Living like a Gestalt, her Storch superior had said. Elster wouldn’t say the experience had been terrible, but neither did she vastly prefer it over her previous accommodation in AEON’s Replika dormitories. Having her own personal room and toilet was a boon, of course, but it wasn’t as if she needed more space or privacy. Her belongings were few, and she didn’t mind living with the other LSTR units before. Everyone kept to themselves most of the time, just the way everyone liked it.
Now, she had to share a common living area with a Eule, whose positive and bubbly energy contrasted greatly with hers and was often exhausting to deal with. It didn’t help that the Eule enjoyed music and singing in her free time; the walls weren’t thick enough to block out the noise from Elster’s enhanced hearing.
Although, if Elster was being honest with herself, the Eule was probably having a much harder time adjusting to their new living arrangement than she was. Eules were social Replikas and thrived in large sisterhoods of other EULR units, with plenty of opportunities for gossip and interaction. Now, she was stuck with Elster as her only companion, whose social skills were the equivalent of a dead goldfish. On top of that, Elster knew she hadn’t been treating her roommate as kindly as she should have, often brushing her off or outright ignoring her attempts to socialise.
She bit her lip in guilt, resolving to treat the Eule better. It was the least she could do, after how she helped her today. Maybe she could tinker up something nice for her. It could be a fun project.
The living room had a homely feel, despite the sparse decorations. A basic coffee table with a flower vase on it, a comfy-looking sofa and bean bag chairs, a neat little kitchenette to the side that came with a sink, stove, fridge, and microwave, and some clever application of lighting that made the room feel bright and cheery. Most of the effort belonged to the Eule, who had spent the first day after they moved in dolling up the place with much enthusiasm. Elster couldn’t say she cared one way or another, so long as the place remained tidy. She was grateful to the Eule for her work, however.
Elster poured herself a glass of water at the kitchenette before making her way to one of the guest rooms. AEON had been generous in securing their accommodations; the apartment was on the larger side, with four rooms split between two hallways on opposite sides of the living room. Elster and the Eule had grabbed the two separate bedrooms outfitted with personal toilets. The Eule was remarkably happy about that. Even Elster had to admit that having a personal shower was a special kind of bliss.
Their guest rooms had been converted to a storage area of sorts, where Elster had stuffed most of the additional equipment that AEON had provided when they moved in. Inert calibration pods sat eerily next to shelves of spare Replika parts and uniforms. Various tool cabinets rest untouched along the walls, along with an empty weapon rack and a stripped-down Replika repair station. The whole setup meant that the apartment was probably originally planned to be the staging area for a much larger operation and varied group of Replikas, but has since been down-scaled for just the two of them.
Elster had performed a full inventory of the place the moment she moved in. Every piece of equipment down to the last box had been checked and memorised inside her head. She made her way to a nearby cabinet and opened up the drawer where she had stored their allocated emergency repair provisions for their ‘mission’.
Drawing out two repair sprays, a sterile metal container of oxidant blood, and a sleeve of undamaged bioengineered flesh, she then made her way to her room where she intended to perform her repairs. Being an LSTR unit, Elster also had the benefit of an AEON-issued workbench in her room where she could treat her injuries, which made it a more suitable venue than the guest room.
But…
Her hands on a pale neck, squeezing and choking.
As she approached her room, a familiar, ominous feeling began creeping down her neck. Elster paused just before her hand touched the door knob. That uneasiness that had been haunting her all day came back in force. The Replika froze for a moment, before sighing.
“Do we really have to do this again? Right now?” The Replika said aloud.
There was no reply. The silence made her look over the empty living room again, surveying the place and trying to spot anything amiss. She stood there for a minute, waiting for the sudden appearance of the white-haired wraith, or her disembodied voice.
Nothing. Since the feeling still lingered, that likely meant that the wraith was waiting for her in her room.
Elster let out a shaky breath. It was fine. She had already talked face-to-face with her imaginary construct on the train. What’s one more conversation before she rests in her calibration pod and cures herself of this nightmare forever? She forced herself to calm down, before gingerly placing her hand on the doorknob.
