CurlyTtop was ecstatic. He had always wanted to be an evil villain mastermind. Now he had his own lair. That was the first step.

Curly Top sat in his lair and revelled. He had never truly revelled before, and was a little uncertain about procedure. He tapped his fingers together and laughed:

Mwahh hah ha!

It was nice. But it needed more. He would work on his laugh some more later. Curly Top consulted his list. He checked off item #1:

EVIL LAUGH

He thought for a moment, then added a note: Needs work.

Item #2 was next:

SUBJUGATE THE UNIVERSE UNDER MY TYRANNICAL REIGN

Curly Top pondered this second item. Where to start? He decided to leave this item for now and move on to the next. He could always come back to it.

Dang.

There was no next item.

Not to be outdone at this early stage in his villainous career, Curly Top took pen in hand and began to write.

"I need to break this task down into smaller, miniature tasks," he said aloud.

He needed an assistant. That would be his first sub-task. He was back on track. Where would he find an assistant? He would advertise. Curly Top felt the creative juices purcolating between his ears.

He found a fresh sheet of paper on his desk and wrote in small capital letters:

The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there.

WANTED: ASSISTANT

He smiled. Not an evil smile, but a self-satisfied smile. This was succinct. In two words, he had captured the essence of his requirements. Brimming with self-admiration, he opened the phone book, and found a listing for the local newspaper.

This was 1980. When you needed to advertise something, you placed a classified ad in the newspaper. You picked up a rotary phone and told a person what you wanted it to say. You might even go down to the newpaper office and pay for the whole business with cash.

"Hello, this is Curly Top," he told the person at the other end of the line. "I'd like to place a classifed ad."

"Fire away," said the person on the other end.

Curly Top read aloud what he had written: "WANTED: ASSISTANT."

"Is that it?" asked the newspaper person.

"Indeed! What more could I possibly add?" Curly Top felt indignant.

"Well, you could have us set your ad in bold capitals," came the voice on the other end of the line. "It costs a little more, I should warn you."

Curly Top liked the sound of bold capitals. He agreed.

"Do you want to add a phone number?" asked the newspaper person. "How does one apply?"

It hadn't occurred to Curly Top. He was immediately thankful to be dealing with such a professional. Curly Top didn't want people phoning him at ridiculous hours. He provided the address for his lair.

"You might want to say what kind of assistant you need," suggested the ad person. "To thin the herd."

Curly Top agreed. He didn't want to end up with a grunting hunch-backed assistant. He also thought a little detail about the job requirements might enusre only qualified applicants would knock on his door.

With a little further prompting from the classified ad professional, Curly Top settled on the text for his advertisement.

BEAUTIFUL ASSISTANT NEEDED

FOR WORLD DOMINATION PROJECT

NO EXPERIENCE REQUIRED

Following this text was the address to Curly Top's lair, along with instructions to head around back and knock on the door of the suite above the garage.

The total cost of the ad came to $29.95 for a single insertion in Friday morning's paper. 

"And how will you be paying for that, Mr. Top?"

"I'll send my assistant over with some cash."

"Sounds fine."

Curly Top hung up the phone and sniggered, "People are so stupid." 

This world domination thing was going to be easy.