“That was fun, but I still don’t really know anything about this world.” I mused as I let my gaze drift around the room. The wanted posters Kel had mentioned earlier caught my eye. “Eh. Why not.” I got up and meandered over to the back wall. As the posters came into focus, I couldn’t help but to freeze in shock. There, at the very top of a tall arrangement of posters, was someone I recognized. He had a very plain face. Kind eyes sat underneath a mop of dark hair and on top of a straight nose and even straighter teeth. If his face wasn’t so ordinary he might have had a future in acting. What he did have was a pretty successful career as a video game streamer. Jin had… no Patrick had seen a few of his videos and knew he was good at RPGs. That’s right. I forgot. I woke up early, got some work done, then Dad let me try out his new game. Why did I think I died? Maybe it’s one of those transfer problems Dad always complains about.
“Another Ignatius the Hero fan, eh? That guy’s got so many fans he could probably beat that demon lord he constantly preaches about just by telling ‘em where to find it.” The bulky Noble Citizen from earlier called from a nearby table. Ignatius the Hero?
“Work hard son! Someday you’ll be able to surpass him if you work hard enough!”
He’s a beta-tester too, maybe I should try to get a picture of him for my friends. “I think I’d be satisfied if I could just meet him someday.”
“Even for that, you’ll have to grow pretty strong. I’m rooting for you!”
I smiled at the man. “How strong would I need to be?” He sipped his beer before wagging a finger with a grin.
“Ignatius is one of the only S-class heroes in the guild. Not only that, he’s the stongest S-class! I heard he once fought a red dragon barehanded and won!”
“Hah!” A voice roared from the tables closer to the front, “and me mum fought a troll using a soup ladle!”
“Your mum couldn’t use a soup ladle to fight off a cold! Probably why her soup tastes like shoe water!” The old man yelled back. These taunts were quickly followed up by others and a few thrown spoons. I hastily walked toward the door to avoid getting embroiled in what was looking like a full-blown food fight.
Mariche waved at me as I left. “Kissing eyes then confessing to Miss Kel? I know romance is hard, but keep at it. You can do it!” She gave a small wave and put her hand on her bicep in a WWII propaganda poster pose. Next to her, Amos wiped tears from his eyes and gave me a thumbs-up. These bastards are making fun of me. Suppressing my newfound arsonist urges I walked out of the guild. Grey disappeared a while ago, probably to help find members to form a subjugation party for T-Aang. As I left the guild I immediately turned left and started looking at the signs on the buildings. One had a spoon and a bowl on it - that must be an Inn or restaurant – another had the classic hammer and anvil – definitely the blacksmith – still another had what looked like an angry slime surrounded by stars – no idea what that is actually. The fantasy lover in me felt fire crackling up as I looked around before squaring my shoulders towards the blacksmith.
“This definitely has to be my first stop!” With an added bounce to my gait I eagerly trotted towards the blacksmith.
THUD
A squeal of agony whistled through my lips as I rolled around on the ground clutching my toes.
“You alright down there?” The bushy brows and bald head of Noble Citizen blocked out the sun above me.
“Who the fUCk put a fuCKING HorSeshOE in tHe GROUnd??” I said with complete composure.
Noble Citizen glanced at the offending horseshoe before breaking out into laughter. “That’s for tying up your horse, kid. You kick it? AHAHAHA well why don’t you have any shoes?”
“Because I hate my feet and have no money.” I groaned on the ground.
“Anything to sell?”
“Hats?”
“Hmm.” He scratched at the fork I noticed was stuck in his head. “Well the tailor might pay you a bit for that. Tell you what, I just got kicked out of the guild anyway for...” He looked guiltily towards the door of the Adventurer’s Guild, “ending a small, very safe, not at all property damaging brawl. So why don’t I walk you over there and you put in a good word with Mariche for me?”
I hobbled to my feet and stuck out my hand. “That’s a deal. Who’s Mariche?”
He grabbed my hand with a toothy smile. “Our lovely receptionist! Now follow me little fanboy! A tailor awaits!”
I took the opportunity to look around some more while Noble Citizen guided me to the tailor, and he turned out to be an excellent guide. I saw buildings for everything from ingredients, to monster parts, to even the greatest staple of fantasy, the tavern, all with him explaining their use to different professions.
“Ah the tavern! While I’m sure it needs no introduction, the tavern is also the place you can usually go for information.” Noble Citizen wrapped a thick arm around my shoulders and leaned in close, nearly poking me in the eye with a fork handle. “I even hear some more shady professions like court spies have information networks and safe houses underneath nearly every tavern in Taron! We could take a peek, eh~?”
While I was definitely tempted, I would probably end up drugged and naked in some back alley if I went in there, and getting arrested for public indecency was not on my to-do list today.