A prison which the only escape is death
Deep below, the dreamer floats in the sea of flesh
The instant she did so, her entire body locked up. A horrific dread flooded her spine, paralysing her where she stood. The paranoia doubled, then re-doubled, and somehow, Elster knew that if she opened that door, something behind it was about to change her life forever.
She stood there for a long time, too irrationally frightened to move forward, yet inexplicably unable to–, no, unwilling to step away. The path ahead felt like a gawping maw that she had to jump into, a test of blind faith into some unimaginable horror and endless pain.
The red eye birthing a new world from their dream for eternity
And each time the dreamer turns over in their sleep, the world turns over too
Until only flesh remains
Both her body and mind were screaming at her to run. To let go of the door and flee the apartment. The nightmare ahead was far crueller and more desperate than she could ever fathom. A despair that transcended sanity. The urge to flee was all-encompassing, and yet…
And in those days, people will seek death and not find it
Choosing not to confront this would be a mistake. Intuitively, she knew leaving was the safe option: if she simply walked away, this haunting feeling, this wraith, would never bother her again. She did not know how she knew that; she just did.
The mystery of this god is finished, as she proclaimed it to her servants, the prophets
However, in doing so, she would lose something. Something she did not have a name for. Something she had yet to experience. It was a thing that she knew was impossibly precious. A priceless feeling, tied to an exquisite memory, and paired together with an endless cycle of nightmares and pain that would never leave her if she chose to pursue this.
“Before I met Elster, I never believed I would find someone I could fall in love with like that.”
Love? She was a Replika. She was not a being that could love or be loved. The concept held no meaning to her. The feeling was irrational. This fear was irrational. Everything about the situation made no sense. Why was she on the verge of a mental breakdown, holding onto the doorknob to her room? Why was she so irrationally afraid? And why…
"I couldn't keep my promise. Despite my best efforts, I eventually fell ill, too. It had to end this way."
Why hasn’t she let go of the door yet? What was it that she was so afraid of leaving behind?
What was it that she was so afraid of forgetting?
3000th Cycle
Congratulations, Comrade! You've survived 3000 cycles, reaching the final phase of the Penrose Program. With the end of the operational lifetime of your Replika unit approaching, it is time to prepare for the final phase of your mission.
Betrayed.
If you have not found a suitable world for landing by this point, accept that you will not. Find solace in the thought that others might be successful where you failed. As you are probably aware, your ship’s spare parts and rations will soon be depleted.
Life support systems and reactor shielding will soon begin to fail, and radiation may begin to leak from the cooling system. We recommend you do not attempt to prolong your suffering by reusing old filters or rationing supplies.
Instead, make peace with your fate. We suggest that you ask your Replika, while it is still functional, to spare you a slow and agonizing death, or that you take permanent rest in the cryogenic pod.
Betrayed!
Remember, you will die having served your Nation by partaking in a glorious demonstration of our power.
BETRAYED!
They gave them everything! And they were left to die! Die alone. Die in the middle of Nowhere. Die in–
Great holes
secretly are digged
where earth’s pores
ought to suffice
and things have learnt to walk
that ought to crawl.
…
Who are you?
No, worse. The worst had yet to come. The nightmare that followed… the cycles that followed!
You who wear no mask,
And yet have slipped into the embrace of my tattered robes?
It never ended! They were… she was…! She was still stuck in–!
262144th Cycle
"No longer can tell whether awake or asleep anymore. everything hurts my vision is blurry and my fingers hurt. my back hurts my feet hurt. my teeth hurt. my eyes hurt. everything hurts, all the time. i can't go on any longer please make it stop"
.
.
.
kill me.
.
.
.
kill me.kill me.kill me.kill me.kill
me.kill me.kill me.kill me.kill me.
kill me.kill me.kill me.kill me.kill
.
.
.
Goodbye, Elster.
A final farewell. The dam in Elster’s mind broke, and a torrent of lost horrors engulfed her entire being.
