than pleasant sensation at least, I was more concerned about the implications. I was nowhere near capable of fighting back, and the flashlight was far out of reach.

Reminiscent of my flirty daydream, it was true, he didn’t have shit on her, but a very clear difference was felt as he continued to punch.

There was no question at all. This boy was going to kill me.

——————

Okay, short pointless sidebar, I promise to keep this quick.

Ever watched a slow motion video of a watermelon being smashed? Like, really smashed? Not like “How many rubber bands can I fit around this before it collapses?” More like, how many pieces will it end up in after getting crushed with this sledgehammer?

It’s a very wet impact, like a more brutal crunch to a sound I’ve become very familiar with here.

You should try it yourself some day.

Don’t have a sledgehammer? All good, an aluminum bat should work just fine.

——————

A piece of Wyatt’s skull landed in my mouth.

The bat had smashed directly into the back of his head, practically blowing his face out. His left eye was popped out of its socket. The crevices of his scalp spilled over my chest and down to my crotch. After a couple moments of rapid twitching, he fell to the floor beside me. The frail body of Lizzie appeared in his absence, shaking with the bat in her hands, a nightmarish expression over her face. Something between anger, fear, and relief. I was in too much of a daze to realize how horrid it was to see her like that. The bat was stained in Wyatt’s fluid.

“Lizzie! What did you-“ Nick began to say before Anne Marie grabbed his arm.

Lizzie stared right through me. I saw it happen in her eyes before it happened in front of me. Maybe I can tell myself that it scared me so much that I was immobilized, but I don’t really think that’s a valid excuse. Just like it isn’t an excuse to blame the three psychologically threadbare people beside me for not stopping her. No matter what I tell myself, I saw it, and I did nothing to stop it.

I saw Lizzie tighten her grip on the bat. I saw her breathing quicken. I saw her eyes go wide. I saw something disappear behind those eyes. It all happened so fast.

Elizabeth ran up to Wyatt’s motionless body and plunged the weight down into his already misshapen skull. The spray of impact licked up my arm. She slid the barrel through his hair as she hoisted it back up. I tried to force my voice to call out her name. I could make the shape of it with my lips and tongue, but there was nothing behind it. It’s not like I wanted it to happen. I wanted her to stop, but it was like I was trapped in a dream. I couldn’t reach her because I couldn’t reach myself. I watched helplessly as she raised the handle fully over her head. She flew into the downswing with a grunting noise that shot a sharp earthquake of nausea through my stomach. The second wave landed on my neck and cheek. I begged the warm blood to motivate my voice through its border, but as Lizzie reprised the motion of raising the bat, the only thing I had the strength to do was look away.

I shut my eyes tight and reunited with darkness. I winced as I sat through the repeated impact of the aluminum smashing into the ground through the sludge of Wyatt’s remains. Like someone smashing a giant bell into a blanket of soaked washcloth. The left side of my body was damp. It felt like it went on for years. Years of cowering backwards away from that sound.

The army pounded away over the hatch. It just kept going.

Heavy into the back of his head. Heavy into the back of his head. Heavy into the back of his head. Heavy into the back of his head. Heavy into the back of his head. Heavy into the back of his head. Heavy into the back of his head. Heavy into the back of his head. Heavy into the back of his head. Heavy into the back of his head. Heavy into the back of his head. Heavy into the back of his head. Heavy into the back of his head. Heavy into the back of his head. Heavy into the back of his head. Heavy into the back of his head.

Heavy into the back of what used to be his head.

——————

I slowly opened my eyes. I heard her panting. I could smell the puddle that had formed beside me. I jumped in my skin as it pooled to my fingertip. I forced myself to pry my head back around. I was horrified to find that Lizzie was staring right at me. She was almost a ghost, rabidly foreign and missing her previous frailty. I favored looking down at the aftermath.

Like strawberry jam.

“W-….. why,” I stammered. “Why did you do that?”

It was hard to comprehend. There just… should have been a head there, but there wasn’t. It was just a carpet of pulp. I looked back up to her.

“WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!”

A loud crash sounded above as she slowly reappeared in herself. She looked down at the mess in front of her, then shakily dropped the bat on top of it. Her eyes filled with tears, but she couldn’t pry them away from the body.

“I… he was hurting you-“

I shot up to my feet like I was completely healthy. I grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her away, shielding her eyes from the horror that she had created.

“-Don’t look at it. Don’t look.”

She shook like a washing machine in my arms. I felt like I should have been the one being comforted. It became so quickly difficult to remind myself what had happened thirty seconds ago. I wasn’t looking at it, so it couldn’t have been real, right? The same way this IKEA wouldn’t have been real if I had never gone into it. So if I just don’t turn around, Wyatt is still alive.

“It was the right thing to do,” She whispered sadistically. “We should finish them next.”

Why does this keep happening? I don’t get it…

My legs began giving out as Lizzie gasped and caught me, propping herself under my right arm.

“Are you okay?”

No.

“Yeah, I’m…. I’m fine.”

“I thought you were supposed to be getting me out of here.”

Forgive me for getting the tiniest bit distracted.

“They’re already dead, Lizzie.”

She didn’t respond, but I prayed she knew I was right. She was still under the influence of something that had slipped down into the hatch when I was being throttled. It must have taken hold of her arms and forced her to do that, because she couldn’t have done it herself. It couldn’t have been her. A little girl wouldn’t do that. It’s not real.

It’s not real.

I felt Kanata brushing up against my leg. I nervously looked over to Abel’s body. I saw his stomach moving. I sighed in a bittersweet relief before shifting my gaze to the haunted peanut gallery. Anthony was just staring into space like usual. Anne Marie was timidly staring at me. Nick was staring down at the massacre.

“Wyatt….” He said helplessly.

My anxiety stood me fully back up on my own.

“Nick, listen,“ I began. “She didn’t know what she was doing.” (Do I believe that?) “She shouldn’t have done it, but she wasn’t thinking right when-“

“-are you looking at the same thing I’m looking at?” He interrupted as he looked up to me. “Why are you hugging her? What the hell is wrong with the two of you?”

