I looked down at myself. I had at least three cuts that were bleeding, and a dozen other scratches all over my naked body, mostly on my legs. Mud covered my hands and knees and I just knew my hair was a mess.
I was probably a half mile away from the bathhouse, where I could take a shower and actually clean myself with shampoo and a bar of soap, or whatever it was they had on hand.
I was thinking of a relaxing shower, by myself, when I heard a car’s tires on the road's gravel. Again, I hid behind a tree off the trail. My hands were against the tree, and I looked both ways, trying to discern where the car was.
Electric cars are hard to hear.
However, I made a huge mistake. Where I hid didn’t hide me, it only made me more visible when they went further down the road.
“Audrey! Not again!” I heard James say from the road. My head shot in his direction. He was in a golf cart putting down the road. From where I was “hiding,” he could now see me fully. I froze, stock still.
Did he say “not again?”
“Oh… Morgan… What the hell happened to you?”
I covered my red face, but I realized I should be covering other things. I put an arm around my breasts, an arm covering my junk—I forgot I didn’t have junk anymore, so in a panic, I closed my legs and squatted down.
Embarrassed, my face must’ve looked like hot lava. That’s what it felt like.
“I was taking a bath when I saw a burglar!” I said. “He looked like Ronald Reagan!”
“No, not again!” He practically howled, slamming the steering wheel, “My fishing trophies! Which way did he go?!”
“The south road around the properties! Wait, did you say ‘fishing trophies’?!”
Did I just chase down someone for fucking fishing trophies?!
James, looking absolutely furious, put the pedal to the metal as fast as a golf cart can go. The cart swerved wildly down the gravel road and out of sight.
“What the fuck… is happening around here?”
I got up and ran at breakneck speeds back to the bathhouse.
= = =
Audrey was still in the bath when I got there out of breath, bleeding, and muddy.
“What the hell happened to you?”
“It’s a long story…” I opened the curtain to the shower and turned the knobs. I heard water splash as Audrey stood up and came over to me.
“Please, I can at least shower by myself…”
In her low, enticing accent, she said, “I wanted to show you how to use beauty products…” She hung her head in defeat.
How could I refuse that?
I grabbed her hand and pulled her into the shower with me.
That made her smile. “Do you have oily hair?” She reached a hand behind my head and pulled my medium length hair out of my ponytail. She looked me in the eyes as she did so, and I felt myself get wet between my legs. “It doesn’t look like you do…”
“I don’t think so… most of the time, it’s pretty dry.”
“Then only use shampoo twice a week. I’d say once, but we live off the grid, so dirt is a problem.”
I nodded. I liked learning new things. So that’s how girls wash their hair…
“Here’s my condition,” she handed me a purple bottle. “You can use it now. It’s for women, it’ll make your hair feel like silk.”
I nodded and squirted some in my hand, then slapped it onto my head.
“No, no, no. You don’t rub conditioner into your scalp, that’s how you use shampoo! You work it into your hair, and leave it in until the end of your shower.”
She demonstrated with her own long hair. She put some conditioner into her hand, then flipped her hair to the front of her head and worked it in. “See?”
I copied her, working it through my hair. She handed me another bottle.
“Face cleanser,” she held out her hands and I emptied some into her hands. She demonstrated, rubbing in circles from the top to the bottom of her cute face.
Again, I copied her and was careful to wash it off, but leave the conditioner in.
“Body rub,” she said.
…
“That’s it,” she concluded, standing under the showerhead.
“Wow, there’s a lot of things for girls to do in the shower!” I was genuinely surprised by the end of it. We must’ve been here for half an hour…
“Taking care of yourself isn’t easy, but it’s worth it!” She said with a smile. “Now that that’s over, you get your reward…”
She kissed me, the French way, and I wrapped my arms around her body as she felt me up and down. She grabbed my ass and I jumped a bit, then kissed my neck, sucking. A moan escaped my lips.
“No hickies!” I yelled.
“What if it’s somewhere no one can see?”
“I guess that’s okay…”
She lowed her kisses down, down to my breasts. She sucked my nipple, I imagined it was somewhat like how a baby breastfeeds. I couldn’t help it, I gasped over and over.
“Audrey, too sensitive!” I pushed her head away.
When a booming voice interrupted us—
“Morgan! Audrey!” It was James yelling.
