“How about this one?” Cythia asked Felith and I as she read the various posts upon the Request Board in the center of the small town. So far, she had managed to find the most boring, time-wasting ones she could. “Till the fields to the west of town, thirty silver reward offered.”
“No.” “I must firmly decline.” Felly and I were of one mind in our refusal. These people weren’t requesting help, they were asking us to do their jobs for them! Lazy fucks. Honestly, if we did every request on this board we’d be in this town for months! They wanted fields cleared and tilled, stone quarried and mined, wood chopped, and a billion other chores.
Cythia sighed, “Well we can’t just do nothing…”
“We could go back to the dungeon.” I offered, “Make some dosh from pelts and get experience as well.”
“Dosh?” The two women stared at me as if I had something strange.
“You know, dosh! Cash, coin, money, bread, paper, grip, and a million other slang terms used throughout the world.” Their expressions said more than words ever could. So I’m from a strange world, sue me.
“I believe Sir Richard is saying that our skills would be best used in a manner that benefits ourselves with more than just monetary gain.” Felly tactfully stated to Cythia whose brow furrowed in thought. Now why’d she have to go and steal my thunder like that? Ah well, at least we were on the same wavelength.
“Its true the dungeon would be more beneficial for us in the short term, but an adventurer is more than the monsters they can kill!” Cythia huffed, “Tell me, what do you two think of when you hear the word ‘Adventurer’?”
“Stinky homeless dude.”“A vagabond.”
I glanced towards Felly only to see her staring at me as well. With a mutual nod, we returned out attention to our mistress, who was pulling at her hair in frustration.
“No! An adventurer is a soldier of the people! We slay monsters that attack the defenseless! We delve in dangerous dungeons for power and wealth! We Skulk through ruins searching for ancient artifacts long forgotten by time! We take on requests from the people so that our names may be sung of by bards the world over!” Her eyes sparkled as she spouted her delusions to us. “Ah, but to be compared to the mighty Igel, Silver-Strike! Or the Indomitable Betham the Blade-Sworn!”
“And there she is! Cythia, the Mistress of Minions! The field tiller and stone quarrier!” I cupped my hands to my mouth and made the sounds of crowds cheering.
“You truly are incorrigible.” Felly chuckled.
“Fine then! How about this one?” Cythia growled as she tore a paper from the board and thrust it towards each of us. “This one wants us to remove a burrow of Horned Rabbits to the south of town. We’ll get thirty silver for our efforts and they’ll drop Essence Crystals among other profitable bits!” Oh yeah, she was pissed. At least she picked a good one this time.
“Sounds good.” “No qualms here.”
“Right, then lets go! We’ve only a few hours of daylight remaining!” Cythia shouted happily as she marched towards the town’s exit.
“She makes me think of a puppy.” I muttered as the Felly and I fell into step a few paces behind our mistress.
“Hmmm, I do see the resemblance. Though I would say it is more akin to a sheltered girl given her first taste at freedom.”
“Speaking from experience there?” I asked which got me a slight smile in response. “Right then, since we’ll be marching around with nothing to do, next up on lessons is Class Upgrades. Or as I’m going to call it: Evolution. Basically, as we grow more powerful we can change to further enhanced undead based on our class. I, as a Skeleton, can eventually become something like this.” I pulled up the information panel on the Wight King.
“Hmmm, I have fought Wights plenty of times.” She muttered as she stared at the picture and began reading the evolution’s description. “Is this what you are going to choose to become, Sir Richard?”
“Yep.”
“Why?”
“…” I couldn’t just tell her I wanted my dick back. I needed a good reason and I needed one stat. “Because…its the closest thing to normal I could become.” I sighed in an attempt to sell my bullshit. “I look down at these hands every now and again and think of the monster I’ve become, and hope that I’ll wake up from this. That it’ll all be some bad dream.”