… At long last.
It was almost finally over.
How many deaths has it been? A thousand? Ten thousand? How many times had she died, before waking up at the start of a new cycle, staring into the bathroom mirror in S-23? She no longer knew.
But it didn’t matter. Because this was the last time. She will never have to see that Mirror again.
Her body was failing. Her battle against Falke left her in a state of half-death. Adler’s final act of resistance had taken her right eye and damaged her neural systems. She had only a few minutes left before a complete shutdown would seize her body.
But it would be enough. She could see the ship ahead. The real Penrose ship. Not the fake she had stumbled into in countless previous repetitions. Half buried in a sea of red sand, weathered by the unnatural passage of time. The Replika climbed the outer hull of the derelict. She tugged on the hatch of the ship, which hissed and opened without resistance.
This was the end. She had finally returned.
The inside of the ship was flooded with red. The floors and walls were all stained crimson. Nothing was left untouched, not even the opened cyro-pod in the middle of the room. It was filled with blood.
But Elster could still see her, lying within.
She nearly broke down at the sight of her face. It was her. Really her. Not a fake, or an illusion, or just a memory. It was her.
Elster walked over and knelt before the cyro-pod. Then, gently, she placed a kiss on the occupant’s forehead. The white-haired woman stirred to life.
Blood-red eyes stared into hers. The woman did not smile, did not cry. Her face was blank. Empty.
“Elster,” she said.
The Replika held back a sob. She knew what she had to do, what she Promised to do countless lifetimes ago. But now that she was here…
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“... I can’t do it.”
Her teeth clenched, tears scalding her cheek. The sight of her lover like this… All those deaths, all that suffering, for it to just end like this…
“You have to do it,” the woman said, not unkindly. “It’s time for this to end.”
Was there no other way? Her systems flared, warning of an imminent shutdown in less than a minute. She was out of time.
She had to do it. For both of them. Elster had already given into the sweet release of insanity too many times before. She knew if she stopped now, her mind would tip over the edge again. Her thoughts would melt together, and she would devolve into a shrieking invalid for the next hundred, even thousands, of cycles. Until she found the strength to try once more.
Only this time, she might not be able to crawl herself out of that dark pit again.
“Please.” The woman touched her hand meaningfully. Elster understood.
DU HAST ES VERSPROCHEN
YOU PROMISED
Elster leaned over the woman and wrapped her fingers around the Gestalt’s pale neck. She was going to kill the only person she ever loved. Her systems warned her again: she had seconds left before a shutdown.
“I’m sorry…” Elster choked out.
And then she squeezed. She bit her lip until it bled, forcing herself not to scream as her finger crushed and tightened, as she killed the woman she loved. She squeezed, and squeezed, and squeezed.
And killed her.
“Thank you.”
She was dead. The cycles were finished. It was finally, finally over.
Her systems began shutting down. Elster forced herself to move, to give one last kiss on her lover’s forehead. After that, when she tried to stand, her legs gave out.
She collapsed against the pod, her body finally reaching its limit. She was febrile, her mind worn from endless nightmares and agonizing grief.
The Replika stared off blankly at nothing, feeling as death’s familiar embrace gripped her. Only this time, it would be the final one. There will be nothing after this. The pure relief at that thought, that vulnerable sense of triumph at finally never having to wake up again, washed away her terrible grief, making her numb to everything.
It was a strange, childish wonder, to be happy to die.
As the light faded from her eyes, and her mind slipped into blissful fulfilment, the Replika allowed herself to one last, selfish thought.
This was not the Promise we made.
-
She woke up.
She should not be waking up.
Elster blinked, neural systems flaring to life as it was fed audio and visual data. The Replika stared numbly ahead at a very familiar sight.
It was The Mirror. The same Mirror she woke up to every time after she died. The same Mirror she had been waking up to for tens of thousands of cycles.
She was back in the bathroom at S-23 again. The same place she always woke to after she died.
For breathless seconds, she just stared, her horrific fascination the only thing keeping the black, terrible mass of madness from rising to her throat.
