“I need a refill, please!” Audrey yelled with a glint in her eyes. I’d seen that glint in my own eyes before and on others. She was gonna get wasted.

“Refill!”

“Please, refill me!”

“I’ll have another…”

“Oh god, I’m drunk.” Four and a half highballs in, Audrey said that. That’s pretty impressive in its own right, especially for a woman.

“I think we better leave,” I said.

“Just one more glass…”

“No, we’re leaving,” I looked at William. He’d been keeping pace with her outlandish speed, but he looked just the same as two and a half hours ago—with a glass in his hand and legs crossed in that recliner. “Thank you for the brandy,” I said to him. “But we’ve gotta get back.”

“Want a drive back?”

I looked at Audrey. “Can you walk?”

“Walk? Hell, I could run! Woohoo!” She raised her arms in a victory pose. “Let’s go to the hot tub!”

“Alright,” I said, we both stood up, and Audrey wobbled. I grabbed her hand, and we let ourselves out.

As we closed the door shut William called to us, “Be safe out there!”

“He’s a fascinating old man, that’s for sure…” I said to nobody in particular. “Was it just me, or was he looking at me funny?”

“Remember how I whispered something to him…” Audrey said.

“Yeah, what the hell did you whisper?”

“I asked him if he’d get you pregnant, because of your situation and all!”

And he had nodded vigorously, yes? My face turned to beat red in the afternoon sun, I felt like I could pass out. “You really shouldn’t have done that…”

“Well, he said he would! That’s good news, right?” She hiccuped. “And now that I’m drunk, I can tell you how I got here… but only once we’re in the hot tub.”

“We really have a hot tub?”

“We have a whole bathhouse! Carved out of redwood! Do you want to take a bath with me… or maybe a shower?” She was stumbling all over the place. I was certain if I wasn’t holding her hand she’d have tripped by now.

“It’s a little hot for a hot tub right now… A warm bath sounds nice, but won’t they think something’s up if we take a bath together?”

I was referring of course to James and Ed. I was a man who preferred privacy.

“They’re probably still gone… don’t worry about it!” She hiccuped. “Did you know, the moment I saw you, I said to myself: I’m gonna have sex with her. It was love at first sight! I love yooou, Morgan!” Another hiccup.

“I think you call that lust at first sight, and you’re drunk. Probably only getting drunker still, for that matter.”

“What do you mean?”

“It takes a while for alcohol to process through your body, so—”

“No, I mean,” hic, “don’t you love me back…” I could hear an undertone of pouting in her voice.

“Yes, Audrey… I love you, too.” I said it because I know she doesn’t mean it, either. She’s probably just drunk.

“You better not be just saying that… I’ll remember this.”

Gah! What should I say?

“Well, my feelings are a little more complex than ‘love,’ all I know on this second day I met you is that I like you, a lot… I think we have good chemistry.”

“Why’s that…”

“Because… it’s like you see right through me, and most people struggle to understand me. Isn’t that enough?”

“Good chemistry, huh?”

“If I were lightning, wild and uncontrollable, you’d be the ground that brings me back to earth…”

“Sounds poetic,” hic.

“I wrote it—a long time ago, now.”

“It was about a different girl, right?”

She’s nothing if not sharp…

“Yes, but now it’s about you. That’s how I feel about you.”

We walked in through the green gate and made our way down to the bathhouse. I'd seen it earlier when I went on a walk, it’s pretty close to the outhouse—it was just a bit further down the hill.

We made our way through the redwoods, and I thought I should take back up writing poetry. I should write something about these trees, majestic as they are.

The bathhouse wasn’t very private, now that I was looking at it. It had a sort of fencing around the bottom half, and no walls. The shower had a curtain around it, but if anyone walked by they could totally see you in the round tub of a bath.

We walked in and Audrey began stripping immediately. I shrugged and turned on the faucet to the tub first.

“This probably uses a generator?” I said.