Elizabeth had just committed an act that would go on to haunt me for a considerable amount of time, but that question still managed to make me very angry. Harrowing as it was, this recent event had not overwritten my memory of the previous one.

“Where would I be right now if that hadn’t happened, Nick?” I said accusingly.

I expected that question to halt him, but it seemed to do quite the opposite.

“Abel never wanted it to be that way! He would have let go eventually-he only did it to pacify you-you didn’t need to pull that shit-“

“-Oh cut it the FUCK OUT-she didn’t touch Abel-what would Wyatt have done?!-“

“-If you don’t wanna talk about what she just did, then talk to me about what I’m saying! You hurt Abel-“

“-IT WAS FUCKING SELF DEFFF-Jesus-God fucking dammit you’re so full of it for someone that stood by doing nothing-“

“-because he would have STOPPED!-“

“-Okay, whatever, let’s say I believe that bullshit. What does ‘why are we doing this now’ mean? ‘Now’? Now in oppose to what?!” I barked as I looked over to Anne Marie. “Do YOU think he would have let go, Anne? Does that seem like the most likely outcome to you?”

She held fast, not looking away from my glare.

“Abel’s not a monster. I don’t know what he would have done but…… everything he has done, has only been for us,” She said.

I think that answer meant something to her. It didn’t mean shit to me. I can’t even begin to imagine the zip folder of a dossier that “everything he has done” contained. I turned around and walked towards Wyatt’s corpse. I tried my best to hide the mutiny in my guts as I picked up the bat and walked back towards her.

“Fine. Then I don’t care about me, what the fuck would Abel have done to her?” I hissed.

She blinked a couple times, surely seeing right through my fake confidence.

“I don’t know….. I probably wouldn’t have been here to see it,” Anne said.

I fidgeted, not submitting to pity, but knowing I wasn’t in control.

“Are you leaving?” She asked.

The possibility of that felt strange after what had just transpired.

“That’s…. the idea,” I replied. “Am I fucking allowed to?”

She shook her head.

“If you think you know the story so well, you should know that we’re much too tired to fight you on it……… I know I am.”

I didn’t know that, and I felt like I was being gaslit by the proposition that I should have known it. I wasn’t about to follow Lizzie’s lead or anything, but I certainly didn’t feel safe in present company. I kept the bat in my hand as I trudged over to Abel’s body. I bent down and unsheathed the flashlight from the blanket as the blood-red tint melted away from the walls. I shined it towards the bookshelf, then looked back to them.

“Then I’m leaving….. and I’m taking her with me……. right now.”

“……. Okay,” Anne replied.

Okay, so now what? How do I save this kid?

“Okay, so-“

“-could you….. take me with you?” Nick said.

I stood in disbelief at the gall he had to ask that now. I wanted to get angry in response, but it was a pretty good question. Could I? Looking at it realistically, I probably needed him more than he needed me.

“Why should I?” I said.

He ripped away his arm from Anne’s hand.

“If you go out there without knowing what you’re doing, you’ll look way worse than….”

He looked awkwardly back to the elephant in the room. I unwillingly filled back up with sheepish guilt. I was never good at playing hard to get.

“Sure whatever, just get me the bookshelf,” I said.

He looked back up to me with a shocked face. I shunned it and looked at the other two awkwardly.

“Anybody else having second thoughts?”

I’ll be honest, that was meant to be an extremely rude question, but I felt rightfully horrible about it the moment that Anne and Anthony looked to each other. I knew their eyes were both thinking the same thing. Nothing was said, but it was easy to infer what would happen as his hands moved to her neck and chin.

“FUCKING NO!” I screamed.

I didn’t care about the familiar heavy pound above.

“NOT HERE, NOT IN FRONT OF HER!”

For the first time here, I saw genuine emotion in Anthony as his anger shot towards me.

“HER?! AFTER WHAT SHE JUST DID!? FUCK YOU!” He screamed.

“Anthony, hang on a min-“ Nick began.

“-Nick, be fucking quiet.” He growled back.

I had barely heard Anthony speak ten words in whole. Hearing his small voice become something so vitriolic was terrifying. Terrifying enough to make me realize that I was seriously downplaying what had just happened. Nick may have been closer to Wyatt, but the body on the floor had still belonged to someone that these two had been through God knows what with. I was trying to bypass it like it was nothing. Maybe Nick is too shaken up to be lamenting in the moment, but that doesn’t mean that his friend isn’t face down on the floor without a face. I wasn’t going to put Wyatt’s soul on my own shoulders. I hadn’t killed him. I know that, but it isn’t important to know that. The fact that I’m being given the opportunity to not be torn to shreds by these three is extravagantly gracious. It doesn’t matter if they're already dead, I’m just as much an outsider to them as I am to Return and Exchange. My objection means nothing. My safety means nothing. My life means nothing. Not in comparison to one of them. Who cares if they knew each other before this or not? When you’re living in Hell…

“Can you…. please….” Said Anne.

I looked towards her, and saw the ravenous fatigue in her, her voice hoarse with trepidation.

…when you’re living in Hell, anyone who’s your ally is just like your family…

“Can you please let him?” She said.

…everyone who struggles alongside you is your salvation. Like a loving mother. Watching your mother die over and over and over, slowly around you every second of every day…… I can’t imagine a fresher Hell. I understood, I really did. I was there not so long ago. Certainly not as close as they so clearly are, but close enough to know that the storm in her eyes is nothing compared to the storm in her head.

I had compassion for that…….. but…

“I’m so sorry,” I said. “I didn’t want this to happen…. If you truly believe that Abel didn’t want to hurt me… please believe that I didn’t want this to happen. I understand that you don’t owe me the courtesy over her, but please….. not right now. Let me get her away from here without seeing it. I don’t care what’s already happened, if I can keep more from happening, I’m going to.”

My eyes darted back to Anthony’s.

“Just take your hands away….. please.”

He chuckled. A deep chuckle, like an old man’s that you know would turn into a hacking cough if it continued.

