Tensions ran high yesterday evening as the samurai Grave Watch shot and killed a samurai going by the name of Maniac. After the scene was cleared and people from both sides came in to investigate, it was confirmed that it was not, in fact, another samurai but a copycat. Now PsyCo and the Spanish Fencers are issuing a statement to stay away from anyone dressed in maniac colours. They might be fake with nefarious intentions,

--The Purple Truth early morning news.

Someone, please tell me why it is that every time I am having fun, something has to go wrong. The girls and I just finished baking our pizzas when this blaring alarm went off, and everyone suddenly got really scared.

After I managed to calm down Skylar enough to speak, she told me that that alarm meant that the wall was breached. Some quick searching on their local network told me where the breach exactly was, and I was off. They really should make that more secure.

As I run through the streets, I notice that all the people who are still outside are trying their best to change that. I do spot some soldiers or guard-looking types gathering supplies and ammunition, so at least some people are going out to fight the incoming fruitpocalypse as well.

As I make my way towards the breach, I am once again reminded of how slow I am. Sure, I can run faster than any normal sprinter, but compared to a car or other stuff, I am still much slower, and it is starting to get annoying. A breach means that plants are coming into the city, and the more time they have, the more of them break through, and the harder it is going to be to find and destroy them all.

'Lyssa, once this is over, we are getting something to increase my movement.' I say resolutely as I check the map again, realizing that I still have a little over halfway to go.

Movement as in speed, or is anything that gets you to the destination faster acceptable?

'Uhm, what does the second one mean?' I ask, a bit confused.

Teleportation.

I start to smile. 'Right, I kind of forgot about that because of all this madness, but that was something we wanted to get. Do I have enough points?'

Lyssa is unsure, so make sure to kill the big ones.

'I can do that for sure, killing big things tends to be a lot easier than killing the small fuckers - lot less speed to dodge anything.'

I keep running, only slowing down slightly when I notice a big antithesis, or, I guess it is more accurate to say, the corpse of one. Some kind of multi-headed thing smashed partly to pieces, laying in a crater. What is even more confusing is the massive mech sitting on top of it, coloured in bright colours looking all kinds of fucked up. The thing would probably look really cool and imposing if it was not cosplaying as a scrap heap.

Kill the big ones, huh? These things are the size of buildings. This is going to be so much fun. I start to laugh loudly as I give myself all the energy I have and jump on top of the wall right next to a smaller mech, the shape of which reminds me of the head of a snake. Then I jump again, clearing the rest of the wall, and head down into the mess of antithesis.

I feel myself laugh louder as I summon my new weapon, the halberd, and activate it. As soon as it is on, it starts releasing this almost invisible purple-like mist, making the weapon look even more sinister.

As I come down to the floor I strike with my halberd, watching gleefully, as it slides through a huge plant without much resistance. The two halves fall to either side of me as I fly past it, my new mask reducing the impact of my fall significantly. I take a quick look at its effect and smile. Almost instantly, the flesh starts to melt and burn away, the purple cloud only getting richer in colour as it grows and attacks the nearby ferocious foliage.

'Lyssa, do me a favour and tell the samurai on the wall that the big ones are mine. They just have to take care of the small ones, making sure nothing gets inside.' I say, a smile slitting my face.

Understood. Lyssa has sent the messages to your girlfriend's AI.

“'ubbles? I thought you couldn't reach the other samurai?' I ask, rather confused

Lyssa can’t until you buy better equipment. Lyssa has sent the message to Vanguard Lameaech.

'Right, Snake Eyes. She is not my girlfriend… yet.'

Right, Lyssa will let you believe that for now. Her message back is that they're on it and that you are hot.

I quirk my eyebrow slightly at the last bit but don’t let it distract me for too long. I have big trees to deal with. I turn back to the fight ahead of me and start to run, using one of the antitheses to jump up, putting the halberd in my left as I summon one of the shattering spears and throw it at one of the massive walkers to see how much damage it will do.

The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

The fireball screeches forward, hitting the big thing dead on, and it stumbles, falling over. Okay, so it's not that stable then. Sadly, it is kind of hard to see how much damage that was. Guess I just have to get closer. As I start to run in the direction of the fallen beast, I notice a flock of flyers coming from the direction of the creature, reminding me that I should definitely activate my flying sword formation. I keep indiscriminately swinging the halberd around, killing any plant that dared to come close.

As I reach the fallen giant, it is just in the process of standing back up, a weird-looking bruise in the place where I assume the spear hit it. One of its heads snakes out at me as I get closer, and I counterattack with the halberd, cutting in deep into its open jaw and removing the top part of its head from the rest of its body.

The nanites get to work dissolving the still-living flesh of its neck. The process is slow, and though I don’t doubt the fact that the nanites will kill it eventually, I would prefer if that eventually was today. So I run in closer, making sure to keep a watch on all the heads with my sensors. I dip in low, carving out chunks of its legs, making the creature buckle and fall back down.

