The Armory had the appearance of a concrete bunker, with a smooth, humped roof. The windows were tinted and reinforced. A gaudy red dancing neon sign illustrated an assault rifle affixed with bayonet thrusting into an ogre’s head ad infinitum.

Yet the establishment had the buzz of a nightclub. Several Volunteers I did not recognize entered and exited through the front of the building, while others milled about outside. Apparently it was a popular spot.

I murmured apologies as I pushed my way through to the double doors and stepped inside.

Inside, long wrap-around counters separated the customers from the merchandise. On the walls, countless racks of weapons rolled past like the conveyor system of a kaitenzushi or major airport. I nearly went cross eyed watching instruments of death crisscrossing the walls to the left and right in alternating rows.

Samurai swords. Hira shuriken. A baseball bat with nails sticking out of it. I even saw a bazooka whiz past.

In the center of the spacious room, pieces of clothing and armor were on display in tall, transparent cases. Motley Volunteers casually inspected the goods like one would admire paintings at an art gallery.

Many of the items and sets were wholly unfamiliar to me. One appeared to be a whole body suit covered in spikes. I leaned in to read a label: Siberian Bear-Hunting Suit. Another was labeled Nationale Volksarmee Uniform. Both were exorbitantly expensive. No bold red sales numbers on these.

The longer I looked, I noticed some of the displays flicker out, replaced by different items. Were these just holographic images as well, waiting to be materialized? No doubt I would have the option to ‘shop by menu’ if I wanted.

A smart-looking, black Tactical Jacket appeared in the case I had been previously staring into. I reached out to select it, even though it was behind glass, and the object glowed with a faint outline.

[Armor: Tactical jacket

Armor Type: Body

Cost: 1500 Crypt]

Out of my price range. Still, I liked the look of it. I hovered over the piece to access more details.

[Armor: Tactical jacket

Armor Type: Body

Cost: 1500 Crypt

Level: 1 of 10

Frequency: Uncommon

Defense Output: 30

Details: A type of jacket designed for use in military, law enforcement, and other tactical situations. Made from durable materials and features a variety of pockets and compartments for storing gear. Also features reinforced elbows and shoulders, and VELCRO patches for attaching morale patches or identification.

Properties: Storing - when equipped, this armor increases memory space by 20 metabytes.

Size: 30 metabytes]

Suddenly I tensed as I heard gunshots ring out. Looking up from the display, I saw muzzle flashes reflecting off glass at the back of the room. But none of the other Volunteers so much as flinched.

Against the rear wall, large bulletproof windows looked into a firing range. A few Volunteers were gleefully shooting at targets. A place to test the merchandise?

Another opening in the wall to my right led into a sort of sparring room, currently occupied by a shirtless Volunteer dual-wielding swords and facing off against what I could only assume was a training bot.

“Can I help you, soldier?”

A voice equal parts curt, authoritative, and hollow caused me to spin around.

Behind one of the counters was the strangest sight I had yet seen since my awakening, and I had seen literal hellhounds. A type of robot or cyborg with a metal body the color of army surplus green stood before me, easily seven feet tall. Its features were nearly skeletal, but it wore an incongruous colonial powdered wig. Military star insignias were stenciled on its chestplate.

“Colonel Peacekeeper at your service! Purveyor of the finest weapons and armor!”

Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

A… robot?

“Back by popular demand! I was patched with these cosmetics during a special Veterans Day sale and the customers loved it! Profits have increased 18.2% since the change from my previous appearance. Hooah!”

So bizarre.

I see. Well, not really. You mentioned Veterans Day. Veterans of what war?

“I’m sorry, I’m only an ordnance specialist and do not have access to that intel. Above my pay grade! But I do have access to the finest weapons and armor! What can I interest you in?”

I did see a tactical jacket over there that looked nice, but I can’t afford it.

“You need to get out there and kill some more monsters, soldier! Do your part. Accumulate that sweet Crypt. Then you can go on a spending spree on your next rotation!”

That’s the idea. But I only have these black coveralls. As far as weapons go, I have this basic push dagger. Not much to brag about.

“Well, soldier. Wars may be fought with weapons, but they are won by men. It is the spirit of men who follow and of the man who leads that gains victory!”

Was that a quote from somewhere?

I almost died once already and I’d prefer not to experience that again. I have a certain price point, but I’m having trouble deciding between defense and offense, a new piece of armor or a new weapon. Any advice?

“My motto is - Nobody ever defended anything successfully, there is only attack and attack and attack some more!”

I wasn’t sure if I entirely agreed with that perspective, but I saw little utility in debating with a jingoistic automaton.

Colonel… Peacekeeper… I only have 620 Crypt left. What weapons do you have that are less than that?

“Our inventory, specials, and sales always rotate, so be sure to check back often. But let’s take a look!”

Peacekeeper raised a green metal finger and opened three shimmering menus in front of my face. An assortment of diverse weapons zipped into place on each floating screen.

“In our current lineup, we have the following available for 500 Crypt each. Some are on sale. I’ll show you a few fancier options to whet your appetite. It all depends if you go for Melee, Ranged, or Thrown weapons. Pick your poison, soldier!”

[Melee Weapons

Weapon: Warclub

Weapon Type: Melee (bludgeoning)

Cost: 500 Crypt

Weapon: Tomahawk

Weapon Type: Melee / Throwing (slashing)

Cost: 1000 Crypt

Weapon: Cane sword

Weapon Type: Melee (piercing)

Cost: 1000 Crypt]

[Ranged Weapons

Weapon: Hand crossbow

Weapon Type: Ranged (piercing)

Cost: 500 Crypt

Weapon: Snubnosed revolver

Weapon Type: Ranged (ballistic)

Cost: 500 Crypt]

[Thrown Weapons

Weapon: Rope dart

Weapon Type: Thrown (piercing)

Cost: 500

Weapon: Fei tou flying weight

Weapon Type: Thrown (bludgeoning)

Cost: 500 Crypt

Weapon: Meteor hammer

Weapon Type: Thrown (bludgeoning)

Cost: 1000 Crypt]

I recalled that melee weapons were moderated by the value of my strength, ranged weapons by my accuracy, and thrown weapons as a combination of strength and accuracy.

“We also have traps and other deployable items, of course. But let me show you one of my favorite items - on sale!”

Colonel Peacemaker snapped his finger and a new menu appeared, hovering in my visual space. A pepperbox-style handgun with six small barrels, a handle that doubled as a folding knuckle duster, and a fold out double-edged knife that looked like a bayonet appeared, rotating in three-dimensions on the screen.

[Weapon: Apache revolver

Weapon Type: Ranged (ballistic) / Melee (piercing, bludgeoning)

Frequency: Rare

Cost: 4000 Crypt]

Impressive. I could shoot, stab, or punch someone with that thing. Always good to have options.

Thanks, but way too rich for my blood.

The robotic vendor visibly slumped its shoulders in disappointment.

Maybe I could save up for it? Buy it later? Put it on layaway?

The vendor made a metallic clicking sound somewhere in its throat.

“I always say - A good plan, violently executed now, is better than a perfect plan next week.”

That may be so, but here is another proverb: you can’t get blood from a stone.

I swiped away the special rare weapon menu and looked again at the Melee, Ranged, and Thrown options before me. If I spent 500 Crypt, I would have just 120 remaining. I knew I had to take on another bounty soon. But first…