Everything became casual between us; the whole thing started with a kiss. At present, without a kiss, our day wouldn’t start. Before, we used to have sex outside the company, but as time passed and he would be so horny, we started making out in his cabin.

I love the way he makes me aroused; his way of playing foreplay gives me a sensation all over me. I can’t stop myself; he likes to make me carve for his touch and tease me before entering to see my face and enjoy my frustration. I became his fan of these things and started sweetly haunting my dreams, even masturbating by remembering everything. Please don’t tell me I am doomed.

We started hanging out together most of the time, spending my days in his flat. He even started taking me to restaurants for dinner and sweet talk, and whenever he had time, he would cook for me and start giving me preferences. These kinds of gestures had distinct meanings. Does sex change everything, but not everyone? It’s so casual to him, and these days we are quarreling less and understanding more.

It has been eight months now since he started giving surprise gifts, which were damn sweet, but when I was unwrapping gifts, it always left me in shock. Every time it would be expensive items, most of it would be jewelry. At first glance, the price of that item was unpredictable. He was transferring way more cash to my account, apart from the salary. I had questioned him most of the time about pouring money on me. He would say I could utilize it for my own other needs. I tried to return them, but he wouldn’t take them back, no matter what.

Why the hell was he doing these kinds of things I was not getting? Most importantly, how was he treating me? Is this his way of treating every girl he has been with—the kind of give-and-take policy—the reason why girls end up cursing him after getting ditched?

Is this enough for anyone to fall? Absolutely yes. What more can anyone expect an ordinary girl like me? As the days I started spending with him I was falling for him, knowing the consequences of my act, and totally blind to anything else that was trying to warn me.

I am no saint without feeling; I had fallen for him hard and started questioning within me why the hell I didn’t stop when I had a chance. Now everything is overwhelming. I am not getting how to take this or how to react so confusing; I am just going with the flow out of fear of the coming days. Whenever I wake up beside him and see his handsome face, I end up wondering when all this will come to an end. Days are near; my mind will always shout, and it’s killing me.

Many times, I had made up my mind to speak with him and end this nameless relationship, but whenever we were alone, there would be no room for any conversation, only kissing that would lead to something else. Our carving for each other would always dominate everything, resulting in me forgetting what I came for. I knew he was going to be the slow poison of my life, blinded and drinking without giving a second thought. Can this also be called a way of loving someone?

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We can’t hide affairs from anyone. Shortly, everyone around me started noticing it was both of our faults. I told Randolph not to have sex in his cabin; he never listened to me, not even once. Whenever I was coming out of his cabin, the receptionist started giving me a disgusting look, and I was embarrassed to face them.

After a few days, the same started spreading everywhere, gossiping about us more about me; of course, they wouldn’t dare to gossip about him. I started feeling ashamed whenever I passed the corridor, laughing and whispering. A few colleagues stopped talking with me; it was not their fucking business, and at the same time, I felt guilty. Damn that bastard, who finally included me in his list.

How the hell did everything turn upside down? I felt pity whenever any girl fell into his trap; now who would show the same concern to me? On top of it, I was getting different treatment, laughing, gossiping about, and seeing me like a prostitute, and I didn’t know exactly what he planned to do with me. Gifts and money were screaming as ‘Nothing’ still my heart is telling me to speak with him and confirm everything should I really dare when somewhere I know the result.

The perk of working with him for a few years was that I learned a few things, mainly investing. The amount that he had transferred had become bulky, and I didn’t want to keep that amount idle, so I invested in a hotel that was located on an island.

Three months ago, he took me to one of the islands. It was beautiful but had not yet attracted tourists. As we were exploring, we came across the hotel, which was closed due to a loss. He vaguely said that thinking of investing here, in the future, will give a good return, and I thought the idea was good. At present, I can’t expect anything; after a few months or a year, I may. So, I invested whatever amount, and I even pledged a few jewels. If I get a good return, I will think of repaying the amount and getting back the jewels.

Now I really don’t know what name should be given to me; if the same thing were done by famous girls, it would be labeled as Love, but I am beamed as Hooker. Wow, the irony! Not only this, but there are also loads of shit waiting for me in the coming days, and I should be ready to face everything.

The foremost thing should be to deal with this unreciprocated feeling as soon as possible and put an end to it, but I was confused about whether I should confess and put an end to it or just suppress my feelings and move on to what should be done. Whether I should confess or suppress, I was lying on my bed trying to solve the riddle of my love life.

What he really thinks about me other than fucking. It has been eight months, and his way of treating me has changed, like caring, giving gifts, taking me to different places, cooking, and giving preferences. On the other hand, he is transferring a hefty amount every month and giving pills immediately after having sex, even though he used protection. What can one conclude by taking everything into consideration? I was totally blank.

He has a set of preferences for his future wife; doesn’t everyone have expectations? The same may change when they meet the right person. Is this logic also applicable to him? It has been almost eight months and might have brought some changes in him. Everything seems perfect. I can’t suppress my feelings anymore before they start killing me. I need to do something, or else it may explode at any time. Is it okay to take a step and confess my feelings?