“Or. Fucking. What? What are you gonna do if I don’t listen?”

I tried to let my desperation win over my anger.

“Kill me?” He scoffed.

Maybe it was a drop in the ocean for Elizabeth, but that was too much in my eyes. Whether it had started there or not, saving her was my goal. I don’t believe that someone is saved if they’re too traumatized to function.

“Please don’t do this. Don’t let her see it. I don’t know what she’s seen down here, but I can’t believe she’s too far gone for this not to matter…. I don’t want to make you assume that you have children….. I don’t know if you do….. but….. just take a step back. It’s not fair for you, and I don’t want to change your mind about your general decision….. but the world doesn’t die with you. I don’t want her to be a part of this… none of us should have to be a part of this. I’m sure it’s past the point where you care to think about that but…. I’m begging you to consider it…… even if you have to pretend….. for her sake….. pretend there’s a chance that this doesn’t have to be the end for anyone who ends up here.”

They both stared at me for an extremely long time as the schizophrenic parade continued above. It became clear that I was on my hands and knees, staring down the barrel of a gun. The two of them were holding the same weapon to my forehead.

“Please…”

——————

The floor above fell silent.

——————

“Nick.”

Nick jumped a little at Anthony’s voice.

“Get them out of here,” He said.

“Anthony….” Nick replied hesitantly.

“It’s okay, Nick. Do what you want to do…… I hope there can be something better for you,” Said Anne Marie.

Nick shifted his weight regretfully. He wanted to say something. I could see him balling his fist, trying to squeeze it out of himself.

“This is what we want,” She added warmly. “There’s….. there’s nothing left……”

I wasn’t eager to step my foot back where it didn’t belong again, but I was worried about the timing of Anne’s voice. I didn’t want her to set Nick off too heavily into distress. I needed to take some kind of reins.

“…. Okay, um…. Thank you, both…. So much. Let’s get out of your way so that-“

“-We can come back for you,” Nick blurted out.

Um…

“They’re from Return and Exchange, that giant community up there. I heard them talking about it.”

Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me.

“It doesn’t have to be like this. We’ll go back and… I don’t know, get a group to follow us down here and get you both out!”

“Nick,” I began. “I don’t know how much you heard but-“

“-No Nick,” Anne demanded. “It’s not like-…. It can’t be like that anymore.”

“But why?! Why can’t it be?! Just try-please try to wait!”

Kanata was practically figure-8-ing in and out of my ankles. Nick’s eyes shot back over to me.

“It’s safe there. Right? I heard you say it. It’s safe there!” He begged.

I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to say. Should I just go along with it? Comfort him now so that he’ll calm down? We can’t afford for him to freak out. We need to leave before something snaps. Figuratively and…..

I met Eyes with Anthony, who had gone back down to the silent depths I was used to him maintaining. His eyes were grilling me to take action. It was like he knew that he couldn’t stay accommodating for much longer, and was urging me to hurry it the fuck up. I tried my best.

“Yeah, it’s…. it’s really safe,” I said. If we go right now we could tell-“

“-they wouldn’t let you stay,” Lizzie interrupted. “I’d have to tell her everything. She’d probably kill you before she let you stay there.”

I felt like I had begun free falling in an elevator. I saw the color drain from Nick’s face in the wake of that statement. I must have looked the same. Why why why why why God Dammit Why?! Why would she say that?! Was she trying to light the match? She must know what I’m trying to prevent by now. It’s like she wants to se-……..

“Lizzie-“ I began.

“-everythi-…. I…. I didn’t do anything… it was them. I didn’t do… any-…” Nick mumbled.

He was shaking. I could tell that he was very close to screaming. We needed to leave. Now. I could not have that egg timer reset again. I looked at the bookshelf and then looked back at him.

“Goddammit there’s no time for this. I’m not a part of that community. The day they took me in, one of their people died because of me. I didn’t care. I still don’t care. I hate those people, and I frankly cannot decide if I would rather stay down here or not when I think of some of their faces. That feeling is unbelievably mutual between us. I’m not leaving for myself, I’m leaving to get her back up there. That’s what the fuck we need to do, and if you want to leave, that’s what the fuck we need to focus on. Get your shit together, and help me get her out of this goddamn hole. Fucking please.”

——————

“I…… okay,” He replied.

I sighed a breath of relief as Nick walked towards the bookshelf carefully. The tasteless hyperbole of comparing R&E against this place felt monumentally insensitive to Anne and Anthony, but I needed a string to pull Nick along a little. I didn’t have a choice. I looked at Lizzie. She looked slightly frustrated. I realized that while it might not be the real her doing it, there was a very real antagonist to my effort somewhere inside of her head. Maybe I’m the antagonist and it is the protagonist, but I’m not up for pondering that right now. It’s got itself a competition if that’s what it wants.

I’m game.

“Go help him with the bookshelf. Now,” I scolded her.

She met eyes with me angrily. I didn’t know how well I planned that authority to operate over her, but she huffed and stomped away to follow Nick.

I shined the flashlight around the ground in pursuit of what I had lost. I saw it glinting, and stepped over Abel’s body to grab the pole from the floor. I kneeled down to take it when I heard him whisper.

“Yoooou’re m-making a mistake…..”

I jumped to spin around and look at him. His eye lids were fluttering like an aperture. His pupils were staring up, the rest of his body motionless. Blood was leaking through his hair from a throbbing geyser on his forehead. I considered pretending not to have heard him. I would do good to ignore him altogether. I’m not so sure of the power dynamic that he might have held over the rest, but I don’t think Anne and Anthony became this way on their own. I felt stable in my distaste for what Abel seemed to represent.

“Don’t see how that’s any of your fucking business if I am.”

No response came.

Nick and Lizzie had dislodged the shelf from the rough ground, and began inching it over extremely slowly to avoid the obnoxious scraping sound.

I put the pole under my armpit. Somewhat unintelligently, I leaned closer to Abel’s body. He was surely too incapacitated to grab me, but I didn’t even consider the possibility that I shouldn’t get too close to him.

