Grief let Mariyah breathe during her days with Cal. The times when it became particularly difficult were when she’d come across something that reminded her of her parents or Oliver. Things like passing by her mother’s favorite flower, or carving arrowheads like her blacksmith father, or even any time she heard the sounds of a creek and pictured Oliver fishing for crayfish...whatever the reminder was, they would cause her world to stop for a moment, and their deaths would fill her tired mind. But with distractions, at least it was easier to move on from the inevitable thoughts, and Cal gave her many distractions, enough for her grief to loosen its grip just a bit. Though maybe it wasn’t grief giving the girl mercy, but rather Cal’s friendship pushing it away.
Unfortunately, distractions couldn't save her in the corners of the night, when she had already imagined all she could about her upcoming trip. When she was left alone with no other thoughts to save her. When all was quiet except the chirps of bugs and owls, and the soft sounds of her fingertips grazing against her pendant and ring.
She’d lay on her makeshift bed during these times, and stare up at the tapestry of stars that always poked between the trees. It always started with a trembling bottom lip, and then countless memories of her parents and Oliver would flood her head. The images sped inside her so quickly, yet she always felt every one. Next, would come the feeling of her heart pulling to them, as if part of her still thinks she can return to them though they are no longer here.
But she knows she can’t.
And the reminder of that fact is always followed by a sharp pain. It's then no longer a touch of grief, but a stab.
Her eyes never held the tears very long, but she had learned to muffle her mouth to hide her sorrow from Cal. She didn't know how tears could still be falling. She’d thought for sure she’d have dried herself up from them by now. But that never happened. And she always knew she just had to hold on until daytime, until the sun rose. There, she’d find distractions.
Today, Mariyah and Cal sat beside a flowing stream, decorated with greenery and flowers along the sides. She looked over at the sack of their dried meats they’d gathered over the past few days. That was the bag she'll carry as a griffin while Cal sits on her back during the long flight over the ocean. The bag was almost full, they just needed to add a bit more for good measure, and then they can begin cooking the final pieces.
Now, they were trying to catch crayfish, or any sort of fish, really, even frogs. She was reminded of Oliver, once again, her heart sinking a bit. It’d be time for them to depart soon, but still, she couldn’t stop thinking about what would become of Seenparay. She knew the king would have his way, and her people would continue to suffer, but there was nothing she could do about it. Oliver’s village…Marcy, Rose, Gil, David…She thought of each of her friends and shook her head to herself. How can she leave without explaining what happened?
She bit her lip for a moment. “You know the boy I told you about? Oliver was his name.”
“I remember.”
“Well...I never told his friends and family the reason for his death,” she said to him. “I never went back to explain it.”
“Will you?”
“I think I need to. Before we leave. I know I need to.” She looked down at the flowing water.
She’d be leaving and never returning. They’d never know what happened to Oliver, and she could never live her days knowing that. But they would hate her for it if she told them...Her stomach twisted into a nervous knot. Cal could come with her if he wanted. Maybe that’d help? Not a big chance he’d come. But there’s no harm in asking, right? “I wonder if you would maybe like to come with me? You could meet the villagers?”
He stayed watching the stream. “I prefer to keep to myself.”
“I know, I just..it’d just be a moment.” She looked down. “I just need to tell them.”
He looked over at her. After a short silence and him studying her worried eyes carefully, he spoke up. “I’ll go with you, but I won’t stay there. I’ll leave after you tell them.”
“Well, we’ll leave after I tell them. I won’t stay long, I just want to explain.” She nudged her knee against his gently, “It won’t be so bad…” She gave him a small smile.
“Just for a moment,” he said quietly. “But I’ll go with you.”
-
When Cal and Mariyah arrived at the village, stares were given by everyone. Mariyah looked around at the stone faces of the villagers and swallowed nervously as her heart thudded anxiously. Gil and David stood off in the distance with Dyelen and Marcy who watched silently, along with the others. The looks on their faces immediately made her want to crawl into a hole and never return. Just tell them and leave.
Peter must have been notified of her arrival, because he wasted no time in greeting her. He pushed through the staring people and approached Mariyah with a stern face. “What are you doing here?” he asked her loudly, his eyes examining her.
Mariyah stood awkwardly. Her voice came out quiet and timid. “I wanted to speak with you.”
He shook his head immediately. “I want you to leave.”
