Prologue: The Beginning Is Always Confusing
Not All Nightmares Are Ugly
“Where do you see it?”
“Down by the lip of the river”
“Right by where that open grassy plain is?”
“Yeah, don’t you see it?”
“Yeah, I have my eyes on it”
“I’ll swing by the left and flank it, you stay here”
“I’m waiting”
“GO”
“I’ll grab it before you do”
“Nope, I’m on its tail”
“Got it, now let's make supper”
“I almost had you this time you should have seen it”
“I felt you up on my shoulder, good job”
“Long way back home for this supper”
“We’re getting back before dark”
“In this spooky forest it already is dark”
“SpOoKy?”
“Yeah, stop it”
“We can kill whatever in this forest, we are the top of the food chain. Don’t worry about the spookiness”
“With these weapons, we can destroy this whole forest”
“That would be Evil, we must protect the forest because it has been Good to us”
“What’s the difference between Good and Evil?”
“I don’t know, but I know that we’re Evil to this little turtle.”
“But he is feeding us, so that’s Good right?”
“Right. That’s why I don’t know the difference. Sometimes we have to do Evil things with Good intentions”
“Does that make us Evil?”
“No. But it doesn’t exactly make us good either”
“It’s wrong to eat?”
“It’s about doing the right thing for us even if it’s wrong through another set of eyes”
“Perspective?”
“Yeah, you’ve been reading that dictionary I bought you huh?”
“Yeah, only the pages I can read, most of it is ruined when it rains”
“Home sweet home, get the pot, I’ll get the fire started”
“Is it under the sink? oh wait I see it”
“Water won’t put itself into the pot”
“Well, it sort of does because of the rain, you know?”
“Just use the sink”
“How much chow do we have tonight?”
“Enough for some breakfast, tomorrow we’ll go into town and see if we can trade the shell for some bait”
“Do I have to see that hippy man again?”
“Yes, you’re getting better. What did you see on the hunt today?”
“Animals, and the swamp”
“Specifics”
“There were crocodiles and hippopotamuses, birds that were eating the parasites off their bodies. They all looked similar except for a Raven and a Dove”
“What about the fish?”
“You couldn’t see the fish through that grey swamp water. The only thing you could see are the shells of turtles”
“And the swamp?”
“Dirty, that tree that tipped over a while back finally cracked into the nasty grey, it looked like a vomiting plank of wood. The vines on the trees were not attacking this time, being passive they must have known we were armed. The big trunks that came out of the water at their waist were still the same, maybe they have grown a little from when I was a child. I could see the purple sun through the tree branches, but only in the morning. I still saw its orange tint though on the water”
“Tell me again about the birds. You said you saw a dove and a raven?”
“Yeah, I only saw one of each which is weird because the birds here usually stay with their own kind. The dove was above us most of the time, watching where we were going. It followed us. You should have seen it. Silk made from an angel was woven together to make that beauty on wings. The blue spot behind its neck was shining with sunlight. I thought it got lost and it found us who reminded it of home. Maybe she thought we would take her home”
“She?”
“Yeah, you can tell by the feathers, she had a slight grey under belly”
“What about the Raven?”
“That thing was hard to spot through the shadows of the trees. It was as black as the night that is falling upon us tonight, except our eyes will adjust to this. It was whacky, going from branch to branch like a monkey. First place I caught it was when it dove down at us from above the green leaves. I ducked out of fright, it startled me. I looked at you after, I knew nothing scared you. After the dive, the dove showed up. The raven went out into the clearing. I saw it a little while later sitting on the mouth of a crocodile, yawning. It must have needed sleep. I saw it inside the water, and on the trees, over the sunken tree trunks”
“Yeah, I remember when you got freaked out”
“Were they there this time?”
“Yeah, they were there this time”
“How about you? What did you see on the hunt today?”
“A few turtles, I now know where they have their nest. Foods almost ready, get the plates. Next to the-”
“Shelf, yeah I know”
“Now eat up and head to bed, we have a big day tomorrow”
“Delicious, nighty night”
“Wake up”
“Did we miss the tide?”
“Not yet, but we have to hurry. Here, eat your breakfast in the boat”
“Where's yours?”
“I ate mine”
“Hey, there's that dove again. Do you see it?
“Yeah, I see it”
“I wonder where the Raven is. Oh wow”
“What?”
“I hope the raven doesn’t poop on that rugged hair of yours”
“Ha”
“There's town, meet in the usual spot?”
“Yeah, go take care of yourself. Tell dr. Gonzo I want to talk to him after your session”
“Hey doctor”
“Hello my child. What joy I have to see you finally. It has been too long”
“I brought good news. I’ve been getting better”
“That is the most wonderful news. I hope you are able to experience this life as it is”
“I have. I notice many things when I focus on what is really there”
“What have you seen in reality?”
“The animals. Everywhere they are. From the birds and the bees to the crocs and the turtles. The green. Everything is green except for the water. But I don’t look down anymore. The purple sun is still shooting through the tiny gaps between branches”
“The purple sun must be beautiful”
“It is and today I saw a dove that added onto it, like beautiful icing on a beautiful cake”
“A dove?”
“Yes”
“I wonder how a dove got into the middle of the rainforest?”
“I don’t know, I thought it was removed from its original family”
“Maybe. Where is the dove now?”
“I saw it this morning following us on the way to town”
“Did it sing?”
“No. I’ve never heard the dove’s song”
“It would add more to the beauty you see”
“Am I getting better?”
“Yes. I am proud you”
“Thank you. That puts a huge smile on my face”
“I remember a time when you said the only fears you had was reality”
“Now my fears are of going away”
“I will see you next time child”
“Bye Dr. Gonzo”
“Did you forget to tell Dr. Gonzo that I wanted to talk to him?”
“Yeah, but he said I was getting better. Sorry, I was caught up in how much I’ve improved”
“I traded the shell for some chow, let's head home and eat”
“Gosh that dove sure is beautiful. Its leaving, going up the trees and past the clouds. Wow, what a champ”
“Where's the raven?”
“Who cares? That dove is all I see now”
“The water level is rising”
“How can you tell?”
“The buoy is not there anymore”
“Get the stuff from the house quickly”
“What's the matter?”
“Just do it”
“Come on hurry, hurry hurry”
“What's the rush? The water is barely even in the house”
“That crocodile can still get on land, no matter how much water there is”
“It won’t attack us as long as we stay in the boat”
“WATCH OUT”
“gllrgrlgrlglrglrglrglgrlgrlgrlgrlglrglrg”
“Hey kid, you ok?”
“uhhhhhh”
“That flash flood came out of nowhere”
“Bet even that croc was startled”
“I watched it jump up and swallow your friend whole”
“What”
“You should probably open your eyes”
“AHHHH”
“Relax”
“How are you talking?”
“I’m magical”
“I must have gotten hit in the head pretty bad”
“Yeah, but you’re still better than your dead friend”
“Shut UP”
“At least he went quickly”
“Ah, what was that for?”