Once it is on the ground, I circle around and strike at the bruise on its side. Jumping up slightly to insert the halberd in the middle of the discoloured area. I slice through its flesh quite easily, making the plant fibre in the area turn black as the necrosis of the nanites starts eating away at it.

I run away, cackling at the creature as I am sure the nanites are strong enough to kill it completely, and since there are at least four more of these big fuckers I have to make sure that I can get all the points I need before the people on the walls get impatient and steal my points.

The next littlefoot sees my approach, as multiple of its necks lash out towards me. I dodge to the left as the giant head flies past me. Before I can strike out against it, I am forced to jump as a second head comes at me, striking the spot where I was standing before.

I land on top of its head, licking my lips in excitement as I start running over its neck, using it as my own personal walkway towards its main body. I slash out at some of the other heads that try to knock me off, being forced to jump to a different one after one strike comes particularly close to me.

I reach the base of its neck and do a backwards corkscrew to cut off the neck I was using as my way towards its body. When I land back on the creature, I stab my halberd in deep and try to drag it all the way to the back of the creature, doing my best to dodge the spikes on its back.

Once I reach its backside, I jump off, making time slow down slightly to see my next targets. None of the remaining walking forests are particularly close, but I decide to go after the one that is currently the farthest away from me for the simple reason that it is closest to the wall.

I land back on the ground, swinging the halberd around wildly, cutting any of the smaller models that dare stand in my way apart, as I make my way to my next target. I reach the creature only to be taken by surprise as its tail slashes out at me with the cracking sound of a whip; I am too slow to dodge as the tail hits me, the meter-long spike digging into my stomach before the tail stops, launching me off it and against the city wall.

I land on the ground, turning it into a roll to bleed the momentum, only to realise that I am fine. Hitting the wall at full force had barely rattled me, and the spike had pierced my hoody but the interdimensional space extension thing going on inside meant that the spike had not pierced me whatsoever.

'Lyssa, we should go shopping more often. You always give me the best stuff.'

Lyssa is happy to see that you finally realised the value of buying stuff from Lyssa.

'I have always seen the value of buying stuff, just not the value of buying the stuff beforehand instead of at the moment.'

There is a certain benefit to being flexible.

'I know. Anyway, let's kill the remaining tree ents first, okay?'

With that, I turn back to the big creature, ready to take it down with a newfound vengeance. Instead of running at it directly, I use my enhanced strength and a bit of my magnetic magic to jump on top of the wall.

Once I am on the wall, I start running along it until I am as close to the creature as I can get. Then, bouncing off one of the cannons, I jump back at the creature, swinging my halberd in a vertical arc as I do a complete flip and cut deep into the creature, slicing all the way through until I land on the ground below it.

I am really enjoying how sharp this thing is, and that is not even talking about the necrotic aspect of it that makes corpse removal so much easier, not that I ever bothered much with that aspect of the job. Wait, have I become one of those lazy employees who just do the bare minimum? And is that a bad thing?

I do not have much time to wonder about the conundrum as I need to do my best to get out from underneath the falling foliage before it can squish me and turn me into leaf litter as well. Okay, two more to go. This is a lot easier than I expected it to be.

As if the protectors above could read my thoughts at that moment, one of the projectiles of a model 15 lands next to me and explodes, sending needles everywhere. I do my best to ignore them and head to the next Godzilla plant while calling the other Samurai.

“Hey, what's up? Are you okay? You took a hard hit.” Snake Eyes says, as soon as she gets the call connected.

I am about to answer when another voice breaks through. “We are kind of busy repairing the wall. Could you please make it quick?” one of the boys says, not really sure which one.

“Right, I am fine. I was just wondering what the plan was for model 15s. It does not seem safe keeping them alive this close to the city, but I can’t really see where they are.” I say quickly.

“We can detect them and point them out with one of the drones. Katelyn, can you take them out with some mortars?” one of the twins asks.

“Yeah, I am on it.” Snake Eyes says.

“Will send a drone now.” With that, they leave the call, and it is just me and Snake Eyes.

“So… you’re a Samurai?” Snake Eyes finally says.

“Love, can we not talk about this right now? I am up to my elbows in compost.” I say, still running at the last two Christmas trees, cutting down the rest of the forest along the way.

“Right, I am sorry, I will just drop it.” she says in a nervous tone.

I internally wince. Yeah, that probably was not the right thing to say. “No, we should talk about it. After this is done, we can sit down, and you can ask me all the questions you want.”

“Okay, yeah, I will, and you can ask me anything too.” Snake Eyes now has a lot more positives than before.

“Okay, I am going to continue my farming game for a bit then. Talk to you later.” I say as I hang up the call, ready to kill the last two plants.