“Lizzie is gonna be fine, and it won’t be because of you. Think about that when your face ends up in a picture up there,” I said.

“Heh…. What the he-… hell are you talking about?”

I stood up.

“Nothing,” I said as I kicked his leg. “It’s an inside joke.”

I began to walk away.

“We… can’t all be saved…” he called out.

I paused, wanting to look back, but deciding strongly against it. I’ll take that warning into consideration when I include myself in what WE can and cannot do. I walked back to the rest of the group.

“Hey,” Anthony said as I looked towards him. “I did you a favor, so you have to do me one.”

“…. Yeah…. I guess…..”

That truthfully all depends. The bar was high from me to him, but not astronomically high. His expression became softer. More distraught.

“I um…. I really did never learn to do it myself. Not quickly anyway so…… when you leave…… can you just make sure that you leave the hatch open?”

I froze up. I didn’t try to hide it. If he was planning suicide by Staff, I didn’t know how quick it was going to be. I imagined the split second after Anthony’s hands would slip from Anne Marie’s neck, as her body would fall to the floor. In an instant, he would be plunged into isolation. Such a sudden irreversible sea change… I wouldn’t want to spend a second in that emptiness… let alone spend my last moments in it…..

“Okay….. I will.”

His eyes slid closed.

“Thank you,” He said.

A horrible death? Maybe… but I’m not here to say if I think it’s worse than “living” in this hole. The bookshelf appeared in my vision as it was planted into the floor. Lizzie stood in front of me angrily. I prepared for the caustic slight that she was about to spit at me.

“I don’t need you to save me. I don’t care about your intention, I want you to get out of here too. Don’t throw your life away for me.”

I didn’t respond, as I couldn’t pin that as an angry or heartfelt statement.

“Can you get the rock out of your head and say something?!” She snapped.

Tough talk coming from the person that made me wait twenty minutes for each of their responses earlier.

“Alright, fine. You and me, not just you. Let’s get the fuck out of here,” I responded.

Her brow furrowed.

“Yeah but don’t-……. Yeah.”

I looked to Nick as I held the bat out for him to grab.

“You go first. Then Lizzie, then me,” I said to him.

He cringed as he looked back and forth from the bat to me. I remembered what it was covered in, as I embarrassingly stepped closer and offered him the handle instead.

“You know… because you… know where you’re going,” I added.

“Okkkkaaaay…” He said as he took the bat awkwardly. He waited a couple of second, then put it gently back down on the ground. “Thanks.”

“Wait! We…..”

Lizzie tugged on my ringfinger.

“We’re bringing Kanata, right?” She said.

Kanata? How the hell are we supposed to get the dog out of-

Nick put his hand on my shoulder.

“Yeah, and she has to go first. I’ll get her up there if you spot me,” He said.

“Uh… yeah, just tell me what to do.”

Nick nodded. Faster than I could prepare myself to be surprised, he began scaling the bookshelf, then entering the shaft. He grappled the walls like he was born on the side of a cliff. In a matter of ten seconds, he had suspended himself by the legs, leaning back against the wall of the hole entrance. I tried to pretend that I didn’t think it was the cooling thing I’d ever seen as he looked back towards me.

“Alright, place her on top of the bookshelf.”

I looked towards Lizzie.

“Can you…”

She hurriedly spun around towards Kanata. I heard her softly cooing as Kanata waltzed into her arms. Lizzie groaned as she picked up Kanata and brought her over to me. I set down my pole and flashlight as I took Kanata from her gently, her weight being a fair deal more than I expected.

“Hey, girl. I gotcha.”

I reached upwards, feeling an immediate unbearable strain in my side. I stumbled back slightly, clutching Kanata to my chest.

“Are you alright?” Lizzie said.

I stood there frozen, telling myself I couldn’t do it. I was scared to feel it again. You can, you have to. Just push a little harder.

“Yes, stop asking me that.”

Nick and Lizzie stared at me in distress. They both were silently debating whether I would actually be able to get out of the pit or not. I was debating the same thing with myself. I took a deep breath in and lifted up her weight again, as I heard the stretch in my eardrums. She struggled awkwardly for a few moments, but clawed her front legs up, gaining a foothold on the top shelf.

“Come on, get up there,” I begged.

She must be damaged too. I’m sure there’s more reasons than a “no pets allowed” rule to explain why I haven’t seen any other animals here.

“You’ve got a job to do.”

Kanata scrambled for a second, and finally got her hinds leg onto the side of the bookshelf. I exhaled in relief and flopped into jelly, bringing myself down to the floor. Kanata panted happily at the top like a champion. Lizzie came and stood over me.

“You have to be able to stand if you want to escape.”

“Shut up,” I said as I pushed myself back up. “I haven’t trained on the Kanata lifting bench in a long time.”

She shot me a confused grimace as she turned to the bookshelf. Nick climbed further up the shaft, as I heard the small scratch of the tile being removed. We were open to the elements. I quivered a little, almost like the expanded environment was breathing down my neck. Nick carefully maneuvered back down to his previous position, gripping the wall with his knees.

He reached his hands down towards the bookshelf.

“Here, girl.”

Bull-fucking-horse-shit.

Kanata shifted on her hind legs, scoping the distance to Nick. He wasn’t that far in front of her, but he was so high. There was just no way she could reach his arms. She wasn’t a cat, right? Well, maybe Kanata learned how to shift-jump from her previous master, because it was almost like a circus trick. Like a perfect Olympian, she vaulted just enough for him to grab her chest and lift her to his shoulders.

“Gotcha.”

I was in awe as he lifted her slowly in his arms. I turned next to me to see Lizzie planting her feet and hands on the bookshelf. She turned back to me.

“Are you ready?” She asked.

What’s the answer you would like to hear from me right now?

“Just go please. I’ve been ready since I came down here.”

She gave me a scowl and began climbing. Her left hand had reached the top when she paused for a good amount of time. She looked down towards Anthony and Anne Marie. I’m sure she wanted to say something, but what is she supposed to say in this situation? How was she supposed to find the words?