My partner sighed. “We’re in the shower, give us a moment!” Audrey yelled back.
She and I stepped out, turned off the shower, and got dressed in the same clothes as before. My whole body was aching, that want to be touched, but I tried my hardest to ignore it.
“We’re dressed!” I yelled once we were.
James came from behind a redwood, walking up looking sad, detrimentally sad. I’d only ever seen the guy laughing.
“I can’t believe they stole my fishing trophies, again! That damn Ronald Reagan!” He threw his dad hat to the ground. “I’ll get that bastard this time! Mark my words… I’ll get him if it kills me!”
Ed walked up at that time from the trees. He moves silently for being so big… He placed a strong hand on James’ shoulder, saying, “it’s okay—”
“It’s not okay!” He shoved his shoulder away, “Those are my pride and joy! Those are my sweet little babies, and they played me like a damn violin!”
He began stomping his hat into the dirt.
What the hell do you even make of this? We all kept silent for a moment as James raged on… Well, there was something I could do about it.
“I’ll get them back for you,” I said.
“Huh?”
“What?”
“How?” James asked.
“I’m basically a detective in training, supernatural specialist, remember? It can’t be too hard to catch a prankster—I mean, thief.”
“Oh, Morgan! If you did, I would handsomely reward you!” He turned jovial just like that, coming up and hugging me. I felt… uncomfortable in his embrace, and tried to gently push him away.
“Sorry… Sometimes I forget you’re a man at heart,” he said, regaining his composure.
Yeah, you and me both… I had just spent most of an hour applying beauty products when I knew I’d never do it again. Probably.
I wondered at how sensitive my body was to people’s touch now, even just people looking. Being a woman is so strange.
“Which road did you look for him on?” I asked. The road forked, going in between properties, or to the highway, in front of the very first house on the road.
“I went left at the fork in the road, but I didn’t find the bastard.”
“That means she must be on the first two properties… Alright. Thank you, James.”
“What did you figure out?” James tilted his head at me.
“If she lives on this road, which is likely, that means the road he took leads to her house, or near it. So the road that leads to the end of the private road? That leads to the first two houses at the entrance of the road from the highway.”
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“You’re really talking like a detective,” Audrey said, giggling.
“James, could you show me where you keep the fishing trophies?”
“Yes, follow me.”
We all walked up the top of the property, into that patio where James had been cooking this morning. Amongst all the cooking stuff on the counters, there was a cabinet sitting alone to the side that had a glass door and a lock on it, wide open. This must be where the trophies were.
“Who knew about them?” I asked.
“Everyone,” Ed answered in his rumbling voice. “He showed them off to everyone, and it’s not exactly hidden.”
James cursed under his breath. “Damn, damn my foolishness!”
“OK…”
“Back there you said ‘she,’ but weren’t they dressed in a blue robe, like last time?” Ed asked.
“I caught them pulling up their stockings, so I’m assuming it must be a she. What happened last time, now? You did say it’s happened before…”
“It was April 1st, I was fishing down at the swimming hole, and when I came back up for a beer after a hard day… Ronald Reagan was staring me in the face. He was too fast, however, and I lost him!”
April fools…
Ed nodded in agreement. “That person was extremely quick on their feet, we old guys stood no chance.”
I remembered back to my chase. He was fast, that was certain, but to outrun James? He might not look it, but I’m certain in a sprint James would beat me seven out of ten times. He was actually quite fit from working hard his whole life.
“One other thing… Why were you two taking a shower together?” James asked.
I froze up. I hated keeping secrets…
“I was showing her how to use beauty products…” Audrey said, not very convincingly.
James gave us both a look. There was more than a bit of doubt in it, while I tried desperately not to avoid his gaze. I failed.
Then he shrugged. “We should have a talk later, but never mind that for now. I’ll leave this up to you, and if you get them back I’ll give you a sizable reward.”
In other words, he saw right through me—through us. But it wasn’t worth reprimanding…
I cleared my throat, ahem, and said, “I can promise you, I’ll get them back. Could you do me a favor, I need new clothes and I’m tight on money right now…”
“I can front you some cash tomorrow when we go into town and get you clothes, no worries,” he waved a dismissive hand. “I can’t have you running around naked!” He laughed his usual loud, manly laugh.
Thank god he got his sense of humor back… I think I just saw him go through the five stages of grief within minutes.
“There’s still light in the day,” Ed says, “but how about we retire to the campfire for now?”
