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My Good Friend Murphy
What does a pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye Matey

What does a pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye Matey

After jumping through the archway, I fell. My first thought was “those dicks made a suicide door then made it the prettiest one.” My next thought was interrupted quite rudely by that old friend of mine, the ground. Well, it wasn’t the ground exactly. What I’d fallen onto was a huge circular altar of sorts. It was like a circular room but it didn’t have walls or a ceiling, just the floor. The floor was colorful marble depicting some kind of picture I couldn’t make out from my angle and the entire space was empty except for a large black statue, a stone table, and an anvil standing off to one side. I started to walk towards them when the voice echoed again.

Choose wisely.

That is synonymous to ‘take your time’ in my book so I decided to check out the glorified furniture and see what I was even supposed to be choosing. The first thing on the left was the stone table so I checked it out first. Upon closer inspection, the table was a large stone altar similar to what you might see in a church. This one, however, was adorned only with a blue stripe of cloth lying vertically across it and four candles burning on the corners of the altar. In the very center sat an open book, rustling invitingly in a non-existent wind.

Shrine of Learning

A remnant of the ancient powers of this world, reading from the shrine bestows a shard of the world’s knowledge to the reader

-Allows the reader to have knowledge of anything he sees: monster, magic, or man

“Not all things in this world bow to the voice of the mighty”

“Holy shit.” I breathed after seeing the description of the shrine. I spun to my right and looked at the other two options standing resolutely on the marble floor. Isn’t this hella broken?? I quickly walked to the far right side of the floor to inspect the next majestic piece of furniture. Sitting there was a large silver anvil whose base split into four thick legs. In the open space between the legs a fire quietly flickered.

Magic Anvil

A remnant of the ancient powers of this world, offering a weapon to the anvil bestows a shard of the world’s power to the forger

-Allows the forger to gain strength from his foes, their lives feeding his power

“All things find strength in growth, but it is the calamity that finds strength in consumption.”

I swear I squealed. I’m decently strong already but if that description didn’t yell badass then I honestly don’t know what does. I turned to the last unknown object in the room. I’d saved it for last because it looked far less friendly than the other two. Sitting in the middle of the magical amenities was a large black statue. The statue rested atop a large platform holding burning braziers at each corner, a few short steps led to the cloaked feet of a ten foot tall sculpture made of what looked like carved obsidian. The sculpture was of a cloaked figure leaning slightly forward, toward the viewer, two grey hands extended from beneath the cloak, palms facing up and pointed fingers gently curled as if holding piles of falling sand. If I saw only that then I probably would have thought the statue just as harmless and friendly as the other two, but the face was simply too unnerving. From beneath a pointed hood you could see nothing through the shroud except for two blazing eyes. The eyes pointed directly into my own whether through coincidence or design. Either way the ruby orbs glared unblinkingly down with such intensity that it felt as if the statue could at any moment settle itself more comfortably on the plinth and begin to breathe. Instead, a deep voice resounded within my head.

Will you tempt Fate?

I remembered the voice at the entrance to this place and almost laughed. “Yes.” I answered unhesitatingly. I don’t know why, but it seemed like gambling on my luck was the right thing to do, despite my actual stat.

My voice echoed for a moment before a rumbling sound ground out a response. The rumbling continued to increase in volume until the marble floor started shaking. When I almost couldn’t stand any longer, the rumbling stopped with a loud crash. Looking up, I saw the massive form of a giant sail out of the black fog around the circular altar I was on. When I say giant I’m not talking about 12-foot Georg. This thing’s head was as big around as the floor I was standing on. Whatever it was, it was huge. It swung its head forward towards me. It was still far enough away that light couldn’t really reach it so I only saw a dark form.

You have chosen. Claim your prize.

At the words of what I assumed to be the giant, the anvil and shrine vanished, leaving only the statue. The statue turned its head towards me.1 Before I could recover from my frozen shock, the statue closed both of its hands for a moment before opening them. In its hands rested two golden orbs with flecks of purple spiraling inside like small galaxies. The statue extended its hands slightly towards me. I absolutely did not wanna get near it. That said, it’s not like there’s an exit anywhere around me so I walked up to the statue. Gingerly I lifted a hand. The statue remained motionless. I gently rested the hand on the orb, staring unblinkingly at the statue. It still did not move. Finally, I gave in and grabbed both of the orbs. As I did so the statue vanished.

