Simon Synthson had originally created his Mahou Shoujo Hologram Universe account at the end of a three week long cyberdrug binge. He assumed that this was the case with every player of MSHU, as the thought of someone choosing to play the game without being under the effects of hardcore hallucinogenics was too much to bear. Simon typically used the same password (hunter2) for all his accounts, but apparently his drug-addled self had decided against using it for Mahou Shoujo Hologram Universe. In any other situation, Simon wouldn’t have an issue with this. Unless he wanted to stay trapped in virtual reality for the rest of his life, however, Simon was going to need to log in. Using the mouse donated to him by the street samurai, Simon clicked on the Forget your password? button. After clicking through a few menus, he sent out the password recovery email. Simon froze. He was stuck in the game. He couldn’t close it to check his emails. He still could not log in. Once again, Simon had been very dumb.
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He stumbled down the streets of Neo-Hobart, occasionally bumping into the occasional person and/or wall. Of course escaping the game wouldn’t be that easy. Simon cursed his own stupidity. He was an idiot to think his predicament would ever make the news. He would never get a TV show, or a movie, or a web serial based on his life. Who would ever read a web serial about an idiot who glued a VR headset to his face? At this point, Simon was ready to just go and curl up behind a dumpster and waste away the rest of his life staring at the anime girl on the login screen. If he could just access his email inbox, he could get help! He could be free! Simon gasped in realization. He didn’t need to access his emails on the headset. If he could just find another computer, he could access them there and change his password! Simon could feel the freedom at his fingertips. He just needed a computer, and he knew exactly where to find one.
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‘Excuse me,’ Simon said to what he hoped was a person and not a streetlamp.
‘I don’t want to talk about Jesus,’ said the person who probably was not a streetlamp.
‘I just want to know where the library is,’ Simon said.
‘Ah, right,’ the person said. ‘It’s just over there.’
‘Over where?’ Simon asked.
‘Over there. In that direction.’
‘Which direction?’
‘The direction that I’m pointing.’
‘Which direction is that?’
‘It’s literally right there. RIGHT THERE.’
‘Where?’
‘Are you blind?’ the person asked.
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Simon considered telling this person about his predicament. Maybe they could help him. But then again, it would be very embarrassing to tell someone about it in real life. Simon figured he’d be fine just getting help in the game.
‘Uhh, yes,’ Simon said. ‘I’m blind.’
‘Oh, sorry,’ the person said. ‘Turn ninety degrees to your right and walk straight ahead. You’ll run right into the library’s front door in about ten minutes.’
Simon thanked the person for their helpful directions. He turned ninety degrees to his right, walked straight ahead, then got hit by a car.
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Simon awoke in a bed which he could only assume belonged to a hospital. Greeting him was Mahou Shoujo Hologram Universe’s pink-haired anime mascot. He had a splitting migraine and could feel all kinds of tubes and bandages covering his body.
‘Mr. Synthson?’ said a voice Simon hoped wasn’t in the game. He didn’t want to live in a world where the developers of MSHU knew his real name.
Simon croaked out a ‘Yes?’
‘I’m Doctor Powersupplyson,’ said the voice. ‘You’ve been in a coma for three weeks.’
Simon groaned. The milk in his fridge at home had probably gone bad by now.
‘You’ll be able to walk again with physiotherapy,’ Powersupplyson said tentatively, ‘but I’m afraid in the accident, your virtual reality headset was permanently fused to your skull.’
Simon let out a slow, shuddering breath. ‘How... how does that even happen in a car accident?’ he asked.
‘I am told it was a very dramatic accident,’ Powersupplyson said. ‘A sentient streetlamp witnessed the whole thing. In fact, he’s here to visit you right now. Would you like me to send him in?’
‘No,’ Simon said.
‘Too late,’ said Powersupplyson, as an awful metal grinding noise signaled the streetlamp forcing itself through the doorframe.
‘Hi,’ said the streetlamp. ‘Real sorry about directing you straight into oncoming traffic, but I figured you would look both ways before crossing.’
‘I TOLD YOU I WAS BLIND!’ Simon shouted.
‘Hey, that’s no excuse for improper pedestrian safety,’ the streetlamp said.
Simon figured that if he was going to be stuck in VR for the rest of his life, he might as well still try and figure out how to close MSHU. ‘You can make it up to me by letting me look at my emails on your phone,’ he said.
‘Fine by me,’ said the streetlamp, somehow handing Simon its phone.
‘You have to do it for me,’ Simon said. ‘I’m blind.’
The streetlamp grumbled something under his breath and took the phone back. ‘Whatever. What’s your address and password?’
‘[email protected] and hunter2.’ Simon didn’t exactly trust the streetlamp with his login details, but he didn’t have much of a choice anyway.
‘Uh huh, uh huh,’ the streetlamp said. ‘Alright, you’ve got a bunch of spam, some death threats, an update on the Star Citizen alpha, and a… Mahou Shoujo Hologram Universe email? You actually play that game?’
Simon was tapping on the bedframe impatiently. ‘Just open that email!'
‘It’s a password reset form,’ the streetlamp said.
‘Yes. Good. Follow the link.’
‘Right, okay,’ the streetlamp continued. ‘Says to enter a new password. What’ll it be?’
‘hunter2,’ Simon said. ‘All lowercase, no spaces.’
The streetlamp paused. ‘Says… that’s already the password.’
Simon’s eyes widened beneath the latest addition to his skull. ‘Where’s my keyboard and mouse?’ he asked. ‘WHERE ARE THEY?’
‘On your bedside table,’ the streetlamp replied. ‘Listen, you’re kinda weird, so I’m just gonna go now and forget I ever met you. Bye.’
As the streetlamp scraped its way out of the room, Simon quickly plugged the keyboard and mouse into the headset and typed in his password. The password was denied. Simon, shaking with indignant fury at himself, finally realized the problem. He had caps lock on. Simon pressed the caps lock key and typed in his password once more. It worked. He was in. Simon took a deep, rasping breath. He was finally going to play Mahou Shoujo Hologram Universe. Halfway through the loading screen, a box popped up.
Mahou Shoujo Hologram Universe servers are currently down for maintenance.
Simon threw his keyboard across the room.