“Nope, a bunch of solar panels on the roof power the water heater. You just have to flip the switch when you're about to use it for a bath.”

I went over to the water heater, it was pretty small, everything considered, and found the big red switch on its panel. It started humming.

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

I felt the water coming out of the faucet. It was too hot, so I turned it down until it was comfortable, then I looked at Audrey. She was already in her birthday suit, dipping a toe in the bath.

I marveled at her hourglass figure. I was like a board compared to her, even if I did fit in her bra. She had so many curves, in all the right places. A true woman, I only wish someone could make me a statue of her nude form to permanent her beauty.

Not that I could ever forget her now, even if I tried, even if I lived 300 years.

I stripped down to nothing and sat across from Audrey on the edge of the round tub with my feet in the rapidly rising water. It would be just big enough for both of us, the water was the perfect temperature, and I sighed in relief.

Audrey took a few deep breaths and slid from the edge of the tub into it, perched on a board for sitting inside of it.

“I was disowned—by my stepfather,” Audrey said. “He was just waiting for an excuse if you ask me. The heartbreak in it was when my mother agreed to it, and will no longer talk to me… It’s like, that side of the family died tragically to me, even though they're perfectly alive and well in reality.”

“That must make it worse…”

“It does. At least if they were dead I could have a funeral and say goodbye. But one day they figured out I was having a relationship with a woman—they’re Catholics, you see?—They kicked me out on the streets. Threw everything I owned into the road and locked the doors. My stepfather yelled at me as I slammed the door and begged forgiveness, begging to talk to my mother. I haven’t heard from them since.”

I slid into the bath and turned off the facet, with water spilling over the sides I moved to her and hugged her.

“There are five stages of grief, I was told by a therapist. But I skipped over all of them. It felt like I was in somebody else's body… like I wasn’t even human. In despair and dissociation, I lost my job, and my housing and I became homeless and suicidal. I walked the streets in a daze, wanting to die.”

I rubbed her back. “So you came here?”

“Oui, I contacted my cousins asking to go someplace far away from my home. One of them knew James and gave me his number. He told me to come over, he even paid for the flight. He said ‘I don’t know a better place to heal than the redwoods.’ I think he’s right, I’m doing much better here…”

I pulled away and sat on my end. She wasn’t weeping, not a single tear to her eyes, but she had this solemn look on her face so unlike the bubbly personality I’ve seen from her.

It was a stark contrast.

It goes to show how we’ve all got more than one side.

More than one persona—her devil may care attitude, happy-go-lucky personality—it was a front.

A front for some deep darkness inside her.

I could see that darkness right now.

I could tell there was more, perhaps much more, that she was leaving out. She simply gave me the sparknotes version, a footnote in a thick novel, the synopsis of a story… I’m sure for as many curves she has on her body, there’s something there to her.

Something unsaid.

“I think I need a beer,” she said.

“I think you’re good for tonight… Enjoy the bath.”

She moved over to me in the water, making a small wake, and kissed me lightly on the lips, the neck, and licked.

In a small voice, she whispered in my ear, “I guess I’ll have to get drunk on you…”

She nibbled on my earlobe and a small moan escaped my lips. Her hand found its way to my right breast and pinched my nipple, I could feel it stiffen at the attention, getting sensitive to her touch.

I kissed her back with my tongue and grabbed her breasts, feeling their full weight in my hands. I trailed a line down her body to her vagina and found a stiff clit waiting to be touched. She moaned in my ear as I rubbed her with my hand.

Audrey moved so she was sitting on my lap with her legs around my back, and she kissed me for minutes as I focused on her clit.

She grabbed my hand underneath the water and lowered it. I extended my middle finger and inserted it inside her warm body, and she gasped, resting her head on my shoulder, she gasped over and over again.

Her legs began to squeeze me after a while, and I realized she had a hand behind her back, with a finger up her butt. Audrey quivered, and I slowed down to a stop.

She stood up, turned around, and presented me with her perfectly round butt with her hands on the sides of the tub.