Her face fell and she opened her mouth to protest.“I’d like to explain-”
“I’d like you to leave-”
“You killed my child!” a cry came out from behind Peter. A woman began walking quickly towards her. Olly’s mother. Mariyah stood nervously as Evelyn stormed towards her, shouting, “Oliver is gone because of you!” She swung her hand against Mariyah’s cheek with tears in her eyes and now putting some in Mariyah’s as well.
Cal’s body stiffened as he lifted his brow and took Mariyah’s elbow, pulling her behind him. He stepped forward in front of Mariyah, facing Evelyn. The eyes he gave Evelyn were more than enough to get across a silent warning.
Mariyah began to choke up and shook her head from behind Cal as she pressed a hand to her flaming cheek. “No, miss-I didn’t kill him...I’m so sorry. He was protecting me.” But I did, I got him killed. She felt her entire face reddening as she wanted nothing more than to run away. But she wouldn't.
“Evelyn, not now,” Peter said quietly to Olly’s mother, taking her by the shoulders.
Mariyah’s bottom lip quivered and her nostrils flared as she looked anxiously from Peter to Eveyln. “I’m sorry for leaving-I want to explain what happened, please let me,” she said with begging eyes.
Peter just remained silent, letting her speak as Cal stepped aside. Mariyah then explained to Peter and Olly’s mother how it all happened, going into detail about the way he protected her. Other villagers around her moved in closer to listen to her explanation. The faces of those listening turned into remorse as she went into detail.
Evelyn had no words to give in response, all that left her mouth were loud cries and sobs. She collapsed onto her knees, clutching her face as Peter struggled to hold her up. Quickly, Sare and Sylve, with some of the other women stepped forward and brought her into her tent, her cries slowly growing quieter.
Mariyah’s face was torn at the sight, she put a hand to her mouth to hold in her emotion and looked away. Cal gently pulled her towards him by her wrist so that she could hide her tears from the staring crowd, and looked over at Peter, his jaw tight.
Peter watched her a moment as if he felt sympathy, but his expression turned to confusion as he shook his head, lifting his hands. “Why? Why then did you come here and drop off Oliver with no explanation, girl?! His mother has been tortured by not knowing what happened!”
Cal inhaled sharply at his loud outburst, watching the man closely.
Peter gave him a look before returning to Mariyah who finally turned around, wiping her face and gathering herself. She forced out a stable voice as best as she could as she answered him. “I know...I- I was nervous and scared. I’m sorry, there is no excuse for that…” she said quietly.
“Nerves are no excuse to leave a mourning mother in the dark.” Peter narrowed his eyes. “And what is your explanation for being a Shifter? Hm? You lied to us all?”
“I had to, it was hidden at birth. I couldn’t tell anyone-”
“And what now? You’ve just given up on keeping it a secret?”
Cal tilted his head for a moment, stared warningly into Peter’s eyes. “Her parents were killed because of it, the secret is no longer a secret,” he said, sternly. “I found her in the forest after it happened. I’m sorry you lost that boy, but this girl had nothing to do with it. There’s no need to continue speaking to her the way you all are, and I won’t listen to it.”
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Mariyah looked at Cal with wide eyes desperately wanting to thank him.
Peter shot a glance at Cal and then looked at Mariyah with concerned eyes. “Your parents?”
She nodded her head, her nose burning from the sensation of tears forming again.
“When did this happen?”
Cal noticed Mariyah’s choked up state and cleared his throat to answer for her. “Not much more than a week ago. After your villager was killed.”
Peter’s expression changed as he realized what had happened. There was a long silence amongst the crowd and him as he looked at her. His anger and hurt could no longer stand against the sweet eyes he knew fed them throughout their starvation. And he frowned. “I’m sorry, Mariyah.” He finally set a hand on her shoulder. “I’m so sorry,” he said solemnly.
Mariyah felt the tears coming but she resisted. She looked around at those she once called friends who stood around from afar. Her cheeks flushed as she grew embarrassed, but she chewed on the inside of her cheek hard enough to prevent any embarrassing cries that her sensitive heart wanted to release, doing her best to look composed.
Noticing her distraught reaction, Peter led her and Cal to a small hut. “Let’s sit.” He allowed them to sit inside on some blankets, and Mariyah pulled herself together enough to explain the deaths of her parents and her interaction with the king as best as she could while restraining her tears.
“What are you going to do now?” he asked when she finished.
