“I hear that you and your friend went off exploring in the forest by the Shrine.”
Taryn stopped in her tracks at the familiar voice that spoke in English. “Afternoon, Kitsutsuki-san.” She greeted Toya as she faced him. “Where’d you hear that?”
Toya smiled at her. “Some of the workers saw the two of you coming back in the early morning. They wondered what you were doing that would cause you both to be covered in dirt and leaves like that.”
“Exploration is never a clean business.”
He chuckled at her straightforward answer. “I can imagine, so what were you up to?”
“We followed the path that went past the Shrine.”
“Oh?” his eyes holding interest. “Did you find something interesting?”
“The first path led to the mountain face, and another near it led to a pond, at least that’s what I think it was. It was about the size of a small bath but there were no fish.” She said as she put her hands into her clean jeans pockets. When she and Rachael had returned, the first thing they did was bathe; thankfully, there were no issues with any uninvited guests joining their bath. “But I have no plans to go back to that pond at least.” She looked at him and asked. “Do you know if there’s any type of story behind it?”
Toya thought about it for a moment. “One does come to mind, but it’s rather morbid.”
She folded her arms across her chest. “Have at it,”
“You sure?” Toya asked. “Some would find this tale as a rather gruesome one.”
“I bet it is, but there’s not much that can scare me. For the most part, at least.”
Toya was quiet for a moment as if truly contemplating her words before speaking. “It’s called the Dark Pond; the legend goes that unsuspecting people drawn to the pond will be dragged in by a demon and drown. Others say it is the spirit of someone who drowned due to grief, soon wishing others to join this spirit in death. There have been several people found partly submerged in the pond in the past, all drowned. At first, it was believed to be suicide, but as the numbers increased, people began to think it was something more than that.”
Taryn was silent, her eyes shifting back and forth as she thought about it. “Then what about a woman?” she asked, recalling what she might have seen in the water’s dark depths. “Is there a story where a woman is involved?”
“There have been a few,” Toya stated. “I know there is one that involves the Priestess, but it was one I always found rather sad. The story goes that the first death which took place was the Priestess’s husband long before the original village burned away.”
“Her husband?”
He nodded. “Yes, many in the village believe that Kuronochi-sama killed him by drowning him in retribution for turning her flesh into something that could no longer die. And as such, never truly rest.”
Taryn frowned slightly. “Wait, how could it have been Kuronochi? I thought her body was laid to rest deep within the mountain?”
“She was, but old stories say that they were connected by ancient lava tubes of a long-dead volcano. And as such there are many tunnels within the mountain itself. But there is one other thing I neglected to mention about this story.”
She looked at the man with a puzzled expression. “And what is that?”
To her surprise, Toya leaned in close and spoke softly as though he only wanted her to hear what came next. “If one could no longer die, then there’s no need to breathe in such watery dark depths.” He all but whispered before returning to his full height with a faint chuckle. “But that’s merely a story. Though there is some truth to it. Some speculate that he had drowned due to the underwater caves that are beneath the mountains here. There have been several channels connected to water that is deep beneath the ground. Some believe what could accumulate to a flash flood, caught him off guard and forced him to the surface, leading to the Dark Pond.”
Taryn looked at him with confusion. “Why would the people here think that?”
“Because to some, it’s believed that his workshop is somewhere in an underground cavern. Underneath the very mountain, you ventured to where he had taken his wife to turn her into a doll.” He laughed suddenly, his tone becoming light-hearted. “But it’s only a story passed from word of mouth. It’s never been proven as fact or even found for that matter. And no one wishes to do so since it would be seen almost as sacrilege, but also because they’d be afraid.”
“You mean the villagers believe she would come back,” Taryn said. “Is that it?”
He offered another nod. “It’s what some believe. I certainly wouldn’t want to find out, would you?” his gaze then shifted away from Taryn for a moment, looking at something or someone further down the hall before looking back to her with a smile. “Your friends have already gathered in the main dining hall. We can continue this there, I’d love to know what you think of the village, now that you’ve had the chance to properly explore it.”
“You mentioned caves,” Taryn continued walking behind him. “Does that mean there’s a way to go into the mountain? Or some form of passage?”