I will be excited to see how you grow, little one.

I tried to hide my shock at the sudden comment to no avail, electing instead to give a spicy thumbs up taught to me by Limbmighty himself. And before I had the chance to do anything more, I was back in front of the first door we’d walked through, the orbs nowhere in sight. The principal looked down at me and raised his eyebrows.

“All five are successes? My, my. This certainly is a fun year isn’t it?” The principal stroked his beard then nodded to himself and whisked his robes as he turned. “Alright students, now you will see the vault.” The other four rankers, who had already exited their trials, turned to follow him. Grey stopped and offered a hand. I took it.

“Thanks. So how’d your trial go?” I asked.

Grey looked down for a moment then turned his head to me.

“I don’t really know. When I walked through the archway, there was a woman with a bunch of wings there, she basically said ‘you pass’ immediately then gave me this.” Grey pointed to a soft white cloth tied around his neck that seemed to be fluttering slightly even though we were indoors. It was just like the black cloth on the creepy door except white.

“What is it?” I asked while tapping the cloth to see what it did.

Token of Light

:: All holy skills are strengthened

:: Bearer cannot be cursed

:: Bearer can cast Holy Realm once a day

I paused for a moment at how the window looked similar to the ones I’d seen in that shadowy temple. “What the hell?? That’s one overpowered scarf.” I said. I mean shit, maybe I should have gone for that anvil.

“I dunno, your eyes look pretty cool too.” Grey said with an elbow to my ribs. My what now?

“My what now? My eyes?”

“Yeah? Your eyes got all sparkly. Do you know what they do?” Grey said while raising an eyebrow.

“Wait. Hold on. Do you have a mirror? Or like water or..” Oh right, I can just make a mirror using water magic. Ignoring Grey’s questioning gaze I quickly formed a disc of water and put a plate of earth under it. Looking in, I saw my eyes. Where they had been normal hazel eyes before, my eyes now had slitted vertical pupils and swirls of gold and purple floating in the iris. “WHOAAAAAAA THAT SO FREAKING COOL.” I grabbed my cheeks with my hands and bounced up and down.

Grey laughed and waved for me to catch up. “I guess you didn’t see it then. Any idea what they do?”

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“Uh, one sec. Lemme—“

“UOOOOOOOHHH JIN YOUR EYES ARE AWESOME.” Kel had turned around to see what the holdup was and was now standing in front of me with eyes nearly as sparkly as my own.

“RIGHT?” I said waving my hands excitedly in front of my face.

“What do they do? What do they do?” Kel, now, was bouncing up and down.

“One sec. I’ll check.” With that I finally opened my status.

NAME: Jin ﴾Third Prong﴿

TITLE: Enigmatic/ Endless Sleeper/ Graduate of the Third Prong/ Novice Magus

AGE

20

Race

???

LEVEL

23

Class

Assassin

Strength

97

Vitality

153

Speed

201

Agility

192

Luck

-12(+30)

Intelligence

119

Dexterity

208

Mana

157

Skills

Origin Lvl 2.

Enigma Lvl 5.

Treatment Lvl 9.

Pain Resist Lvl 3.

Traveler (+lighten load/+quick travel/+distance travel).

Mental resist.

Aura of Misfortune.

Projectile weapon proficiency.

Lock-picking.

Silent movement.

Hide.

Quick Climb.

Bluff.

Emphatic Cry (+increased tear volume).

Trap Proficiency.

Magic Novice.

Eyes of Karnaid Gurom.

Eyes of Karnaid Gurom

A shard of the power of Karnaid Gurom

Allows the wearer to see

“What use is a sword if you don’t know why it is being swung?” –Karnaid Gurom

“I…I don’t really know what they do. Something about seeing more easily I guess?” I glanced away from the notification and looked at Kel. She rested her chin on her hand for a moment then shrugged.