I looked up at the setting sun, then my watch.
It said it was 7:15, so there was a good hour left of sunlight. Man does time fly when you’re having a good time…
“How about Morgan and I make dinner tonight?” Audrey proposed.
“Sounds good, I got more beer by the way—so help yourselves. What’re you going to make?”
“A delicacy from France,” Audrey said, puffing out her chest. “You’ll love it, don’t worry.”
“That’s because you’re a fantastic cook of things I’ve never even thought of before!” He bellowed a laugh. “Go wild, Audrey.”
“You know me, James, I’m a wild woman!” Audrey grabbed a hair tie from her wrist and put her hair up.
She looks good in a ponytail.
“Get the fire started, we’ll get to work here. And bring us a beer, won’t you?”
James nodded and headed down a trail to the garden, due west of us. Ed took off for the campfire, going around the trailer, some fifty feet below us.
“You really know how to defuse a situation… it was starting to get tense, or was that just me?” I said.
“You get good at it, as a woman. Women need to know how to solve problems peacefully, you see? And nothing solves a problem better than cooking a decent meal.”
My mind drifted to stereotypes. Women are like this, women are supposed to be like that, but beyond stereotypes, she was right… There certainly are attributes that make someone feminine.
And had she not just defused the situation in a feminine way?
I felt like I needed to sit down and think, and think hard about things… about my situation. I’d been so busy having fun with Audrey that I still hadn’t sat down and simply thought about it…
All I had were vague feelings.
“Audrey, I’m going to talk to James. It might take a while,” I said, running down the trail after him.
I found him quick enough, at the ice chest in the garden with four beers in his hands. “Hey, Morgan, looks like you got something to say.”
“It’s less something I need to say, and idea’s I need to bounce around. Will you help me?”
“Always. Let me drop off these beers, then we’ll go on a walk. How’s that sound?”
“Perfect,” I heard my own reedy voice say.
“There’s an elephant in the room, you know that, right?” He started walking back up the way we came.
“I know, and I’ll just lay it on the table. Me and Audrey are… more than close,” I blushed, looking at the ground as I walked behind James.
“I don’t really care, but be careful and don’t hurt her,” he said. “Don’t say anything, right now I just want you to imagine all the ways a relationship can hurt.”
There was a lull in the conversation as I followed him up the slope. I thought about my own past relationships with women I’ve known and loved at some point, just like he told me to. I thought of the breakups, I thought of the girl I almost proposed to and who broke my heart for our own self-preservation.
I won’t regale you with all the things I thought as we walked from Audrey to Ed, James handing them beers with a “hear you go,” and, “thank you.” I knew he just wanted to keep our conversation private, that’s why he told me to say nothing for now and think… But I was really thinking about it.
Eventually, we were on the top road, walking side by side. At the fork, we went straight. I’d never taken this road before.
I heard a few frogs in the background, croaking. I smelt the fresh forest air, and finally, I looked around at the most perfect, flawless trees that exist; towering above us as the sun waned and stars flickered into existence in the sky.
“Don’t hurt her. Since she’s seen you the very first time, she’s been in a much happier mood than I’ve ever seen. But that’s the thing, Morgan. Everything has two sides, everything is a double edged sword. What makes her happy today—I’m talking about you—It has two edge’s to it, and it could bring her down again.”
I understood what he was saying. For every high in a relationship, there’s a possible, opposite low. That’s what I was just thinking about, all the hurt I’d felt before. And when I thought about it, all those same relationships had their high highs as well.
“She loves me, doesn’t she? James, I’m not quick to fall in love, but I do really like her. I’ve been myself around her, and so naturally—”
“Then just be careful. She’s recovering from grave wounds to her soul and pride as a human. I’m sure you’ve heard something, but I’ve heard all of it—”
“As a human, and not a woman?”
“That, too. Her pride as a woman, as well. I’ve said what I wanted to say, what do you have?”
“As I see it, Audrey is promoting me, me embracing being a woman. In all sorts of ways. She’s teaching me how to put on products like a woman, dress like one, and take care of myself like one… And that’s great, but I…”
“Haven’t come to terms with it? Being a girl?”
“I had a dream with my affliction. Have you ever, with yours?”
“Yes, whenever I’m seriously stressed… It’s very strange.”