“Sorry, but I really shouldn’t be in a place that crowded without shoes.”
“Very good point!” Noble Citizen clapped me on the back with a good-natured grin and turned toward the entrance. “This is, however, my stop for the day! The tailor is just a few more houses down. Good luck, little adventurer!”
“And you, Noble Citizen.” I bowed to the smiling giant. With a wave, he plowed through the door to the tavern and cheers and laughter poured out before the door closed them off. Straightening, I turned and wandered down the road until I came to a shop with a very distinct needle and thread sign above the door.
With a soft creak the door gently opened into a very cozy room covered in gowns, shirts, dresses and coats. Every wall was covered in fabric and even the floor dampened footfalls with all the scrap thread and cloth strewn around. An alcove off to the side was occupied by a small, circular stage surrounded by various measuring instruments and a polished bronze mirror. Directly in front of the door a wooden desk with nothing but a notebook and a cashbox nestled close to the back wall. After another creak the door swung shut behind me and insulated the room from the bustling noise of the outside world.
“Hello?” I called into the dim room.
Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.
“Just a moment!” A voice called from somewhere in the back of the shop in response and a literal moment later a few suits on the wall separated to reveal the tailor. I jumped a little in surprise as I thought there was only the one room. The hall to the back was well hidden behind the racks of clothes. Whether that was a means of defense or simply because of too many clothes I couldn’t tell.
“What can I help you with son?” The tailor himself was a rather thin man with curled gray hair and an outfit reminiscent of wonderland’s mad hatter, if a little less gaudy. All in all he gave off the impression of a kind grandpa or uncle.
“Ah hi, I was actually wondering if I could sell my scarf or something in exchange for shoes?” I’m not hobbit enough to wander around barefoot1.
“Ah, of course, I see your predicament. For shoes however you’ll want the tanner at the end of the road. He..ah..she deals in leathers and armor and is quite good at it too. She can get you what you need.”
“Oh thank you! I’ll be off then.” I turned toward the door slightly despondent, but I had gotten what I needed.
“Actually hold on a moment.” I stopped and looked back at him. He made his way around the counter and looked me up and down.
“They’re a little dirty but could I see that cloth you have on your feet?”
“I don’t see why not.” I lifted my feet and unraveled the scarves before handing them over.
“Oh ho this will work just fine.” He chuckled while examining them. I could only tilt my head with a ‘?’ floating over it.
“See the thing is, many foreigners like yourself have been coming here asking if I could make comfortable clothes to wear under their armor or trying to sell me the clothes they had on them when they got here. I bought the first set to imitate it but I could only replicate the style because whatever wove the fabric was too small for me to do. I’ve tried many ways to satisfy them but I just don’t have the material. And here, this cloth is woven thickly and I’m certain I can imitate it and there, your clothes are exactly the soft things the other foreigners were asking about aren’t they?” I looked down and remembered that I was wearing my pajamas when I got here. I won’t lie they’re hella soft. From what he was saying I guess he hadn’t run into anyone else that had come here in their pajamas yet so he wanted to analyze mine so he could make something similar?
“So are you asking to buy my clothes?”
“I will give you two silver for them and once I finish studying them I’ll give you my first set. What do you think?”
“Well I don’t really know how money works yet… what is a silver worth? ha ha ha.” I laughed nervously while realizing that there were quite a few questions I should have asked that guild lady.
“That’s easy enough to learn, there are really only three coins in common use, those are bits, piece, and wholes.”
“Eh? Do they make something together?”
“Ha ha that’s right! About ten bits makes a piece, and about ten pieces makes a whole.”
“So what’s the silver then?”
“A silver is a grade of whole. Basically, ten of any kind of piece you collect can be combined into a whole if you put in a little magic power. That will be a copper whole, then if you combine ten copper whole you get a silver, and ten silver becomes a gold.”
“So it’s bit, piece, copper, silver, gold where one gold is worth…uhh… ten thousand bits?”
“That’s it exactly! Although, people don’t use gold wholes very often because there is very little that costs that much. A house, perhaps.” He smiled again and folded the scarf in his hands.
“You want to give me two thousand bits for my clothes? Isn’t that too much?”
“We’ll call it an investment. After all, I have quite a few people who would like me to succeed in their requests, and with this you will become a customer as well.”
“Eh? By giving you my clothes?”
The tailor laughed quietly before giving me a soft smile. “Well you can’t go outside wearing nothing can you? Why don’t we go pick something you’ll like?” Maybe it was my imagination but those kind eyes for a second seemed to gleam evilly from behind his smile. I shivered involuntarily.