“Do you want me to end up like your friend?”
“...”
“Anyway, I am your demon. The one who is stuck with you for the rest of eternity”
“...”
“I don’t want a demon”
“Succckkkkkkkkssssssssssssss”
“I don't want to be here either, but you know who sent me here to ruin my already ended life”
“Who?”
“Count the clues boy. I am a demon sent from hell and I am linked to you through a possessive level”
“...”
“I can tell you don’t want to play around. Long story short, I am stuck with you”
“Fine, whatever. Just leave me alone”
“...”
“Hello”
“Now I know I hit my head. Bears are talking to me”
“What's wrong with that?”
“There are no bears in the rainforest”
“Quiet Raven. Child we are your guardians”
“Good to know”
“He just watched his friend die. Not the brightest star right now”
“I am sorry to hear that. I lost a good friend of mine too”
“...”
“...”
“Get on with it bear, we have not much time”
“Very well. I am sorry to have to rush your sadness at this time but there is a war right now”
“WOW. Just drop an anchor on the kid, why don't ya”
“There was no easy way to say it”
“A war?”
“A war that will end all wars”
“How cliché”
“Shut up. Kid we need you to help us”
“Why?”
“Because. Well. I don’t know exactly why, but I know that monsters are going to come after you. And the only way to stop them from coming is for you to help us”
“Just leave me be”
“Fine, we’ll wait until you’re ready and then we’ll go. But I warn you, there will be a point when the tide rises so high that not even a boat can help you float”
“That’s a stupid analogy”
“I agree”
Part One: Organizing Chaos
Chapter One: Sunday
Something Else Entirely
Dreams suck. At least mine do, I hope it's not that way for other people, I hope they dream of beautiful wonderful things. What's a bear doing in the rainforest? What if it’s a sign from Good, things are not where they should be. A list of things that are not where they should be would include, my mind, my pillow, which is on the floor, and Muzzles.
Muzzles is my golden Labrador who usually jumps on my bed to wake me up. There he slumps with his drool lining up a puddle on my hardwood floor. He looks so relaxed and calm, peaceful and quiet, I could throw a pillow at him and he wouldn’t react. He’s probably dreaming about chasing female doggy tail and steak pudding. Whistling would definitely ruin his slumber so, I knocked on my nightstand instead.
Jolting up from what looked like a good dream, he is alerted by the knock, he is always alert and prepared to bark at anything.
“What was that?” I said to him with a playful tone in my voice.
“Woof” said Muzzles, he is now playing with me. He knew that I was trying to play with him by faking a knock at my door. He faked that there is a real knock and barked at me. I knew he could tell it was fake by his fluffy wagging tail and his smile. It matched mine which we both know means that it’s time to play.
The only thing that broke the silence was when his tail thumped against the floor. It was a flag signaling for me to say, “Come here boy”, so he can jump and attack me with kisses. I stared at him for a while, the signaling flag slowed, I was waiting for him be completely still so he would explode when he runs at me.
It went to a stop when the light from the sun reflected off his golden fur. The sun was breathing its light, getting darker and brighter like the world was a set of lungs. It blinded my eyes, but I could still see him staring, waiting for something to happen.
“Come here boy” I said waiting for an explosion. More of a blast, like a torpedo, he charged in and knocked me right on the mouth with his snout. The snot from his nose was printed on my upper cheek. That didn’t matter much because he was licking, making sure he puts his dirty tongue all over my face.
I kept giving my dog good ole scritches. He started digging into my mattress like he was making a hole that would go all the way to China. Nothing to find, but damn was he cute, sneezing forcibly into the sheet. I shoved my head into his belly to get him to start biting at my shoulder. It was a playful bite, that's how wolves do it, that’s how some monsters play.
Gnawing on my shoulder left him distracted enough for me to tip over his body and attack him with belly rubs. He was unable to bite my hands no matter how far he stretched his neck at them. He gave up by tilting his head up and letting out a huge breath like a deflating balloon.
“I got ya” I said viciously as I got up to go to the bathroom. I didn’t look at the clock, but I knew that I was late for my morning walk with the angel that lives down the hallway street of our neighborhood. I like to imagine our dark dreary hallway as a street and each of our doors as a house. I like to imagine.
My morning walk angel usually comes to the door if I oversleep like I did today. I wouldn’t be surprised if she shows up, I took too much time playing with my pride and joy. If I’m late then her might think I am having another meltdown. She doesn’t get that paranoid anymore anyway. Things are getting better.
Young neighbor girl. I’m very lucky that I have a girl like her living down the hall. Getting up early was not what I expected I would do often when I moved here, but dreams suck anyway, might as well ruin them by waking up.
She is up before the sun; I wouldn’t be surprised if she was up all night. The amount of energy drinks and healthy food that she consumes makes me worry for her mental health like how she worries about mine.
But she doesn’t have a therapist like I do. I have a therapist that I will meet with today. His name is Haward and he’s been my brain doctor ever since I was little. I was left an orphan with an insane amount of money, he was left broke and homeless with a degree and saw me as the perfect opportunity, not really. I think he just saw me as a kid with much more than just abandonment issues.
I have problems that I hope no one else ever has to go through. I should correct that thought, ‘had’, I am getting better. Even the ghost who used to sit by my nightstand is gone. The sky is still purple though with thick orange clouds that don’t let me see the open ocean of the sky. I like to imagine that the sky is a polluted ocean but instead of trash it’s my brain that is polluting it.
And the demons and monsters that live in the other parts of my apartment are still moaning. They are their own form of brain pollution.
Example #1: Bloody Kate. I named her bloody Kate because she is a dark figure that shows up in my bathroom and stares at me. It reminded me of the days when I saw bloody Mary. Back at the orphanage, where I was taught that it wasn't really there even though I could see it. That’s where I was taught that I had an illness.
That shows the bloody part of her name. Why I named her Kate? I don’t know, when I think of the name Kate I think of a little kid. The figure that stares at me from the mirror looks sort of like a little child wearing a shadow of a dark hoodie.
Every day I hold the edges of my sink, I try not to look up, I leave the water off just so I can sense the monster behind me. I usually stare down until I can feel her eyes on me like two cones of ice pressed on my back. It’s a good thing she’s not in the shower, I would leave and burn down the place, the whole building too. Then I would go to jail forever where they would take care of me.
Burning down everything never solved anything.
Still in bed, I make my way to the bathroom, off the orange hardwood and onto the cold white tile was a battle without socks. I don’t have money to buy heated floors. Well I do but I need it for my therapist. Isn’t that ironic?
I didn’t do today like I do every day because today feels different. I feel fearless today. Right on cue there she was, a dark figured floating Kate. Her eyes were the only part of her body that wasn’t dark. She looks like a floating 3D shadow. Her eyes pierced into the mirror to blind me.
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I did it, she was unable to keep her headlights open for a long enough time, they blinked making me happy, I started today on a good note. It took too long though. I know the angel will be at the door to make sure I am not having a mental breakdown.