Toya stopped suddenly, causing Taryn to collide with his back. The impact of this didn’t even cause the man to stagger from it. “I would not advise doing that.” He says while she took a step back to not be so close as he turned to face her. A smile was still on his face, yet it seemed different than before. A change she couldn’t place. “There are many tunnels underneath the mountain, many passageways that have become closed off over time due to nature. While others bend and twist, making any poor soul lost. If that were to happen, I don’t think even I could find you.” his smile became softer then. “Best to avoid that, I believe.”
“I suppose,” Taryn agreed but felt that the way he seemed, and the tone he used when speaking felt almost off to her but couldn’t place why.
“Are you hungry?” he asked as he continued to head to the dining hall. “There will be a large assortment this time since the festival will be happening two days from now. I am sure it will be something that all of you will enjoy.”
However, Taryn couldn’t seem to think much of it, even though it was delicious. Her mind had become preoccupied with the events that had taken place earlier in the day. Thankfully she was able to help curb some of Rachael’s growing anxiety, getting her to focus on ideas for the comic or her art. Even taking another walk around some of the other gardens around the mansion while avoiding the red hydrangeas. But what Taryn had felt and saw remained present in her thoughts.
She just couldn’t forget the woman. She knew that she had seen the woman somewhere before. She had to have or else she wouldn’t have recalled it. Her thoughts became so engrossed in what trying to mentally backtrack that she began to absent-mindedly rub her brother’s ID disc.
Something of which that caught Toya’s interest. “That necklace,” he spoke, drawing Robert’s attention to look at them. “I’ve noticed that you always seem to be wearing it. You never take it off, do you?”
Taryn paused, realizing what she was doing before shifting in her seat. “No, I don’t.”
“It must be important.”
“It is,” she said softly, and for a moment, hesitated before pulling the ID Disc out from underneath her shirt. “It was my brother’s.”
“A military man,” his tone holding an air of impressed as he leaned in close to look at the name imprinted on it. “Is everyone in your family like that?”
“Ah, no, not really. There’s history in our family, but not everyone went into the Army. My Mom and I, for one, didn’t.”
“Still, it is an accomplishment. But I must ask, you say it belonged to your brother, so why are you wearing it?”
Taryn fell silent; everyone else in the room knew besides the man who asked. And she could tell he was genuinely curious as to why. She felt like the wall that she had built up inside her mind was cracking, slowly but surely chipping away. Ever since she dreamed of that memory.
A wall where she had pushed back much of her emotions and feelings about the event was one reason she would always avoid talking about it when necessary.
But this was different than what she spoke of Stephanie about, for the woman already knew about her brother’s death. Everyone in Toronto to parts of the United States knew about it. She honestly didn’t know how to even say it out loud.
She inhaled through her nose and exhaled the same way, trying to relax her body; she didn’t want to be tense.
“He’s…” she cleared her throat. “He’s dead. My brother died several months ago…”
“I should not have asked.” Toya’s voice came softly, almost a whisper. “Please forgive me for being so rude.”
“It’s fine,” Taryn said, shifting in her seat again. “You just asked why, so don’t apologize. I should be used to people asking me about my brother by now.”
“Why do you keep doing that?” Robert interjected, all eyes shifting to him as he looked at Taryn with a frown one that she returned to him in kind.
“What are you talking about?” Taryn asked.
“What you just said, why do you keep calling him your brother when he’s not. He was your cousin, not your brother. You weren’t that closely related to each other.”
“Robert,” Stephanie’s voice was harsh but low in tone.
Taryn’s whole body stiffened, her back straightening as she looked at him. What the hell? Why did he say that? He knew about her family, so what was the point? Her gaze grew dark; suddenly, the reason did not matter after seeing it happen again for the second time as a nightmare. Her anger, her rage, all began to boil up from the depths of her soul. Looking at him, this man who was once her friend and more, asking such a thing that he knew all too well. As if he was only saying it to hurt her.
It enraged her.
One that felt oddly familiar...
With it, she felt something begin to crack inside her head.
Rachael instantly looked to Taryn, colour slowly draining from her face. Oh no. For the briefest of moments, Taryn looked as though she intended to rip out Robert’s throat. But she reigned it in before anyone else in the room noticed.
