Nicholas doesn’t know what starts it, is the thing.

Or rather, he’s the one who starts it but he doesn’t know why. Nicholas was content to ignore things, to just not know but then today, with that Pull student… He doesn’t need to have confirmation, it won’t help anything, he should just leave it alone.

"You never liked Adam," Nicholas states, standing beside his bed, his exam notes scattered around the bedsheets, a textbook half open in his hands.

Stavros pauses and doesn't turn where he's standing near his own bed, back to Nicholas.

Why is Nicholas doing this? It’s fine, everything is fine, just don’t think about it and it’s not a problem. There’s nothing to fix here. Talking about it makes it worse, and spreads it to others, so why is Nicholas-

"Just say it," Stavros says.

Nicholas hesitates. He glances over at Rafael’s bed but the other boy isn't getting involved, head down and quiet. Nicholas looks at Stavros again. "Nothing. Never mind."

Stavros' shoulders jerk and he whirls around, a sneer already on his face because it must have been building up for him too after Nicholas explained what happened. "He wanted fun and that's all. He thought learning to wildshape was fantastic - a little danger, a little Dark magic, the secrets. And then where was he every full? Because he sure as fuck wasn't with us."

"He was a raccoon!" Nicholas cries. "Of course he was scared, Thoth is like ten times his size! That was only for a bit anyway-"

"Two fucking years he was in and out, and only stayed when we started taking Thoth out for runs and it got fun," Stavros snarls. "He didn't help when you got sick either - remember year nine? You were throwing up, half out of your mind, and he went and slept in the common room without another word like it was an inconvenience."

"I would have left me too, it was miserable!" Nicholas insists, hugging the textbook to his chest. "He was there for our fights with RitCast though, and detentions."

"He was there when we were winning," Stavros snaps. "He was there when we were skipping detentions. Conveniently gone when Rafael needed help with his readings."

"Adam was-" Nicholas cuts himself off. "He..."

"Yeah?" Stavros demands, lurching forward. "Come on, where was he in year seven? Oh, that's right, when he learnt you weren't just twenty-four hours of fucking fun, when he realised you had emotions and a personality more than jokes, he shoved you at me. He knew what I was doing to you-"

"Everyone did!" Nicholas screams, hurling his textbook onto the bed.

Stavros' next words stutter and he reels back. There's a stunned pause.

Nicholas takes a deep breath. "Everyone did. Everyone knew. You think I didn't ask for help?" Nicholas throws up his hands with a shaky laugh. "People told me to just avoid you - oh it's not like he's hitting you, Nicky. It's just words, Nicky, ignore him. Who cares you cry until you're fucking sick every night."

Stavros’ face crumples. "I'm sorry. Nicky, I'm sorry." He takes a step back, hunching up. "I shouldn't have brought it up...I'm sorry."

"Rafael was in our dorm, you think he didn't know?" Nicholas demands, angry now. "You think he didn't hear every damn thing you said to me with Thoth's hearing?" He takes another deep breath. "Adam isn't -wasn’t- co-dependent like us, that's your problem. He isn't so..." Nicholas holds up his hands and lets them fall again. "So tangled up. Pieces of each other."

You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.

"He wasn’t a solid friend either, during the bad times," Rafael says quietly. He keeps his head down, curled inwards. "You're both right."

Stavros is watching Nicholas like he'll run any second. Rafael reads the same paragraph for the eighth time, taking none of it in.

Nicholas sighs and sits on his bed. He huffs out a laugh. That helped nothing. “Next time just tell me to shut up. Stupid sheep.”

“You can talk to me,” Stavros rushes out, rocking forward but not taking a step. “You can always talk to me and I want you to. Anything, everything. You know that, right?”

Nicholas stares at the wall for a long moment.

“Nicky?” Stavros whispers.

“The other version, he said you did something to upset Adam in the future, to start it all,” Nicholas muses. “And I think you did it because of me. And I think I didn’t stop you.”

