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Master, This Poor Disciple Died Again Today -- Complete!
37. Peanut Butter Sandwiches and Other Simple Commands

37. Peanut Butter Sandwiches and Other Simple Commands

Xue leaped, straight up. The ceiling hurtled down at them. Hui braced, flattening himself over Xue’s shoulder as much as possible. Xue’s head smashed into the ceiling with a resounding crack. They hung there, dangling from the ceiling.

Hui grimaced, then cautiously peered up. Did he kill himself?

Xue’s head stuck half-through the flint, his body held up by the upper half of his head. Xue growled gently, almost to himself.

“Er, let’s, let’s get down from here,” Hui muttered.

Xue smashed the ceiling with his hand. They landed on the stairs with a jolt. Xue stumbled and fell. Awkwardly, he plopped down on the stairs. Hui took the blow on his rear. He winced, legs trapped under Xue.

“I found him! I found him,” one of the triplets shouted.

“Xue, run!” Hui urged.

Lying on the floor, Xue’s legs pumped.

Hui clasped a hand to his face. “Did you get stupider? What’s happening?”

Xue offered no response. His limbs smacked repeatedly against the floor and stairs.

“Stand up, Xue! Turn right! Run!”

Xue grappled at the floor. With some effort, he got his feet under himself and stood, turned, and ran, as Hui commanded.

At least he’s got a hardy fourth-stage body, though my poor little butt isn’t nearly as powerful, Hui thought, annoyed.

Behind them, the three triplets scrambled over the slate floor.

“There the furnace is!”

“Get him!”

“Black rabbit?”

Despite Xue’s best speed, the triplets rapidly caught up to them. Hui frowned. He should have bodily strength at the fourth-stage, so why…

Right, the rope! His gait is strange because of the curse, and he uses the rope to hide it. Besides, ghoul-him won’t have access to his movement technique. If there’s one thing he’d be, it’s slow!

“I guess we have to stand and fight, huh?” Hui muttered. He chewed his lip, thinking. I’m not great at fighting. I’d rather run away or play dead. I have Xue, but like he said, he has all the weaknesses of a ghoul, and the Mysterious Forest Sect came equipped to kill ghouls. Unlike those two idiots earlier, these three are masters at working together. They don’t seem to have recognized me—well, I am disguised—but I’m only second-stage. We’ll momentarily have the element of surprise when I direct Xue’s attacks or make my own first attack, but that will only last so long, and I don’t have a technique that’s a sure-kill for third-stage cultivators. No, I don’t fancy our odds.

He glanced up. I guess we could keep jumping up? But… I feel as though we aren’t making any progress. We’re running around this castle, but why does it feel like we’re running in place?

Wait! He turned to his right, toward the center. We’re running around the castle… but why is it taking so long?

Hui slapped Xue’s shoulder. “Go inward, toward the center of the castle!”

Xue darted into the next room. A wall rushed up at them.

As I suspected! The inner rooms are shallow. There’s a space in the heart of the castle! “Xue, smash through that wall!”

Raising his fist, Xue punched the wall. Fragments of flint flew at them. Hui ducked, huddling over Xue’s shoulder.

They burst through into cavernous darkness. An open space spread around them, extending before them in all directions.

“Xue, go inside,” Hui whispered.

Xue leaped. They dropped into pitch black. Hui held his breath, weightless. Five seconds. Ten.

They struck the ground with a thump-thump-thump, Xue’s rope striking between his feet. Black walls raised around them, ascending to the heavens. High above, the ceiling vanished into the darkness. The light spilling in from the hole Xue had punched lacked strength to light the far wall, let alone the ceiling. Except for that light, the room was pitch.

“Xue, walk,” Hui whispered.

Xue stepped forward. To his left, a brazier sparked alight. Hui snapped to face it, startled. The brazier sat atop a flint plinth, the bowl carved from translucent, almost smoky gray flint. An identical brazier lit to their right, and he snapped around the other way.