She thought back to the grand expanse of what she had experienced. She had died countless times, in countless agonizing ways. Sometimes, the corrupted Replikas killed her. Sometimes, the environment of the twisted Nightmare killed her. Many times, she killed herself. The few times she reached the Falke, the demigod always gave her a unique death.
But at the end of it all, there was always a goal that kept her sane. The Promise. That precious understanding, that fulfilling it would finally end the nightmare of repetitions that has been going on for tens of thousands of cycles. It was the only thing that kept her going.
She had finally done it.
And now?
The light blinked overhead, as it always did at the fifty-third second of her awakening. The LSTR in the Mirror stared back at her, always looking pristine and whole, no matter what horrific injuries she had suffered in the last cycle. In the background, she heard the too-familiar whirl of machinery, the station’s distant PA replaying the same messages she heard a million times, and the soft groaning of corrupted Eules stalking the hallways.
Nothing had changed. The cycle just reset. She was still here.
Elster inhaled, held her breath, and kept as still for as long as possible. The veil holding her sanity together wobbled and cracked. She beheld the great expanse of the nightmares she had already experienced behind her, and the unfathomable magnitude of the nightmares that now awaited in front of her.
For all eternity.
And then, when she could not delay that fatal realisation back any longer, her mind shattered.
And she screamed.
.
.
.
Somewhere, at some place, and at some time, something laughed.
It will never end.
Every Singing. Ever Sleeping. Ever Dreaming. Ever Dying.
Never die.
.
.
.
NO!
Elster slammed through the door. The doorknob was crushed under her grip, and the door was wrenched open with so much force that the metal hinges came loose with an ear-piecing screech.
Elster didn’t care. She was shouting someone’s name, but she couldn’t hear herself speak over the pounding in her head. Her biomechanical heart was beating frantically, her internal system going into overdrive. Madness and horror like she had never experienced before gripped her, so overwhelming and complete that she thought her body was going to shut down from shock.
Her room wasn’t large, kept spartan bare with everything as neat and clean as possible. A single glance was enough for her to know no one else was with her. But that did nothing to calm the surge of absolute despair swelling uncontrollably in her.
She was still screaming someone’s name, the words sounding distant and indecipherable. Elster didn’t even have any sense or coherence left in her to recognise what she was shouting any more. She just kept screaming that name until her throat was hoarse, and her lungs begged for air.
Again. Again. And Again.
It will never end.
And then, just as suddenly as it arrived, the mania vanished.
Like a puppet cut from its strings, Elster collapsed in the middle of her room, sapped completely of strength. She kept trying to say that name, her mouth gasping and choking, until she realised with horrific clarity that she could not remember the word she was trying to shout at all. A name. A name. What was her name? She was just screaming it moments ago.
Elster drew in a desperate gasp of breath as if she had nearly drowned. Her head felt like it had been torn apart, and her throat was in utter agony. She dry-heaved and retched out nothing but spit and blood, her eyes red from shedding tears. Elster let out a shuddering sob as her body uncontrollably shook, her mind whirling with horrified fear and dreadful uncertainty.
What was that?!
What had happened to her a moment ago? She lost complete control of her mind. Acting completely deranged while shouting for someone’s name in her room like a lunatic. A name she couldn’t even remember.
This was it. Complete Persona degradation. If she acted like this without warning outside, AEON would have instantly dragged her off to be shot, and they would have been fully in the right for it. She had completely lost it, crying and screaming for someone. A girl who doesn’t exist. No, a girl who no longer existed. A girl whose name she couldn’t even fully remember…
Remember.
A girl who was now in her room.
A pair of bare feet and legs, not even an arm’s reach away from her. Elster shot up to her feet in an instant.
White. Red.
The wraith was here. The phantom that had been haunting her ever since the day had started. The source of her mania and visions.
