Most of you have heard the term Sunday-fun-day, right? It means getting drunk on Sunday as early as possible, so you pass out in the afternoon or early evening and are fit again come Monday morning.

Now, I don’t have a regular schedule, of course. Shit can hit the fan on a Sunday as well. This week, however, there’d been three signatures. Normally, there’s only one. Two is the exception. I felt pretty damn safe to start on one of my favorite meals right around noon. Bourbon with a side dish of more bourbon. As you already know, I’m not the smartest guy around, and definitely not the luckiest. No, I’d say I’m a rather dumb, unlucky son of a bitch.

It was about five in the afternoon when the ringing of my phone woke me. At first, I had no clue what was going on and realized I must’ve passed out some time earlier. For a while, I just stared at the phone in frustration, then confusion, and finally, utter disbelief. No freaking way. The park, I told myself, they were calling me about the damned park I’d torched. With sweaty, shaky hands, I reached out for the phone.

“If it’s about the park the other day,” I started, but the computerized voice cut me off right away.

“Exterminator 7D11087, we assure you there will be repercussions for your improper actions during incident #2AT1U8D. However, this matter is of no importance right now. We’ve discovered a new signature in your vicinity. The analysis of the signature gives us indication that the organism is a C-class, humanoid type.”

I listened, but my alcohol fueled brain didn’t comprehend what they were saying. Once I’d finally understood, I couldn’t keep quiet.

“Well fuck, you’re kidding me, right? That’s the fourth incident in a single week!”

“We’re well aware of the rise of activity in your area. However, given the danger of the current signature, we insist you take care of it immediately. No excuses, Exterminator 7D11087.”

With that, the line was cut, and I was left alone on my couch. My head was spinning, and I was cursing to myself like a madman. Shit, there’s nothing I can do, is there? Not like I can ignore a direct order from Headquarters. I picked up the phone and opened the signature data. Yeah, it was C-class, all right. When it rains, it pours. Woo-fucking-hoo.

All right, I told myself, no fucking around. Time for the big guns. Get this shit over with as soon as possible. With my head still spinning, I stumbled towards the storage room and almost crashed against the doorframe. Even putting on the protective armor proved a challenge. Once that was done, I stocked up on firepower. Two guns, a shotgun, and as many grenades as I could carry. I didn’t give a single shit today.

Humanoid again, isn’t that fucking great?

Finally, I got my hands on a few of Headquarters’ stimulants, the special type. Didn’t get enough sleep? Feeling a little sick? No problem, those little wonder drugs would take care of all your problems. Hell, they’d provide you with enough energy to feel like freaking Superman, at least for a while.

I was about to storm out of the door, ready to light up any and all fuckers, but then I turned around and got a hold of the almost empty bottle of bourbon. I downed the rest in a single gulp. It didn’t matter. I was wasted, anyway.

As I was on my way, I told myself once more that I wouldn’t fuck up again. Today would be no walk in the park. It was freaking C-class. The signature originated from an urban development area in my city. It comprised lots of half-finished buildings. Could mean I was in for a bit of a chase, but with no people around, I could go all out, I thought with a grin.

The moment I arrived, I popped two of Headquarters’ wonder drugs. The spinning in my head stopped. My body felt hot, my muscles tensed up, and I was flooded with energy. Man, this stuff was the shit!

I pulled out the shotgun, hit the close-range scanner, and got a hit almost instantly. The fucker was nearby, in a half-finished apartment complex to my right. I was about to hit the scanner again to pinpoint the creature’s exact location, but there was no need. The fucker had gone wild. I’d barely set foot in the building when I saw a trail of blood. It led down the long central hallway before it led to an empty apartment at the end of the building. The closer I got, the sicker the smell of blood and body fluids got. For a moment, I had to cover my mouth as the smell of rotten meat and dried blood reached my nose. Jesus Christ, what had the thing done here?

All right, calm down. Act like a goddamn professional.