Walking out of the quiet shop into the bright and noisy world of the town was like being born again as a new man, as an adventurer of this new world. My outfit had changed from pajamas and confusion to a sturdy white shirt that was breezy while still strong enough to stand up to traveling. On my legs I wore a simple pair of trousers fitted to my size. My head was equipped with my domo hat with my sword strapped to my backpack. I sold the extra hats and bought a few extra straps as well as a couple pouches, which I’m sure would come in handy, and socks. I have never before understood the value of socks. Go hiking without shoes and try to tell me you wouldn’t fuck a cactus for a pair of socks cause you’d think about it trust me. I also got some extra undies. Anyway, all in all I actually made a profit because the tailor got so excited when I started pulling out my hat collection. I had 1 silver 1 copper 2 pieces and 5 bits. Conscious of my sudden wealth I decided to keep the silver in my bag and put the copper, pieces, and bits into one of my pouches. I then tied that pouch to my waist and let it hang inside my pant leg then hung another pouch outside my pants but put pebbles in it instead. Yeah. Take that, thieves. With my preparations done I hurried over to the tanner.
“Welcome customer! How can I help you?”
“AAAAAAAAAAAGH” I involuntarily let out a bloodcurdling scream then voluntarily turned and left the tanner’s shop. Or at least I tried. Right when I opened the door and prepared to dash into the street a strong hand gripped my shoulder and an icy chill emanated from behind.
“Now-now customer, that’s not how you greet a beautiful lady.” The freezing voice seeped out between lips that were set into a thin crescent, a mask of kindness behind which something evil crept. I’m not the kind of asshole to scream at a lady either, or really openly judge people. It’s just that my recent trauma compounded the shock and my mind immediately imagined a ‘hey boy ‘aint you got a purty mouth’ scenario. You see, in front of my eyes when I walked into the tanner’s shop was an incredibly buff barrel with cherry lips and fluttering eyelashes that could stop a man’s heart. In fact I’m pretty sure mine stopped for a second there. I turned back toward the lady(?) and smiled while sweating bullets.
“Hello I’m here for boots and a few other things, did you eat th… ah, I mean a-are you the tanner? Not, like…the bartender at the guild?”
“Oh ho ho! You must have met my brother Amos~. I’m the tanner, my name is Soma~.”
“I don’t believe you.”
No matter how I looked at it, Amos was standing in front of me wearing lipstick. He was even wearing the same bartender’s frock and Soma is LITERALLY Amos backwards.
“OH HO HO you shouldn’t doubt a lady now should you, Newb?” Soma(?) brought her(?) face in close and the grip on my shoulder intensified until I heard creaking sounds coming from my bones. A shadow seemed to rise from the abyss and shroud the face of this horror. By the time she(?) finished talking her(??) lips were barely an inch from mine. I am glad I bought extra undies.
“R-right. Sorry miss.” I said while breaking my neck to get my face away from the subject of my nightmares for weeks to come. “A-anyway I need boots.”
“Lovely~! Right this way~~”
By the time I left the tanner’s shop I was wearing shin-high leather boots, a thick hide belt with a sword holster and sturdy leather clasp - pouch attached, gauntlets, leather breastplate, thigh armor (tuille), and a face of confidence that no monster could match my experiences. Turns out Soma also sold saps and whips *shivers* so I bought a sap and hung it from my bag. Incidentally, when I went to pay I noticed that my pebble bag had been slashed as well as my pant leg and the coin pouch inside my pants. I probably shouldn’t have hidden my money in the street...in broad daylight. Dammit.
The total cost was about 1 silver and some change but I got a ‘discount’ as a first time customer to ‘ensure I keep coming back’ so I now have no money left. After a quick stop at the blacksmith’s to reinforce my new boots and gauntlets, and sharpen my sword, (which is free, apparently, if you let the apprentice smiths do it to practice) it was time to find dinner. With no money…
“AHAHAHA is that a twig I spy? Why, that is basically an entire meal right there! AH HA HA HA!” I curled up in a ditch and laughed into my knees with absolutely no tears involved.
“Wait! Origin can make my belly full again!! Ku ku ku. It’s time to realize my potential and become the hero of my own story! I can use my skill to return my stomach to full! Go skill of resetting! ORIGIN!” With that cry a warm feeling enveloped my body and I was wrapped in light. With a flash the skill completed its activation and I immediately noticed two things. One: an empty stomach is apparently the body’s original state and I was now even hungrier, and two: clothes were not an original state and all of my items were now lying around me. A little girl pointed at me with a gasp,
“Look Mommy! The guards are going to be the shit out of that guy!”
The fair featured woman with beautiful golden hair done up in a simple braid and a basket of bread on her hip patted her daughter gently on the head.
“You’re damn right.”
1Those bastards should have frostbite. I don’t care what you say.