I had to get back to homework like the rest of my floor. Someone had once told me that college was a breeze once you made it through my high school, a rigorous private institution. They must have been on multiple drugs because I had no idea where they had gotten that. Or perhaps I had just chosen a school that didn’t abide by normal college-is-easier standards. It seemed like I spent hours, every day, and more during weekends, studying or doing homework, just to keep up.

“An A minus is not an A.” I could hear my dad saying in my head as I contemplated taking a break, or just going to sleep.

Ruby was already asleep. She didn’t seem to have a problem pulling all-nighters the day before a test or project. She also didn’t seem to be struggling. To be fair, I hope I didn’t seem like I was struggling but if Ruby wanted to know, she could probably have picked up on the signs.

I checked my email absentmindedly, out of boredom more than a desire to communicate with anyone. Buy a new shower system. Delete. Sign up for the newsletter the philharmonic was starting. Delete. URGENT: Open and Respond. I clicked it open.

Dear Andi,

We are writing to inform you that you have been accepted into EMS. Congratulations! It was a competitive year and your class is a qualified one. On the application you filled out, you documented that you are able to attend this weekend’s New Member Training sessions. Please respond ASAP. letting us know if you are still available. We look forward to having you in our organization!

Best,

EMS Executive Board

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I put my face in my pillow and screamed, hoping Ruby wouldn’t wake up and ruin my moment. I had made it in! They had accepted me. It didn’t matter to me anymore that I had a midterm on Monday that I wouldn’t be able to study for if I went to New Member Training. I was a member!

Then I had a thought. What if it was a mistake? What if they had gotten the denial and acceptance lists mixed up and I had actually been first up on the denial list. How soon would they send the retractions? Would it be before the weekend? Maybe I should email them and ask them to check again?

I put my ear buds in and tried to blast some music to clear away my thoughts. I always imagined my brain at this moment to look like a western movie, one with tumbleweed, and a modern day speaker vibrating so hard from the bass that it was actually moving the tumbleweed farther and farther from the porch on which it rested. I giggled.

Ruby flipped over. She looked like she was trying to beat the railing that kept her from rolling off. She pulled herself up, sleep-glared at me, and collapsed back on her pillow. I smiled. Usually, Ruby glaring at me suddenly in the middle of the night scared me, as it invoked something neither I, nor Google understood. But tonight, I was so blissful that not even Ruby’s scary zombie sleeping habits could change my mind.

My blissful mood lasted almost up until the weekend of New Member Training. I got a B on my quiz and it didn’t bother me. I tripped and fell, scraping my knee to a bloody pulp and I thought of it as interesting and tried to do what I would do if I were fully in EMS. I didn’t think about how disgusting the cafeteria food was or how I longed for some steamed vegetables after all of the fried meat covered in cheese that I had been eating.

I woke up the morning of the first day nervous again that they had gotten the lists wrong. The butterflies from my stomach had invaded every other part of my body. I shook myself off to clear my head but I still felt a foggy fear.

Ruby had been accepted too. She stood at her desk, staring at me in a would-you-please-get-dressed kind of way. I hated being late too, but I just couldn’t seem to get it together enough to get fully dressed.

When I finally pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, Ruby was chomping at the bit. I was afraid she was going to hit me over the head with her jar of peanut butter. The door was open and she had one foot outside. The other foot was inside to remind me that she was bound by social constraints to wait for me. I grabbed my phone and my key card and followed her out.