I inched closer to the doorway, hiding myself from the inside. A quick check of the close-range scanner told me the fucker was right ahead. No time to fuck around, I told myself as I threw a flash grenade inside. Blazing light exploded from the doorway and a second later, I burst inside, ready to pump the fucker full of holes. Yet, all I found inside were the remains of people. One body was slumped against the wall next to the entrance. All others had been torn to pieces. Their flesh was shredded and nothing but bones were left. It was impossible to say how many the thing had killed here. As I stared at the massacre, I felt sick to my stomach.

There was more to this room, however. The walls were covered in obscure symbols and alien scriptures so strange, they made my head hurt.

For a moment, I closed my eyes and told myself to focus. I had to find the fucker, and I had to do it quickly. As my eyes wandered over the room, something didn’t add up. If this thing had been feeding on all those bodies, then why was the one by the entrance...? Shit! I turned around just in time to see the body move. A fucking trap, but this time I’d seen through it. I shot once, then again, and then once more. I pumped the thing full of lead and holes, but there was no reaction. The flesh of the body tore apart, but it didn’t stop moving.

Finally, I saw what I was really up against. Something bubbled outward from the holes of the body. I heard the disgusting sound of skin tearing as a mass of liquefied flesh broke from the body. When I saw it, I almost cringed back. Shit, this was no humanoid type. This was an entirely different organism, one that was much, much worse. I don’t know if those fuckers even have a name. That’s how rare they are. What I was up against was nothing but a shapeless mass of flesh.

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

Alcohol and Headquarters wonder drugs pumped heavy through my body, and I watched in horror as first a mouth and a then face formed on the mass. A terrifying, wet giggle came from the new-formed mouth of the creature.

“Are you here to hunt me?” the thing asked in a distorted, high-pitched voice.

“That’s right, fucker,” I spat at it.

I took another shot at the thing and blasted apart the face and mouth that had formed, but it did nothing. Within moments, the wound closed up, and the thing reformed itself. No, it was transforming. Transfixed, I watched how liquefied flesh became solid and muscles and tendons formed. Then, before I could even react, an elongated appendage shot forward and got a hold of me. I screamed in pain as it twisted my arm, causing me to drop the shotgun. At the same time, more appendages were forming. A twisted mess of hands came for me and in an instant my legs were restrained and I felt clawed fingers scratching over them.

“How are you going to hunt me now?” a voice from deep inside the flesh puddle asked.

I could see mouths forming on its body as it slithered towards me. Teeth were already gnashing in anticipation of its next meal.

“Well, how about that?”

The flamer crashed right against it and covered the creature in a blanket of liquid fire. This time it worked. The creature screeched, recoiled, and twisted its body around itself to drench the flames. Guess there was only one way to get rid of this fucker. I had to burn it to the last bit, and I was in the mood to do exactly that.

In front of me, the thing shed part of its body and sacrificed it to the flames while the rest slithered towards the exit.

I was about to hurl another flamer when the withdrawals of Headquarters’ wonder drugs kicked in. Fuck, why now!? My body began shaking and trembling uncontrollably. The flamer dropped from my hand and a moment later, I crashed to the floor. Shit, you stupid idiot! My vision grew blurry, my head spun, and a moment later, I threw up. Once I’d pushed myself back to my feet and had steadied myself again, the thing was long gone. I stumbled after it, but I was a shivering, shaking mess. For a moment, I had to push myself against the wall in front of me, barely able to catch my breath, and had to wait for my heartbeat to calm down.

As I stormed from the room to follow the creature, I remembered the symbols on the walls. I took out my phone and hit up Headquarters.

“Headquarters,” I started, trying to keep my voice as steady as possible. “I’m in pursuit of the creature. Its hiding place was covered in various strange symbols. Might be nothing, but I got a bad feeling about it.”

With that, I hurried on. I still felt like shit and for a moment, I considered dumping another pill, but the withdrawals would be even worse. No, I had to finish this in the state I was in, if I even could. I hit the close-range scanner again and saw that the creature was on the move. At this moment, I remembered why those fuckers were so dangerous. It was the reason almost nothing had been left of the corpses in the room. They grew by absorbing organic matter. I knew what this thing was planning to do. Find a place with people, slaughter them all and absorb them to regenerate, grow and increase in size and power.

