Walking back to the dorm was a weird feeling. Every time I’ve been inside my dorm to this point it was due to us needing to search every nook and cranny for possible weapons and then of course when I first woke up and realized I had been kidnapped. It goes without saying that it was hard to see it as a place of respite, even though that’s what it would have to become if I want to keep my brain functioning at a normal level. Who knows how many times I’ll have to use my critical thinking skills while I’m here, but hopefully it’s not too often. I’d really prefer if the problem could be solved by someone like Conrad or Miles just smashing a wall to pieces and us all running out like a scene in a prison break movie. I doubt it’d be that easy though. The fact that I’ll now be sharing a room with a girl who I didn’t know before today will definitely heighten the challenge I face as well. We do seem to get along though, and I definitely met a lot of people I’d prefer not to be roommates with so I’ll take this specific circumstance as a win.

Once we entered the dorm, Marin went and sprawled out on one of the bean bag chairs. I took a seat on the bottom bunk and took a deep breath. Marin did the same.

“Hey, Ryder,” Marin started. “Thanks for listening to me whine about my home life. Sorry for dumping that all on you. I’m sure you were weirded out, considering it was just supposed to be about dumping brownie batter not trauma…”

She seemed embarrassed, but still managed to fit a joke in there. Which I deeply respected.

“You have nothing to be embarrassed about,” I responded. “I just appreciate that you trust me enough to get that personal.”

“Yeah, it’s weird because we’ve only known each other one day, but you seem like a trustworthy guy. I don’t really consider myself that easy to gain the trust of either, so I guess you’ve played your cards right,” Marin said, smiling. “Still, it’s not fair that I cried in front of you while expounding on my trauma and you haven’t yet. Let the demons out! I wanna hear about ‘em!”

“I’ve always considered myself a better listener than a storyteller, so I don’t know if it’d be too enjoyable to listen to.”

I’ve always been nervous about opening up. Having problems with social anxiety makes it difficult to put your problems on other people and that’s something I’ve always had difficulty with. I want to hear everyone else’s problems and help fix them or support them, but when it comes to making myself vulnerable…I shut down. Not having an outlet to express your frustrations, worries, and dreams makes life a lot bleaker though, so it’s something I’ve been wanting to work on. It’s easier said than done, but admitting you have a problem is the first step.

“Nuh uh! You don’t get to get off that easy! Opening up isn’t easy, but I promise I want to listen,” Marin said while smiling that same genuine smile.

“If you won’t let me off the hook, then I’ll try my best,” I said. Marin looked at me intently. “...I’ve always had problems talking to people and expressing myself. I was always awkward with people. I had trouble initiating conversation or keeping up small talk. I was put into the accelerated classes during high school, and that sucked because most of my friends from middle school were not in those classes, so I was always sitting by myself. I saw myself as beneath those who were in the accelerated courses for some reason, even though I was in them myself. I know it was stupid thing to think, but it’s a difficult feeling to shake. It just felt like everyone hated me or thought I was weird because I was quiet and didn’t really hang out with anyone in those classes. After talking to my parents about it, it turns out that I had issues with social anxiety which made it more difficult to socialize. My mom had the same issues while she was going through life.”

“It is always difficult when you’re around unfamiliar people. I remember when I first started studying in France, and how out of place I felt. Especially because of the culture gap,” Marin said.

“I can’t even imagine going somewhere so far and unfamiliar, especially when I still struggle here in my own country with people I’ve known for years.”

“I did manage to make a few friends there eventually and that made it all worth it in the end. I’ve always been a pretty outgoing person, so I won’t lie and say I totally understand what it means to be shy or have social anxiety, but I promise to help you out while we’re here if you ever want me to. I’ve had friends in high school who were really shy, so I always ended up ordering food for them when we went out or talking to people for them,” Marin said.

“I appreciate it, but I want to try and push myself and get better under my own power. I always hear that exposure is the best way to try and improve, but it’s hard because my brain wants to use any excuse to not go through with things that make me uncomfortable. I often find myself using my social anxiety as an excuse to justify avoiding responsibilities, but I don’t want to be like that anymore. That’s why I came here! The old me would have never taken the opportunity to go to a top university. The old me would have avoided it and convinced myself that something else would come along and then I’d finally wake up and take the opportunity. Which was always a lie. Social anxiety almost feels like a prison where you are both the prisoner and the prison guard. You are the only one who can let yourself out of it. You have to want to though. Your prison cell might seem safe, but it limits so much of what your life can become.” I said feeling embarrassed by my outburst. Which was often how I felt every time I opened up to someone.

“I think the fact that you were able to take the opportunity and come here proves that you’ve grown more than you even realize,” Marin said. “I was definitely nervous as hell to come and see all the amazing people who might be here. I only saw myself as a good baker and I was worried I was putting myself in a place filled with rocket scientists or something. I’d have no idea what to talk to a rocket scientist about…” I laughed.

“Yeah, I was feeling pretty much the same way when I was thinking about it. I just figured I’d keep to myself while I was here. It’s always weird to put social anxiety into perspective for people because it’s a difficult thing to grasp for people who don’t have it themselves. I’m also just not super good at explaining my own feelings. Not to myself, or to others. A lot of people have it much worse though, so I should stop whining about it.”

If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

“Just because some people have it worse doesn’t mean that your feelings aren’t valid,” Marin said

“I guess you’re right. Well, those’re about all the demons I’ve got. I’m just a socially anxious guy basically.”

