"You were so mean!" Nicholas snaps, coming to a stop in the dorm room with his arms crossed.

Luca closes the door after him, spelling it shut because no one is leaving before they sort this out.

"I was very mean," Stavros agrees immediately, sitting in Nicholas’ bed again because at least Nicholas will talk to him when he tells Stavros to get off. "And I'm sorry, I'm an idiot."

"You're only saying that because you didn't think I'd hold out this long!" Nicholas cries. "I know you still think you're right."

"Nicky," Rafael tries, dropping an armful of clutter onto the ground because he was halfway through anxiety-cleaning the dorm – again, judging by how sparkling clean everything is.

"You can't talk to me like that, not anymore," Nicholas says and then rears back. "Wait, I-"

"Oh," Stavros whispers quietly.

"I didn't mean that," Nicholas says quickly, taking a step towards them but stopping himself before he can go in for a hug. "But you just - and you wouldn't stop - I mean, forget I said that. But yeah, don't say mean things, right, Luca?"

"I actually still don't know what you said to each other," Luca admits. "But – I do know you two shoved Nicholas around."

"They weren't-" Nicholas splutters. "I was winning that fight, Luca. No, I let them win."

"We didn't hurt him!" Rafael cries in horror. "We were just…"

"No," Luca cuts in firmly. "You are not excusing attacking Nicholas."

"We didn't hit him," Stavros scoffs, a scowl on his face because he's recovered from earlier and shot right to the other extreme. "We grabbed him once or twice, there were no bruises. We do worse during a full moon."

"I wanted to leave, you fuck face," Nicholas snaps. "You chased me and started talking about putting me in the fucking beacon tower!"

Luca's expression is slowly getting darker.

Rafael comes closer, hands up calmingly. "What we did was wrong, in every way, and we're very sorry, Nicky. We shouldn't have gotten physical like that and made you cry."

"I wasn't-" Nicholas darts a glance to Luca. "I wasn't crying, there was dust in my eyes because you shoved my face into the bed! Like a bad friend! Lu-Luca, leave the room, I need to have it out with them.”

Luca scans their expressions to make sure. “I’m going to be right outside,” he warns and backs out, shutting the door behind him.

Nicholas hesitates. "Sorry, Ross, I really didn't mean to say that."

Stavros grits his teeth and looks away. "Is that what you think?"

"You said a lot of mean things," Nicholas admits. "And you don't do that to me anymore, so it was…a shock. Reminded me of some things."

"You started it." Stavros rakes a hand through his curls. "I…don’t want to lose you to Mariana. You wanted to leave us. You haven’t spent time with us at all before the fight and you kept talking about having a family like we’re not your family, asshole, and then you – you said shit like I didn’t know you.” Stavros clenches his jaw, glaring at Nicholas. “Do you lie to me? Do you pretend?”

Nicholas stares at them, incredulous. “Of-fucking-course I don’t! I was saying that shit because you dickheads started in on me first. You come at me with the fucking blow that I can change my entire personality and no one would care.”

“I never said that,” Stavros says in shock. “When did I say that?”

“You said Mariana didn’t notice anything even after like years of being friends,” Nicholas complains. “Wha – how am I supposed to react to that? Like; yeah, guess life sucks, I’ll just fucking cry while you throw more of that bullshit at me.”

“That was about her being bad for you!” Stavros stresses. “I would know if something happened to you. I would always know, Nicky. That’s what I’m trying to say.”

Nicholas splutters. “Why would you not say that then?!”

“I thought I did?!”

Nicholas turns on Rafael next. “Well then you said I didn’t know what I wanted. I know damn well that I want Luca as a son-”

“It was about something else,” Rafael admits.

Nicholas gestures angrily for Rafael to keep going.

Rafael looks away, looks back. “I…it was about you forcing yourself to be with Mariana because you thought that was how it should be. It started off as a joke and you know it, but you got really caught up in it.” Rafael hesitates. “I should have stopped but I just got so mad too because you said you…out-grew us, like we’re nothing to you when you mean so much to us.”