“Lying with such eloquence ill suits you, Sir Richard.” Fucking fuck. How did she know? I don’t even have the facial features to show the common signs! “But if it you do not wish to share your reason with me, that is fine. I shall respect your privacy.” Oh what an angel, truly we were blessed to have such an understanding woman among our group. Cythia would have probably nagged me nonstop until I gave my reason.
Though I probably would have told her my reason for the sole reason to see how she would react. I doubt she would even know what a dick was anyway.
“Thanks Felly. By the by, you should give your own evolutions a look.”
“Indeed. How did it go? Display Information: Zombie?” A screen popped up in front of her face. “Oh my, do I truly look like that?” I peeked over at her screen.
[Zombie]
[A shambling corpse returned to life via Dark Magic. Compared to Skeletons, Zombies are more durable and stronger, though come with drawbacks of their own. Unlike the Skeleton, they are not as versatile in Class Upgrades as their boned brothers. Upon reaching the 20th level, they can evolve into one of two select evolutionary paths. For increased physical capabilities, the path of the Devourer may be chosen. Though not as common, occasionally a zombie may pursue the path of the Spewer, granting them ranged capabilities in the form of acidic projectile vomit.]
“Heh, boned.” I snickered. “Oh yeah, you look way better than the picture here by the way.” I pointed to the picture of the zombie. Unlike Felly, the zombie was far more rotted and lacking far more flesh and muscle.
“I look good do I? I never knew one with tastes as…refined…as yours. To look at such a decrepit corpse with such eyes…” Dammit Felly, two can play at that game!
“Oh yes, such marvelous wounds is a treat to the eye sockets. The pulsating of the creatures beneath your skin sends such warmth wriggling into my bones. How could one not fall into a trance at such beauty?”
“You two are disgusting!” Cythia gagged and attempted to cover her ears. What a poor, innocent gal.
Felly chuckled contentedly, “Now, as for these evolutions…hmmm I do not think I shall pursue the Spewer path.”
“You sure? Puking acid on things from far away sounds hella cool.” Why if I was a Zombie…
“No, I shall keep deign to keep the contents within my stomach where they belong.”
“Oh come on, there’d be a chance that you could get some on our mistress by mistake.” I suggested just loud enough to be heard by Cythia, who whipped her head around and stared at us in disgust. “Wouldn’t that be amusing?”
Felly’s eye sparkled at the idea as she glanced towards our increasingly horrified mistress.
“Felith, I hereby order you not to become a Spewer!” Cythia shouted, sending a flock of birds fleeing from a nearby tree.
“It appears that my choice has been made for me.” Felly shook her head with a playful grin. “A shame.”
“Indeed, our mistress is quite the slave driver. Doesn’t she know that by diversifying our party that our effectiveness can only increase?”
“True, a fighting force is most effective when multiple facets work in tandem to achieve victory.”
“You two are insufferable…” Cythia groaned. “No more talking till we reach the rabbit burrow!”
A look of surprise crossed Felly’s face. Her hands pulled at her mouth, but no matter how hard she tried, she could not pry it open. Defeated, she turned and stared at me with a pleading look. I shrugged, what could I do? I’m surprised it took Cythia that long to figure out how to silence one of us. Though, it was probably more by accident than anything.
———————————
“How adorable…” Felly spoke as she watched a group of Horned Rabbits jump around one another in a playful manner. A large knoll with a large holes burrowed into the sides sat a short distance away. We had reached the Horned Rabbit burrow, and it was packed with activity. White horned rabbits chewed grass fervently as others entered their burrows. There had to be at least fifty of the little bastards! Probably more, depending on how deep their dens went. Most of the grass in the area had been stripped to the dirt, leaving an unnatural scar upon the earth.
Little fuckers were practically locusts if they ate that much.
“Yes, they are very cute.” Cythia smiled, “But in large numbers they are a blight upon their surroundings. If they continued to expand unimpeded, they would strip the surrounding lands for miles. So they have to be culled from time to time.”
“Color me impressed Toots, I never knew you’d be knowledgeable about such a thing. I thought trading was your forte, not animal control.”
