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Monsters Cookbook
The Culinary School Eccentric (1)

The Culinary School Eccentric (1)

“The hunt begins!”

Not the most common phrase to start midterms with.

All of the second year’s Hightail Chef Academy students were present on the field and as soon as the announcing teacher shouted the words, everybody ran in a speed that most didn’t know they’d be capable of.

Except for Erion – he had started running way before.

Most people aren’t against the idea of roommates as living alone can get pretty, well, lonely so it’s nice to always have someone around. But for the (very) late Erion, it was a curse cast onto humanity – or him specifically. His roommate studied right across the street, at the Tinkerer Hall, and he certainly had the spirit of his profession, always fiddling around with basically anything at the reach of his hands.

In the night before, unfortunately, Erion’s alarm clock was one of these objects.

The apprentice chef had no idea of what the objective was but the gadget certainly stopped working – or at least in the intended way. When the pointer indicated 8:00 AM, a soothing tone started coming out of it, sinking Erion into the Land of Dreams even more. It was when the cleaning lady opened the door two hours later that he finally snapped out of his sleep, desperate as he knew something was very wrong.

Without time for proper hygiene and breakfast, the student ran through the open green fields, ignoring the road to reach the Farsan Woods as quickly as he could.

He came out of the trees some time after the starting shout. The professors all gave him a confused look, not recognizing that the desperate looking, dirty and full of leaves lad was a student. His eyes crossed the scenery, observing all of his competitors doing their best to capture the forest’s fauna. One was already setting up a bonfire to cook a massive boar and a few others started to appear with something in their hands.

“Sorry, kid. Maybe next time.”

Erion’s class counselor had quietly approached him, patting his back in solidarity.

The problem was, Erion thought, that maybe there would not be a next time. Hightail Academy was one of the most competitive and selective schools in the world and every test was an elimination process, kicking out those who are not worthy enough to continue studying in the institution. If things are brutal with those who merely do poorly in the testing, Erion’s fate was practically sealed as he slept too much.

He would not easily give up his dream, however.

“There’s still time.” He announced.

The counselor could only feel the student’s back moving away from his hand as the boy restarted his running, now with the objective to find whatever was left to cook. Far from an easy task it would be.

More and more students came out of the trees carrying a nice piece of game and/or one or two baskets of fruits and vegetables. Some clearly did not mind about looting for a good while. After the first wave, a new group of people appeared. Their expressions were not as happy and some were clearly hopeless as they carried barely enough food for a meal. A specific girl carried only half a squirrel.

And then there was Erion, entering the hunting grounds as even the students with scarce results came out of it with at least something. As he went under the shadows of the trees, a disturbing lack of silence deafened his ears and his nervous heartbeats were the only thing he felt. Not a single sound of life could be heard.

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He could not stop. No matter how grim the situation looked like, he had to cling on the slightest thread of hope his mind could produce. Maybe he would be forced to cook a vegetarian dish – at least it was food.

But it was helpless. Countless branches clearly ripped off of their fruits. Multiple holes in the ground signalizing the herbs that once were there. Erion’s body was covered in sweat, although he still hadn’t noticed it. Looking around, many trails were available and, without hesitation, he ran through them, decided to find at least a single edible thing.

For ten ominous minutes he searched. Every empty nest and every fruitless bush were like multiple daggers stabbing his heart. He could almost see the face of the Testing Board while they declared his immediate termination and expulsion of academy grounds.

Everything went away for a moment as, in a glance, Erion saw feathers.

His head turned in shock. There it was: a lonely quail minding its pointless life. It was so small, even though it definitely was enough to feed a person. Something from Beyond must had sent it or the last students to leave simply weren’t lucky enough to catch a sight of it.

The desperate student’s steps were slow and silent – he was a hunter now, an eagle confident in its ability to catch a prey. His heart almost stopped when he stepped in a dry leaf and it crackled, but no change could be seen in the bird. Slowly, but surely, he was approaching and while he did it, hundreds of quail recipes popped up in his head. He was obliged to do his best in honor to the Gods who sent the animal there.

When only a couple of meters separated the two living beings, Erion’s movement came to a halt. He needed to jump or the quail would notice his intent. His legs were paragons of pain but he had the will to go through the hellish sensation.

“One, two...”

It was beastly. The leap of a true predator. His hands got a good grasp of the bird instantly as his momentarily weightless body stood in the air. And as his legs firmly landed, he felt it.

Cold.

False.

The strange feeling led him to remove his hands, however, curiously, they wouldn’t come off it.

“No.”

Initially, the thread of hope was very thin, barely existing. As the quail entered Erion’s vision, it grew thicker and stronger. It was bright as a sun when his hands felt the aura around the bird.

Now, it was gone.

Being late completely blurred Erion’s mind so much that he had forgotten the essential. Tools, weapons, traps. All of his were in the dorm’s locker while someone’s trap was between his hands. It was a glue-based one, the prey (and a predator at the same time) attacks it thinking it’s food but ends up stuck, waiting for his end.

The feelings of the student went far beyond embarrassment into the domains of hopelessness. Getting rid of the sticky substance wasn’t difficult, but as his mind cleared, it became obvious that he had already been eliminated. Adding salt to the wound, a bell echoed – only a few minutes left.

Erion resigned. He should leave the woods and, with empty hands, walk to the Board professors, assuming that he could not find anything due to his lateness. Maybe he could reapply to the same entrance test he had gone through in the year before.

After some harsh movement, his hands were free. Not in a hurry, he got up and took a heavy breath. Now that all hope had vanished, Erion felt fine. It was only a matter of walking back now, no need to look at every single detail of the ambient.

As he moved through the trail that led him to that point, he noticed that he had moved way more than expected, probably an effect of the adrenaline. His once numb feet were now starting to feel ridiculously painful.

“I should just stay here… It’s not like there’s anything for me out there.”

Not really minding what was in the path, Erion kept following the trail which once in a while was interrupted by really large roots or other kind of natural obstacle. After skipping a few, Erion was proficient in going through them but, suddenly, when he stepped on a little soil elevation, his foot sank in what felt like a gooey substance.

Then, the substance moved.

It was a slime.

“The monsters are probably starting to come now that the wildlife was cleared… Goddammit.”

He raised his dirty foot, removing the green goo with his sleeve. Erion was ready to continue moving forward when a quick head movement allowed him to notice that little fruits were being digested inside the monster.

“Wait… Maybe… It’s a possibility, but...”

And then, hope was back on the menu.

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