Summer, age 7.

Not being able to use magic properly sucks.

But I am not going to sit around and feel sorry for myself. The world can try to beat me down all it want, but I won't let it. I managed to summon my aura in my first try, which in itself is an achievement. All I can do is to keep on going, and find out what magic doesn't require a strong aura.

I convinced my mother to teach me how to use the magic she used to make herself invisible, "Air Veil". She says it doesn't require a lot of mana to make it work, but it's very complicated to use, and not suited as a first magic at all.

She's right about that. I started practicing for it a month ago, and I have gotten nowhere. The incantation in itself is somewhat long, but I memorized it long ago, and I have the pronunciation down completely. By now I'm glad my parents forced to to speak correctly since early childhood, it sure comes in handy at times like this.

Trying to use magic is really, really weird. You can feel the mana moving around within you, trying to follow precise steps, but you have to somehow guide it without knowing what it wants to do. I tried asking my mother for help, but she says it's better to experience it for yourself and come to a solution that works for you, because mana differs from person to person.

She told me that the thing I named when I invoked my aura the first time is what is actually moving the mana around in me, and because it's different for everyone she can't tell me how to do it. All she told me was that if I got stuck, meditation would help.

In fact, she told me I should meditate for half an hour a day in order to better understand it. Both it's personality and how it works my mana.

So that's what I'm doing right now.

Sigh..

I never was any good at this though. I just can't seem to relax for long enough to get anything out of it. My back always slouches, and my shoulders tense up when I straighten my back.

``Sigh'' [Nathan]

``Still not having any luck?'' [Jessica]

``Hm?'' [Nathan]

I open my eyes. My mother is standing in front of me with a slightly pained look of empathy.

``No, I do not really feel like I am going anywhere. I just cannot seem relax my body when I am breathing so deeply.'' [Nathan]

``.. Alright then.'' [Jessica]

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My mother walks around me and sits down behind me, her back to mine.

``.. I had the same problem when I was your age. I was a very restless child, and sitting down for long periods of time made me uneasy. I would always tense up.'' [Jessica]

My mother leans slightly against me, looking up at the sky.

``But my brother was a very patient man. He would try to help me with my meditation every day. Then one day, when I was downhearted about my lag of progress, he sat with his back against mine like this, just to make sure I did not feel alone in my meditation. Feeling his warm back against mine, and the slow reassuring rhythm of his breath, I finally calmed down enough to make a breakthrough in my meditation.

Maybe it will do the same for you.'' [Jessica]

She moved around slightly to get into a meditative position, and started breathing slowly and deeply.

I copied my mothers position, and tried to focus.

I could feel her warmth through my back. There was something reassuring about it. The gentle rock of her back as she took deep breaths calmed me down.

I tried again. Deep breaths, focus on the pool in your stomach, clear your mind..

Clear your mind..

Clear...

After ten minutes of slow breaths, I trace the energy creeping through my veins, feeling it creating a soft layer around my skin. I only get into this deep a trance about once a week, this really helped me. I can feel Ash in my being and around it. It's.. Confused.. It knows I want something of it, but it doesn't know what it is. I try to picture myself disappearing, but that just makes it jerk in confusion. This happened the other times I made contact too..

Maybe I should just try soothing it first. I try to get deeper into the trance, showing it that I'm relaxed around it. It's conscience cowers a bit at first, before it slowly approaches mine. As our minds touch, I feel desire and hope well up within me.

I can feel it's insecurity. I think it figured out what I want it to do, but it's not sure it can do it.

I imagine stroking it's head gently. I'm sure it can do it just fine, I have this.. Innate belief in it.

I feel it becoming more confident, defiantly assured in itself. We feel ready.

I take a deep breath and say the incantations while still in trance.

``Freedom of the air gather through me, by the will of the son, I command!'' [Nathan]

I feel the cool aura wring around my skin before I invoke the magic.

``Oh brother of all, I need your guidance. My enemies are many and my options few, lend me your aid and conceal me from those who would do me harm. Bend the world to your will and shield me from their eyes!'' [Nathan]

My skin feels electric. Every part of me feel the mana circulate the air around me.

I open my eyes and look at my body.

It's definitely not invisible. But it's not the same as usual either.

I'm a shadow. A transparent shadow, flickering in the wind like smoke.

I get up and try to move around. I don't feel all that exhausted, though it does make me a little tired. Seeing my hands as transparent smoke is.. Disturbing..

``Mother. I think it worked.'' [Nathan]

My mother exhales deeply before slowly standing up.

She turns to see the results of my training. A curious expression appears on her face.

``It may have worked but.. This is not at all what I expected would happen. I had hoped it would work even with your thin aura.. In a way it did, but still..'' [Jessica]

``It is enough for me. As long as I can activate it, I can eventually use it for imbuing. And even if it is not perfect, I can still use it.'' [Nathan]

My mother smiles acceptingly and slowly nods.

``You are right Nathan. I am sure this magic will serve you well.'' [Jessica]