“I would have rather died alone. I hope it’s painful for you.”

Yeah, believe it or not, that was slightly more uncomfortable than the sentiment I was imagining. They both said nothing in response, as she turned back around after a couple painful seconds and forced herself gently up to the top ledge. That statement made me incredibly scared in a way I can’t explain. It was a different kind of scared than the one I already extremely was.

I was scared to save Lizzie. I was scared that I was making the wrong decision. A familiar cloud started over my head.

Nick shook Kanata a little in his arms, riling her up.

“Alright girl, you got it?”

He nudged Kanata up to the top of the shaft. I could hear her claws slipping around on the linoleum. I still didn’t know how much sound would set those fuckers on us, but the hatch had been open for a while now. I saw the back end of Kanata disappear from Nick’s hands as the clawing sound ceased. Nick looked back down at us, as if to urge us to get moving. He placed his hands back in the rungs of the shaft, and one by one, climbed to the opening. His leg hung down as the rest of his body sat on the upper floor.

“The bat,” He said.

“Hand it to me,” Lizzie said as she looked back down to me.

I took it from the ground, and this time, held the muddied end and extended the handle to Lizzie. It felt inappropriate handing it to her at all, but she wasn’t in striking range of any other human but me at the moment. She turned around, and instead of handing the weapon to Nick, threw it up the hole to him. I saw it slip slightly in his hands before he jumped forward to grab it again. He visibly cringed as he placed it somewhere out of view and looked back down to us.

Lizzie was next.

Kanata had made the jump by reaching the safety of Nick’s arms. Sure, Lizzie had opposable thumbs and much more useful limbs, but she was much shorter than Nick. She wouldn’t be able to reach the first grapple.

“Hey,” I called out.

She looked back down at me with a face full of shut the fuck up.

“You want me to hold you up?” I offered.

She rolled her eyes.

“I think I can handle it.”

She turned around and swiftly jumped up high towards the shaft, catching her left fingers in the bottom rung, swinging against the rough rock wall, and slowly rocking back and forth. I was still more impressed by the dog, but it was pretty fucking cool. She pulled herself up to getting her other hand in the opposite divot, and displayed an impressive amount of upper body strength to pull herself upwards. She raised just high enough to move to the second set. Then, in one swift motion, both her hands left their places on the wall and swung upwards to catch Nick’s ankle at the top of the shaft. She climbed up it like an ape on a vine until he could pull her up, and then they both disappeared upwards from the shaft. I was figuratively and literally left in disbelief.

My turn, I think.

I was about to begin climbing when it whispered in my ear. Above me, all around me. I started thinking about something. Lizzie is out of the hole. I of course recognized that she was still in a very bad place, but she was out. Let’s say I’m going to find my way back up there to the surface, and do this finding a way to live thing. Let’s say I can live with myself. What if that’s the wrong decision? What if I’m not supposed to be fighting? Lizzie’s whisper rang in my head.

We all wouldn’t be here if we were supposed to be okay.

I could have died in total vain, but I didn’t. I got her out of this pit. Is that enough? Did I have to leave? What if I stayed here with these two? What if I did it for Anthony? Not only would he not have to die alone, but it wouldn’t be by the hands of those things. What was stronger? My fear of pushing myself through The Warehouse, or my fear of taking his place? Nick knew The Warehouse better than me. He had a weapon, and the help of Kanata. I think he could take her the rest of the way.

The “staying behind for the sake of the group trope” is a kind of cinematic way to go. I really do think that I might only weigh them down. Why not just-

“Asshole. You awake?” Anthony said as I looked over.

My head was spinning. The ability to be the one making the decision was slipping from me the more I thought about everything. I was right back in that chair. Crumpling. I needed a way out of the fog and out from under that cloud.

I needed to get away from the storm.

——————

I tried it Lizzie’s way.

“Well, see you in the next Hell, guys. Go ahead and give up on this one, see if I fucking care. What kind of a coward just dies like this?”

It didn’t work. Lizzie hadn’t done it for the same reason I had. I could see that Anne and Anthony both knew I didn’t mean it. They both stayed silent in an attempt to help me shake myself out of it.

Fuck you, I didn’t ask for your help. You don’t even know what you’re helping against.

I grabbed the flashlight off of the floor, raised my left middle finger to them, and turned towards the bookshelf. I shoved the flashlight in my pocket still glowing, and began climbing. The faces of Anthony and Anne Marie began disappearing from my peripheral as the light followed me higher in the room. I tried to pretend my side wasn’t being stabbed with a hot poker. It seared with every movement of force. I was a perfect mixture of physical devastation and confused motivation. The bookshelf felt as though it was fifty miles high. I reached the tallest rung as it wobbled below me. I pushed myself up, reaching to the other side of the shelf to brush my stomach up on the top. I brought all of my limbs shakily onto the top surface and slowly brought my body up to standing, clasping my palms on the ceiling for support. I wrapped up a small portion of my teal blue shirt around the bezel of the flashlight as the color of the room followed. I turned to look back down at the two of them. I almost fell off of the bookshelf from how much I was shaking.

I still haven’t made up my mind. Please convince me to stay. Say something. Anything. Tell me how hopeless it is. I’ll let go right here and now.

Literally and figu-

“Come on!” I heard Lizzie’s voice call to me from above.

I gritted my teeth, and averted my gaze from the awkward black and blue below me. Okay, maybe I’m not supposed to fight. That sounds like a fantastic reason to fight.

I extended my left hand. My fingers slipped into the first divot. I slowly inched my feet to the edge of the bookshelf. I felt the bulk of the bookshelf shifting. In a worried rush, I grabbed for the opposite divot with my right hand. I squeezed my eyes closed as I let the weight of my body drop from the side into the air. I hung from both divots, the edge of the shaft just below my forearm. I felt very alone all of a sudden, as if nobody was above or below. My fingers were already getting tired. There were three more pairs of divots above me. Nick’s leg was no longer hanging into the shaft. Thanks for the fucking help.

Whatever, let’s do it.