Fucking hell, I told myself not to fuck up and now... Shit!

Another look at the close-range scanner told me the thing had already left the urban development area. It was already searching. No, it was hunting.

Half a minute later, I’d made it to the edge as well and in front of me, on the other side of the street, I saw a recipe for trouble. It was a small, sleazy looking corner bar. Just the place where you’d find people drinking on a Sunday afternoon and early evening. I rushed forward. I prayed I was wrong, but I could already hear the screams.

You idiot, why’d you have to take those damned pills? No, why’d you have to get freaking wasted!? All right, shut the hell up and take care of it.

The moment I stormed inside, the place was already a bloodbath. People had been torn apart and blood was everywhere. Right in the center was a heap of liquefied flesh, gnawing at and consuming its newest victim. The entire bar was filled with the disgusting, sizzling sound of flesh melting as it became part of the creature’s body. I tore out a flamer, but right at that moment, the thing got a hold of a person, one that was still alive.

“What are you going to do now, hunter? Are you going to kill this one as well?”

The woman it had entangled was in utter hysterics. She was screaming and crying, trying desperately to get free. When her eyes met mine, I was reminded of Julie’s. Without consciously knowing what I was doing, I lowered the hand holding the flamer. High-pitched laughter broke from the creature’s body and a plethora of clawed appendages shot forward. I ducked aside and threw myself into a corner booth, but the attack still grazed the side of my body. I screamed up in pain and knew it had torn right through the protective armor.

“You fucking,” I cursed as I lay there, pressing my hand against the wet wound on my side.

When I looked at it, I saw blood, a lot of fucking blood. Shit, this was getting ugly. I could already hear the damned thing slithering around and getting closer. I inched to the edge of the booth, but what I saw made me freeze. The neck of the woman it was holding had been twisted, and I saw the bubbly flesh of the creature pushing into her body. She’d become just another meal.

At that moment, I didn’t care anymore. I threw the flamer, but this time, not at the thing, but the area behind it. The flames spread within moments and turned the back of the bar into an inferno. It giggled, pulled in its body, and prepared for another attack.

“You missed, hunter,” it giggled in anticipation.

“Think again, you piece of shit!”

I threw two more flamers, again not at the creature, but at the walls to the left and right. I saw its attack coming, but this time, I was faster and threw myself outside. By now, the creature seemed to have realized what I was doing. Its giggles had stopped and turned into an angry, deep grumbling. I heard it behind me, heard a wave of liquefied flesh pushing towards the front of the bar, but before it could do anything, I hit it with another flamer. A grin distorted my face, and I laughed as I heard the thing screeching. I stumbled back further, and then I threw the last of my flamers against the front of the building. By now, the bar had become a bona fide furnace. This time, the thing wouldn’t get away. From inside, I heard it screech, scream, and trash around before nothing but the sounds of the sizzling flames remained.

I stood there and watched the inferno in satisfaction before I remembered where I was. Within moments, I retreated to the urban development area and hid myself between the half-finished buildings. I was sure, however, that people must’ve noticed me. This time, I had fucked up gloriously. Sure, I was in trouble with Headquarters, but that didn’t matter. It didn’t matter one bit. What mattered was that my fuck up had cost people’s life.

For a while, I just sat there and listened to the police sirens while I cauterized my wounds. Then, after I’d calmed down and had taken care of the worst damage, I hit up Headquarters and told them how badly I’d fucked up. As expected, they already knew. This C-class had killed seven people, not including its original victims.

Seven people. Seven fucking people were dead because of me.

“Return to your base of operation, Exterminator 7D11087. No one will stop you. The authorities have been informed about the incident and witnesses have been put into custody. We assure you there will be repercussions for today’s actions, but we’re also aware of the heightened activity in your area. We acknowledge we might have miscalculated your abilities. Today’s incident has proven that you’re in need of assistance. We’re going to send someone who’ll analyze the situation at hand and assist you.”

As I went on my way home, I was still shell-shocked about today’s incident. Even worse, however, was the idea of Headquarters sending another exterminator here. I fucking hated people. I hated working with others, always had, and now... Dammit!

Fuck monsters and fuck working with others!