Well, no time for a shower. Great. I could smell the sweat on my pajamas from my bed. I know I reek, deodorant and clean clothes for this guy, that usually does the trick. A clean mouth and some cologne to cover my nasty stench is like adding the icing to a gross smelling cake.
Brushing my teeth made me feel a little cleaner, I still feel filthy, if you put filthy and clean on a scale it would be spinning with filth carrying all the weight. The white closet where I keep my clothes should change my scent, hopefully. If not, I could just blame it on Muzzles, who was nudging me towards the closet door. In there is another terrifying sight.
Example 2: The skeleton in my closet. There is a skeleton in my closet. It doesn’t move. Hanging from the ceiling, I realize it has a noose tied around its neck. I lied, it does move, the body would slowly rotate one direction or the other. I could hear the slight creaking that was the rope moving the body. It’s so old, I’m surprised the rope hasn’t snapped from the mold that was on it.
What a cliché, that just calls for lazy writing. And references.
The body of bones stretched from the top of closet to the floor. It really takes forever to get a pair of clothing. The thing shakes like a maraca every time I brush past it to open a drawer. Today I will be sneaky smooth. All I have to do is grab some fresh pants and a sweatshirt. I have the rest of my clothes on me already.
Muzzles was jumping on me as always, his two front paws scratch at my back like I’m a door that he wants to go through, I sometimes think he can see the bones and this is his way of asking me to pluck one out of the poor deceased figment and hand it to him so he could chew on it. I looked down at him and he looked back with a curious tilt in his skull. Could he really see what I see?
Nope, I am just losing my mind.
I gave the middle finger to the sneaky smooth plan and just went for it. Today is different. I grabbed my clothes, moving his body swiftly, he laughed with a high-pitched witch scream like a Halloween decoration. At first, I thought the skeleton was shaking as a defense mechanism, now I realize he is ticklish, I guess laughter never dies.
His lower jaw fell off and landed on the floor to be picked up by a golden fur. I tried not to panic as the walls started moving. But it is ok, this happens every morning, I am trained. I am owning my condition right now. My helping hand is in my nightstand.
Walking up to your bed from above the roof really makes you question reality. Good thing I have a sense of direction. I sat on my bed to change my clothes and rest this oncoming migraine. You never get used to the migraines; you just prepare yourself for them. The drawer was a boring wood color that only looks good when shined on by the sun.
Those 2 racketeering pill bottles rolled and bounced slightly off the end of the opening. One labeled Symbyax another Zyprexa. They’re my drugs. I also have another prescription that Haward wanted me to try out. Don’t worry, these are drugs for everyone else’s safety, not mine.
When I was a child, I believed I was being attacked by a demon and it turns out it was just a regular guy, but to me he had big fangs and razor claws. I grabbed a baseball bat and beat him until the wood snapped. It’s a good thing I didn’t kill the guy.
So that's how I found I have schizophrenia. How about you guys? Anybody out there find something new about themselves today? Well you should tell someone who isn’t a made-up character in a crazy kid’s mind. ;)
Taking the pills takes me to a place I like to call reality. Where the sky isn’t flying through the ground and the skeleton in my closet still has its jaw. I call it reality because I know I can trust what I see here. Most… Most of what I see here. The sun is still purple though, so you tell me.
(Knock)(knock) went the door.
“Woof” Barked muzzles, except it went more like ‘Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof- you get the idea. Muzzles is always excited when people knock on the door, but now he acts different. His tail is wagging so hard the back part of his body is following its movement. He only reacts that way to one person.
I know who it is but I’m going to let suspense play a role for a moment. I yelled ‘Just a minute” to the lady out in the hall. I knew she heard me because I heard her footsteps take her back to her apartment to wait for me to go there.
I know this suspense is boring, but I still have to grab the snacks and pack them. Today is my day for snacks, you can’t go on a morning walk without snacks, it’s also our breakfast. I was supposed to pack last night, but I fell asleep on the couch watching a documentary on the tribes in the rainforest.
“Muzzles get the bag”, I couldn't tell, but I knew his ears were perched up when I said that. I heard the thumping of his paws in the other room slide in my kitchen and into the backpack I kept under the sink. Then I heard those big thumps slip as they tried to gain speed to run into my room and hand me what I needed.
I could have walked over and grabbed the backpack myself, but this is more fun. Muzzles came in slipping on the bag. He fell over on my legs and laid there staring at his accomplishment, good boy Muzzles. I snatched the bag and pet my dogs head. That's when the belly rubs start. Rub rub rub.
There isn’t a sound for rubbing a dog's belly to make into an onomatopoeia.
After Muzzles belly was properly rubbed, it was time to stash the snacks to fill the backpack. It's one of those oversized swiss backpacks with extra pockets on the extra pockets. You could fit watermelons in this thing and still have space for water. I didn’t because it had to follow certain health fixes Claire told me to get.
The thumping made it back to the front door and started scratching at it like he did to my back when I was tickling my closet friend. That door looks like the inside of a casket where they find out that person was buried alive. Not so much of a hyperbole, I can see a few marks where the paint is chipping off but that's about it.
The snacks were in the kitchen, I slid them off the cabinet container like a person who bought the whole shelf, and into the backpack everything went neatly and pleasantly.
I was not fed when I walked out the door. My breakfast starts when the bag on my back cracks open to reveal all the packs of snacks. But I can survive a walk for about an hour before I need to eat. I know it’s not healthy to start the day without its most important meal, but I could care less. I don’t decide what I put into my body anymore anyway. The angel down the street and my brain doctor do.
I stood next to Muzzles to wait for him to sit next to the door so I can open it. He was shaking with anticipation like a rocket before it launches. I opened it and he shot out and down the street before I could even close my house door.
This hallway sucks. It’s a simple long cube that has half working lights lining the ceiling on the middle, there are holes and mold growing like angry lines of regretted age, and the moss on the bottom corners of the floor look like grass. That’s why I call it my little neighborhood.
I mean it's beautiful and glowing with a hue that matches the golden sky. I have never seen so much beautiful stuff in such a neat stretch of room.
I am lying of course, but right now, I cannot help but smile when I stare at the cracks in the walls and ceiling. It makes my whole day share a new meaning.
Yay.
This day will be great.
You see what just happened? My whole mentality changed because of the drugs I have taken. I really hate being here at this time, going to spend 3 hours of my day walking in the cold then warm park. But I do get to be with my doggo. Oh darn. I almost forgot my new prescription; I plan on taking that during the walk.
Muzzles was scratching at her door. I knew she would open it eventually, the paint on her door is almost all gone, she can’t afford for the scratches to get thick. I walked back into my kitchen to scoop up the prescription I left inside the knife drawer.
I walked out to find Muzzles attacked by a young attractive female monster. But Claire sure is an angel. Always looking out for others, helping in any way she can, never fearing. What a troop.
I guess angels could be monsters too though, anything that causes others to be in pain would be considered a monster, yeah, she’s a beautiful monster playing with my little golden monster. My dumb smile is stickered on my face. She knows I am under the influence of my drugs. I could tell by her laughing smile.