She cleared her throat. “Well, I’ve been accompanying Cal...he saved me.”
He nodded his head to him. “A kind man, thank you. This girl meant a lot to us.” He looked at Mariyah. “And still does. Despite our anger.”
She gave a faint smile and nodded. “And I’ll be leaving overseas soon with him. I’ve decided it’s best for me to go.”
He lifted a brow. “And how will you get there?”
She breathed in deeply before explaining and showing her abnormal abilities.
He was left speechless with a blank stare as he shook his head. “That’s quite amazing, Mariyah,” he said, breathlessly. “That shouldn’t be possible.” He looked at her carefully. “You go, and you go far from here, you hear me?”
“I will.” She smiled slightly and looked at Cal for a moment, hesitantly, before looking back at Peter. She imagined the villagers staying here, and leaving them all behind. She frowned. “I wish I could bring everyone as well.”
Peter shook his head, letting out a chuckle. “Don’t worry, dear. We’ll be fine.”
She frowned, in thought. “Well. I mean…I could?”
He lifted his brows. “How would you manage such a thing, Mariyah?”
She looked down at her hands in her lap as she came up with the idea. “I’d fly Cal, then come back and take one at a time until everyone was safe.”
Cal and Peter shared glances before Peter finally replied, “Mariyah, that’s over a hundred trips there and back. You’re a griffin, not a ship. Do you know how many hours it is from here to those kingdoms?”
“A while, I'm sure, but I could do it, Peter. I don’t care if it takes me months- I’ll do it.”
“And if it takes you months, what happens when the soldiers begin to notice my people missing after the first week? What do we tell them? That they suddenly died? That they suddenly moved villages?”
She pressed her lips together, thinking. There has to be another way. “Well, I could try at least. You all will…” She bit her lip as she looked at him. “You all could die if I don’t do this. Why not try?”
“We would be trying at the cost of our lives, Mariyah.” He watched as her face broke, and she looked away. “Your heart is too big for this world..” He sighed and looked at her closely, placing his hands onto hers. “I appreciate your desire, sweet girl. But doing that would put us at a great risk. The king doesn’t wish to let us leave. If those men suspected anything, those of us in the village who weren’t fortunate enough to be first in line to leave would be interrogated and likely killed. And even if not- they would begin to patrol the seas even more than they already do. It’s dangerous enough for you to go with your friend, but it should be doable, especially if you leave on a cloudy day. The rest of us?” He shook his head, “It’s far too much, and far too risky.” He squeezed her hands. “We are not your responsibility. You go, my child. You’ve lived in this hell long enough. I want you to be free.”
Mariyah looked away, closing her eyes as she held back the thoughts of her people starving to death. She wanted to argue with him more, but she knew he wouldn’t change his mind. And as much as she hated it, he was probably right. Her chest tightened as she shook her head, forcing away the thoughts of her friends dying.
Listen to Peter. He’s right, she told herself. But the desire to help wouldn’t leave her head. Stop it, stop it, stop it. This is about your safety. She finally opened her eyes and looked at him, squeezing his hands in return. “Is there nothing I can do?”
“You’ve done more than enough.”
She nodded, her face solemnly. “Thank you, Peter. Please, stay safe. Please.”
Peter gave her a kind smile and patted her hand. “We will. You have a safe trip, dear. And enjoy a life of freedom.”
She smiled in return, swallowing the guilt in her throat. “Thank you.”
But that guilt wasn’t hidden very well. Peter smiled and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Do not worry about this village any longer, girl. You have given us enough worry for a lifetime, let your heart rest.”
She hugged Peter before she said goodbye to the others, Cal following along. Marcy frowned and hugged Mariyah tightly. “We will miss you…but I’m so thankful you will be safe. You deserve it.”
“Thank you, Marcy. I’ll miss you terribly.”
Kai reached out and hugged her as well. “Guess I have to give you one,” he muttered, giving Mariyah a laugh.
“Don’t be so thrilled,” she giggled.
He gave her a quick genuine smile before others came up. Gil and David both hugged her goodbye, along with Rose, Sylve, Sare, and more. She gave them bright but teary smiles and waved. “Be safe.” She looked at Cal and then Marcy for a moment, pulling away from the group. “Do you think I could see where Oliver was buried first?” she asked quietly.
Marcy nodded. “He’s in the Willow Graves. You’ve seen them, right?”