Stavros slides onto the bed, sitting on the other edge and leaning over. “First of all, that copycat asshole didn’t tell you everything. Secondly, if Adam’s first answer was to kill us, I think I did a pretty good job of ending things.”

“Adam is our friend,” Nicholas says and isn’t sure what argument he’s making. “Was.”

“Adam was directly responsible for you dying,” Stavros corrects, eyes narrowing. He puts a whole lot more venom into the words compared to when Nicholas told them about it. “There is no possible reality in which I let that kind of thing go.”

“You just said Lambros didn’t tell me everything-“

“He might have left out some stuff,” Stavros agrees, solemn. “But if it’s me, I wouldn’t lie to you. Not…again.”

Nicholas purses his lips. “So…am I sad? Upset? What do I even…” Nicholas gestures vaguely around.

“Whatever you want,” Rafael says softly. “There’s no right emotion, and that will change anyway, they’ll always change.”

“Not that it does anything either way,” Nicholas scoffs dismissively. “Whatever, I’m in such a mood. Maybe I didn’t eat enough.”

Stavros and Rafael share a look.

“Nicholas,” Rafael begins slowly.

Nicholas groans and flops down. “It’s fine. I’ll be better in the morning.” He shoves the books off his bed and rolls around. “I’m going to head to sleep. Cuddle?”

“Sure,” Stavros murmurs.

Rafael shakes his head. “I’ll stay up a bit longer. I still have homework.”

----------------------------------------

Nicholas wakes blearily when it's still night, opening one eye only because half his face is smushed into the pillow. Stavros is in his bed -or rather, Nicholas is in Stavros’ bed- facing Nicholas with an arm over his waist, eyes half-lidded with something other than sleep, face shaded in grey from the moonlight streaming through the window at Nicholas' back.

"Hm?" Nicholas asks him.

"Nothing much," Stavros murmurs. "Trying to get back to sleep."

"You should count sheep," Rafael slurs from his bed across.

"Funny," Nicholas grumbles and slings an arm over Stavros' shoulders. "C'mere, cuddle."

"We're already cuddling."

"Cuddle harder, you knob jockey."

"It takes two to tango, dick monger."

“I’m going to punch you both in the throat and then we’ll all be sad, how about that?” Rafael mutters.

"Sorry," Stavros blurts out. "For...killing Adam."

Nicholas rolls his head around so he can see Stavros properly. "You didn't do it," he reassures.

"I did," Stavros corrects. "And I would, if he hurt you. That other bastard just got to him first."

"We don’t know what happened,” Nicholas insists. “Let’s just…leave it for now.”

Stavros grins, a sharp, jagged thing. "And I’m sorry I'm such a piece of shit."

"That was forever ago," Nicholas dismisses, cuddling closer. "Wasn't that bad anyway."

"A little insulting but okay."

Nicholas chuckles, closing his eyes and settling in.

"You going to sleep?" Stavros coos, pressing a kiss into Nicholas' forehead.

"Don't wanna talk about bad stuff anymore."

"Okay, sleepy time. Dream about Thoth's little snuffly sneezes."

“Che palle,” Rafael groans, telling them to shut up in Italian like that’ll soften the blow, and there's the sound of him rolling over to get comfortable. He could just shut the bed curtains and let the permanent silencing charm on them work -that’s why they transmuted the bed after all, to give his heightened senses a rest- but this is also the person who cursed the door to squeak so he’ll always know when his friends are coming or going.

Nicholas is already drifting but struggles to keep his eyes open. Stavros is still watching him. Nicholas blinks hard and peers at Stavros, bumping up against his mental shields. A pause, and then Stavros deliberately has to lower his defences, leaving his mind open.

Nicholas tugs and pulls Stavros into his mind instead, heaps on sleepiness and how comfortable he is right now in bed. Stavros' eyes slowly start to slide shut. Nicholas leaves the link connected and drifts off himself. Either Stavros will stay in his head or will disconnect, doesn't much matter to Nicholas.