As I awake in the tutorial dungeon I bring my hand to my face. I still have a beard. The first time I was here – four or five years ago – I was clean shaven. Maybe just three years ago. I don’t know. It is wicked hard to tell time here.

I don’t know why I grew a beard. I look stupid with one, and it’s a pain to keep groomed. But now that it’s grown out I don’t got to worry about any in-grown hairs, which is the only real benefit of having a beard. To me at least. In-grown hairs are always an issue shaving. Especially having just a couple days growth. I’ll probably shave it off before exiting. Trimming it takes way too much time, and it’s getting long enough where someone could grab it in a fight.

I pull up my sleeve to check if some newer scars are still there. Yup. I definitely kept my body as well as my memories. I’m not sure if that is a benefit or not. Getting older means everything hurts more. And hurts more all the time. Despite the healing pills. My back, knees, and especially my wrists, are pure garbage. And my ankles, hips, shoulders, and elbows are slightly less garbage-y garbage. I check to see what I’m wearing under my armor. The same clothes from my first time here.

They’re not supposed to, but I still wonder if any of my coins, points, or currencies carried over. Maybe auras? I don’t think we asked about auras. I try to open the bag of holding on my side but it isn’t there. Of course it isn’t, dummy. I always use that bag to open my inventory. I hope my gestures carried over because mental commands never worked for me and I forget how to open the UI besides with gestures and bags. Well, there’s verbal commands, but you sound like a crazy idiot doing verbal commands. I do the gesture to open the inventory and it works.

No dungeon coins at all. No gear gems. No points. No gold. No nothing. Just like the machine said. No auras either. I open achievements and, thankfully, they’re all still there. Phew. Achievements still being open are critical to me taking over the government. If the wish machine was wrong about that, I’d be wicked screwed.

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I open email – or, I should say messaging, but if it walks like a duck – and they are all gone. Goddamn it! The bus trick didn’t work. Or memory bus. Or something like that. Whatever it is didn’t work. I’ll have to write them all over again. On my own this time. Damn! I hate writing. Or thinking. Reading too. But especially writing. There is no way I can remember everything or write it as good on my own. Mother of Christ Almighty, I hate writing, and now I got to do a ton of it. By myself. Like a filthy plebian.

The wish machine thing has been right about everything so far. My family better be okay or I will destroy it. I know it said it wouldn’t be here this time, but I can destroy the cave it was in. Destroy something.

Some of my quickslots are still good, thankfully. I fill in the couple of empty ones with my new crap gear before heading out to start saving humanity. I need to crush this dungeon to establish dominance. I can’t afford any mess-ups. I really, really need all circles for the early dungeons. Or 1st SS.

I still don’t understand why S is better than A, and SS is better than S. Just some dork nonsense. I could actually change it now this time. Make people call 1st SS a circle, like it is. 2nd an oval. 3rd a rectangle. And regular SS a square. Just like the dungeon shows you. Not made up dork garbage. How does S being higher than A make any sense at all?

I hope the psuchesoma thing isn’t a dumb spelling question, or 1st SS is probably out the window. And I’ll look like a huge idiot. I don’t remember what kind it was in the tutorial. Those spelling ones are absolutely ridiculous. Only idiots know how to spell the crap it asks. Usually French words no one has even heard of before.

Well, that is enough time wasted on thinking instead of doing. The human race isn’t going to save itself.

Time to get to killing.