“I’m glad you were able to open up to me a bit. Now we’re even. Sucks I didn’t get to see you cry though,” Marin said. I laughed.

“If we have to stay here much longer, I’m sure your wish will be granted.” Marin laughed.

“Well, I hope we’re here for the long haul then!”

“Jeez. Don’t say that!” I said, laughing.

“Sorry!” Marin responded with a big smile on her face.

Thank goodness Marin was chosen as my roommate. It just feels like she’ll have my back, even if the worst happens.

“So, how do you view this situation we’re in?” Marin asked, laying on the beanbag upside down while her light blonde hair touched the floor.

“I don’t really know. It just feels like a bad dream. It’s too weird and bizarre for it to feel real, but I’m sure if I go to sleep and still wake up here tomorrow, it’ll start to sink in more,” I said. “If that does end up being the case, I still have hope that as a group, we can find some sort of weakness in the facility to leave unharmed.”

“‘Unharmed’ is definitely the key word,” Marin said while she sat up and faced me. “The fact that they say that the only way to get out is to kill someone is insane. I really hope no one is thinking of doing something like that. I really want to believe in everyone, but it’s impossible to understand what everyone is thinking.”

“Let’s try not to think about that,” I said. “As long as there’s hope to get out of here without resorting to that, no one will try it. There’re too many unknowns anyway.”

“Like what?”

“I just feel like a lot of people probably don’t actually believe they are in any danger yet. Some might be thinking this is some sort of twisted reality show, or a social experiment or something. People are going to need an awfully good motive to want to go as far as to kill someone.”

“Yeah, you’ve got a point,” Marin said, looking slightly relieved. “I feel like if we band together, we can use everyone’s talents to find a way out of this mess. Hopefully Cyrus and his posse can work with us too.”

“I’m sure they will. Everyone’s just a little stressed out and on edge I think,” I said.

“Yeah…” Marin said. She looked a little sad now.

We then heard a knock at the door.

“I’m guessing those’re our pajamas. Thank goodness I don’t have to sleep in this outfit. It emphasizes functionality over comfort,” she said while untying her apron.

“Yeah, having only one outfit during our stay here would definitely be enough of a motive to get someone to act up,” I said.

“True that.”

Marin then got off of the bean bag chair and walked towards the door, I followed behind her. After opening the door, we saw Jane standing there with two sets of striped pajamas, which definitely fit the whole “prison” atmosphere.

“Thanks, I guess,” Marin said, taking the two sets of clothes from Jane’s outstretched hands.

“It’s no problem at all. You guys already have enough to deal with, it’d be horrible to only have one outfit to use here,” Jane said, showing us a slightly sad smile.

“Are you actually acknowledging that this isn’t a vacation for us? Levi seemed to disagree talking about how lucky we are to be here,” Marin said, putting her hands on her hips.

“I truly do feel for you all,” Jane said. “No place where you are kept unwillingly can be called a paradise.”

“If you truly believe that then let us out!” Marin snapped at her.

“I-I’m sorry, but it is out of my control,” Jane said. She had a sad look on her face like she wanted to be able to give us reassurance but couldn’t.

We then heard some footsteps coming from outside the halfway opened door. They were light, but still sounded confident like the steps of someone who would demand respect.

“You better not be making friends with them, Jane.” We heard the feminine sounding voice say. “Just deliver the damn clothes and go back to your quarters, or else I’ll tell our glorious leader Levi that you are sympathizing with the students.”

“I-I’m sorry! Please Andrea don’t say anything to Levi!” Jane said. She sounded very frightened.

“Just wrap it up. I don’t have time to be babysitting you too,” Andrea said. We then heard her footsteps get lighter and further away.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t talk to you guys. I really don’t want to get into trouble with Levi or Andrea,” Jane said with a pale face.

“Whatever,” Marin said, obviously angry at this whole interaction.

“You both can put the clothes you’re weaning outside your doors, and I will wash and deliver them back to you tomorrow morning after the morning announcement…Good day.” She then walked away.

Marin slammed the door shut.

“God, just looking at them makes me mad,” Marin said, her eyebrows furrowed. “What was her deal, huh? She acknowledges that we’re in a shitty situation, but says she can’t do anything about it? I’d almost prefer she was crazy like Levi and the rest of them.”

“Her behavior was definitely strange,” I said. “If she knows that we’re here against our will, then why is she here working? Did she get this job on fucking Indeed, or is she trapped here too?”

“I know right! She must be here against her will too, but when they were doing their stupid masturbatory announcements, they said they all have guns, so does that mean she has one too? If I trapped someone in a cage, I definitely would not give them a gun. That’s like the first rule of kidnapping 101,” Marin said.

“You totally have a point. We should try to probe some information out of her next time we see her. Maybe she can be a good lead at getting us out of here if all else fails.”

“I like that idea. We should inform the others of this too when we meet tomorrow morning.” She had visible hope in her eyes now. “For now, let’s go to bed. It’s probably gonna be tough to get some sleep so might as well try to get what we can.”

“I agree. I can definitely use some rest,” I said.

We then took turns changing in the bathroom and then put our clothes outside our door just as Jane had instructed. There’s definitely something weird about Jane, and hopefully with the others’ help we can work together to exploit that into giving us some sort of advantage if our search for an exit doesn’t yield anything. All I can hope for is that fortune will favor us in the end.