It was a sunny Friday morning. Curly Top was off revelling in his lair, as had come to be his practice. Meanwhile, in another part of town, two friends were walking down Fraser Street. School had just let out for the summer and they were basking in their new-found freedom. It should be noted that they were totally unaware of Curly Top, his lair, and the revelling that was even now transpiring within.

"Whaddayoowannadoo?"

"I dunno. Whaddayoowannadoo?"

These two friends were Aaron and Dirk. They were at a loss for anything to do. They had spent much of last summer hiding in the bushes behind the bus stop on 41st Avenue. When little old ladies would sit on the bench, Aaron and Dirk, unseen, would take branches and tickle the ladies' achilles tendons. The ladies, whom the friends guessed might be named Gertrude and Penelope, would jump up and say, "Land sakes!" or some other little old lady expletive best left to the imagination.

This had been all great fun a year ago. But Aaron and Dirk were far to mature to engage in such shenanigans now. Since they were approaching the local Pharmikea Store, they decided to pop in and test a theory. It was Dirk's idea to purchase a box of condoms and see how much any of the contents could be filled with water before bursting.

It was an open question. Tom-the-only-child had suggested it one Saturday afternoon while Aaron and Dirk were lounging around in his living room wondering what to do. Tom had been sure you could fit barely any water into one of those things before it burst. Dirk thought the opposite. He imagined you could fit a whole ocean into one. Aaron preferred to remain agnostic on the whole matter, in the absence of solid evidence.

The three had dropped the subject and spent the remainder of the afternoon playing Asteroids on Tom's Atari system. This is what you did in 1980 when you were a teenager and didn't have a girlfriend.

Now, here they were in front of the Pharmikea, determined to follow the science wherever it might lead them. Until they opened the door.

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

Karyn Law was at the till.

"Phhhhhhhhhhhhhht! Karyn Law is working here today," hissed Dirk.

"So?"

"I'm not buying freakin' condoms from Karyn Law!" Dirk whispered, not quite as subtly as he had intended. Karyn, who had been working on a crossword puzzle, looked up.

Dirk grabbed his friend by the sleeve and whisked him into the potato chip aisle.

It should be noted that among Dirk, Aaron and the boys at school, Karyn Law had earned the title, "Hottest Girl This Side of the Mississippi." None of them had a clear idea where the Mississippi was, but they all knew it was a river. Aaron had argued that since the Mississippi was a river, and they all lived on a spherical planet, there was really only one side to any river. So it was like saying she was the hottest girl in the world. It seemed like a safe generalization.

Aaron assured Dirk that this was a free country, and he should feel no compunction about buying condoms from anyone.

"I've never bought these before!" objected Dirk. "Do I need a note from my mother or something."

"You won't need a note!" Aaron said.

The two friends concocted a plan. Aaron would approach the till and engage Karyn in idle conversation. Dirk would follow, a moment later with the merchandise. Karyn would be so entranced with Aaron's smooth words, she would ring through the purchase without noticing what it was.

Aaron leaned casually on the front counter.

"Hi," he squeaked.

"Hi," Karyn said, still working on her crossword.

Dirk arrived an placed a small cardboard package on the counter. Without looking up, Karyn grabbed it and ran it through the till. She looked at Dirk.

"Seven ninety-five," she said, placing the purchase into an opaque plastic bag. They were home free.

"No," said Dirk.

"No?" Karyn and Aaron both said.

"Those were on the discount shelf," Dirk informed her. "They should be half-price."

Karyn looked into the plastic bag. She pulled a microphone toward her mouth. Her beautiful voice echoed through the store.

"Can I get a price check at the front till."

Karyn didn't understand why the boys left so quickly without their purchase. Again, into the microphone, she said, "Scratch that."

Karyn shook her head and went back to her crossword. Her eyes drifted toward an adjacent column in the newspaper. Three lines set in bold capital letters caught her attention.

BEAUTIFUL ASSISTANT NEEDED

FOR WORLD DOMINATION PROJECT

NO EXPERIENCE REQUIRED

It's gotta be better than this lame job, she thought. Karyn tore out the ad and slid it into her rear pocket.