Mindless of the light, Xue strod forward. Braziers on plinths lit as he and Xue passed them. The braziers’ fires lit the room, revealing a space almost too massive to fit inside the castle. Bricks of flint lined the path underfoot, glittering with golden pyrite. Beyond the braziers, smooth flint stretched to the wall. Half-finished statues of birds lined the distant walls, their bottom halves dissolving into whirls carved into stone, heads cocked back, necks twisted at impossible angles. Somewhere between beautiful and hideous, their stone eyes watched Xue and Hui as they walked past, flickering firelight almost lending them life.

Ahead, at the end of the path, a flint altar stood. Rising from its rear, a bird carved from the altar struggled to free itself from the flint, its wings featherless and bound to the altar, back half bleeding into the stone.

The altar itself stood empty. Hui frowned. Did someone already loot this hidden realm and take the treasure?

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“Here he is!”

“Wait, what’s this?”

“Did we find the artifact? Is this it? The treasure of this realm?”

The other two glared at the third.

“Simple!”

“Short!”

The third rolled his eyes at them. “Forget the furnace. We can capture Bai Xue later. Let’s get the artifact now!”

The three made eye contact, and they nodded in sync. As one, they leapt through the hole in the wall and darted toward Hui and Xue.

“Xue! Run!” Hui shouted, pointing straight ahead at the altar. If I get the artifact, I can bargain with them and hold it over them!

Besides, I found it! It’s mine!

Xue jolted off at a shuffling pace. The triplets gained on the two of them. Hui pulled up from where he laid over Xue’s shoulder. He frowned. We won’t make it!

I have to take a risk!

“Xue, stop!” he snapped, and jumped away. Activating his movement technique, he sprinted for the altar.

Xue turned and growled at the triplets. The three of them fell back, instantly separating into a triangle formation.

“Left!”

“Right!”

“Center!”

The second triplet raised his hands and muttered a short chant. Behind him, the first drew his sword and circled toward Xue.

“Xue, to me!” Hui shouted. I can’t have Xue fight them alone, he’ll die! But I can use him to stall!

Xue whirled and raced after Hui. A gout of fire filled the space he’d been moments before, singeing the tip of his hair. The first triplet darted in. Finding no one in the space he meant to attack, he pressed on. His sword bit into Xue’s back.

Hui grit his teeth and pushed on, racing for the altar. I’m sorry, Xue! But if we don’t get that artifact, they’ll kill me, enslave you, and take it, too! This is the only way to get a hold over them!

Xue let out a screech and rounded on the triplet. He swiped his claws and caught hold of the triplet’s sword. Red lines bit into his fingers. He pushed, forcing the triplet to twist his wrists to hold on. Further, further. The triplet flinched and released the sword. It crashed against the flint floor, tossing up sparks. Xue clawed after him. His claws caught the triplet’s arm. The triplet kicked, knocking Xue’s arm back, and fell back, clutching his hand. Blood ran down his wrist.

Licking his lips, Xue shifted toward the triplet.

The second triplet made hand signs again, eyes narrowed. Illusory fire flickered around his fingers.

“Xue!” Hui shouted.

Xue jerked, startled. He looked at Hui, blank white eyes shining. Thick strings of drool ran down his chin.

“Come, hurry!” Hui called.

“Too slow!” the second triplet shouted, raising his hands.

The third triplet shoved him. “Idiot! We need him alive—”

Fire spouted from the second triplet’s hands and slammed into Xue.

Hui’s stomach went cold. The death qi wavered in his dantian. He barely maintained control, a hand to his stomach. “Xue!”

Xue ran out of the fire toward Hui, himself a mass of flames.

Thank goodness! He’s still ali… not dead! “Stop! Drop! Roll!”

Obedient, Xue complied.

Hui threw himself at the altar. He reached out a hand. Is it an invisible artifact? Will it only appear once I reach the altar?

His hand slapped onto empty slate. Hui groped around. He furrowed his brows and reached with his other hand, patting the altar down. Nothing. Not so much as a scratch.

Eh… what? Don’t tell me… this realm’s artifact has really already been stolen? We did all this for nothing?

Abruptly, the world around him faded away, leaving only him and the altar. They hung in darkness, black void all around them. Startled, Hui clung to the altar. What—what the—

A low voice resounded in his head, loud as thunder. Hui clasped a hand to his ears to block out the blaring sound, but it did no good. “Welcome, inheritor. You have found the heart of this realm.”