It joys her to see me how I am. And it joys me to see that she is joyous from seeing how I am. I could die right now, in this already dead street, and I would be ok with that. I will have this dumb smile on my face at my funeral. All those frowns might need a little cheering up.
Muzzles tongue is making a puddle on the floor. He is on his back getting belly rubs on this dusty street.
“Who’s a good boy” Claire asked rhetorically to the dog while rubbing his belly.
She is a runner in track shorts. She is wearing a sweatshirt marked ‘Prairie Pride’ in bulky yellow letters. Her black straight showered hair is tied in a ponytail. What a beauty. Drugs are bad kids.
Wow she is glowing now, this happens at least twice a day, never this early though. I guess I am finally getting better and this is a sign of that. Or maybe it's the window above the angel and the gold rug that cause it to glow, maybe.
She picked up Muzzles like a baby and continued to rub his belly with her free hand. The sweatshirt she is wearing will be peppered with gold strands when she puts hm down.
Looking over my way, she nodded her head towards the creaky crappy elevator. I would take the stairs if the stairwell hadn’t had a huge steaming pile of shit all the way at the bottom. I received what she was saying in head movement talk. It meant ‘get your ass in the elevator before I eat your face off’. I’m exaggerating, sometimes my brain likes to play tricks on me. I enjoy it at times.
I walked into the elevator following Claire into the death box. This building isn’t that old but that doesn’t matter. What matters is how slow it is and how you can hear it squeak even slower. The super called a guy to fix it, but the repairman said that to stop it from squeaking he would have to replace the whole thing. That won’t happen since the super would have to fix all the holes in the walls first. I live in an old brick that no one wants to pay to fix.
I have read books from cover to cover on this elevator. I am numb to the noise, but it doesn’t mean it’s not there, it is close to impossible to get that high gear pitched turning out of my head, it would drive me crazy if I wasn’t already there. I should have brought my airplane pillow to take a quick nap while I wait for the loud dissonant noises of the elevator to hit the bottom in a sad thump.
“We could put on gas masks and be there in half the time” I said referring to the stinky staircase while she lit up the main floor button with her finger.
“We could. We’re here now though” Claire said as the elevator doors closed.
Great. It is so wonderful to be trapped in a room with 2 great people.
I took a deep breath like a person with claustrophobia. There are films of dust on the floor and in the air like a light snow peppered in here. Some flakes move around with our breath. They look like tiny bunnies floating in the air, with each inhale they go into our lungs. It never had been this dirty. The super doesn’t care about cleaning anything either, I’m not surprised everything is in such bad shape.
It didn’t seem to bother Claire; she’s breathing like the room is full of fresh air. Muzzles was having an adorable sneeze attack, he is at a lower height than us, where there are more concentrated bunnies. He was making fluffy dust angels.
The thick air fills up my lungs like food, it’s almost nauseating. I tilted my head up and imagined a happy place away from this melting pot full of snow.
It’s brisk in my happy place. A cool temperature that tickles my skin slightly.
“How did you sleep?” Claire interrupted my peaceful moment with her stubborn words.
“Horrible” I said to her without moving my head to look at her. My eyes are still closed, my head still in the clouds. I was headed back to my happy place.
“Another nightmare?” Claire said with a gasp in her throat. I tell Claire about my days like a patient tells their therapist. Except Claire isn’t paid to listen to me bitch about life.
“Yeah, this time I was in the rainforest” I smiled at the irony. Since the rainforest is known for being beautiful how could someone ever wake up in a cold sweat with that in mind.
“What’s so scary about a rainforest?” She chuckled a little. This is why she doesn’t get paid to listen.
“There were monsters” I looked at the cracked elevator counter. Down 15 floors, only 1000 more to go.
“Oooo, SpOoky monsters? You must have been so scared” She said with sarcasm in her voice. Her lips began to spin around like a clock, it read 6:00. She smiled normally, try and imagine that.
“Yeah, they were quite spooky” Not as spooky as my daily life, I wanted to say, my head is somewhere else. That was the first time I saw Claire's facial features move. My brain must be trying to tell me something, the answer must be inside of Claire’s mouth, that’s stupid.
“Like what? What spooks you out?” What a dumb way to say it.
“What a dumb way to say it” I took a pause to reminisce my dream. “There was a hippo and a bear in a dark rain forest where the sun barely shined” I replied, moving my fingers at her next to my face and making a ‘oooooohhhh’ noise with my mouth.
“What’s a bear doing in the rain forest?” She asked. I laughed with my response.
“That was my first thought when I woke up”
I noticed that she was frowning now. Her lips were back to normal, reading 3:45. Apparently, I was looking at her as if she was a ghost.
I’m proud to have a friend like Claire. Someone who cares enough to laugh with me about my stupidity.
I closed my eyes for a second.
“Tired?” Claire asked. She is so amped up from her morning energy drink that she has to say something or she’ll explode. I have never seen her explode, maybe I will one day, maybe today is the day.
“Yeah” I said with one eye open. The other was refusing to move from its tight close. It was a window with the lock on and it lives in the bad part of town.
“Sorry” She said and blinded me with a big smile. It forced my other eye open, causing them both to water. The dust bunnies hopped their way into my windows for a drink. They sting like lemons were dropped into my pupils. Claire handed me a tissue, have I told you how happy I am that this angel exists in my life?
“Thanks” I said through a soaked napkin. My eyes used to leak blood every morning, usually right after I wake up, I think it has something to do with my dreams. I must not have had a good enough nightmare last night for the day to turn red. I forgot until now since I got into the habit, but that was the first sign that today is different. I crumpled up the tissue and placed it in my pocket. I could have dropped it in this filthy box we were in a no one would notice
Muzzles stood on his back legs and stretched up for me to pet his head at my waist. I got Muzzles under his ears, right above his neck. That’s the sweet spot. I am glad my doggo doesn’t get dirty from sitting in this powder, if we went into the stairwell, he would need a tomato sauce bath to get rid of the stench.
Below Muzzles, beneath the floor like it was glass, was an abyss leading all the way down to hell. I could see a yellow and red-hot lava lake bubbles boil and burst like it was a stew of rock. A skeleton figure with only a torso and wings shot up out of one of the lava bubbles like a shooting star.
It was grey and black at the eyes, the rest was covered in hot sauce, making it glow red. The head was screaming with its jaw wide open, I couldn’t hear it but I knew it was looking right at me, even if it didn’t have pupils. It was heading right for me. It was glowing dimly, the lava that was dripping off its body slowly cooled, making the light fade. I could see it only as a shadow slowly covering the lava bubbles below it.
I am not afraid of it; my imagination can only scare me in my dreams. It bumped its head against the floor below Muzzles, leaving a loud thunk that was blamed on a ‘it’s an elevator, they make those noises’.