“Well it is only natural for an adventurer such as I to know about the local wildlife and how they affect nearby towns.” She then placed her hands upon her hips in a show of pride. A childish gesture, but it did suit her I suppose. Her briefly smug demeanor quickly changed as she stared at me with a rather bored expression. “But you would know that much as well if you used your interface to look up the Horned Rabbits’ information.”
“Yeah, I’m not going to do that.” She grumbled at my words. I didn’t care about the pros and cons of these things. So long as they dropped Essence Crystals they were nothing more than a stepping stone to my resurgence. “So these things drop Essence Crystals do they?”
“They do indeed. Though they won’t give much individually, as the vast majority are only level 1 or 2.” Cythia spoke factually, “Though I supposed with the amount at hand, they will certainly be worth a level or two.”
I drew my bronze sword. “Right then, lets do this. Ready Felly?”
“Yes.” She nodded and drew her own blade. As one, the two of us charged towards the nearest group of Horned Rabbits.
“Wait!” Cythia yelled. Immediately I was left all on my own as I raced towards my targets. Red eyes locked upon me as the trio turned their bodies towards me. They weren’t even running away! I raised my blade, ready to cut them down as the distance between us closed. “Stop minion!” Cythia’s voice echoed across the expanse, but I paid it no mind, experience was at hand!
“Take this!” I grinned as the three rabbits shot from the ground towards me as one. With a smile, I leapt to the side and swung my sword in a cleaving arc. Pained squeaks cried out as I hit one of the animals in the side. A quick flash and a few items fell upon the earth where that very same rabbit had been. “As if I wouldn’t expect something so simple.” I chuckled as the two remaining hares jumped at me once more.
Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author's preferred platform and support their work!
Another swing, another flash of light, yet another fallen rabbit. “Easier than playing baseball.” I grinned as I struck down the remaining rabbit. “You two can rest…easy…” the two of them were running away!
[You Take 20 physical damage]
“What the?!” I turned to see another four rabbits hopping towards me. Behind them was another ten. Behind them was even more! More and more poured from their burrow, and all were headed straight to my position. Based on their speed, there was no way I was going to get away. “Alright then! Get some!” I yelled as I killed the bunny that had previously struck me before rolling to escape from the closest four rabbits.
[You take 20 physical damage]
More and more pop-ups clogged my vision as I fell into a trance of dodging and swinging and kicking. But for every mammal I massacred, five more took it’s place. My only saving grace is that they eventually clogged themselves up too much to continue leaping constantly. Unfortunately, that was when they started biting. The damage of each bite? One. The amount of bunnies attempting to bite me? Well over thirty. And those bastards could bit fast.
“You’ve won this time you bastards!” I yelled as I hacked at them as if my sword were a golf club. Glancing a few at a time, but not doing enough damage to kill them. “But I’ll be back! I’ll come back as many times as it takes! You haven’t seen the last of me!” I laid my eyes upon a single level five Horned Rabbit who burst from the ground and collided with my ribcage, horn first.
[You take 35 physical damage]
[You have died]
As everything faded to darkness, I swore my revenge upon that little bastard especially. How many had I killed? How many more were there? I honestly lost count after my tenth kill, but there was still more emerging from their burrows. Perhaps there were hundreds? Were we looking at a proverbial mountain of experience? I couldn’t stop the cackle in the darkness resonating from my jaws. Not that I wanted to of course.
“Heed my call, thou forsaken soul…” Ah good, it was time to return to life and fulfill my vow of vengeance.
Light returned to my eyes only for the snickering of Felly to grace my ears and the aggravated face of Cythia to enter my vision.
“I told you to wait! Ugh, if you had listened to me we would have been fine!” Cythia huffed about as I pulled myself to my feet.
“To be vanquished by such cute, tiny creatures…” Felly snickered.
“Shut it Felly, it was just a mere setback. I’m ready for round two!” I placed my hand to my side only to touch my hips. “Wait…wheres my sword? Or my clothes?” I stared at the two women before covering myself in a mocking manner. “Avert thine eyes, ruffians!” A pair of sighs were my reward.
