“You look so cute, monkey.” Mom gives me what I call the ‘I’m so ashamed of you’ smile. I hate that smile. I hate that nickname. Monkey. And I know I don’t look cute. I look like a fat idiot. The leather armor I have on is tight, and it tightened right over the baggy army clothes dad got us. I’m all…what’s the word? Frumpy? My feet look giant with the game boots over my army boots. I look even more like a frog now. A retarded frog.

I’m not supposed to say that word. I’d get in so much trouble if I ever did. Mom says it is really bad but especially bad because of Joey. But Joey doesn’t understand anything. And even if he could he isn’t that word; he’s autistic. And she can’t stop me from thinking it. Especially about myself. And that is how I look. Like a fat retarded frog with cankles and no neck.

We’ve been here for, like, hours and hours and haven’t done anything. She just had me and Carlos practice hitting trees with my bow and his sling while she and dad did whatever. We found out we can’t go into the forest. There is an invisible wall that stops us. But we can shoot arrows through the invisible wall.

She promised we’d be heading out soon about an hour ago.

Jeez, this is so boring. This was supposed to be fun.

Finally, mom yells, “Everyone all set? Good. We ready to head out? Remember, we take it slow and keep it safe.” After a moment she says, “Cowards never start, the weak never finish, and winners never quit.”

That is one of the secret posters she keeps in the storage room of the dojang. You’re not supposed to say it or the school can get in trouble.

Dad smiles and says, “Two guys walk into a bar and the third one ducks.”

I don’t get it. Mom snort laughs and slaps him on the shoulder. Carlos laughs. I bet he is pretending he gets it but doesn’t. Carlos is an idiot. He acts like he is so much older than me but he is only 14. He isn’t even a full two years older. Idiot. Pretender. Fake. I’d love to punch him in his dumb face.

Carlos and I stop taking practice shots at trees and prepare to head out. I am not good with the bow. I wish mom would allow me to melee. Mom technically knows how to use a bow since her dojang is supposed to teach all the Korean martial arts; taekwondo, hapkido, subak, tang soo do, taekkyeon, and the bow one – gungdo. Or gungo. I forget. She sucks with a bow almost as bad as I do. And I suck pretty bad. She also has MMA fighting classes, but has to pretend she only has a historic martial arts school since MMA is banned. All violent sports were banned. But not historic martial arts. Well, besides any type of Jujutsu. That was banned because people used it to get around the MMA ban. Muay thai isn’t illegal, but it is real hard to get a license. Her kid classes are mainly taekwondo. Her adult classes for people she thinks are rats are also taekwondo. Her adult hapkido class for people she trusts is focused on MMA fighting and just a little hapkido. It is a big family secret since it is illegal. We’re not allowed to talk about it ever. And me and Carlos can’t do that class since if we mess up mom can get in really, really, super big trouble. She says when we’re older we can.

I learned way more about how to shoot a bow through the training room in fourth age than mom could teach me. I’m still not good, but I will get better. As another poster in the dojang says: “just because you are struggling doesn’t mean you are failing. Every great success requires some sort of struggle to get there.”

As I walk up to her, mom says, “Kimmy, keep Joey close to you.” Cool! Thanks, mom! You make me become a rogue so I could sneak and scout but now I’m on babysitting duty. I put my hand out for Joey. He doesn’t like holding hands, but he’ll usually follow if he sees your hand held out. He comes closer, sucking on his hand. Hopefully he stays quiet.

He doesn’t.

Mom looks at me like it’s my fault, “Stay back a little. Try and keep his noises down. I know it’s hard. Please.” Yeah, yeah. Whatever, mom.

Carlos is walking up front with mom and dad like he is an adult too. Stupid idiot. Is this grass actually a road? Everything seems so straight. Too straight to be a forest.

A minute later we come to a big grassy open area. Everyone but me explores the area since I’m stuck with Joey. I think I’m the only one with the geography and dungeoneering skills. And the cartography and survey kits. Good job guys. Makes a ton of sense.

