Who Ordered this Mess?

When i was fourteen i got sick. My parents took me in to see a doctor and they did tests. Two months later i was told i had a rare form of bone cancer. The good news was it had a high survival rate with chemotherapy and radiation treatments. The bad news was life would suck while i was going through treatment. Puking my guts out, loosing all my hair etc. Pretty normal for such things. So life went on, A year later we were told the cancer was gone. I was in remission, but would need to be tested every few months to make sure it did not come back.

Things were looking good until i passed out at school one day and woke up in the emergency room. The cancer had come back with a vengeance in my left leg. The doctors did their tests and told us there was only one solution. I would have to have my leg cut off just below the knee. A small price to pay for more time to live. Half a leg is worth loosing for being healthy otherwise...Right? There are many people who ended up loosing a leg or other limb and still living a full life after all.

After the surgery life changed. I was no long able to participate in sports like i used too. While things were different i honestly can not say they were bad. At least i no longer had to worry about the cancer according to the doctors and i could live a full life. And so time passed and things changed and the world spun around the sun..

June 16th 2025 was a happy day until it was not. The Day i graduated from high school. A day with friends and family. My grandparents on my mothers side drove down from their home in Heridan to celebrate the day. I was looking forward to going to college and maybe finding myself someone special to spend the rest of my life with. I already had multiple applications in at well known engineering schools. Alas it was not to be.

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During the graduation ceremony i once again collapsed and woke up in the hospital. This time the news was not so good. Yup you guessed it. The Cancer was back. The doctors said there wasn't much hope. The Cancer had spread too far too fast. If they cut it out the surgery itself would kill me. They said they could try chemo and radiation again but my odds of surviving was less than five percent.

My parents were in favor of anything that would give me even a small chance at living. I on the other hand had little to no interest in living the last few months to a year puking my guts out and feeling like a microwaved dinner. 'For what' i thought to myself. 'Just so i could live maybe six months to a year longer? All the time being too sick to wipe my own ass..That is no way to live'...... 'Let alone Die' and so i refused treatment to the consternation of my parents.

A day or two after i left the hospital i was outside in our back yard taking a break from things when i looked up at the sky and mumbled to myself... "Who ordered this mess?" God or whoever did not deem my question important enough to answer my question that day. Not like i was expecting a answer. But it would have been nice to have gotten at least a post it note or something saying 'sorry my bad dude'. Nope nothing.. Sigh.. My parents were trying to argue me into accepting treatment every chance they got. It was turning into a marathon of endless small scale battles. Them using everything in the book including the kitchen sink to convince me, and me saying no in many ways. No, Nope, Not happening.

Sigh.. Parents.. They love me. If they did not they would not be pushing so hard. After a few days of this I finally broke down and told them i would think about it. But in return i wanted to take a camping trip for a week in the Rockies alone. They were not happy about this. Seeing as i could pass out some place and "you could be eaten by a bear!" my mother argued.

Looking back at it now i can laugh about it. But at the time it was no laughing matter. I had no intention of leaving the mountain alive. 'Best to go out on my own terms than to go out as a husk' i thought. Little did my mother know how welcome the idea of being eaten by a bear i considered the idea.

And so Two weeks after my aborted High school graduation i found myself being dropped off at the trail head and starting my hike into the mountains.