“Eat me,” she said, waving her butt in the air.

I grabbed ahold of her butt and blew hot air on her smooth skin, before licking up and down, tasting her wetness. I was mesmerized by the taste of it, by the lewd sound of her moans, I put my thumb on her clit and began licking with abandon.

Her legs quivered, her body convulsed, and I kept at it until she sank back into the water, holding her hand between her legs, saying, “Holy shit…”

Her mouth was wide open, gasping for breath. It took her a few minutes to calm back down and say something.

“Can I just relax in here… I’ll take care of you later…” Her eyes were closed, head sunk back in the water. I thought she was radiating a glow in the after moments.

“Yeah, I’m gonna get us beers, actually. One won’t hurt.” She really hadn’t been kidding when she said she was a heavyweight. I stood up from the warm bath into the warm sun’s rays, my whole body tingling.

“I dare you to go get them naked! Haha!”

“Fine,” I shrugged. “Nobodies here anyways.”

“You can wear my sandals,” Audrey said, looking at me as I stepped out of the bath. I could definitely feel her gaze on my butt…

That’s something you’d never say as a man.

I put on her sandals and headed to the ice cooler, it would be near the garden, which was directly north of here, in the center of the planted redwoods.

As I got further away from the bathhouse, I got more and more excited down there… and a bit scared in my complete nudity. If someone was here… What if they saw me? I was defenseless, and out in the open!

I covered my breasts, as if that would do anything, and started running through the trees to the garden, looking all around me once I got there like a paranoid dictator looking out for assassins.

To my great dismay, I saw someone! I ducked behind a tree and almost screeched, covering my mouth with my hand… when I realized what was happening.

He was masked—that might give the wrong impression… He was wearing a mask—of a crude representation—of Ronald Regan. The rest of him was dressed in a blue robe, like he was a wizard from Final Fantasy, with a knapsack over his shoulder, clanking as he moved.

In other words—it was a burglar.

Oddly dressed, sure, but a thief nonetheless.

I decided at that moment exactly what I’d do, as I hid behind the tree.

I was going to follow the motherfucker.

I peaked my head out. Ronald Reagan—the man or woman, there was no way to tell—was moving at a brisk speed, half running, on a road down the slope of the property.

I waited until he was out of sight then moved from tree to tree until I spotted him again. It looked like he was going to take the road out of here, never straying from that path.

He stopped and I hid behind the tree I was near. I would know he was moving again when I hear the clanking sound from his knapsack of stolen goods. I waited, hyper aware of my nudeness, trying to control my breathing.

A minute passed, but there was no sound.

I peeked around the tree, as slowly as I could. He was gone. I looked around and spotted his bright blue robe in the trees, going west. I climbed down a small embankment to the road and across the other side, climbing up the opposite side's embankment.

He was making a mad dash through the trees now, carrying the goods in his hands like you would a baby. I’d lose him if I didn’t run, so I did.

I was getting scrapes on my arms and legs from bushes and branches, but I ignored them, streaking through the forest like a demon!

Like I was a demon chasing after someone… if you define a demon as a naked woman wearing only sandals.

If he continued this way, It would take him on the west road around the houses. So he scooped out the lay of the land beforehand. He was using a trail—basically a shortcut—while I was running from tree to tree.

I ran after him for a few minutes, losing sight of him sometimes, but knowing where the trail would take him since I took it this morning for a walk.

Reagan stopped once he got to the road leading out of here. I peeked from behind a tree, thinking it might give me a clue.

I was right, it did. Ronald Reagan pulled up his robe and revealed—that it was a she, she was pulling up her tight, black stockings.

This is where I had to stop. On the left of the road, from where I was facing, was a bank so steep you couldn’t walk on it. To the right was a gully with water at the bottom from recent heavy rain.

I wasn’t going to take my chances with either, not naked.

But this was more than enough information.

I followed the road back to the bathhouse, my exhibitionist trip for beer ruined.

= = =