We head north through the only exit of the clearing. I think roads of grass are kind of weird, but no one else is saying anything about it. We come almost immediately to a four-way intersection. North looks like a small clearing. East is a long path that seems empty. West has two monsters that look like zombie dogs on the path, down a ways where it looks like it turns south.

Dad says to mom as he nods his head where the zombie dogs are, “You see that?”

“Yeah,” she says.

No one speaks for a moment. Carlos surprises me by saying, “Kim should sneak down to get a sneak attack in.” Why is he being nice to me? Why the confidence all of a sudden?

Dad whispers loudly, “Knock it off, Carlos.”

Maybe he wasn’t being nice. I don’t get it though.

A little bit later Dad says, “No nameplates. I can’t figure out how to inspect.”

Mom replies, “I don’t think you can. Nothing is working I can think of.”

There is a bunch more talking but I don’t really hear it. I had to move away with Joey since he was getting louder. After a while mom calls me back.

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“This is what we do. Me and your father will run at the dogs and get agro as soon as you guys attack from range. Kimmy, once you attack bring Joey back down the road a little. Stay there until we finish them off. Carlos, if there is any threat to you or anyone, stop attacking and run back to that big clearing. No, the store ball thing near the water. Bring Kimmy and Joey with you. You’re in charge until we get back. You attack the dog on the right. Not now! God, Carlos! When I say so. Kimmy, you attack the one the left. Toni, you get the left and I’ll take the right. Remember to communicate. And avoiding attacks is better than relying on AC – at least when we played the game-game. So dodge, block, get out the way. This should be the same. Just like we practiced. Kids! Remember, don’t shoot us. Stop attacking when we get close. We don’t have the hit points for friendly fire or accidents. In fact, just shoot once and stop. We’ll take off running as soon as you do.”

I’m pretty nervous. This feels different than the game. We get in position. I enter stealth to get sneak attack damage if I hit. I wish I didn’t feel so slow and heavy still. I was hoping that would wear off. But it isn’t wearing off.

I nock an arrow, draw it back, aim, and hold. I wait. And keep waiting. My arm hurts. Finally, mom whisper-screams, “As the next round ticks. Now!” and I let my arrow fly. Half way there it goes into the woods. My only consolation is Carlos’ bullet hit the road even before my arrow hit the woods. He sucks even worse than I do. I told mom me and Carlos should put our attacks on game mode until we get better with aiming ourselves. If it works here, game mode would aim for us. But no one ever listens to Kim!

The monster dogs don’t even know we are attacking until mom and dad start rushing them. Then the monster dogs take off like racecars. Dad charges his and the dog jumps and crashes into his shield, bounces back, and falls to the ground. Unlike in the fourth age, normal physics seem to work here. As mom and her dog meet, she punches it but it doesn’t react at all, and it keeps on running past her. I see the attack of opportunity animation come out of my mother. What everyone calls ghost arms. A free-hit. The ghost arm hits the dog, he doesn’t react at all again, and it keeps rushing at Carlos. Or me.

I remember I was supposed to take Joey back down the road. I decide to take him around the corner at least; mom will be so pissed if I just stand here with the monster dog coming. I grab Joey’s arm but he doesn’t move. He is doing his finger stimming thing and making a lot of noises. I go behind him and put my hands under his armpits to pick him up. He is really heavy.

I hear mom scream, “NOOOOO!” I look to where she is running and I see Carlos on his back and the monster dog’s snout around his neck, thrashing Carlos around. Blood everywhere.

Is this real? This…can’t be real. Right? This can’t be happening for real. My scalp tightens and I feel really weird. Like tingly all over and nauseous. I can’t move. I want this to stop. This can’t be real.

Mom reaches the dog and punches it a bunch. A couple seconds later it starts making horrible noises as mom is furiously pummeling it while yelling like a maniac. When the monster is really good and dead she yells, “CARLOS!,” and kneels over his body, crying.

