“Oh, man...” Erion tried looking around with his eyes blinded by the sunlight. “...Am I dead?”

“Nope. But you could be if the goblin was a little bit smarter.”

Anda was right next to him, laying her back on a big rock. She looking at him with her usual neutral expression and offered a flask of water.

“Drink it. You’re probably dehydrated.” She said.

The young chef raised himself, trying to sit on the ground like her. As he straightened his back, a sharp pain went through his spine, making his face contract.

“Ouch. What the--”

They came as flashes. Max investigating a bush. A sound behind him. Something entering his flesh, penetrating it. His face on the ground. Anda treating his bruises.

“You...”

Erion put his hand over where he was stabbed. Nothing. If there was a scar, he couldn’t tell by touch. Although there was some pain remaining, it was nothing like what he felt when he realized what had happened to him.

“Did you do this? The healing?” The cook asked.

She nodded.

“Yes. It was a pretty big hole but I managed to close it. Not without effort, though.”

“...How? Aren’t you an Assassin?” He asked

“Tricks of the trade. It’s nice to have a unique skillset.”

He wanted to ask more, however, her sharp words and straight face signalized her lack of will to answer anything.

“...Thank you.”

“No problem.” She responded. “You wouldn’t believe the ways the other three find to get hurt, a stab is nothing.”

When Anda mentioned the others, Erion looked around. Unfamiliar trees, goblin remains, blood, but no other person.

“Uh, where is everybody? Hunting goblins?”

“Not really. Max and Harry went berrypicking, or hunting, whatever comes first. Rasla is scouting for orcs and goblins.”

“And they left us here by ourselves?! What if they go through her?”

“Don’t worry. I may be a little tired but I can still handle a goblin ambush, or one or two orcs.”

He had never seen the Asssassin in combat, so he just assumed she talked the truth.

Conveniently, Erion’s belly started to growl.

“Still no food, huh?” He lamented.

Anda only tilted her head.

“I hope they find something… Or we’ll have to eat slimes.” He said.

The girl smirked.

“Oh, I wish I was kidding… Slime’s pretty good, though. At least in my recipe.”

“You serious?”

“Yeah, why do you think Wagil hired me as his apprentice? It’s my own… “unique skillset”, haha.”

“Oh, gods… I’d rather eat dirt, thank you.”

“Ok...” Erion laughed. “More for me.”

The upcoming silence was a bit uncomfortable. The cook tried to remember if he had ever been alone with a girl without an awkward moment – nothing could be found in his memories. He felt like she wasn’t very keen on talking, so he resorted to playing with a small pebble he felt close to his leg.

A few minutes into the awkwardness, the leaves once again started to rustle. The two got worked up, expecting some kind of green creature to come out of the woods, but it was only Rasla, looking tired and bruised by the countless branches.

“Oh, golly, you’re awake, huh? Nice job, Anda” She said. “And, luckily, there’s no trace of more goblins or orcs around here so we’re kinda safe for now.”

The Barbarian coughed a little, sitting in the ground right after to recover her breath.

“Dammit, being hungry just isn’t good for me… No sign of the guys?”

“Still nothing. I don’t think they’re smart enough for us to let them walk around this forest by themselves.” Anda responded. “And I doubt they know anything about finding any food that isn’t poisonous.”

Erion cleared his throat, invading the conversation.

“I know a thing or two about food” He joked. “Picking some edible herbs and fruits wouldn’t be too much trouble.”

“No, no, you’re resting. Your body may have fully healed but your soul still believes it’s violated, you must stay quiet until everything normalizes.” Rasla told him.

“Urgh, fine. How long will it take?”

“It depends on the person. It could be hours, minutes, years… A truly weak soul never recovers.” The Assassin said, unfazed.

“Oh… Um… That’s troubling.” A single drop of sweat ran through his cheek. “Only a couple of hours have passed, right? Haha. It shouldn’t take long...”

No one answered him.