I pulled myself up with both arms. My vision looked and felt like somebody had poured boiling water into my eyes. I didn’t stop, my head reached the second set as I shot my right hand up to the hole, quickly following with my left. I let myself hang again. I could barely breathe.

“Godda-“

I heard a sickening crack echo below me, followed by a mass hitting the ground.

——————

I wanted to fucking scream. You mother fucker. Why would you do it while I was still here?! Why would you make me hear it?! I felt that crack in my stomach. I felt that body hit the floor. I’m surprised I hadn’t let go. I wanted to. I wanted to drop back down and beat Anthony to death myself.

My fingers caught my attention. Fuck him, you’re going to be traumatized by it later, so save the emotion for then. Focus on the task at bleeding hand.

Alright, back to climbing.

I started raising my legs. My abdominal muscles felt only partially torn to shreds. I scrunched up my body, my feet reaching each opposite first divot. Once they were secured, I stood, letting my back rest against the wall of the shaft. That brief pause of respite was the most feverishly orgasmic thing I had possibly ever felt. I couldn’t stop there though. The third set of holds were further than the previous distance had been. I could probably reach it if I jumped, but if I didn’t catch myself almost immediately, I was going straight back down. If I fell down, I knew very well that I would not be coming back up again.

All of a sudden, my right foot slipped from the foothold. I felt my body jump out of its own skin as I braced myself to the shaft with my right elbow, pressuring my left foot extremely uncomfortably against the divot. The rough wall gauged nicely into the skin of my arm. Cool, good test of what NOT to do. I caught my breath as my head spun like a tornado. I calmed myself down and brought my dangling leg back to the right foothold, feeling the blood from my arm dripping into my sock. Part of my skin was lodged in the jagged wall. I winced as I brought my hand steadily back up to the clasp. I felt like I wanted to leave it where it was.

No, wake up. What was I gonna do? Jump? Was that really the plan? I would be jumping more with my hands than my feet, throwing my body. My arm had been slightly fucked up by the fall from Abel’s stranglehold. It wasn’t too bad, but it would make “jumping” like that difficult.

Okay, difficult isn’t a good word. Impossible is better.

I thought about the stone that just cut me. This thing is almost a fucking rock climbing wall on its own. With the other three limbs secure, I brought my right leg forward, and planted my foot in front of me. This is such a fucking dumb plan. I used the pressure from my foot to plant my back into the wall. I could feel that my shirt was not enough to protect my back from the jagged surface. My skin was being grated raw with barely any motion.

Get over it.

I trusted my arms and back to hold me as I brought my second foot out of the foothold, and pressed it against the wall. Now, push up with the arms. My back screamed as I moved slowly up the shaft. I didn’t feel at all secure. I was waiting for the “oh shit” moment to snatch me back down into the darkness. I carefully moved my right foot up. It didn’t work the way I thought it would. I thought I could just inch my feet slowly up with my back. I didn’t think about the much smaller surface area my feet held in comparison. Not every place on the wall was gripping my shoes. I felt around with my left foot until I felt a spot that gripped back. Grip to foot, slide. Grip to foot, slide. Feel your back leaking into your pants, grip to foot, slide. I kept myself stable as I continued to move myself up the shaft. How the fuck did Nick do this so easily? I wasn’t Nick, or Lizzie. Even as close as I was to the top, I wasn’t so sure I could do this. I was so tired. I felt a little dramatic as I saw that the next divots were in reach. I slowly took the weight off my right hand, but quickly shot it back. That did not feel stable. Instead of transferring it, I slowly inched up the wall up to the next. After it felt secure, I did the same with the next, sliding my palm with pressure up above my head. Each sore hand secure in the next divots. One more set to go. I didn’t rest this time. The next was closer. Rinse. Repeat. This time you can really use your arms.

Come on. Just get me out. I made my decision and I’m sure of it. I know that I’m full of shit. I don’t care if Lizzie is safe, but I’ll make sure she is. So get me out.

Just get me out of this fucking hole.

Grip to foot, arm pressure, slide.

——————

Left divot, right divot.

My forehead was at the surface. I almost ejaculated with pride. I pressed myself securely enough to click off the flashlight with my left hand. Now, how do I pull myself out? I wasn’t about to ask for help aloud. I’ll just get some leverage from above by putting my hand on this COLD FOOT.

I felt the “Oh shit” drop surge through my body, but I didn’t drop down.

“SIR!” It yelled above me.

Fuck fuck fuck.

I felt the foot land in the hole, just barely missing my side, as the long body tripped and fell on the opposite side of it above. The ankle brushed across my stomach as it flew forward. Now I know why Nick’s leg wasn’t in the shaft anymore. The fucker had been standing right there for God knows how long. Can The Staff see in the dark? Of course they fucking can, what kind of dumb question is that?

I know a better question: What the fuck do I do?

I am in no fucking condition to fight. Even if I was, I don’t even have the-

I hear and feel the wind rush up past my body, as a couple seconds later, the sound of the pole clattering sounds about fifteen feet away from the hole. Following it is the sound of the staff member barreling towards it, plowing and ripping through unseen furniture to try and destroy whatever had caused the sound. My heart pounds in the pitch black darkness as I place my left hand back up to the actual floor. It’s almost comedic that it was immediately grabbed by two small hands at my wrist. I wanted to shit my pants, I really did. It would probably ease a lot of the stress.

“Push up and out, Nick will grab your shoulders,” Lizzie’s voice felt like an almost medicinal blanket of calm.

Sir, yes, sir.

I used the very last of my strength to edge myself to the brim of the hole. I felt Nick’s hands slide under my armpits, as I was pulled slowly and silently onto the cold floor of The Warehouse. Resting there on the ground was much more of a win than I thought I would be getting in my lifetime ten minutes ago. I was furious with Anthony, but I silently thanked him for helping me get this far. As much as I wanted to not be, I was reluctant to leave him.

But I did it. Well, kinda. Now I just had to keep doing it.

I heard the beast thrashing around in the endless darkness in front of me. Nick’s hands fumbled and clutched around my collarbone. I grabbed for the flashlight in my pocket, slowly unveiling it. The battery inside shook against the bottle as Lizzie’s hand shot to my wrist.