“Yes, I know where they are.” She smiled and thanked her, then looked at Cal. “I’ll only be a few minutes. Is that okay?”
Cal nodded his head. “Take your time.”
Following the trail that Olly had once led her through, she soon came across the familiar willow tree branches that draped over the wooden crosses. Her throat choked up as she saw a freshly dug grave beside Oliver’s father’s grave. Tears stung her eyes as she stood in front of the two graves. She slowly moved to her knees, staring at the wooden cross.
She wiped the tears from her cheeks as she turned her head away from the grave in frustration. “I’m sorry, Olly,” she whispered softly.
A woman’s voice filled her ears. “Oliver only spoke highly of you.”
She lifted her eyes from the grass to the woman that stood against a tree in the distance, watching Olly’s grave. Evelyn. Mariyah’s eyes slowly trailed back down to the grass. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, her heart sinking even more.
“I don’t need your apology.” Then, there was a long silence. The mother continued after a moment of silence, “I don’t hate you.”
Mariyah looked up at her with eyes holding far too much grief for a young girl.
“But I feel this anger. This fiery anger inside me is because my child is dead. Dead because of you. He was protecting you.” She paused, her pinched face relaxing.
Mariyah watched Evelyn’s face carefully, her own breaking as she listened.
“I know it isn’t truly your fault, Mariyah.” The woman took a few steps forward. “I know it isn’t. But I cannot feel anything else other than anger right now.” She looked down at the grave and then the girl. “Don’t listen to my spite. I am hurt, my mouth does not wait for my mind to calm itself,” she whispered. “But you must know. Know that my son loved you. Know that, Mariyah. You were his light.”
The two remained locked in each others’ broken stares for a moment.
Mariyah nodded her head. Her words could have sent her into another spiral, but she fought it. She gave her a weak smile. “I love him as well. He was mine the same.”
Evelyn stood up and exhaled raspily, before turning around and departing.
Mariyah's heart sank as she watched his mother walk away, and guilt tightened its grip on her heart once again. She wanted to leave. She couldn’t spend another second around this place. Though even that brought her more guilt. Oliver gave her an entire group of friends that she’d be abandoning in a day. But of course, she had no choice.
Still, she could picture the villagers withering away. Skin and bones soon turning to skeletons. Or maybe they’d be slaughtered. The king could have the entire village killed if he found out the Shifter Mariyah was associating with was from this village, or if he found out about the smuggling. And she considered once more the pesky idea of if she were to stay and somehow keep all of that from happening. As impossible as that would be.
She grunted in frustration and looked up at the small pieces of sky that the willow trees didn’t hide. “There is nothing for me here," she whispered to herself. “I cannot protect an entire village…and I want no more memories of this cursed kingdom and the hell it has shown all its people.”
She stood up, irritated by her irrational desires to help and began towards the village. It was time for her and Cal to go. But as she headed back, she was met with shouting in the faint distance.
“Mariyah?!!! Mariyah??!!!!”
Mariyah tensed as she recognized Marcy’s voice, and the severity in it told her something was very wrong. “I’m here!” She shouted, picking up her dress and taking off into a sprint towards her.
Marcy ran through the woods, catching up to her and grabbing her by the shoulders. “It’s Cal!”
“Cal? Cal what?!”
Marcy did her best to calm her voice enough to explain. “He-he was taken- they took him away!”
Mariyah looked into Marcy’s panicked eyes and shook her head. “What do you mean? Who?!”
“The soldiers.” Marcy panted as she answered her, her cheeks flushed with exhaustion. “They took him to the arenas…I’m so sorry.”
“Arenas?!” Mariyah shifted into a cheetah. “I don’t know what you mean, Marcy!”
“The gladiators-ugh! Come back, Gil will explain!” Marcy shifted into a mouse and climbed on top of Mariyah as she took off into a sprint towards the village.
“A cheetah too?!” Marcy shouted, looking down at Mariyah’s patterned fur, clutching it with her tiny hands.
Mariyah’s mind was too frantic to reply. Her legs pumped beneath her at a speed not other form could reach. What does she mean? Taken? How?! What arenas?!
She zig zagged past the trees, ignoring the branches and bushes that smacked her body. Her legs pumped harder and harder until she could see the village ahead of them. “Gil?!” she shouted as she approached the village, shifting into a human with Marcy falling off of her followed by a squeaky yelp. She looked around frantically, a crowd of her friends were gathered outside.