“Eh I’m sure they’re worth something. I’d be surprised if all they were is cosmetic, though they do look sweet.” I grinned. It’s hard to be angry when your eyes are awesome.

“So it looks like everyone who passed got something out of it.” I mused, looking at the backs of the other two. “Ah! Actually, what’d you get Kel?” I glanced back down at the little elf. The elf in question promptly reached into a pocket and pulled out a small stone.

“I got this thing after fighting a weird lady who turned into the moon.” I’m not even gonna ask what she just said.

“What’s it do?”

“No idea.” Kel made a poker face and held out the stone to me. I took it and looked at it.

Arrowhead of the Master Huntress

****place into quiver****

“You don’t know what it does?” I raised a skeptical eyebrow at Kel. She shrugged.

“My notification window says it can’t be identified.” I grinned. Well at least I know a bit of what my eyes do.

“Hmm. It looks kinda like an arrowhead, try putting it in your quiver.” I said and smiled a little. So the eyes act a bit like appraisal. I can see what magic items do it looks like. While I was musing Kel dropped the arrowhead into her quiver then squeaked.

“Eh! It became an arrow!” Kel pulled out a silvery-white arrow with a black arrowhead. “EH? It says it’s a returning arrow! It’ll come back after I fire it! Yesssssss!” Alright that is pretty cool. Infinite arrows for the genius archer, it looks like our gifts were prepared especially for us.

“We are here, students.” The principal stopped in front of a large, iron door with a large bolt on it. “This is the lowest vault. In here we keep low level magic items. You may take one of these items for yourself, but you must leave an item of equal worth. This is a restriction that has been built into the vault itself so I cannot make exceptions. Know that, if you are unhappy with the gift you just received, it is almost certainly a gift of equal worth to the items in the vault.” He nodded sagely to us then took a long pause. “Now, before you go in I must search you. We have had people in the past attempt to cheat the vault by doing things like stuffing many items into a dimension bag so the vault thought only the bag to be a magic item so we have decided to be prudent from now on. Please line up and empty your bags and pockets.” Oh shit oh shit oh shit I can’t let him see the little green disk I have. I was specifically told not to let them see the disk. Shiiiiiiiiiit. Ok we’re just gonna leave it where it is and use the living shit out of enigma. Where the disk currently was, was behind the metal plate of my badge. The disk is quite small, only about the size of a dollar coin, so I’d been keeping it there for safekeeping. The principal had us all pile our items in separate piles then stand in front of a magic sensor while he checked our items. Everyone was green-lighted except for me. “Mr. Jin. It seems your new eyes are tripping the sensor. Here, allow me.” The principal said and then cast detect magic. The only response came from my eyes so he smiled and gave me the green light. “Quite a set of magic items you have here though. Let’s see, a badge, a dagger, a medical kit, claws, a flask, an illegal false identity plate…why it seems your friends over at the guild take very good care of you.” I smiled sheepishly.

“Mostly going away presents sir.” He chuckled a bit,

“Oh I don’t doubt it. Now hurry along, and take your time in there. Once you come out you won’t be allowed back in.” The principal waved and strode off with his hands clasped behind his back. I collected my items and entered the vault. The vault was almost exactly what I’d expected. Magic items scattered all over the floor and piled in stacks, with various equipment pieces adorning the walls on hooks and shelves. I didn’t really expect to need anything here, as each of my magic items I already had covered some kind of basic need. But, well, it was like shopping if the stores only had really cool stuff in them so naturally I was excited. I quickly began looking around at the various items. A muffler of warmth, boots of speed, a hand of black magic, strength rings. A lot of very generic stuff was lying around. I thought for a second then tried focusing on my eyes. Maybe I can see which ones are stronger, after all, where better to test? At first, just focusing didn’t yield any results. Then, I noticed that some of the magic items had a very translucent aura about them. These ones with the aura, once I knew to look for it, seemed to be slightly stronger. My lesser med-kit, for example, didn’t have an aura but a medium med-kit I found under some boxes did. This was nice because the medium med-kit would lower the mana cost of treatment and make using the skill faster. Of course, I didn’t have anything to trade for it. After shuffling things around for an hour or so I found a few things that I wanted and only Grey and I were still in the vault, the rest having made their trades and headed home.

