I’ve never considered myself to be a lucky person. School raffles, lottery tickets, video game sweepstakes – none of them ever resulted in my name being called. The thing about luck is the more times you lose, the more times you think your turn to win is right around the corner. Just one more ticket. Just one more entry. Just one more. Luck doesn’t work that way though. I have a theory that the more you think about luck, the less you have, and the less you have, the more you think about it. Using myself as a guinea pig, my theory seems to be bulletproof. Luck is a human-made construct anyway. The existence of luck is nothing more than convenient and inconvenient events that happen due to a random set of circumstances. They cannot be affected no matter how much you wish. It isn’t something that helps you during life. You have to make that luck on your own.
My name is Ryder Patterson. I always like to think that I am at least above average intelligence, but my dad also used to say that, “The most dangerous person is a stupid person who doesn’t know they’re stupid.” This always makes me worried that maybe I’m dumb and I just don’t realize it. At least I started off on the right foot making others think I was smart though. I was one of the smart kids from elementary school to junior high due to my high test grades, and how I’d raise my hand and often give correct answers. It all changed during high school though. As the first couple years went by, I realized I was becoming more and more terrified of things that many would consider basic human activities. I didn’t talk in class anymore. I didn’t make any more new friends. I tried to get out of everything that had social implications. I realized that there was something wrong with me and it was isolating me from the rest of the world slowly.
Social anxiety disorder was the only thing I found when I searched my symptoms and confided with my parents, and reading the description made me feel like I wasn’t crazy for the first time in years. Even though my problem now had a name, there were now new hurdles that came with this discovery. First of all, social anxiety was one of those issues that was not taken very seriously by most of the world other than those who were trained to know about it, and those who had it themselves. It was also one of those disorders that many believed that they had too when they actually don’t because they misunderstand what social phobia actually is. One example being – when someone feels nervous before a presentation, or when they feel nervous meeting someone for the first time. This is the kind of anxiety that nearly all people have in them. People often confuse anxiety disorders with these general forms of anxiety that most normal humans have. Another issue was that the only way I felt like I could get someone to take me seriously, would be to get myself officially diagnosed by a mental professional. Which is ironic because why would someone with a social phobia go out of their way to go somewhere unfamiliar, to talk to someone unfamiliar, and then do something unfamiliar. They would avoid it like the plague.
I ended up skipping four presentations my senior year and my grades were at an all time low. What sucks about social phobia is that when you have it, all you want to do is use it as an excuse to yourself for trying to get out of things. I’ve been guilty of that many times. I often told lies or made up cockamamie schemes to get out of doing simple talking activities in my daily life. And even when your plans go off without a hitch, you still feel like shit. Some people say medication works for them, and some say that medication turns them into something other than themselves or they become dependent on it. Going that route would require me to tell someone about it, and get diagnosed, so that option was a no-go from the start. The only plausible option (which is also quite ironic) is exposure therapy. Which involves doing what you’re scared of so that you get better at it over time. The name itself is obviously a turn off, but it was the hope I needed to start finally pushing myself when I had previously given up. I still relapse quite often, but I am capable of holding down a minimum wage job at least, which is something.
Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.
After high school, I still had no dreams or aspirations when it came to a career because major life changes are the scariest thing to a person with social phobia. They always tell you that you’ll have time to make up your mind while you’re in high school, but now that I’m newly graduated, it feels as though I’ve run out of time. I can’t afford to live on my own, I’m single, I don’t get out much, and it feels like all these problems would be solved if I had a career, AKA, more money. There was no question that I would be going to college eventually. My parents are adamant that the only way I can continue to live with them is if I continue my education after all. I was given my summer vacation to figure out where I’m going to college, and I spent most of that time procrastinating and worrying rather than actually using it for that purpose. With only one more month until most colleges start their terms, my parents are pestering me more than ever to choose a school.
“Have you applied to any colleges yet, Ryder?” my dad asked, once again.
“Not yet. I’m planning on sending my first couple applications today,” I said, while eating my cereal and facing the TV.
I was a decent liar.
“Your mother is worried about you getting them in on time. Most colleges are starting soon. Don’t you think you should have gotten off your ass and figured all this out earlier?”
I sighed and sat up.
“I’ve been doing my research! There are a lot of colleges in the area and I know you guys aren’t gonna be paying for it, so I wanna go to the least financially damaging school possible.”
“Just get it done,” he said before walking out of the room.
My life would be so much easier if I was just born into wealth, or could amass easy money through stocks or something. I sighed again, closing my eyes while leaning into the back of the couch which took up nearly half of the floor space in the living room. Our house wasn’t very large, but having a house at all is enough to say you’re well off in this economy.
“Fortune’s Favor University is holding a drawing for its yearly Lucky Student applicant on August 2nd, so make sure to enter for your chance to get free admission into the most prestigious college in the country.”
I opened my eyes and lazily turned my attention forward towards the TV.
“With the top professors the world has to offer, state of the art facilities available to all students, and a learning environment that ensures success. You can change your fate and become one of the pillars for the next generation by winning our yearly drawing! Make sure to enter before the deadline on July 31st.”
“Change my fate huh…” I mumbled to myself, leaning back and closing my eyes.
Anyone and everyone in the world knows about Fortune’s Favor University and its reputation for nurturing the best and brightest college students who are considered masters of their respective crafts. Obviously, I never paid much attention to it because it’s an invite only university where only the top high school graduates in the country are picked to enroll. Except obviously for the one “Lucky Student” spot every year that they offer to the general public with the only stipulations being that they must have a high school diploma, or GED, and not have a criminal record. They only offer that program just so they can show how they can turn any average schmo into a success story, but to be fair, that’s exactly what they do. Just having this college on your resume can pretty much get you a lifelong career anywhere, no interview or work experience needed. The existence of Fortune’s Favor University is something I always forgot about, but I guess it would be an easy way to get myself set for life. You just have to send an entry into the website and provide proof of your diploma, so I figured, why not? I took out my laptop, fished out my diploma from the bottom of my sock drawer, and filled out my entry card. Maybe this time, my luck will turn around.