The trio didn’t really want to spend the energy they didn’t have. They sat with their backs on the same large rock, looking at the boringly shaped clouds and the trees playing Go Fish with the leaves of a dead one. A slime casually passed around, eating some of the pretty big ants that came out of holes in the ground. Erion pointed at him, calling Anda.

“Hey, look. It’s dinner.”

She let out a short giggle. Very unusual.

“You’re almost convincing me… The disgusting goo is really starting to look tasty.”

“All I’m saying is that we’ll have something to eat even if the two can’t find anything in the woods.”

“What the damnation are you two talking about?” Rasla said, irritated by the interruption of her almost falling asleep state.

“Our wonderful chef is having delusions about cooking slimes. I should recheck him – maybe the goblin stroke his head too.”

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

“I’ll be honest – I’d eat fucking anything right now. Two skipped meals is too much, goddamn.”

Indeed, the sun was right above them, almost screaming at their faces that it was noon, also known as lunchtime. The two men were almost completing their second hour out.

“All this time is not a good sign… I doubt they found anything.” Anda said.

She would be proved correct just a little later. The leaf rustling restarted in a different spot, although a bit larger since it were now two people coming out of the green. Empty hands and faces of defeat were more than enough to tell the waiting three that the search was fruitless.

“See? I knew it.” She confirmed.

“Hey, hey, we did everything we could but this forest simply is… I don’t know, inhospitable?” Harry complained. “How the fuck do all these goblins and monsters live here?”

“They eat each other, Harry.” Max said, not able to hide his dissatisfaction.

“Ha, so Erion thinks like a monster, huh?” Rasla joked.

“I guess I do.” He looked around. “Where is that slime anyway?”

“Ohoho, you’re really going to do it?” The Barbarian asked, a bit incredulous.

“Trust me, it’s great. Wagil loves it.”

Harry and Max felt a little lost, sitting down besides everybody to keep up with what happened there.

“What’s going on? Erion found some food?” Max asked, honestly curious.

“Hahaha, well, he says he did.” Anda answered. “I don’t think you’d like, though.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s slimes… He wants to cook slimes.”

The Cavalier looked at him, shocked. Harry’s expression wasn’t too bright either.

“Wait, you know slimes aren’t animals, right? They’re monsters.” The Warlock said. “You can’t eat monsters, they’re Evil! And I say this as a freaking Warlock!”

“I don’t know about the Evil thing, but it tastes pretty good. Try it when I’m done.”

After finishing his phrase, Erion got up, still feeling an annoying pain on his back. Everyone looked at him, admired by his sudden will to “slime-hunt”. His determination planted some doubt in the heads of the more incredule.

“Can you even capture a slime in your current state?” Max asked.

“Yeah, sure. They’re too stupid and slow to be an issue.” He drew his brand new sword, still unused. “A single thrust of this will do the deal.”

“Be careful to not cut yourself. You don’t appear to be the best swordsman alive.” Max warned him.

“Oh, don’t worry, I can beat a slime without risking my life. If you’re that worried about my lack of skills, you could give me some lessons...”

“Only if you manage to prevent our starvation.” He joked.

“Easy job.”

Erion then calmly started walking around, looking at the grass to see if he could identify any slime, specifically the one he had seen not much before. There were lots of ants, worms and little snakes, but no sign of actual monsters, meaning that he would probably need to step a bit farther from their safe spot.

As he walked towards the trees, Rasla called him.

“Hey! Don’t go too far! It was all clear when I checked but they could still be hiding!”

“Okay, okay! I’ll be careful!” He shouted back, not turning his body.

Fortunately, the slime he was looking for was not too many steps far into the woods. Walking a bit more would lead him straight to a second goblin ambush, made whoever survived the previous attack. In fact, a hungry goblin almost revealed their position after drooling too much and letting it drip onto the ground, making noise when hitting some dry leaves. Erion, now fortunately for the goblins, was too focusing on hitting the slime on the right spot to have noticed the noise.

“Got!”

Without too much strength, the blade smoothly slipped through the green goo, diving a little bit into the dirt. The creature offered some resistance, but before it could split into two, the life had faded away from it.

Finally, some food for the party.