The skeleton seemed to pull an axe out of his ass and started hacking upward at the floor below. It made no noise inside the elevator, but I could only hear the screams as the lava began to get closer and closer. It was a howl you would hear from something giving its last breath to scream out in hopes of someone hearing it to help. I heard it and I did nothing.
The boxed cage reached the lava, the screams sizzled into nothing, the bubbles were left calm and empty.
It opened its squeaky doors to the wide black tiles which made up the floor of the lobby. The peach pink walls matched the ones in the hallway upstairs, except there weren’t any tears in the paint or holes that were made from bad decisions, plus you could actually see the color like salmon was smeared everywhere. It’s well-lit down here, unlike upstairs in the poorly brightened neighborhood, the black tiles are reflecting the round chandeliers like there is a mirror world below our feet.
It’s clean too, there are no holes, it would be beautiful even without my brain swimming in medicine-land. My favorite hole in this building is the one that is the size of a person. Our old neighbor got into a fight and slammed the other guy into the wall. The gaping hole is usually filled with cockroaches or the occasional rat orgy. That’s too dark to call beautiful, instead I am going to point my thoughts to the orange sidewalk that I can see through the glass entrance.
We walked through the clean hall and into the bright outside.
The street that is my neighborhood has a sun at the top shining down on everything. The grass in between the sidewalk and the buildings have bushy trees above them. The road has people going about their days and still cars lining the edge.
The rest of my neighborhood is made up of 5 story buildings that look just like mine does. The whole place is mimicking itself.
Across the street from the glass entrance of my home is a park where little kids play. There are swinging on the bars like monkeys and running around chasing each other like cheetahs. Their parents sit on the benches watching the rainbow-colored shirts move around like a firework display.
The sky screamed black, covering the sky in clouds and whispered the sun in a bright light. I can’t see the purple orb; it’s hiding somewhere behind the buildings.
We walked down a few blocks to the tunnel that leads to the lake where we walk. It is overcrowded with people, which isn’t odd, it’s a long cave separating the business part of town from the neighborhood part of town. We live right in the center of the people traffic.
We took the alternate route all the way around an entire plaza and then through another park to get to the lake. It is odd, the lake is not full of as many people though they cut through it to get to the tunnel, no one stops to look at the stillness.
From the part where we entered, we made it inot a park where animals play with each other while being watched by their fathers and mothers like they are in a zoo.
Through that, the sidewalk becomes large and in squares. There are trees off to one side, inside a long cube of dirt in a line parallel to the sidewalk, inside a square of pretty concrete. Then comes the sidewalk with its benches evenly spaced to watch the loop of the lake.
This is where Claire runs and where I walk my dog.
Getting to the lake, she handed me the leash and began jogging, Muzzles tried to chase after her like he does every time, but I held him back. I waited until she was out of his sight and followed her trail at a walking pace. I let him lead since I was walking him. He kept sniffing at the trees, taking his time at each one, making sure he sniffed every possible scent of the tree’s prior friends.
The sun was just barely rising, you could see the reflection of it on the lake in pretty pink colors. The purple blue, orange gust mixed with the black ice clouds in the sky. The rainbow ocean in the sky is in the crater of a lake below.
Some clouds looked like dinosaurs, while others looked like faces. One cloud looked at me and said, ‘your time has come creator’. This seems like a good time to try out the new medicine that Haward told me to try out. I’m a guinea pig walking a dog around the sky while the sun barely shines.
I kept walking until I reached the area where I could smoke. I wasn’t allowed to earlier because I was next to a park with a big sign that had the ‘no smoking’. The sign also had a ‘No guns’ and ‘clean up your dog poop’ on it. Muzzles pooped by the first tree and I didn’t pick it up and no one came to yell at me.
Muzzles dragged me to the next tree as I puffed the medicine down to a little cigarette butt. I went through it rather quickly. I couldn’t focus on taking my medicine correctly because I was in a stare battle with that cloud in the sky. It kept peering at me like a tiger stalking its dinner.
I was told the medicine would amplify my delusions to the point where even I would feel unbearable. I was also told I should be outside when I take it so the monsters in my apartment wouldn’t kill me.
all at once. It started to blind me, I looked away at something more enjoyable with dots in my eyes.
Muzzles is a little Cerberus, two other heads showed up on either side of his original head, stretching from his neck. All three heads had different features, one is sad, the other happy and the one in the middle is normal. He looked back at me and tilted his 3 heads 3 different ways in confusion.
Then Claire jogged by, I could hear the footsteps shake the earth around me, I leaned against the gravity to not tip over. I turned around to wave at a planet sized head with a volcano erupting at the top on a pair of running legs. She waved back towards me and jogged over.
She reached with a crab arm out towards the bag. I knew she was reaching for a water bottle. I turned my back to her snappers so she could reach it better. I closed my eyes just in case my body was about to by snipped in half. I didn’t want to see my head roll like a basketball away from my body.
“You ok?” She asked, she is such an angel to ask me if I am ok. I opened my eyelids to see she changed into a dress made of dazzling white. She has a halo over her head. Damn, she’s beautiful.
Muzzles went over to get some petting. She rubbed all 3 of his heads at once with one hand. Then she put the bottle back and continued her jog.
I watched her dress bounced around her legs as she went around the curve of the sidewalk. Muzzles didn’t chase her this time, instead he looked back up at me with 6 eyes, beaming into my skull as if he knows something is wrong with me. He went back to sniffing the next tree down the line as I followed.
At this point we got to the dock. A long stretch of orange wood thrusted into the lake like a road with an end. I looked across the wooden floorboards all the way to the end to see a man in a red stained black suit pissing over the edge. I could tell he was taking a piss because he turned around and smiled really big at me like he was playing a practical joke, that and the steady stream of fire flowing over the edge.
Muzzles growled at the guy, even though he could barely see him, or maybe even see him at all. I pulled him away from the dock before the guy finished taking his leak. Then I looked over to an empty dock. It is like the guy was never there, he disappeared like the wind.
our walk to the next tree. Each set of trees is separated with a concrete path in between, shadowed with the tree in front of it, an organized rock with an organized plant.
Muzzles dragged me to each one every time we walked here. Since we were usually the first ones here every day, he must sniff the urine and scent of all the dogs from the day prior and place his own scent for today’s dogs to sniff. He would never skip a trunk, always making sure he sniffed ever nook and cranny, entangling himself around each tree as he pleased.
We reached the end of the trees where the landscape turned into a hill, which paralleled the curve of the lake, it rose up like it was another part of the world. It was on an angle in case a crowd would form to watch a show presented on the path or a water show, like half a coliseum made of grass. At the top of the hill sat a white figure.
I ignored it and tried to stare at the lake to distract myself. This is the part of the walk where Muzzles stays at pace with me since there are no trees for him to sniff on this curve. It is the perimeter of the round part of the lake.
The water is springing now, falling from the lake into the sky. It was calm all the way through like an upward waterfall. Birds and fish flew through it like an air curtain, unaware that water is making its own physics.
I began to get nauseous, so I looked at the white figure at the top of the hill, I am closer now, I can get a better view than when I originally decided to ignore it.