“What do you think happened to your clothes and sword, idiot?” Cythia asked angrily. “They’re back where you died of course!”
“Technically, I didn’t die. I merely lost my corporeal form which can be regained at will. Namely, your will. So technically, I am immortal and cannot truly die. Merely disposed of for an indeterminate amount of time.” Not counting what would happen if she were to die of course.
“I’ll stop summoning you, I swear to Asthil I will stop.” Cythia spoke in that normal tone of voice women used to let you know you were close to crossing the line. Like when you ask what’s wrong and she tells you nothing, that everything is fine.
It’s never fine.
“I’m sorry! Please don’t leave me in that darkness!” I pleaded and dropped to my knees. “Find it in that amazing heart of yours to forgive this worthless minion!”
“Then listen to me for once! You can’t just charge into a Horned Rabbit burrow, you’ll be swarmed! You have to draw them away little by little!”
“Then why didn’t you say so in the first place?” I had to say it. It was too easy. The sight of Cythia grinding her teeth together made it all worth it, even as her hand shot towards me.
“I dismiss thee.”
The sound of Felly’s echoing laughter was the last thing I heard as I faded away. Hello darkness my old friend. I’ve come to hang out in you again. Whatever, I’d be back out and about before long. Cythia knows she can’t live without me. I’m the only one that knows how to be a minion master around here. In a few minutes, she’ll bring me back and things will go on as normal.
“Heed my call, thou forsaken soul…” Being right always feels so good. Though she was probably summoning me in the middle of a horde of those horned rabbits. There was only one thing to do.
“Peace out!” I called into the darkness before it faded from my sockets. The moment the light hit my eyes, I rolled with all of my might. The world spun, making me feel nauseous. But without my stomach and other squishy bits, I was safe and wouldn’t vomit like I used to do at amusement parks.
“What the hells are you doing?” Cythia spoke in an unamused manner. Glancing around, I saw that we were a ways away from the rabbit burrow. My equipment had lain strewn about on the ground surrounded by heaps of crystals, pelts, horns, and meat. Pure uncooked rabbit meat just laying on the ground, waiting for any sort of animal to take. If that was for dinner, I’d firmly pass. The two second rule had most assuredly been passed many, many seconds ago.
Oh and it was all surrounded in turn by a few berserk bunnies.
“My mistake, thought I’d been summoned in the middle of a fubar combat zone so I decided to evac asap.” Grunting, I pulled myself to my feet even as my surroundings swam drunkenly in my vision.
“You are the strangest person I have ever met.” Cythia sighed in defeat.
“What is fubar?” Felly asked sincerely.
“Its short for ‘Fucked up beyond all recognition’. When shit hits the fan, its usually fubar.” Judging by the looks they were giving me, they didn’t understand.
“I see…” She turned away from us mouthing the words to the acronym. Felith has leveled up! Gained plus one vulgarity! I was so proud.
“Enough with the strange sayings! We need to get rid of this burrow before nightfall!” Cythia growled, “And heres how we’re going to do it.” She motioned towards the ground.
“I cant hold dirt toots, it slips through my finger bones. And I don’t think blinding them by throwing dirt at them is a viable strategy.”
“Not the dirt! The rocks! You throw the rocks at them, drawing them to you, and then you take them out one by one!” Oh, yeah we could do that. That sounded much better than being swarmed like I just was. I think we’ll do that method.
“You could have just said you wanted us to pull them away from the adds.” Honestly, its like she didn’t understand MMO-speak at all! I mean, if your world resembles a video game, the least you could do is use the proper terminology.
“Ugh! Just…do whatever…” She sighed and paced back a few steps. I think I had finally broken her. Excellent.
“Alright Felly, want to charge in for a slaughter, or do as our mistress suggests and pull them one by one? I’m game for either.”