Nicholas blinks. “Oh, I…” His expression falls. “I said that. I’m sorry, I said it because you grabbed me. I started trying to say that my thoughts could have changed compared to when I was younger but I got so upset.” Nicholas hurries forward and takes Rafael’s hands, staring him directly in the eyes. “I love you. I’ll love you until the day I die. My gravestone will say; here lies Nicky, still loving Raffy and Ross.”

Rafael sniffles a bit. “Really?”

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“Really,” Nicholas promises softly. “I swear. You two mean so much to me that I genuinely don’t know how to tell you that. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and that’s never going to change. I love you.”

“I…you too,” Rafael says before he firms up. “I love you. I missed you like a phantom limb.”

“Love you both,” Stavros says, halfway between a promise and a threat.

Nicholas takes a deep breath and lets it out, swinging his and Rafael’s hands around. “Okay. So I think we’re done with the fight, but why do you still look like that, Ross?”

Stavros leans back on the bed, propped up on his palms, expression perfectly flat. “Do you want me to erase your memories?”

Nicholas drops Rafael’s hands and it feels like his stomach drops too. Stavros only asked him once, and that was well into year eight. “Why would you ask me that again?”

“Because it’s been almost five years and in our first major argument with each other, you reacted like when I was abusing you,” Stavros says, still non-committal and so carefully non-judgemental. “So I want you to know, if you’re still getting nightmares and having those reactions, my offer still stands.”

“What?” Nicholas asks slowly. “What do you mean reaction? I barely mentioned it just then.”

“Most people don’t hug the person they’re fighting with. And…” Stavros’ expression briefly flickers before he gets himself under control again. “When you wanted it to stop, you hugged Raffy.”

Stavros was a very smart child who learned from the best and tailored it perfectly to fit how much Nicholas needed physical affection. It’s not that Nicholas didn’t try to run away but it was always so much worse when he got back – and they had the same classes, friends, meals and dorms together.

Stavros still didn’t like Nicholas running, so he made a rule that if Nicholas wanted it to stop, all he had to do was keep hugging Stavros. So it was Nicholas’ fault it was happening because he wasn’t hugging Stavros. And it stopped Nicholas from leaving, because the safest place from Stavros was in the boy’s arms.

“I like cuddles,” Nicholas says quietly but a shiver runs up his body and his hair starts to stand on end. He hadn’t forgotten but he also hadn’t made the connection. “It’s not about that. I just wanted a hug, I was born like that. Right, Raffy?”

Rafael has taken a step away, looking off to the side like he’s unsure he should be hearing this. He glances back when Nicholas calls his name but doesn’t seem to know what to say. “I…I don’t know, this was before we were friends.”

But you were there, Nicholas doesn’t say. “Oh,” he says instead and goes to climb on top of Stavros, swinging a leg over to straddle his lap and taking a moment to get comfortable. He grabs Stavros’ face with his hands and looks the boy dead in the eyes because he doesn’t want any more misunderstandings. “I snuggle because I snuggle. I wanted a hug, but I also wanted to keep fighting, which you both refused to humour me with. I am over what you did to me, and you proved a thousand times over how much you adore me. It is done, but I don’t want it gone.”

Stavros seems to crumple, wrapping his arms around Nicholas’ waist and squeezing. “You’d be happier if you didn’t have it.”

“You make plenty happy now! I’d also have like my most formative months gone,” Nicholas points out, squishing Stavros’ cheeks. “That’s when I met you all, when I got to know you. I’d lose so much happiness and important memories too. Even in the worst of it, you’d tell me things about yourself and I treasure those.”

Stavros wheezes out a pained laugh. “I only told you those things because you were under my control and you’d never tell anyone else. Besides, they almost traumatized you more than anything I was doing.”

“But it also helped you to say those things about your family,” Nicholas points out. “And you needed attention and affection too, so it was a weird symbiotic relationship that turned out great in the end. Is the word symbiotic, Raffy? And Raffy has barricaded himself in the bathroom, hasn’t he?”