It had long dirty blonde curly hair draped on a pair of broad shoulders and wearing a dress similar to that of which Claire is running in. The object looks like an angel, a golden crown on its head and ice white wings, with the halo reflecting off enough sunlight to burn a hole through my scalp. She was laying in the grass, arms out like she was making snow angels, how ironic. How odd that the snow showed up so early. I guess global warming is real.
We continued on the path past the hill where Muzzles took a dump. I picked it up and threw it away in the trash next to the sign ‘clean up your poop’. We got to the other end of the round part of the lake where benches lined the outer edge of the path, where people usually sat to stare at their phones or reminisce about life.
Down the sidewalk, was the church, the entrance was through its own little path through the hedges. It was a typical grey bricked church, a bell on the top of a summit peak. It rang every now and again to signal the hour or something religious, I don’t know, I don’t go to church. Today is Sunday, so it will be full of people in a few hours. We reached the turn into the hedge where I could see the church at an upward angle, it looked medieval compared to every other mirror building in this city, like I was staring at a castle wall from up close.
At this point Claire caught up to us again. Apparently, this has been her third time passing us, my head was staring aimlessly when she passed us the second time. We’re the only 2 people at this lake at 6 in the morning and I couldn’t tell where she is. She was dressed back in her sweats which were drenched in sweat like a rainstorm shot her with water.
She paused for a moment on a bench to remove her dripping clothes to reveal her jogging shorts and a sports bra underneath. She snagged the water from the bag and poured some all over her head then drank some. She spit out some with a heavy breath and passed me the bottle. She gave muzzles a head rub and began again around the lake.
The bench is next to a stair path which led up to the church. From down here, it looks like a very long road all the way up to heaven, with cement clouds and a golden aura shining on the green hedges that lined the walls of the walkway.
I grabbed Claire's sweaty clothes and put them in my bag in a different zipper than the snacks. The first time we were here I didn’t put them in my bag, and she was pissed when she found out that I left them on that bench.
It’s the same bench, it is an old scratched wood from years of sitting people and anxious people digging their nails into the completed piece, graffiti from years prior stained it like they were there from the beginning. Weather and sweaty clothes made took their toll on the brown bench, it’s now black and dirty with moss growing underneath.
I hadn’t noticed that I have been staring at the stairway to heaven for a good while until Muzzles yelped at me. His 3 heads turned back to one, but his body was that of a lion. What a tail, it moved fluently like a long eel strolling through the ocean. The rest of him was sitting and staring at me unsteadily.
Claire got to us again. I didn’t look around to see her, but I could hear her steps patter by. Something kept me in a trance, something about that church was off. Usually the painted glass on the sides would move around or the walls would change shape at the corners, turning from edges into round pieces. But it was still. Still as stone. Like the building itself was a delusion.
As if what I usually saw of it behaving like a van Gogh painting was the real thing and now as I look at it being still it’s a fake thing. Muzzles yelped again which drew my attention to his little tail, swaying back and forth like the wind.
He dragged me along the path to follow Claire's trail, he looks with his nose. Then she passed us again. This time she stopped to walk with us for a moment, she called it intervals when she pauses for a walk, I call it laziness.
“Were you staring at the church for a good 5 minutes?” She asked very slowly.
“Yeah”, I said.
“Is your condition acting up again?”
“Yeah”.
“Don’t worry, all that matters is that it’s not real”
“You sound like my therapist”
“Ha ha” she mocked sarcastically.
“I took some medication that was supposed to amplify it” I said. I felt like I vomited out the words.
“Yeah, I could still smell it off your breath” She paused “But wouldn’t that make everything worse?”
“Yeah, for a little while. But the idea is that once it amplifies, it kills the brain cells that cause the condition, therefore when I’m sober, I would not see or hear anything”
“That makes sense” She said trying to calculate it in her head. “How crazy did it get?”
“You had a crab arm, that’s why I closed my eyes when you reached for my bag that one time, I thought you were going to cut my head off. And little muzzles here had 3 heads and the body of a lion. I also saw some others beings too. Different than before.”
“Different?” let's play the pronoun game Claire, shall we?
“They were more distinct, other than bloody Kate and that skeleton. I saw a guy pissing fire off the dock and he looked real, his eyes were perfectly red and I could tell he was looking at me, then he vanished. Then I saw an angel on the hill over there.” I looked over to see the angel now with what looks like the guy in the red suit. “There they are now, both of them. The one in white is sitting on the ground, the red suit is standing, it looks like they're just talking. But their staring right at me. Even when I turn around, I can feel their eyes on me”.
“Good thing you're going to see Dr. Haward today.” She reassured me. Then put an arm around my back. She looked over to the hill where I see them now. Sitting and staring. Then she turned and looked down like she saw them too. Her face froze for a second then turned pale.
“Can you see them?” I asked to ease my pain.
“No, I just wished I did so you don’t have to feel like you’re the only one” She said with a tear in here eye. That’s a real friend right there. I’m so lucky I have Claire. These delusions would be a million times worse if it wasn’t for her.
“Hey, you’ll be ok. I have 30 or so more laps to go, but if you need it, we can head back.”
“If we head back the monsters will probably fight me, I’d rather see these new guys than have the old psychos”
She smiled at me, I smiled back. Muzzles kept dragging me on the path sniffing violently towards something. Then Claire went on her way, jogging until her muscles were sorer than Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime.
My doggo went to the edge of the path next to the endless sinking whirlpool of water which was confined into the perimeter of where the lake was. He sat down to watch out over the canyon which was once filled with water. I walked over and sat next to him with my legs dangling over the edge. The edge was raised a bit like a cliff, so my feet didn’t touch the water.
I looked down to see a dark cavern, down to what seemed like the center of the planet like an empty upside-down pyramid. The water was still there like messy moving glass, but I could see through it clearly. I could make out a faint face all the way at the bottom, it was made of a dark smoke. It looked like it was grinning, unlike the sky, which kept frowning at me.
The rest of the cavern was black and grey jagged rock, there was lava all the way at the bottom. It fell into the face in a light dusty drizzle. Basalt and Iron is what we were taught in school that the earth's core is made of. Turns out it's made of a grinning face and lava.
We sat there for a while. Muzzles was looking down too, like he saw the face. His head kept tilting to the left and right like he was thinking, he was adjusting his thought. Turns out he just saw a fish because he jumped down and snagged it in his mouth. He jumped back up onto the path with the grace of a dolphin with a little burbot in his mouth.
After which, he did the whole body shake where he got half the path wet as well as me and Claire who was running by just at that moment, what luck. Then he dropped the fish in my lap. I knew this game; I threw the fish out into the empty canyon where it fell all the way down to the gaping mouth and Muzzles jumped in after it. He fell where he got swallowed up and that is the last time I saw Muzzles. Just kidding.
In reality, Muzzles jumped in after the fish and came back. Then I threw it back and it repeated over and over. Each time the fish would wear down more and more. It got to the point where the fish was split in 2 pieces. I had to throw it twice which just confused him.