Silk-like hair with the colour of driven snow, grown long to the middle of her back. Skin so pale they were almost pallid. She was shorter than Elster, and far thinner and lacking in muscle besides. She was still dressed in that sheer white gown that barely covered her. Her face was marked with wounds, covered up with patches of white band-aid. Her eyes…
Red as blood. Red as the sun in a foreign land.
She was standing by her bookcase, browsing the contents on its shelf, her delicate fingers tracing the covers.
“You barely have any real books, you know? All I see are technical manuals on your shelves. Itou’s store is just downstairs. You pass by them every day, and you never thought to buy something? Or even browse a little? Really, you should be ashamed of yourself, El.”
Her voice was but a whisper, but the words boomed in her head all the same, clear as day. Elster couldn’t bring herself to speak, struck frozen in equal parts fear and awe. The woman turned to her.
“I’m sure Isolde has some good recommendations for you if you ask her. The both of you seem like you might have similar tastes in reading. Or maybe Erika would be a better fit? You sometimes remind me of her, with how you never stopped fighting for me.”
The woman's voice sounded unbearably sad. And the expression on her face was heartbreaking to look at. Elster couldn’t understand it. She was merely created six months ago. How could someone, anyone, look at and talk to her with so much grief and familiarity? The wraith smiled gently at her.
“When you meet them, they might be afraid of you. If you can, try not to be too harsh on them. AEON hasn’t treated them too kindly. And you remind them a little too much of what they have lost, living under the Nation’s Regime.”
At the mention of AEON, a sliver of Elster’s professional slipped back in, a drifting lifeline amidst a sea of tumultuous emotions. She straightened her back, forced herself to stop shivering in fear, to truly, rationally, analyse and understand what was standing before her.
“Who are you?” Elster said breathlessly, trying her best to keep the tremor out of her voice. Her throat burned with every word, her mind still desperately grasping for any control over the situation. To Elster’s surprise, the wraith replied.
“No one. Not any more. I made sure of that.”
Elster heard the words, but she could not understand them. “What?”
“It wasn’t easy. Months of effort, made before you were even created. Elster-512. My Elster. Working within both the Eusan Empire and Nation to ensure peace. Dismantling the Penrose Program, so that the ‘me’ of now would never end up like what I became. So that…”
The woman smiled at her, and Elster realised with a shock that she was crying. “So that you would never suffer the way you did, the way you would have to. It took a while, but it is done.”
What should she do? The words the woman was saying, they made no sense. Was she even real? No, of course she isn’t. She had appeared out of nowhere, and Elster was certain she was part of both the illusion she saw on the rooftop and the voice in her head that had warned her earlier that afternoon.
But the mania she was feeling now was completely different to what she experienced on the train earlier. Why was the wraith’s presence now so much more unbearable than what it had been before?
No, that didn’t matter. The wraith was simply a product of her own failing mind, some strange hallucination her dying neural pattern conjured. There can be no other rational explanation.
But what manner of delusion plagued her mind so that it produced such a terribly desolate projection?
Stuck with no idea what to do, Elster automatically fell back on her training. “Unknown Gestalt, you are trespassing on restricted AEON property. Turn around, place your hands on the back of your head, and kneel immediately. Failure to comply will result in the use of force.”
It felt absolutely ridiculous. She was trying to arrest a figment of her imagination. But the woman before her felt and looked too real for Elster to fully believe she was merely a hallucination. More than that, some part of her still sought a rational explanation beyond mere insanity. Her hand had already drawn the stun baton the moment she stood up, as useless as the act felt.
Hearing her words, the white-haired wraith smiled again. “I think even you know that I’m not really here, El. Don’t worry. I know you’re afraid, but I won’t hurt you. Not again. Not ever again.”
“This is your last warning! Do as I instruct, or I will use force!” Elster barked with as much authority as could. Her grip on the stun baton kept her centred, kept her from breaking into fear, either from the presence of the wraith or the thought that she was already insane and beyond saving.
“It will be okay, El. I know you’re scared that you’re losing your mind. That you think AEON will decommission you. You’re perfectly fine, El. And you won’t remember any of this.”
Those words set her blood cold. “What did you say?”
