"I'm going to set of now then. Are you sure you have everything you need?" [Shawn]

"Yeah, we should be able to manage with this. Thank you so much for your help Shawn." [Nathan]

I politely bow as I thank him.

"And you are sure you don't need any help?" [Shawn]

"My mother taught me to hunt and cook in the wild, I am sure I can handle a kitchen." [Nathan]

Besides, I cooked plenty in my previous life.

"Alright, alright. But absolutely make sure you tell me if you need anything. If I'm too busy to help myself I shall simply send people to assist you." [Shawn]

"Yes, I know, and thank you." [Nathan]

"Then I'll see you at the entrance ceremony." [Shawn]

"I will look forward to it. See you, headmaster Shawn." [Nathan]

"See you. And take care child." [Shawn]

I close the door.

I hear his footsteps disappear, and then nothing.

Nothing.

The silence is deafening.

I walk back to the living-room.

Sarah is sitting at the dinner table, silent as death, staring blankly ahead.

"Are you hungry, Sarah?" [Nathan]

Nothing.

"I'm going to make dinner, what would you rather have? Chicken? Salmon?" [Nathan]

I think she may have twitched at the word salmon.

Alright then, that's what I'm making.

Shawn stopped on the way here to get us some food and other necessities.

I have everything I need to make the dish my mother used to make.

I used to love sitting in the kitchen as she made it, humming to herself as she did.

Slowly, I will myself into humming. The same tune she always used. With any luck, it will cheer Sarah up.

I prepare the fish, the potatoes and the mushrooms. After putting them on the stove, I start cutting the vegetables.

"I hope you're okay with my Mom's dish. It's a favorite of mine, I think you will like it." [Nathan]

"I know you never visited me, but Mom was really good at cooking. She knew all kinds of dishes, and could cook them all so well." [Nathan]

"I still remember the first time I ate Alfred's cooking, ha ha, he had somehow managed to burn the potatoes, remember?." [Nathan]

"I think the only one who's cooking was as good as Moms was Graham's. His hare roast was delicious." [Nathan]

The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

Tears well up, and my vision blurs.

I stop for a second.

Deep breaths Nathan.. You can't cry now..

For a few moments, I stand there, forcing myself not to cry, trying to control myself.

A single tear crawls down my cheek.

I can't.. I can't do this..

Another tear.

I snuffle, trying to control myself.

No.. Stop it! Stop it!

You have to be strong. You have to..

Another tear fall from my cheek, wetting my hand.

I wipe my face with my sleeve, and take a deep breath.

I can't cry now. Not in front of Sarah.

"We have almost two weeks before we need to start school, so we can take it easy. We still need to get a lot of things though, like uniforms and writing materials. We should probably also get some satchels, or possibly some backpacks." [Nathan]

"I also need to find some nearby shops so we can get our own food. We can't expect Shawn to help us all the time, we need to be independent." [Nathan]

"And clothes, we need to go shopping for clothes. Should probably get some more shoes too. And gloves." [Nathan]

I start setting the table, poking at the fish to check if it's done.

"Now I hope you're hungry, because I made a bit too much." [Nathan]

I put the finished meal on the table, and give us each a serving.

"Looks delicious doesn't it? I think it turned out alright, so go ahead and dig in." [Nathan]

I start eating, trying to talk as much as possible, about any thing I can come up with..

Every bite I take reminds me of Mom..

God..

She barely pokes at the food at first, but after she has a bite, she actually starts eating, however slowly.

After I eat as much as I can stomach, I keep rambling on. I can't stand the silence.

When she stops eating, more than half of the small portion I made for her is still on the plate.

It's close to the winter solstice, so the days are short. It's already dark out.

I get up and start cleaning up after dinner.

"I think it's about time we go to bed. We have a lot we need to do tomorrow, so we might as well get an early night." [Nathan]

Besides.. I want this day to end as fast as possible..

Sarah doesn't react.

"I got you a new toothbrush, and the beds are already here, Dad and Alfred got everything ready for Tony and me a few weeks ago." [Nathan]

"Your bedroom is there. It's where Tony was going to live. I'll be sleeping in that room over there, just knock on my door if you need me." [Nathan]

She doesn't react.

It's like she doesn't even hear me.

I walk over to her, and gently pull her up from the chair.

"Here you go Sarah." [Nathan]

I take her to the bathroom and brush her teeth. She hardly responds at all. Just stands there like a broken doll.

I pull her into her room and to her bed. At this pace, she'll just sleep wherever I leave her. If she even sleeps.

"I'll go to bed now Sarah. See you tomorrow okay?" [Nathan]

I walk out her room, and close the door.

The silence..

God, please make it stop.

I walk to my bedroom, and throw myself down on the bed.

...

I can't hear the sea. I could always hear the sea from my bedroom.

I pull out my vestige.

One star for each of them.

Mom

Dad

Alfred

Graham

Tony

Andrew

James

.. Emelia...

God.. Why?..

Why?..

I gently stroke each of the stars, embedded in the midnight blue crystal.

Midnight blue.

Nightblue..

That.. That is going to be my new name.

Nightblue Nathan.

Never again will I be Bluefin Nathan.

Never again..

The door opens.

Sarah is standing there.

Her duvet around her shoulders.

"Sarah? What is it?" [Nathan]

"..." [Sarah]

"Is something wrong?" [Nathan]

She shakes her head.

"Do you not want to sleep alone?" [Nathan]

She shakes her head again, a bit more firmly this time.

"Do you want to sleep here with me?" [Nathan]

She nods.

I make room on the bed.

She silently lays down besides me.

I silently pack away my vestige.

"Goodnight Sarah, sleep tight." [Nathan]

I say, before I roll over, to try and sleep.

I feel a tug on my clothes. When I turn my head, I see that Sarah is puling on them, tears in her eyes.

As I turn to face her, she starts sobbing, tightening her grasp on my clothes.

I gently stroke her on the head, and hug her close to me.

"It's going to be alright Sarah. I'll be here with you, all the time. I'm not going anywhere." [Nathan]

She starts weeping, sobbing into my chest as I hold her.

"Cry as much as you want Sarah. I will always be here for you." [Nathan]

I say, slowly stroking her hair.

Doing all I can to not let her know I'm crying.