“No,” She whispered.

I slowly inched it back into my pocket.

“It would be like a beacon right now,” Nick agreed.

He began to stand, still attached to me. I was beginning to hear the sounds swarm from the far distances of my surroundings. I shakily followed Nick up to my feet. He slowly moved my body into his desired direction as I tried not to lose my footing. I heard the gentle scrape of the bat being lifted behind me as he planted his free hand on my shoulder. Walking would be less physically arduous than scaling the shaft, but it didn’t mean that standing was easy. Nick began to push me in one static direction, but I resisted. I reached my hand behind, feeling in the void. Lizzie’s hand took mine and squeezed it.

Okay…… okay.

I began to move. I tried to roll my feet gracefully like before. I found it extremely difficult. Even after falling down that fucking escalator, I was somewhat capable of competent movement. Not anymore. I could barely feel my legs. I was stumbling even in Nick’s grasp. I felt Lizzie string my arm around as she moved ahead, helping guide me in the right direction. They were technically in the same unnavigable darkness as me, but I felt like I was a blind man being carted by his three caretakers. Slow steps. There’s no hurry. Right?

Oh wait. Yes there is.

I could feel it through my shoes. It was like an earthquake. I could hear the sporadic circle of snapping and crushing slowly growing smaller towards me. How do I deal with this? Not that I’m the one in the group expressly dealing with things right now. It’s closing in on us. More specifically, they’re closing in on the 1 on 1 cage match between the pole and that Staff member, but we’re in the way. They can see in the dark. We can’t.

When one of your senses goes, the others are supposed to be heightened. I’ve always felt like that must just be a pseudoscientific observation. If you have 20% less things to focus on, obviously you would be more in tune with the remaining 80%. There’s less on your mind’s plate to process. Like how my terrifying total loss of vision (and almost sensation of feel) is forcing me to focus on the only thing I can grasp properly.

Sound. Like the sound of the excavator that was barreling towards me.

Lizzie froze solid. Nick tried to pull back on my shoulder. I hadn’t been moving on my own. I tried to stop myself. It didn’t work. The tip of my sneaker squeaked loudly across the smooth floor as the intensity of the approaching force noticeably doubled in speed and volume. Despite that, it was quickly drowned out by a noise that was somehow much more harrowing.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

Anthony’s scream tore through the darkness. It was like I could feel the trajectory of every Staff member in The Warehouse move from me to the pit. Even the one that was essentially right in front me.

“SIR!”

It wasn’t talking to me.

Anthony was still screaming. I heard the bat being thrown away somewhere random. Nick pulled me forcefully down to the ground as my arm brought Lizzie down with me. I hit the floor as the foot ran over me, plunging directly into my left shoulder before lunging past us. Another body part crippled. It was getting hard to keep a list. Behind us, a culminating wall of almost overpoweringly strident noise was forming itself. It was so loud it was clipping in my ears. Over all the smashing furniture, yelling employees, and wet impacts, Anthony’s scream reigned supreme, only faltering to breathe. It was the most horrible thing I had ever heard, simply by the realization. Even as fast as they were, the staff had definitely not reached him in the time it took him to start screaming. I knew Anthony’s scream wasn’t a cry for help, or a cry of pain.

Anthony’s scream had been a beacon.

Come and get me.

Kanata began licking my face as I shook out of hypnosis. There were still Staff members running past us as I began pulling myself to my feet without help. My attention to my body was stolen by the ongoing screams from the hole. I stood upright, Kanata brushing through my legs. Just a little more. Just a little more pain to get Lizzie upstairs. After that? Who fucking cares. I reached out my arm in front of me as I felt her hands grip my wrist.

Nick leaned into my ear behind me.

“Think you can run?”

He was halfway to yelling. I guess it didn’t matter.

“I can try,” I responded.

He smacked my shoulder twice. Giddyup.

New objective: Move, and just keep mo-

Somehow I didn’t fall. I had just begun trying to run when Lizzie’s hands slipped from my wrist, and I felt her body brush against my leg. Fuck.

I bent down.

“Lizzie!”

I could barely hear my own voice. Anthony’s scream was slowly becoming more and more muffled. I shook her shoulders on the ground. Limp. Fuck fuck fuck.

“Nick, she’s not moving.”

Nick didn’t respond. Maybe he didn’t hear me, but I knew he knew what the problem was.

“Nick!”

“SIR!”

I jumped out of my skin as I heard a voice aimed at my back.

“RUFF RUFF!”

I heard Kanata flying away to divert its attention. My brain was so tired. It was trying to run at a million miles a second when it was barely capable of running at static speed. What the fuck am I supposed to do?

“Can you-…”

I was just about to call out to Nick again when I heard the unthinkable. The sound of Nick running away from us in the darkness.

Fucking worm.

——————

Hopeless. That’s the only word that I could think of to describe my situation. I was frozen. What do I do? How do I save her?

——————

Is Lizzie going to die?

——————

I know I am, but……… that can’t happen. She can’t die. That’s too cruel. That’s not how the real world works. Even in a world that isn’t real, something like that isn’t possible. It can’t be, God.

——————

I might as well try.

I wrapped my arms under her frail, motionless body. I forced my weight into my knees as I lifted completely with my back and none with my arms. Despite the fact that I was beyond blind, I was seeing stars just fine. I stumbled to my feet as I clutched her body to my chest. I felt more dizzy than the first time I experienced the lights going off in this place.

Dizzy isn’t even a good word, incapacitated is better.

Lizzie felt like a giant sack of lead in my arms. I grasped the concept of stability as I stood stricken with helplessness. The idea of helping Lizzie felt so horrifyingly far out of my capability that I wanted to cry. I was probably going to. Useless helpless worthless fucking lowlife scum I can’t do anything. My body is broken. I had never imagined any realistic situation in my life that would lead to me feeling this absolutely debilitated. I’m so terrified. Not of dying. I’m not saying I’ve made peace with it, but it seems likely that I’m not far from my assisted expiration. Quite honestly, I’m just terrified about how much longer this can go on for. I’m terrified to see how much worse it can get. How much deeper can I pathetically drown in this shallow pond of futility?