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Taryn’s expression became empty of any emotion while her voice was cutting like a knife as her gaze remained firmly on Robert. “Your right. Your right Robert. He was my cousin, he was my cousin when my aunt, my Mom’s sister, left him at our front door when I was four when I was injured at her home before going off to who-the-fuck-knows-where. To keep him out of the foster care system, my parents adopted him into our family since my aunt abandoned her legal rights as a parent. Where he became my brother. Now it’s your turn, why the hell are you bringing it up?”
He glared back. “It’s obvious, isn’t it? You keep talking about him, look, I get that he was shot. But that was his job as a cop. He was willing to risk his life, even before that, when in the Army. You need to stop acting like you were even there.”
“Robert, stop it!” Rachael snapped at him; he was treading on something that he shouldn’t even be going near. She went to speak to her friend, hoping to calm her down, yet, it was too late. Even Stephanie could see that.
There was silence, not a word before Taryn spoke again, her voice thick with what could only be described as slow-burning anger that threatened to burst into flames and consume everything in its path.
“I was there.” She said to him, her breathing was slow as she now looked at him unblinking, the anger steadily growing, as the emotional walls she had built up in her mind cracked further. “Didn’t you pay attention to the news? Oh, right… why would you? Considering you were with Paul on that trip? What would the point be anyway when you don’t care about that kind of thing?”
Toya remained silent, looking back and forth between the two as Robert now shifted in his seat, moving back faintly as if trying to distance himself further from Taryn, eyes refusing to look at her. He realized his mistake, regretting his choice of words then and there. But she kept going, pushing him back the way he pushed her, making it hurt.
“You want to know what it’s like, Robert? What it’s like to see someone you know die in front of you? I’ll tell you, it’s a lot different than what you had to go through. You merely found a body; you were not the cause of his death.” Her expression changed, a hinting smile on her lips, yet her eyes were filled with so much rage, a void of any other emotion as her voice remained even and calm. “But I was for Roy.”
“It’s not like you’d know that for certain…” he said, trying to defend himself. “You couldn’t have known that when it happened.”
“You’re wrong!” she suddenly shouted, causing three of the four in the room to flinch at Taryn’s sudden burst of volume. With Toya being the only one who had not. Her tone evened out again; her eyes once again locked on Robert. “The kid that killed my brother, he was shouting, screaming. Saying that I should have been the one. That I was meant to die. Not Roy. And yet, no one believed him, claiming it to be because of his fragile mental state even in the courtroom. Why go after a girl when shooting a police officer would make a bigger impact? Even though that girl, me, was clearly the target? Yet the press, and tabloids, all ran with it, even though my Dad, the Chief of Police, told them otherwise. Several revised their stories when that came out, but by then, it was too late. Some news outlets didn’t give a shit because it didn’t conform to their narrative of a story they wanted to tell.”
Taryn knew that a vast majority of the news would quickly revert to damage control to correct an error in several instances. However, the populous already made up their minds about those instances, not allowing it to be changed regardless of what others said.
“So, I’ll tell you what, Robert. You can complain every time I bring up my brother. That’s fine. But if you say anything about him regarding my family, his blood relation or how he even died, I’ll tell you right here, right now.” Her gaze remained intensely on him, unblinking as her rage came through her biting words and wide eyes. “I will make you swallow your teeth.”
With that, she stood up, moved away from her seat and took several steps back, as her expression became muted of any emotion.
“Excuse me, I’ve lost what little appetite I had. But you all continue to enjoy.” As she began to leave the room, she stopped when Rachael went to try and join her. “Don’t. Just… just don’t Rachael, please. Just leave me alone.” She left the room, saying nothing further to anyone.
When her friend was gone Rachael snapped her head in Robert’s direction. “I hope you’re happy!” She snarled at him. “What the hell is wrong with you? Why do you keep trying to pick a fight with her? Do you want her to get angry? Or are you just so bitter over how things ended between you that you decided to just say that to her face?”
Robert said nothing, eyes now on the door that Taryn had left through. Yet Rachael continued no longer caring whether he was listening to her or not. She was beyond pissed.