“Right, so where’s the artifact?” Hui grumbled.

The voice continued, unaware of his interjection. “I imagine you stumbled upon this place by accident. I created this realm to lock away one of my failures, as it was too dangerous to leave in the world. This altar before you is the key to use this failure of mine. I call it the Phoenix-Fire Spark Altar.”

“Sorry, ancestor, but there’s an entire sect treating your failure as a treasured realm,” Hui replied, twisting his lips.

“However… this altar does not revive, nor allow someone to return to life. Instead, the altar, and the entire spell array I built into this space, raise the dead to unlife.

“I should destroy it, but I can feel that I am close to discovering the secret. If I can unlock the secret, then this altar will revive anyone below fifth stage to true life. If I do not manage to unlock the secret, and this message remains, then I leave this altar, and this realm, to you in the far future who inherits it and unlocks the secret to its true abilities. Ah, but I don’t want any of my enemies to get their hands on it…”

There was a pause. Hui looked around him, investigating the space, but found no hints. Blackness pressed on his eyes, thick and heavy. No sign of walls, nor a ceiling, nor a floor presented themselves. His feet dangled in space, but he didn’t fall. He tried to lift his hand off the altar, but couldn’t budge his grip.

A snap resounded in the silence. “Oh! I know! I’ll restrict the level of visitors. No one above the third stage. That way, even if they hate me, they’ll be too weak to use this altar to hurt me. Ah, I knew it. I’m a genius.

“Then, to you to whom the threads of karma extend, I gift you my work and my legacy.”

“What legacy! You’re throwing your trash at me and hoping I finish it for you!” Hui shouted into the void. All you’re doing is giving me work! This isn’t a gift at all!

“It isn’t trash,” the voice replied, reproachful.

Hui covered his mouth and cowered. Oh shit! I didn’t think he could hear!

“Hmm… I don’t know why, but I felt like you might have said that, o inheritor of mine. This is merely a recording, however, so have no fear, and listen. There is knowledge of the laws of life and death locked in this altar. At your low realm, you may not be able to sense it yet, let alone comprehend it, but if karma has led you to me, and our paths were meant to cross, then these laws will be of great use to you in the future.”

Laws of life and death…? Hui frowned and sent his qi into the altar.

Something great and incomprehensible welled up at his quest. He felt the largeness of it, the shape of it. It tickled at his mind, something he could not yet understand but wanted to. If I could understand it, I’d break through. That certainty rolled in his mind. Desperately, he memorized the feeling of it, the odd sensation of the laws pressing against his consciousness. Maybe, later, I can—

Fire filled his vision. Hui stared, startled.

“Ah! That ghoul is back!”

“Kill him. We don’t need another ghoul.”

“Gross, ugly’s here.”

“He talked. Is he an undead cultivator?”

“Does it matter? He deserves death even more so, then.”

“Kill, kill!”

Hui dropped below the altar. Fire rushed over him, scorching past the sides of the altar.

I’m back? Where did I go? Hui wondered. That space… what was it?

“From this altar, you have limited control of the secret realm,” the voice continued, fading away into echoes. “This entire realm is a spell array, so please handle it with care.”

Xue darted beside him. Down his side, his skin crisped to almost black, and his clothes and hair bore singe marks. The ghoul looked at him, waiting for a command.

Eh? Xue—wait. I told him to come to me. It’s only been moments. It felt much longer, but not much time has passed in the real world.

Hui bit his lip. He glanced at the altar, then pressed his hand against it again. “Expel everyone but me and Xue!”

Insufficient authority, a cool female voice replied.

“What can I do?” he asked the altar.

No reply.

Argh! Of course it wouldn’t be that useful!

The triplets darted in. They stood over him, crowding around the far side of the altar. One reached out his hand and patted down the slate, the same as Hui had done.

“Empty?”

“It’s already been stolen.”

“No treasure for us.”

As one, they turned toward Xue.

Hui’s stomach sunk. Oh no.

“Let’s not be hasty.”

“There’s still the furnace.”

“Treasure!”