Stavros flops backwards onto the bed, dragging Nicholas down with him and they sprawl there for a while. “Are you ever scared of me?” Stavros whispers.

“Never.” Nicholas rubs his cheek against Stavros’ chest. “Do you…want to forget?”

“I can’t,” Stavros admits quietly, rubbing Nicholas’ back. “Because what if I turn back into that person? It’s only one small step, really.”

“You’re more different than you realise,” Nicholas reassures. “But if it’ll help you, me and Raffy will watch out for you while you settle without the memories. You’ll have to teach Raffy the spell though and it’ll take a lot of planning. The mind is always intense magic.”

“I wouldn’t listen to you, I’d just hurt you.”

Nicholas splutters out a laugh because it isn’t funny but it is absurd. He pushes up on his elbows on either side of Stavros’ head so he can stare incredulously. “Wait, you’re worried about being mean to us? Like us, Raffy and me? The people you go to sleep loving and wake up loving? After five more years of memories living in each other’s pockets?”

Stavros cracks a smile but looks away. “I don’t know. I just won’t risk it. And if I do…I’ll forget some of you and I want all of it.” He thinks for a long moment and nods. “Okay. Okay, fight officially over. I’ll call Raffy out of the bathroom.”

Nicholas lies down on his chest again. “Mariana wants be casual and I don’t know what that means but I think it means she doesn’t love me.”

“What, that fucking bitch?!” Stavros screams in outrage and jerks upright fast enough that Nicholas would be flung off his lap if Stavros wasn’t still holding on.

“No!” Nicholas shrieks and shoves him back down in panic. “No, don’t fight her, that’s so embarrassing!”

“I’ll do more than fight, I’ll fucking kill her!”

Rafael slams out of the bathroom in shock and lurches over to try and separate them. “Wait, wait, stop, why are you fighting?”

Luca opens the door, checks they’re just play wrestling, and closes it again.

“Pretend I didn’t say anything!” Nicholas begs in horror, wrapping his arms around Stavros’ head and trying to smother him. “Please, oh gods, I do not need you fighting her.”

Stavros flips them over but then Rafael pins him down half on the bed and half on Nicholas, who has just enough movement left to grab a pillow and scream into it.

“What is happening?” Rafael yells in confusion because this is clearly Nicholas having a fit and Stavros getting protective.

Stavros flails a hand enough to grab a fistful of Rafael’s hair and drag him down, practically spitting out, “Mariana said she wants casual.”

“Casual?” Rafael echoes in confusion. “What does that mean?”

Nicholas wheezes because he wants to know too.

“It means she wants a fuck buddy,” Stavros snaps and shoves Rafael off him, surging up to his knees on the bed over the other two. “Because apparently she thinks our Nicky is a side bitch!”

Nicholas hurls the pillow at Stavros in embarrassment. “No, you’re the only one who does side bitches! She said it was like…not intending marriage and she doesn’t like me talking about having babies.”

“Like thirty percent of what you do is talk about babies since Luca showed up,” Stavros protests.

“Which is weird,” Rafael says, sitting up. He quickly holds up a hand to stop Stavros. “Which is weird! It’s strange. Imagine one of your side bitches asking about babies.”

“But it’s Nicky,” Stavros insists. “I’d give him babies!”

“We’d make beautiful babies,” Nicholas whimpers and reaches for another pillow.

Rafael cheats and uses his massive wingspan to shove it away. “No, okay, explain from the beginning. Did you break up with her then?”

Nicholas takes a shaky breath and paws at Rafael until they can hold hands. “I’m still going to date Mariana, we’re just going a bit slower now and getting to know each other – I know I’m not making Luca again, but I want him to have a mum.”

“He already has three mums!” Stavros complains. “Four with your mum. How many mums does a person need?”

“Well he has five dads, are you going to complain about that?” Nicholas fires back.

“Three,” Rafael mumbles as he circles a finger around all of them. “Bigger Nicky. Oh, bigger Stavros. Five.”

Stavros just collapses over both of them, slamming Rafael back down and punching the air out of Nicholas.