Let’s find out.

I began to walk. I was practically rattling. My whole body was quivering as if I was beginning to freeze to death. One step felt like twenty. It was beginning to get hard to hear Anthony’s wailing at all. My ears had to actively search for the sound in the giant mix of noise. Tick tock. I could feel Lizzie stirring. I assumed that the vibrating sensations were her groans of agony. She didn’t feel like she was bleeding. I had no fucking idea what was wrong with her.

Hold on, Elizabeth. I’m trying. I’m trying really fucking hard.

——————

But that doesn’t really mean anything. There’s only so much a body can do, especially one as feeble as mine. I’m a coward, and I know it too well. It’s what I’ve always been. I’ve spent my entire life living in the grasp of that exact same sterile cowardice.

Maybe I’m not supposed to fight. That sounds likes a fantastic reason to fight.

Such a heroically elegiac thought on my part. It was nice to believe in it for a bit. I still want to, but I’m so weak. I feel like I’ve fought hard enough in my last moments. Is it okay to give up now? Have I earned the right to let go?

——————

I barely heard her say something. I felt it more than I heard it. I leaned my ear down to her.

“What did you say?”

——————

“It’s okay.”

Goddammit, shut the fuck up. Don’t say that. Don’t tell me what I want to hear.

“Don’t feel bad.”

Oh yeah, of course, why didn’t I fucking think of that?

——————

Should I listen to her? That was a pretty emotionally expensive idea. What do I do? Drop her on the ground and save myself? No, I don’t want to, but only because there’s no use in trying to save myself now. Drop her on the ground and walk back to the pit? Tap one of those things on the shoulder and ask for their help to end it?

Should I bring her with me? Put her out of her-

——————

Maybe I hated Abel for the idea of him trying to save her in the only realistic way that he could down there. Maybe he was doing the right thing. I mean, yeah she’s a child, but what really makes her different from anyone else here?

——————

Maybe I’m just as fucked up as they were. Maybe I’m worse for making her go through all this trouble. Without me, she never would have done what she did down there.

——————

I’m sorry, Elizabeth. Maybe you could have made your way to safety without me somehow. I’m sorry if I only ruined it for you.

——————

I’ve got some good news anyway. I don’t have to decide the ending on my own. One of them is running towards me. It should all be over soon, I hope. Maybe it’s really slow. Patrick’s elongated screams play in my head every time I hope against that. It’s probably fairly excruciating. Hopefully it’s painless for Lizzie anyway. Should I make the decision for her before it gets here?

As if I’d have the fucking guts.

Too late.

It’s only just a couple steps away.

——————

The footsteps stopped in front of me, as Nick’s arms slipped past mine and scooped Lizzie out of my grasp. My emotions were running serpentine.

“I’m sorry. I…. I panicked. I didn’t think we would-“

I grabbed him by the neck and leaned into his ear.

“Just shut the fuck up and help me save her.”

I couldn’t hear Anthony no matter how hard I searched. It’s quiet time, even though it doesn’t sound that way. Also, I was really fucking mad at Nick, and just wanted a reason to tell him to shut the fuck up. I put my hands on his shoulders as he turned and began walking. It’s possible that being unrealistic is akin to murder itself in this case. Well, as long as Nick is helping, the blood is on his hands as well. I’m still incredibly unhappy, but I also could kiss him right now. Crazy how the person that just essentially left a little girl and I for dead, all of a sudden feels like my salvation. I don’t exactly feel saved yet, as I’ll probably still pass out from exhaustion before we make it upstairs. Nick can carry Lizzie. I just want to be alive to see that she’s taken out of here. Even if it’s seeing the two of them escape as I’m being dragged to the pits of hell.

Elizabeth escaping: That’s all that matters.

New objective: Live to see that happen.

——————

I’m not saying I feel better, but it sort of just feels like sleepwalking now. I’m subconsciously urging my body to repeat the same motion, and just hoping that it’s listening. If it’s not, I wouldn’t notice. I can barely feel Nick’s shoulders.

I can’t feel the ground below me.

——————

Even as far away as I feel like we should be from the hole, the noise has barely faded. Hopefully Anthony is dead now. Any Hell someone believes in would probably be a relief in comparison to the continuation of whatever the fuck is still happening back there. It refuses to subside. My eardrums are pulsating with fatigue. I feel like I may be close to losing my handle on one of the only remaining senses I have.

——————

Every once in a while, I hear one walking near us. They started just passing on their way to the commotion, but it’s getting more obvious. I know I’m walking sloppily, and I must be making noises. The further we get from the mess, the more likely it is that I’m going to set one off.

I think I hear-

“SIR!”

Well, no better time than the present.

I hear a clattering around the ground somewhere to the far left of me. It’s a familiar material. The wet footsteps move towards the sound and away from us. I’m sure it’s Kanata at work.

——————

I still can’t feel the ground under my feet, but I feel the difference when we step onto the carpeted landmark. I look to the left as Nick’s shoulders pull me there. There’s no light to be seen. If it was daytime upstairs, our light sensitive eyes would absolutely be able to see it from here.

Making it up the escalator won’t be enough.

——————

The frequency at which a staff member is coming towards us is becoming uncomfortably often. The strange metallic banging continues to sound every time, but in each instance, it will take the staff member more and more convincing to be distracted from us.

Just a couple more times and they might not be distracted at all.

——————

The motherfucker was so close it bumped into Nick that time. I heard it double back before my guardian angel had to bark to coerce it. That small brush of harsh encounter was setting Nick off. He had begun walking a little sloppily himself. We won’t last much longer like this.

I could feel a little more in the somewhat relieved upper half of my body, but I wish I couldn’t. I felt like I was still carrying Lizzie from this fucking pressure in my chest.

A countdown was being formulated inside of me.

(Continued in Part Six 2/2)

Part Six 1/2

目录