“Hmmm. Forcing them to come to our position would be the proper solution. I have no desire to suffer the fate that befell you a few minutes ago. Besides, I must admit to being rather curious as to how you will handle combat unarmed as you are. Your sword swinging left much to be desired.” Ouch, she called me a rookie in every sense of the word.
“Improper sword handling happens to everyone their first time, I’m sure.”
“Indeed, but even worse, your movements were stiff.” She stared at me with a critical eye. The same I used when checking out a chick. But instead of checking out my amazing bones, it was as if she was picking apart my flaws before announcing them to the world. “It looked as if you didn’t know how to effectively avoid your enemy’s attacks.”
“Well today is my first time I’ve ever fought truly seriously outside of a few schoolhouse brawls.” I shrugged. “I’m much more comfortable with these babies than a sword.” I grinned as I held up my left and right fists and gave each a kiss. “Daddy loves his little death dealers, yes he does.”
“Hmmm, well if you are truly more comfortable with your fists, then perhaps you would show me?” Oh she was egging me on. Lucky for her, I was willing to take that bait.
“Alright Felly, stand back. I’m going to smash some faces.” Without a word of complaint, she stepped away before turning around and watching me critically. “Right.” With a quick breath, I grabbed a solid stone from the ground and set my eyes upon my target, a level one Horned Rabbit nibbling on my clothes. “Been awhile since I’ve pitched, but this shouldn’t be too hard.” Clenching the rock in my fist, I wound up before catapulting the rock with all my strength at the bunny.
One moment the Rabbit was there, the next there was nothing more than a Crystal, it’s horn, pelt, and the meat.
[You have acquired the trait [Novice Throwing (Rank III)]]
[By showing insight on how to throw an object and successfully hit a foe, you have begun to gain familiarity with using various objects as a ranged attack]
“By the heavens…” Felly gasped, but I paid her no mind. It was a pretty shit throw, as I was really rusty. The two hares nibbling at my clothes looked at the remnants of their fellow before laying their eyes upon me. Without a squeak of warning, the two bolted towards me with their horns pointed at the ready. It was go time. I clenched my fists and watched them cautiously.
Heads dipped low while back legs pumped full of strength before the duo launched themselves towards me in a rocketing jump. They were fast, much faster than the Cave Rats. But fast wasn’t good enough. “Suck it!” I shouted as I danced to the side and launched a fist of my own into one’s face, obliterating it in an instant.
[You take 15 physical damage]
Pain erupted down my backside as I spun to face the last rabbit. These things didn’t mess around, the moment they landed they spun for another attack. But this one couldn’t get away in time. “Fore!” My voice echoed across the fields as I punted the little white rabbit with all of my might. A horrified squeal became faint as it launched through the air, until it hit the ground in a bright flash of light some thirty meters away.
Now that my gear was clear, it was time to rustle up my threads.
“W-what kind of throw was that?!” Cythia exclaimed as she rushed up to pick up the rabbit pelts, horns, meat, and crystals while I picked up my clothes and dusted them off.
“Indeed, I’ve never seen such a technique for throwing.” Felly muttered.
“Oh that? Just a baseball pitch, though I’m a little rusty. Haven’t played in years. Though I guess this stat system made my throw a bit better than I used to be able.” I shrugged as I pulled up my pants. “Stand back Toots, You wanna get the next group Felly?” I pointed to another set of three rabbits in the distance. Cythia retreated a few steps and watched our newest member with great interest. Hell, I was interested as well. If she could back up her talk, she was about to leave me in the dust.
“I suppose…” Felly nodded before picking up a stone. “Though I’m sure my throw wont be as impressive as yours, Sir Richard, please observe my movements while I use my blade. You gain insight on proper technique.” Oh that snarky bitch. With a quick throw that almost pegged a rabbit, she gained the attention of the three horned mammals that rushed towards her. In a flash of bronze, her sword was at the ready as she held her ground.