“Wow, that was fast.” Harry exclaimed. “Difficult foe?”

“Yeah, his sword skills were a little better than mine but I overcame it through brute force. I sweated a little, I’ll admit.”

“Where is it?” Rasla asked.

The young chef proceeded to present her a common cloth bag.

“It’s here, absorbing some spices.” He said. “The taste of a slime highly depends on what it ate and the duration of digestion.”

“You’re the slime-cooking specialist here, do as you want.” Anda said.

“Whoa, no need to be passive-aggressive. I guarantee you’ll like it.”

“Just… do your thing. I’ll taste it depending on how disgusting it looks.”

“Alright...”

Erion stretched his arms and legs. He was ready to cook.

“Uh, one question.” Max suddenly said. “You know we left everything behind, right? How are you going to cook something without a cauldron?”

“Well, I may be a rookie field chef, but that doesn’t mean I’m not a prepared one.” He grabbed something from his belt attachments. “I packed a few emergency utensils.”

The cooked then showed everyone a little ball of iron, seemingly rusty. He threw it on the floor with as much strength as he had (not much).

Nothing happened at first. Then, slowly, smoke started to come out of the sphere, more and more each second. Like a pressure cooker, it started to whistle and the smoke cloud grew exponentially larger in a single blow. When the mess started to cease, a loud snap ripped the air. One, the iron ball exploded. Two, it expanded. Three and four, it expanded more and more until it was a small cauldron, enough for a humble meal.

“Haha, you truly are prepared.” Rasla said. “Now I actually want to see this slime dish.”

In a similar process, Erion spawned a wooden spoon and some wide cups.

“Okay, I have everything I need except for… uh… Can someone lit a fire for me? Not in my skillset, unfortunately.” He blinked at Anda.

“I’ll do it.” Max got up. “Sitting and watching is not my thing.”

The Cavalier picked up some kindling laying on the ground while the chef checked the slime, smelling it and feeling its consistence. Max slowly started a fire, the rough wind coming from the trees didn’t help his task at all. After some time, though, the flames settled and everything was set up for the soup.

“Nice job, Max, thanks.”

“If I feel a single trace of Evil in this food… I’ll throw everything away.”

“Uh, alright...”

Erion put the cauldron over the fire, letting it warm up before throwing in the water. He knew the process from heart. Not even needing to look at it to know at what point the liquid started to boil, he threw in the slime straight from the bag and the goo instantly melted into one with the water.

The fruity, sugary, but rough smell instantly hugged the flowing winds, catching the attention of the other four. It filled their noses with a new sensation, similar to when Erion first discovered the recipe. Rasla even walked forward, curious to see what was happening inside the pan.

The chef used salt and pepper from his belt stash, even adding some dried herbs he had, maybe to make it more palatable in case one of them did not like the raw taste of slime. A familiar synesthesia came back to his body, but he prepared the recipe enough times to not become hypnotized by it. The same could not be about the Barbarian, who was almost diving into the soup.

“Whoa, be careful, Rasla.” He held her shoulder.

“Uh? What?” She asked, looking around. “Oh, what am I doing? Haha… Hm… This thing smells fine.”

“I’m almost done.” Erion said. “You’ll get the first bowl, don’t worry.”

And he continued, carefully measuring everything.

Indeed, not a lot of minutes passed before he was done. Confirming it with a good spoonful of the soup, confirming the usual majestic taste the slime dish carried.

“It’s done, guys.” The cook instantly poured a good amount of it in one of the wide cups he had summoned. “Here’s yours, Rasla.”

The Barbarian got up, nervous about the nature of what smelled so good. She cupped her hands around the recipient, feeling once again the beautiful aroma of the boiled slime. Truly unique.

“No Evil, Rasla?” Max asked.

“Nothing I can feel, at least.” Without reservations, she raised the cup to her mouth, slightly sipping the warm goo…

Meanwhile…

Two green shadows observed from the darkness.

Much taller than goblins, at least five times the size.

They growled in disgust, observing the humans feast.

“Are they really eating a slime? Damn, and WE are the savages!”