I don’t even notice the other dog until it makes mom go from kneeling to almost kowtowing under its weight as it lands on her back with its mouth around her head. Its teeth are blocked from biting down on her for a second, then I see a flicker and a shine all around her. The teeth connect with her scalp. And then blood. I stand paralyzed as mom screams in pain, trying to grab the monster. The dog lets go of her head and bites her right shoulder, frantically shaking its head from side to side. She stops trying to flip it off and starts punching it in the head with her weak hand – her left hand. She is in a bad position to fight back. The punches are weak.

I want to help but I’m frozen. I’m petrified. I yell, “DAD!” And hope he comes to save her. I don’t hear anything in response. I look to where he is. He is laying on his stomach in the road, blood all around him. Something inside me breaks. I don’t know what. I just know it. Just like I know mom is dead too. But I don’t want to be right, so I don’t look at her.

I want to run away with Joey but my knees are shaking. I think of throwing him forward as a sacrifice so I can get away but I don’t. I can’t run right now. Holding Joey is helping. Something between me and that thing.

We’ll die together, as a family. I can’t run. I can’t even think.

I don’t want to look toward the monster but I can’t help it. My knees almost give out as I see it looking at me, standing over mom’s body. Staring at me. With eyes calm like a pond and blood all over its snout. It doesn’t look angry. It’s a trick. I slowly back up off the road and into the woods, carrying Joey with me, hiding my head behind Joey’s back. My back hits a tree and I try to shuffle around it, and realize it’s the invisible wall. No going around it. I can’t go anywhere.

This is it.

I’m so scared.

I put Joey down and hug him from behind. He is making a lot of noises and madly doing his stimming with his fingers.

“I’m sorry. I love you so much. I’m so sorry. Please, please forgive me. Oh, god. Oh, god.”

My heart feels like it is going to burst out of my chest. I quickly take a peek and duck back down. The monster is closer. And snarling. I’m still talking to Joey but I don’t know what I’m saying. My hands are shaking so bad I’m almost stimming like Joey. I start peeing my pants.

“I’m sorry. Oh, god. Please. Please. Oh, god. Joey, I’m sorry.”

I hear a noise and just know the monster is attacking. This is it. Joey is pushed back into me, stimming harder and making more noise than the last time he freaked out and had to be restrained. It’s hard to hold onto him, but the only thing I want now is to hold him as tight as possible. I want to die holding him. As a family. We’ll all die as a family. Maybe we’ll wake up at home together.

It takes a moment to register - it sounds like the monster is whimpering. I don’t want to look but I have to take another peek. What I see keeps me looking. The monster has backed off and is rubbing his snout in the grass, and is definitely whimpering. He has blood from injuries on his head, probably from mom. Good. I can’t see anything else wrong.

Did attacking Joey hurt it? Because he is under 12 years old?

I look more closely at the monster. It looks like a dog, but also kind of like…something else. A lion? A bird? It has a big head for its body. A really short snout for a dog. A wide snout that gets pointier at the end. Kind of like a beak, but has teeth. Its front legs are much bigger than the back legs. The whole front of the body is much bigger than the back. The ears are pretty big. They were sticking up before, but not now. The skin looks like a zombie cornflower blue color, with dark pinkish spots. Kind of like a zombie colored purple. A sick looking type of magenta.

But, it isn’t a zombie. A different type of monster. Probably.

I hate it.

It starts backing up. It won’t look directly at Joey now. Or me either. I think.

The back of my pants feel heavy and warmer than my groin. I figured they were warm from my pee, but now I think I went number two in my pants. I didn’t even notice when it happened.

The monster is back near mom and Carlos. It looks around, ignoring us, and starts eating mom. I look back down. I don’t want to see my mom get eaten. I want to stop it. But I don’t. I want to get away more. I dropped my bow. What can I do? I start crying because even if I had my bow I wouldn’t do anything. I can’t do anything. Besides hold on to Joey. I just want to get out of here and go home. With mom and dad. And even Carlos too. Joey is trying to wiggle out of my arms. I hold him tighter and cry, and tell him I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.