Her eye squinted as she watched the rapidly approaching group. Her stance widened as she sucked in a deep breath and turned her blade. The moment that they leapt at her with horns placed to pierce, she moved as quickly as I could blink. Two flashes immediately exploded in a burst of light, leaving the third rabbit falling to the ground alone as Felly spun on her heel and swiped at the remaining target. In a matter of seconds, she had taken out three rabbits without even breaking a sweat.
“Did you see?” She smiled and sheathed her blade.
“I honestly didn’t see shit.” I sighed, “You moved way too fast for me to even understand half of what you did.”
“S-same here…” Cythia muttered, “But you were amazing! Far more than he ever was.” She motioned towards me in a hurtful manner.
“I don’t want to hear that from you when all you do is hide behind us.” I grumbled.
“I…I see. I suppose that this level of movement is a bit beyond your skill.” She smirked, “But now it is your turn Sir Richard.” A group of two rabbits clunked horns against one another in some weird display. I’m no zoologist, but I’m pretty sure they were fighting over a third Horned Rabbit that sat nearby.
“Right.” I picked up a rock and took aim. Felly stared at me with great interest, which made me rather nervous. Not as bad as pitching in front of bleachers full of drunk parents, but still pretty stressful. With a quick wind-up and an explosion of force, the rabbit that watched the other two disappeared in a flash of light the moment the rock hit it. Enraged, two horny bunnies bounded towards me, furious that their prize had been taken from them.
A quick hook and kick later and they were nothing more than a bunch of loot upon the dirt.
“I see you didn’t use your blade this time.” Felly stated.
“I spent good money on that weapon, minion. The least you could do is use it.” Cythia huffed as if my fists weren’t good enough for her.
“Well I’m pretty rubbish with it. Figure I’ll stick to what I know for now. Besides, Felly can give me some tips later on.” She nodded happily,
“It would be my pleasure, so long as you show me how to make a throw like yours.”
“No problem. You wanna learn too, Toots? You’d be able to attack alongside us without using Mana.”
“Indeed, it would be a great skill for you to acquire. Perhaps I should also teach you on how to wield a blade…”
The two of us grinned at our mistress who grew increasingly nervous.
“S-sure…” She muttered. Good, I didn’t have to suffer sword training alone.
“Alright! It’s decided then.” I clacked my hands together. “Cythia’s self defense course shall begin later in the evening. For now, we’ve got bunnies to exterminate. Felly, you’re up.”
“Indeed. Perhaps I shall slow down my motions so that you two may observe more easily this time.”
In the seconds that it had taken the next group of Horned Rabbits to die, neither Cythia nor I could see what Felith had done. She was just simply too fast for our eyes. Over the course of about two hours or so, we swapped on and off on bunny slaughtering. In total, we had killed sixty-seven bunnies of various levels. The highest being the level five that I had obliterated with a pitch. They say revenge is a dish best served cold, but I reveled in that bastard’s death. In total, we gained 910 experience, bringing us up two levels.
Together, the three of us brought up our character sheets, as we discussed what to do with our stat points.
Name: Richard Stensen Race: Undead
Class: Basic Skeleton Level: 7
Experience: 170/750
Health: 45/120 Mana: 4/40
Focus: 5/85 Unspent Points: 4
Strength: 9(+1) Stamina: 12(+1)
Agility: 5(+1) Dexterity: 6(+1)
Intelligence: 5(+1) Wisdom: 3(+1)
Perception: 6(+1) Luck: 2(+1)
“Wait, why are all my stats increased by one?”
“Oh, when I ranked up in Summon Skeleton, it added in that your stats are increased by 10% of their total value, with a minimum of one added.” Cythia smiled smugly, “You should give praise to your mistress for making you stronger than you previously were!”
“Thanks toots.” Credit where it’s due, added stats are always good. And by the happy look on her face, I had made the right choice. Judging by how Felly was going to be giving me sword training later, I put my points evenly into Dexterity and Agility. Being able to move and act faster would certainly help, and I could already feel the effects of my choice. Leveling up felt good, and I was only three levels away from that first evolution of mine.
Oh sweet flesh and blood, wait for me!