“She texted me that she was at the hospital, it was right after what to happened to her and her brother. And the first thing I see is her covered in blood, surrounded by both doctors and police. She didn’t even realize that she had texted me. She did it subconsciously. And all the while, she refused everything offered to her. Refused to change out of her bloodstained clothes. Refused to eat or drink anything. She just sat there. So I sat with her. For two hours, that’s how long it took for her to realize I was even there. That’s how badly traumatized she was about her brother’s death. And you go and comment that they aren’t brother and sister? Assuming that she wasn’t there when it happened!? Even if she wasn’t, she still lost her brother! Her family! And you brush it off like it shouldn’t even matter.”
Rachael waited and waited to see if he would say anything in return, but she added bitterly when nothing was given.
“Next time you say something like that, be prepared to get your ass kicked to the damn moon and back. And I don’t mean by Taryn either.” she stormed off back to her room, she’d leave her friend alone. For now. But after some time, she’d track Taryn down and be with her, whether Taryn wanted it or not.
“Shit…” Robert muttered with his face buried in his hands as Toya got up and discreetly left the room without a word, leaving Robert and Stephanie alone. “I fucked up…”
“Yeah, you did.” she agreed, only to grab him by the arm when he tried to leave the room. “Robert, don’t. Whatever it is that you want to say to her isn’t going to do anything. It’ll probably just make it worse.”
She was right; he found himself slowly sitting back down cross-legged.
“Did you really not know?” she asked him, and he nodded his head. “Why not?”
“Because Paul… Paul wanted us to go camping. It had been such a long time since he was in such a good mood. I texted Taryn that the two of us would be out of town. She told us to have fun, to not overdo it like she normally would. Paul hates listening to the news, not to mention I didn’t want his good mood to dissipate so soon because he was off his medication. I heard that her brother died when we got back, that he was killed. That’s it. That’s all I knew. Turns out, it happened right when we left.”
“You didn’t look into it?” she pressed. “You didn’t ask her yourself? You were both still dating then, stuff like that is important in any relationship.”
“I know,” he admitted.
“So why didn’t you?”
He whispered. “I don’t know.” It sounded like an excuse, but he did mean it. “Part of me wanted to, but with all the reporters camped out on their yard, even just getting close, I’d get bombarded by strangers. I was afraid, afraid I’d say something stupid that would make things worse for her family.” He was silent for a moment. “I think it was the first time I realized just how different our worlds were.”
“Then, do you think mine is any different from Taryn’s?” Stephanie stated. “My Dad runs and owns a multimillion company with several other businesses attached. Do you think we don’t get bombarded by the media when something bad happens? Because we have.” She said, recalling her brother Tyler and how much the media ran with his death as if it were just another game to them. Another thing that she and Taryn had in common. “Regardless of where we come from, we’re still people just like everyone else.”
“No, I know that. I just…” Robert shook his head with a heavy sigh. “I don’t know.”
“Then think about it.” She told him. “And maybe you listen to her regardless of what other people say first.” she paused, then added. “You told me once that Taryn doesn’t talk much about herself, that she’s always hiding something. Did you ever think there was a reason for that? Try waiting for a response next time, she might tell you.”
He fell back onto the tatami floor. “If there’s a next time.”
She nudged him with her knee. “Up, eat. I’ll see if she’d be willing to talk with me, at least. I don’t want us fighting for the rest of the trip. And besides, the festival is in two days, I don’t want her hiding away and missing it.”
He remained where he lay for a moment before she nudged him again and did as he was told. “You worry too much, you know?”
“If I didn’t, none of us would be here. Now eat and think about why you decided to piss Taryn off like that.”
“Yes, Ma’am.” He sighed before looking at his now cold food and internally cursing. Stupid damn habit. He sighed again, knowing full well it would be a long while before Taryn would be willing to even speak to him if at all. He had gone too far, pushed too much, the look of horror and confusion on Taryn’s face before turning to such anger that he had never seen before continued to play on a loop on the backs of his eyelids. Robert let out another breath through his nose. He’d have to be ready to lose a few teeth.