Then Claire came by again and sat next to me with her feet dangling. She grabbed the water from my bag, which was still on my back. Muzzles was swimming towards the edge with half the fish and dropped it in her lap instead of mine. She patted his head and dropped the fish back at his feet.
“Hold on” she told the little doggy. Muzzles stood still watching Claire walk over to the edge of the path where she disappeared into some bushes. Muzzles sat down to wait for her like a good little boy. She then came back out, followed by some winded leaves, with a stick about the length of a baseball bat and the thickness of a water bottle. Muzzles tail began to wag uncontrollably.
“Who want the stick huh? Who wants the stick?” She teased in a high-pitched baby voice. She moved the stick under Muzzles nose so he could smell it, he stared at her, waiting for her to throw it. Then she launched it about halfway into the lake, where it bobbed above empty space. Then Muzzles jumped off the path into the lake after it. I'm disgusted at what the face down at the bottom would eat. Then again, if it has an appetite for lava, it would eat anything.
She continued her run, leaving me by myself. I don’t remember which lap she’s one but it’s definitely a number. Muzzles caught up to the stick. It looked ridiculous without any water underneath him. It probably looked ridiculous regardless of how the water is moving. His mouth was chomped over a very small portion of the stick right in the middle. The rest of his body was pushing it on thin air. He got to the bottom of the cliff below me and tried to jump up.
I say tried because the first time the stick got caught on the end of the path and he slipped and fell back into the canyon with a splash. The second time, he left the stick and just jumped up. Then stared at me in anxiety, making his cries louder each moment that passed, to pick the stick and fling it. His little paws were pattering over the edge, trying to reach it like he has opposable thumbs. He doesn’t. I do.
I reached for it and was pushed into the canyon by someone. By someone I mean Claire. She saw me struggle and decided to give me a little push. It felt very weird to be in an empty canyon and be wet at the same time. I was floating in thin air like a bird without wings. I laughed really hard since I still have the backpack on. I put in up on the cliff, it was filled with our soggy breakfast and even more soggy sweats.
Anyway, I grabbed the stick and tossed it after Claire to try and trip her as she jogged away. An eye for an eye. I missed her and Muzzles ran after it, he came back to me, and dropped it where I was climbing out of the water. I stopped myself halfway since I knew that I would have to go back into the empty space to retrieve the stick each time anyway.
We ended the playing when Muzzles got too tired to keep playing. I put the stick back on the path where Muzzles laid. He began to chew on it, it took the shape of a dinosaur bone. I got out of the water and took off my soaking clothes. They melted into the path where it dripped sizzling its way through the concrete creating a hole in the ground.
I grabbed Claire's sweatshirt from the backpack to dry myself off since it was the only thing that resembled a towel. And it also will piss off Claire that her clothes are wet again even though the lake cried on them. I wringed out the shirt where the acid dissolved the deck below it, it fell out like rain falling out of a gutter into a deep black hole. I grabbed Muzzles off the deck before he fell through. He looked oblique with the dino bone in his mouth.
I walked over to a bench near the end of the path. I placed Muzzles down on the bench, where he jumped down and laid underneath in the shade, the bone still in his mouth. I sat on the bench in time to watch Claire run by. She was wearing a purple suit with a yellow hat. She looked like a porcelain figure that was poorly drawn on by a small child and she still looked gorgeous.
The sky then turned into a snow ocean, with whales jumping from the top down and then back up and shark fins pointed toward the ground. There were birds flying upside down and going south. The white waves kept making hills which turned into peaks like the fins and then into flat water. The purple sun could be seen through the layers of clouds as a school of fish passed through it, making an odd checkerboard pattern in the sky.
. Which only made things move through my eyelids. I looked down to ease my mental state. Though it did not help as the floor began to experience an earthquake. The bottom of the lake began to fly up to create a summit which flew into the sky. It swallowed some of the water along with some wildlife.
The trees began to reach over to me, grabbing and clawing at my bench. I saw angry faces on each tree trunk, they were blaming me for something. The bushes were also being swept away on little legs, bouncing away step by step. The ground began to make waves to mimic the ocean above.
Then lines of my sight began to shift to the left having other parts of my vision follow. I closed my eyes and buried my face in my 7 hands. I could feel a tornado around me, the wind was violet, but it was still. I must have laid on the bench because next time Claire passed by, she awoke me. I was laying on the backpack as a pillow. She was grabbing for some water, which my head was on top of.
I thought so, but apparently, she was talking to me.
“Hey, I finished my run we can go to the chess boards”. Her voice kept changing pitch as she spoke, then a high-pitched ringing was left over after she stopped talking. My eyes got brighter and brighter which allowed for my insanity to peak in at the edges. Claire's face was melting, but I could see her eyes and she had that look which was the call that we had when I was going too crazy. Her eyes get big and the rest of her face looks like it’s sagging to her chin like it all became numb.
She smacked me in the face as hard as a car crashing into a wall. She did it every time she has that look in her eye. Thankfully she hit me hard enough, so I was focusing on the pain and not the constant spin of the world around me.
I stood up to see a blue lake surrounded by a wooden deck and a concrete path reaching up to the grassy edge. The bushes and hedges were green and whispering with the wind. The streets and trees and birds and sky stopped moving with exaggeration except for the wind, which moved them as expected. I could no longer see the sun, it was covered by the clouds, which had no fish or ocean mammals dancing upside down.
The lake rippled and crashed at white peaks into itself.
“Thanks” I said to her, she replied with a satisfied face. Muzzles was lying next to me; his stick was under the bench. Claire grabbed her water as I got up and we both walked to the chess tables near the park on the other edge of the lake.
“I didn’t slap you that hard, did I?” she asked innocently. Her puckered eyes matched that of a whining dog.
“Nope, just hard enough”. I replied to calm her tensed face.
We got to the stone tables which were attached to some stone seats not too far away. Claire took the first seat then I followed. She took out the chess set she bought last Christmas for my dog. I don't know why she thought it was an appropriate gift to give a dog, I don’t remember the context.
The pieces were of angels and demons. Angels were white and light blue. The Demons were black and red. She set up the Angels on one side of the checkerboard. I set up the Demons on the other.
One piece, in particular, was staring at me. It was the queen from the other end. She had blue eyes and brunette blonde hair, painted and smiling like a sunny sky. She was staring at me like I was the odd one here, as if I shouldn’t be animated and alive. It feels like I am looking at a shadow that I think is a ghost. I know that feeling all too well.
Setting up my side, I picked up the demon king. It looked like a regular guy in black face and a red black suit. He had a cigarette in his hand and a devious smile on his face like he knew I could see him. Placing him in his spot I could see a cloud of smoke dissipate over me.
“Ready?”. Claire asked starting the game without a reply.
She placed the pawn in front of her king up 2 spaces. I followed by placing my pawn in front of my queen 2 spaces. Then she moved her white bishop to the left, attacking the pawn in front of my bishop on the diagonal.