“Hey Grey, do you think I should stick with the bottomless flask, or go with the bottomless bucket?” I scooted while sitting in order to turn to Grey, who was rifling through a few magic books neaby.

“The bucket can hold more but the flask is more convenient. I’d stick with the flask.” Grey flipped a page in his book.

“Damn. Good point.” I said, tossing the bucket onto a pile of other rejects. Grey stood up and walked over to the bucket, picking it up and setting it down in a more organized pile.

“Try not to break anything Jin.” Grey chuckled before sitting back down with his book. I laughed a little before picking up the next item. Damn. He’s checking all the items I touch. I don’t know why but somehow he knows that I’m supposed to do something in here. The whole point of me coming to this academy was to complete this mission. What do I do? I bit my lip while agonizing over my options. “Tough choice?” Grey looked up at me from his book.

“Yeah. I don’t know if I should trade the identity plate to get the better med-kit.” Grey frowned a little and rested his chin on his hand.

“Do you need the plate for missions?” I laughed a bit uncertainly then looked away.

“A…actually I haven’t been on a mission yet. So I don’t know but I mean probably not right?” I admitted, refusing to look at Grey.

“Ahahahahaha well it would probably be better to hang on to it. You don’t wanna fail your first job right when you get it right?” I sighed and set the med-kit aside.

“Yeah I suppose so. Alright, what about this skill book?” I said, lifting a book that taught the skill ‘poison cooking’.

“Your cooking is already poison.” I threw the skill book at Grey.

“Poison is like assassin 101! How can I do my job if I can’t even cook properly?” Grey rifled through the book and set it aside.

“Why bother? You haven’t had a mission yet so you don’t know if it’d be useless or not. It’d be better not to lose an item you know is useful” Ugh. His arguments make too much sense. There was only one item left that I wanted, the immovable rod. This one was a magical metal rod that could be fixed in space with the press of a button, in mid-air, no moving. It’s so freaking cool. Plus I can think of so many uses for it.

“I want the rod.” I grimaced and glared at Grey.

“You’re right. It’s a good fit for you.”

“Eh? Eh? You agreed?”

“Yeah.” Grey nodded and closed his book. “Your fighting style depends on maneuverability and traps. An immoveable object of that size that you can handle at a distance with your wires and magic opens up a lot of possibilities. It makes you more versatile.” I stared at him open-mouthed for a moment before coming back to reality.

“B-but what should I trade?” Grey thought for a second then looked up at me. I was looking at the badge, or more specifically, the disk behind the badge. It was a magic item that would almost certainly work for the trade.

“No.” Huh? I looked up at Grey, startled. “I veto you ever trying to trade that badge. That thing is literally the only reason you’re not a calamity to your surroundings.” I scowled to shake off my relief that Grey thought I was thinking of the badge. “Your flask is where you get your poison right?”

“Yeah. It has paralytic poison in it right now.”

“You can change it?”

“Kinda,” I shrugged, “it pours out whatever I put in it endlessly.” Grey blinked a few times then scowled at me and pointed with his hand.

“Then why the hell don’t you put like liquid gold in it or something??” Ah.

“It’s too expensive.”

“What?”

I scratched my nose a bit, “the flask is called the pauper’s bottomless flask; it can only hold cheap stuff.” Grey looked at me like I’d just won a lifetime supply of bacon-scented Vaseline. ‘Why.’

“Where did you even get such a weird item? Nevermind. How about the dagger?”

“Say that again and I’ll cut you.”

“What?” Grey looked up at me, shock evident on his face.

“It wasn’t me.” I said. We stared at each other for a moment. Finally, Grey sighed and dragged a hand across his face.

“Your shit is all too weird. The rod probably wouldn’t work for you unless it could dance or something.”

“Aha!” I yelled, holding up the rod. “It can’t dance, but it does do something!”

“What?” Grey wearily looked at it.

“It’s the immovable rod of extreme knockback!” I declared while pressing the button.

1I promise I’m not shitting you. I also promise I’m shitting myself.