* * *
She didn’t know how long she had been walking. All she could hear was her heart beating loudly in her ears. Her lungs felt like they were on fire as her throat became tight, not from her asthma, but her emotions.
Even if she used her medication for this, it would do her little good now.
As her mind became a maelstrom of chaotic thoughts.
How could he say that?
How the hell could he say that?
She gripped her chest where Roy’s ID Disc lay, her breath coming out in short bursts through clenched teeth as her shoulders shook. She could vaguely hear people coming towards her direction, so she walked into a nearby room through a sliding door. It was empty, devoid of life. No one would see her.
As she tried to regulate her breathing, she leaned against a nearby wall for some form of support to not fall to the ground.
The wall inside her head was going to break. She could feel it.
Yet all she could think, all she could feel, all she could see within her mind was her brother’s final moments. Playing out before her again, and again, and again.
Those images overlain with Robert’s words. Recalling what stuck with her most.
“It’s obvious, isn’t it? Look, I get that he was shot. But that was his job… You don’t know that to be certain…”
Hot tears threatened to fall as she breathed heavily through her nose before finding herself no longer able to take all of it internally. In that heated moment, she lifted her right arm to slam the side of her fist into the wall.
Only for it to be caught on impact with someone else’s hand.
Shock and confusion were the first to register as she stared at that hand, one that gripped her fist tight. It didn’t hurt, but it was enough to cause her to stop.
Quickly she looked over her shoulder to see Toya standing silently behind her. His dark jade green eyes filled with what she could only describe as a mutual understanding mixed with faint sorrow before slowly letting go of her hand. She took a step back, unsure as to why he was here at all. When did he even get here?
Blue eyes frantically searched his face only to find that there was no answer. At least not one that Taryn could see within her current state. His eyes then fell on her necklace. The name of her brother was visible even from where Toya stood.
She followed his gaze with her hands before looking down at the ID Disc that held her brother’s name and regiment number. Even now, she could recall being handed to her by Nichole at the funeral. Clasping it tightly in her hands, she brought it towards her chest as she stared up at Toya and whispered.
“It should have been me…” With those words, the wall that she had built in her mind broke. Crumbled away like a sandcastle being struck by a massive wave, as her tears began to stream down her face. And there was nothing she could do to stop it. She could no longer push it back anymore. She had already done it once; it wouldn’t work again.
Taryn fell to her knees as she sobbed, clasping the ID Disc close to her heart. “It should have been me!” she nearly yelled, no longer caring if anyone heard. “I should have died! Not Roy! If I hadn’t been there, none of this would have happened! Yet people tell me to be proud of his death? Of his murder? Who are they kidding?! Give him back… I want him back… give me back my brother! GIVE HIM BACK!!!”
For the longest moment, she remained there, huddled on the tatami floor crying through exasperated breath. Like how she wanted to at the start when it all happened, but her anger and conflicting pride refused to let it. So, she pushed it back, sealed it up with an internal wall and tried to act strong like everyone perceived her to be.
There was no choice then, at least in her eyes.
But here, in this place where no one knew her, she could cry and not care what others thought of her. It was liberating, as it was equally devastating. Unable to due to her stubbornness and the views of those who watched her family from the outside. Thinking they had the right to do so when they knew nothing about it.
It was cut short when she felt the warmth of a heavy hand resting along her back. When she raised her head, that same hand rested against her tear-stained cheek. Toya kneeled in front of her, less than a foot away before silently closing the distance, as Taryn entered his embrace.
It wasn’t forceful in any sense of the word. Toya merely held her to him, offering no words of apologies or soothing tones. Only silence as Toya held her close.
Her breath hitched in her throat as the tears began to fall anew. From her throat, another cry, as though everything around Taryn was falling apart, everything that she had been trying to push back. Her hands tightly gripped Toya’s back, her nails digging deep as her fingers tangled and pulled his long hair while she cried into his chest.
All the while, Toya held her in silence, his embrace tightening ever so slightly, pressing her body closer to his own. Ignoring whatever pain she might have brought on by the grip of her fingers and bite of her nails that dug deep into his back.
For none of that mattered within that moment between the two of them as Taryn let out her long-withheld grief and sorrow in Toya’s comforting warm embrace.