“Check”. She's a quick learner. It’s kind of ironic that I am terrible at this game, but I taught her.
I am unable to pay attention to the game since her queen is beading into my soul. I could almost hear it screaming at me. Then it turned back into the molded plastic of Elizabeth The First. She should be king in this set but her dad, Henry the 8th, was the king.
his. I looked away before Claire could notice that I was looking at something instead of spacing out.
“What did you see?” Claire asked. She knows somehow, she knows me so well. “I can tell by that look in your eye, they get wider until the pupil begins to grow. They get black sometimes.”
“My eyes?” I asked.
“Your pupils” Claire said as she slumped back in her seat. She was staring at the edge of the table. “What time are you going today?” She asked with an empty face.
“11” I said checking my watch. 9:60. It was an analog clock with the big hand and little hand. I had an hour until I had to leave my friends.
“Checkmate”. Claire said with a big sigh as if she was holding in a huge breath.
Well, she got me. She won, but she looked upset about it, usually she is more content after a victory. Her pretty smile isn’t there as usual. She was resting on her elbow at the table watching all the pieces.
The 2 next to us just finished their game too. The angel was cheering about her victory while the demon slapped the pieces off the board. I turned back to meet Claire's eyes.
“Come on”. She said with a new enthusiasm. She got up from this awkward seat to grab her backpack and sling it over her back. She handed me the chess set box. “Losers clean up, you know that”. Apparently not, since the distraction of an angry demon and a happy angel took my attention away.
Claire cleaned it up, letting me sit in the world I am in. The demon got up and walked away towards the lake. He was on fire like a torch, brighter than the sun. The angel was chilling on the stone seat with her leg up in the table laughing and mocking the angry fireball.
“Let’s go”. Claire said to the lazy boy laying under me. He was half asleep and half wet. She knows I can’t just leave my dog without saying goodbye, so I stopped watching the hallucinations, who were now sleeping and flying. I jumped out of this crooked stone seat and headed after my dog and my angel friend.
“You’re insane CJ”. Claire said like it wasn’t common knowledge.
“I’m sorry Claire, I just have never seen them in such detail”. I replied as I was scratching muzzles little belly.
We were at the top of the grassland that watches over the lake. It was the hill where the demon and angel were earlier, the piece of land that doubles as theater audience space.
We sat on the dry green grass. The dew from this morning evaporated, Muzzles and I made swamp puddles with our dripping clothes. Claire opened the bag, taking out the snacks I brought and some fruits. Breakfast for us, all of it damped lightly in the lake water. Fruits, vegetables, oatmeal, peanuts, low carb bread, cheese sticks, protein bars, and yogurt, etc. All sharing the same sliding feeling when grabbed onto, they would slip off my fingers and land on the ground like they are smeared with butter.
The bag zipped all the way around which made it easy for her to set up a cloth-like table in the middle of us, it spread open like a book. All the snacks were laid out neatly. We sat on either ends breaking up the food evenly.
“How much detail?” Claire asked. She usually doesn’t, she usually waits for me to say something about it, but I guess what I did today concerned her. I opened my fat mouth instead of playing chess, or my fat eye rather, she definitely feels like it is open for discussion.
“Like they were real people”. Usually I can tell if it’s not real, there’s a little difference in each one. Like bloody Kate, she is just all black perfectly hidden as if she is a shadow. And the skeleton, it creeks like a floorboard on its noose, but I can see through it when the sun cuts into the window. “They also moved. A lot and were very animated with a lot of emotion like they were real people”. They usually move very little or not at all and never has bloody Kate had more than a wink of emotion.
“Does that mean it’s getting worse?” She asked calmly. Her face turne d abit red like she’d been sitting in the sun for little while.
“I think it was just a side effect of the medicine I took”. I said.
“Medicine”.
“Let's play the pronoun game Claire, Why not?” I said as a joke. She shoved me in response.
“This is serious”. She said with a half-hidden grin. She enjoyed hearing that I have high spirits.
I pulled out the joint canister with the prescription written on the side and handed it to her. She opened it and smelled it; her nose crinkled up at how thick the scent is. “Weed?” she asked with a clinched face. The smell is still strong in the air around us even after she closed the container back up.
“Medicine” I corrected her. Her grin widened to a smile. Handing back the cartridge, Muzzles intruded so he could get a good sniff too.
“So, it is just a side effect?” She said assured.
“Yeah”. I told her so she wouldn’t worry about it as much. I don’t know for sure, I have to check with Doc. It might be a side effect; it might be a new terror that climbed into my brain. Whatever the case, I know it’s not as bad when the lake started to eat the sky and the trees started screaming at me.
Everything around me was calm. I don’t see any any animated delusions and there is nothing out of the ordinary, the heavy exaggeration of my insanity has passed.
Checking my clock with the big hand on 10 and the little hand on the 9, I knew I had to leave.
“Do you have to leave now?” Claire asked like she could read my mind, she was a little kid asking her parent if they were going to the store for a cigarette.
“Not yet”. I looked over to the building where I would be in a few minutes. It looked so boring; a solid brown brick made by placing layer on top of layer. There were windows towards the lake reflecting their black pane selves against the sun. The trees around it were deader than a stomped-on lilac. The area looked like a black swan in a pond of white swans, a desert piece of building surrounded by green grass.
I smiled over at Claire, who was getting kisses from Muzzles. I know that dog doesn’t keep his mouth clean even with all the healthy dogfood she makes him eat. I looked down at our breakfast, which was gone, nothing but crumbs and banana peels. After she was done having her face cleaned by a dirty mouthed Muzzles, the dog went on to eat the crumbs.
“I should go then. I have to give him a bath” She was petting Muzzles who hated the word. He hid behind me like a child afraid of the boogeyman. But Claire held up a treat which got his attention again. She zipped up the bag while Muzzles sat, slung it on her shoulder and dropped the treat on the dog. He caught it mid-air and chewed it up with an open mouth.
“Come on”. she said to the doggo who jumped up on her thigh as she clipped the leash on his neck. He knew what is going to happen, so he climbed on my sitting body to stop me from getting up. He didn’t want me to go. Awwww, my heart sank and turned into liquid, but I had to go. I gave Muzzles a big kiss on the cheek and held him for a little then I let him go to Claire. He turned his back to me, so he doesn’t have to see me leave again.
“Bye” Claire said.
“Bye”. I said, watching them leave. I began to feel a sad pit envelope in my stomach. I pushed away that feeling and stood up with a gleaming new mentality.
. I stopped looking around in hopes that I would see anything like the angel and demon. But the grass and sidewalk kept dying and growing right in front of me. It stopped growing when I reached the brick. Everything seemed dead. Even the uneven door which creaked as I pushed it.
Dr. Haward has his office at his home. It is a rented-out office in a strip mall, he doesn’t like people enough to go out of his home to do his job, so he bought the whole strip mall and made it one big fancy house. He bought it all with the money that I gave him over the years. Guess that's what makes his such a good therapist.