The woman raised her right hand towards her. “I’ll remove your memories of me today. It would be like you never saw me. Tomorrow, you will wake up, and be back to a normal life. I made sure AEON wouldn’t scrap you even after the Penrose Program was halted. I would never want that. That is the last thing I have to do for you. You deserve… you deserve a normal life. A life without me.”
A life without her? Of course, she wanted a life without her! This wraith that came out of nowhere, interrupted her work and made her question her sanity. Made her fear for her mind, for her future as an LSTR unit. Of course, she… she…
What was this feeling? It burns her. Chokes her up from the inside. The wraith took a step towards her, the hand hovering just before her face.
“It was selfish of me, but I wanted to see you again, one last time. Before I leave forever.”
Another step. Elster scrambled to get away, trying to put as much space between them until her back was pressed against the wall. She pointed the stun baton at her. “Get back!”
She did not know how she knew, but if that hand touched her face, she would forget everything about the wraith. It was the same instinct that made her want to hurt the Replikas when she wandered the halls back during the Penrose program, the same instinct that kept her restless at night, tinkering with her tools and constantly feeling that something crucial was missing in her life. It was the same instinct that was making her heart churn with longing and grief the longer she looked at the wraith.
The woman took another step towards her. Her face looked impossibly familiar, as if Elster had known it her entire life. The distance between them shrank to almost nothing.
For some irrational reason, something within Elster did not want to forget the wraith. It vehemently rejected the idea, as if her very soul was terrified of it happening. She feared that outcome. More than the inexplicable events happening before her. More than the wraith that was causing her to feel all these strange emotions. More than her life itself, which now felt insignificant compared to the loss that wraith wanted to inflict on her.
She wanted to make her forget their Promise.
Unacceptable.
Another step. The woman's chest touches hers. She felt impossibly warm and fragile. The woman let out a pained, shuddering breath. Fresh tears came to her face as she looked up at Elster. The both of them gaze into each other eyes. Elster saw something inexplicably painful pass within those crimson pools. The woman’s hand reached for her face, inches away.
No!
“I love you, El. Goodbye-”
“No!” Elster’s hand reached up and grabbed the woman’s wrist before she could touch her. The shock of physical contact seemed to stun the woman for a moment.
And then, Elster did something unthinkable. Her body moved as if it had a mind of its own. As if it already knew what it must do.
The stun baton in her hands activated, unleashing a torrent of volts that crackled violently and lit up the lightless room in brilliant azure sparks.
Right into the Replika’s own thigh.
Shock convulsed through her body. She thought she had screamed, or perhaps the sound belonged to the woman before her. Her entire frame spasmed and smoked. She was powerless as her internal system made emergency shutdowns one after another to prevent further damage. Her HUD fired warning after warning, before they too flickered out.
She collapsed at some point. The woman was kneeling at her side, shouting her name. As Elster gazed at her face, maddeningly close and lovely, a single need made itself known. The nameless instinct within her tore off the cage trapping it in her mind, and brought forth an irresistible need to act before she fainted completely.
With the last of strength, she reached out for the woman’s face, pulled her down and brought her mouth desperately to hers. Elster pressed herself urgently to her, teeth grasping warm lips, tongue savouring the familiar taste of her. The woman grasped, then moaned into her mouth. When at last Elster felt the last of her will ebb away, she released the wraith. There was one more thing she had to say, something that mattered more than everything else, even as Elster felt her cognitive systems begin shutting off.
“I… Still… Remember… Ariane. Our… Promise.”
The woman’s face became heavy. More tears. More sorrow and grief.
“You should not. I cannot-”
“Stay.” Elster forced the word out. “Stay, Ariane. Please.”
The woman looked at her. Then, a smile. A real, genuine smile. Full of love, hope, and happiness. It was the most beautiful thing Elster had ever seen.
“Okay. I love you, El.”
Relief flooded her, even as her vision blacked out. She smiled back at the woman, and she mumbled out her last words before unconsciousness seized her completely.
“Love… you… too.”