“Yes, it is. Long story short, I’ll be a woman forever… or I have to give birth. That’s what it said.”
“What do you think?”
“I want to be a male again, and I thought I’d do anything including give birth to turn back… but I’m scared.”
“It’s quite a conundrum, a can of worms… What feels right?”
“I’ve spent my whole life with a dick—I miss it, I feel insecure without it, I feel insecure in this female body. But with Audrey around, I can almost forget all about it.”
“Why don’t you do this: embrace being a woman, and if you don’t like it you can… find a way to turn back, you know what I mean? As I see it, you’ve got all the time in the world to figure it out. You’re rushing yourself to a conclusion, but there’s no rush in the first place.”
No rush… just a conundrum.
“It’s a philosophical nightmare…”
“You’re thinking too hard,” James laughed. “No philosophy need be involved, that’s just being realistic. Let Audrey teach you the ropes like she has been, make up your mind afterward.”
I thought about his words. They seemed wise, indeed. I trusted James, no matter how long it’s been since I’d seen him. Maybe, just maybe, it’s like he says. I’m just rushing to a red light.
I thought… about myself. From his words, I reflected on my life.
“There’s a hole in my heart, James. There always has been, as long as I can remember. What should be beautiful, or fun, never raises any sort of emotion in me. I feel indifferent to everything, but as a woman…”
I stopped and looked at the sunset, turning to twilight.
James stopped ahead of me.
“Now, James, when I look at the sunset, I feel things I’ve never felt before. As a woman, that hole in my heart is filled, but another one has opened in its place.”
“Filled with doubt, huh?”
“Brimming with it, yeah.”
“If it’s any consolation, I think it’ll fill itself with time and patience. You’re going through a dramatic change, but you’ll begin to fill in those doubts naturally. With the help of the redwoods…”
We came out of the trees into a clearing, a strip of perfectly flat land filled with wildflowers. I thought I could see way off in the distance the pacific ocean. Just the tip of it… And in the middle of this clearing was a tall wooden fence surrounded by sunflowers.
It was unreal. It was a place with greener grasses on the other side. It looked like God himself carved it out as a getaway spot… Filled with wildflowers.
“This place is naturally formed, as far as I can tell. Nobody logged this area, it’s just the magic of the redwoods. The same magic that’ll heal you and has helped Audrey.”
So that’s what he means… when he says that.
“My arm, my missing arm… when I lost it to the affliction, I came here and healed my wounded soul. This place saved my life. It’s why I don’t have a powerline here, it’s not that I couldn’t hook up to the grid, I’m afraid it would ruin the magic.”
He walked through a trail in the wildflowers and came up to the fence, opening it.
“This is my secret garden.”
I knew once looking at the flowers, what these massive bushes were inside the fencing. “Weed…”
“Due to nerve damage, I’m in constant pain. Weed solves it. It’s the other thing that saved my life. These two things. These redwoods and this plant are all I need. Everything else is a luxury.”
I walked around the isles of pot plants, marveling at their size, at the magic.
I don’t know how I could see this and not believe it, but I don’t know how I’d believe it if I hadn’t seen it…
“Thank you for showing me this place,” I said. “I’ll always cherish this memory…”
“The ranch, this property, will likely be yours someday. Take a lesson from me and cherish these trees.”
“Thank you, James.”
“Let’s get back before it’s dark, alright?”
I looked at James' prosthetic arm. You could barely tell it was fake.
“James?”
“Yes?”
“Could I ask a poignant question?”
“Always,” James said.
“How’d you lose your arm?”
James sighed. It was full of regret. “I was hanging out with my best friends when the vision attacked. We were all high out of our minds on acid. We ran to the car from the vision and drove away as fast as we could. It wasn’t fast enough. It killed my friend on the way to me.”
“I’m so sorry for asking!” I covered my mouth.
“No, it’s good to talk about it. Sometimes I need to talk about it. It tore my arm off and afflicted me. I was lucky that’s all it did. I was lucky to get away with that. I feel blessed every day I wake up.”
“What was it, James…”
“An ethereal snow leopard. That’s what did it.”
James usually talks a lot, but after that, we walked in silence. I knew something more about James now. Nothing more needed to be said. And when we got back to camp he was laughing like usual, shooting the shit with everyone.
I went to bed after eating with everyone and had a long chat in Audrey’s arms. What’d we say that night? Some things are better left to the imagination.
= = =