"Phew, for a second there I thought we were going to run into a wall instead of actually, succeeding to get into this movie," exclaimed Luca.

"Nope," replied Xavier with a satisfied grin, "You did run into that wall, ergo the massive bruise on your skull, causing you to get knocked out and forcing me to throw you into the screen.”

“Like a sack of potatoes,” continued Xavier with only the smallest of pauses.

“Man, you weigh a ton, reminds me of when we had to carry that sack of metal potatoes while running from the cops. Unfortunately for you and rather fortunately for the funny bone of the surrounding crowd and my humorous skeleton, we were delivered five meters above the ground and you weren't exactly in a state to protect yourself, now were you?"

"Oh, it's all coming back to me now," answered a slightly out of it Luca rubbing the comically large bruise on his head.

"Really?" asked Xavier sounding almost impressed.

Almost.

"Of course not, I was blacked out the whole time!" joked back Luca, "So what movie are we in, I didn't bother to check."

"I'd say Captain Awesomesauce," replied Xavier.

"You actually bothered to plan far enough ahead to actually check beforehand?" exclaimed a semi-shocked Luca.

"Don't be ridiculous," replied Xavier, "I just figured that since the words 'Captain Awesomesauce" are floating in the sky it was a much better guess than any other."

"Huh," was all Luca chose to say, "Odd that nobody's noticed that yet don't you think?"

"Nope." was Xavier's simple reply.

"Why ever not," queried Luca.

"I know this because I asked somebody, and when she stared deep into my jade-green eyes she couldn't resist," answered Luca.

"Couldn't resist what?" asked Luca, teetering on the verge of not wanting to know yet simultaneously too curious not to ask.

"Tell me what the weather was like, which required her to rip her gaze from my incredibly charming self and gaze skywards and she probably would have mentioned the floating sky-words... well, there they go, away into the ceaseless void of oblivion..." poetically continued Xavier.

"Anyway," he continued, ‘Though markedly less poetically than my lyrical self, she would have surely told a charmer like me about something out of the usual going on so either she specifically can't see it, we were hallucinating, only movie-goers like ourselves can see it or it comes and goes now and then around here so it is totally normal. But we can ignore that last one like I’m going to ignore the fact you tried to arrest me because she still would have told me about it since it is part of the weather.”

This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

“Alright then Mr. Detective what’s the plan?” replied Luca to his buddy’s tirade of shameless self-promotion and twisted logic.

“Since the movie is called Captain Awesomesauce I say we check out the local abandoned building for supervillains or try and find tis superhero guy,” replied Xavier rubbing his hands in glee at the chance to meet a superhero.

“Alright so do you want to go Superhero Team or Supervillain Team Xavier?” questioned Luca.

“Let’s see who’s on both sides before we pick a team, don’t want to end up on some psychopathic weirdo’s team, right,” replied Xavier.

“That’s why we are going on different teams right,” joked Luca.

“Yep, to avoid being on a team with you,” bantered back Xavier.

“Psych,” they both yelled at once.

“For now, let’s both go with the hero’s team and use some of their plot armour, we are still relatively human at this stage,” said Luca.

“Alright, since you know you’ve got no chance of winning I’ll let it slip this time, but when we both have powers we are having a proper showdown,” answered Xavier before joining Luca to go get a newspaper.

…

“Thanks,” said Luca to the vending machine, a habit he had picked up from spending what some may call “Too much time at asylums,” spent picking up valuable life skills with Xavier and making friends.

Paying for the newspaper with government funding, lovingly provided with the S.P.A.R.M.A. for bribery and strictly official use. Sure. He saw the coffee stains the other soldiers had been sporting. He saw them. He knew.

Breaking Luca out of his reverie was Xavier loudly proclaiming conspiracy theories to anyone who would listen. Snapping back to his train of thought he start to monologue, another habit from Jerry’s Asylum for the Crazy and Misunderstood.

“Alright, everyone knows that the first suspect is whoever writes articles about the superhero the most. Case in point I just checked the latest copy of Paparizzi Daily and the front-page article about one Captain Awesomesauce saving some kids from a falling skyscraper. Which apparently is quite common around here. Anyway, it is written by John Italiano, and his source is ‘anonymous’ meaning he wrote it himself, therefore he is a prime suspect to know or know of our elusive Mr. Awesomesauce- wait Xavier are you even listening?” he asked while waving around the newspaper mid-air to the amusement of passer-by’s and causing some deep contemplative looks on the faces of a few hardcore eavesdroppers. Looks like this Italiano guy was going to be getting some very curious visitors soon enough.

“Hmm, oh Luca did you say something? I was just thinking about how we should go check on this Italiano guy who wrote that article. He seems real suspicious getting this close of a close-up with the Big Sauce himself,” replied a semi-distracted Xavier leaving behind a crowd of strangers with crazed looks in their eyes, whilst enjoying his ice-cream that he grabbed when Luca mid-rant mode, and enjoying even more how gobsmacked Luca looked when he showed he actually thought something through for once.

The listeners were now hastily scribbling things down and whipping out phones to spread the news. Or ask the Vatican for a refund on their insurance. It could go either way with Xavier explaining some ‘simple’ facts of life.

 “-vier, Xavier, Xavier, Xavier, XAVIER!!!!” yelled Luca right next to his ear, snapping him out of his reverie.

“Yes, what is it?” replied a perfectly insane and calm Xavier snapping his eyes open to release a dazzling flicker of jade-green light and slightly surprising Luca who took a step back then once more forward again.

“Come on Xavier, we need to go interview John before that motley crowd of tourists and eavesdroppers get to him!”

“Let’s Go!”

...

Elsewhere a man is suddenly interrupted mid-evil cackle with the terrible sense that something was going to change and not in his favour. No, not in his favour at all.