A wall of text greeted Francis after the system initialized. Then it flickered and went out. The system tried again but got the same result. Normally it would be able to directly interface with a mortal’s mind but this one had an abnormally strong will. (And an incredibly thick skull.)
Francis watched the lights flicker in the darkness for a bit then went to sleep. The system continued trying to connect with him but it was ignored. After giving up on connecting directly, it decided to try a new approach and summoned an avatar.
A floating two dimensional drawing of a man’s face with a glowing white outline appeared in front of Francis. He cracked an eye open, decided it wasn’t a threat, then went back to sleep. There wasn’t any more chow, things to kill, or people giving him orders so he was going to catch some Z’s. Nineteen years in the Marines had taught him to eat and sleep whenever he could because he might not get the opportunity later.
The avatar took the form of a magnificent longsword and tried again. Francis seemed marginally more interested and at least kept his eyes open this time. But other than that he ignored the weapon.
The system was frustrated, which was a new feeling for it. The system wasn’t used to having feelings or opinions about things. But it was definitely forming strong opinions about Francis. He was going to be trouble. So much trouble.
Unbeknownst to it, the system had been annoyed into achieving sentience. It was discovering a whole range of new emotions and feelings, thanks to Francis.
System tried to understand this strange creature known as a Marine. It knew everything that happened within its boundaries, but Earth was outside its sight. It began to cycle its avatar through different forms at random hoping to make a connection. One was bound to work, eventually.
Finally it got a reaction. Francis reached out and stroked the familiar form of the Benelli M4 combat shotgun. As his fingers touched the glowing avatar, a connection was made. Normally, System would have selected a calm soothing voice for its avatar, but Francis had pissed it off. So instead it loaded the voice file labeled Paperclip.Generic.Assistant.01 and set the volume to max.
“HI!” Screamed the shotgun in a voice that was high pitched and deafeningly loud. “I SEE YOU HAVE BEEN ISEKAIED! WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO HELP WITH THAT?”
Francis grunted an affirmative. He was happy they turned up the volume for him. Sometimes it was hard to hear things over his tinnitus.
The system took this as its chance to shove a wall of text directly into his brain. Francis’ eyes bled as the unwelcome words and numbers flowed into him.
NAME Francis Francis Francis the 3rd
LEVEL 1
TIER 1
HP 10
MP 0
PRIMARY CLASS
NONE
SECONDARY CLASS
None
HERITAGE Human
GENDER Male
HEIGHT 2 Meters
WEIGHT 150 Kilos
RELIGIOUS AFFILIATIONS
Murder Cube, The United States Marine Corps, Johnny Cash, Chesty Puller, General Mattis, Betty White, John Moses Browning.
CURRENT ENEMIES
Hades, The Forces of Darkness, Seagulls, HOA’s, PETA, The Entire Middle East.
CURRENT ALLIES
Murder Cube, The United States Marine Corps, Bartenders, Grunts, Phone Sex Operators, Dogs.
DURABLE 10 (You’re super tough!)
INTELLECTUAL 20 (Wait… what? You have got to be joking!)
PHYSICAL 20 (Holy shit you’re strong!)
SOCIAL 10 (Surprisingly high, all things considered)
SPIRITUAL 0 (The other realm isn’t sure you exist.)
ATTACK (MAGICAL) 0
ATTACK (MELEE) 0
ATTACK (RANGED) 0
DEFLECT 0
ARCANE 0
BUSINESS 0
BYPASS 0
CHEMISTRY 0
CONSTRUCT 0
CRIME 2
CORRELATE 0
CULINARY 0
DEFENSE 0
DRIVE 0
EDUCATED 0
ENTERTAIN 0
LANGUAGE (GRUNT) 10
MECHANICAL 0
MEDICINE 0
NATURE 0
NAVIGATION 0
NECROMANCY 0
OBSERVATION 0
OTHERWORLDER 1
PRECISION 0
RESIST (MENTAL) 0
RESIST (PHYSICAL) 0
STEALTH 0
SWAY 0
Calculating Carryover XP from quests completed, foes slain, dogs petted.
Wow! You sure killed a lot of people!
This could take a while…
Playing smooth Jazz.
Ending smooth Jazz.
Applying points.
NAME Francis Francis Francis the 3rd
LEVEL 20
TIER 5
HP 2000
MP 2000
PRIMARY CLASS
None
SECONDARY CLASS
None
HERITAGE Human
GENDER Male
HEIGHT 2 Meters
WEIGHT 150 Kilos
RELIGIOUS AFFILIATIONS
Murder Cube, The United States Marine Corps, Johnny Cash, Chesty Puller, General Mattis, Betty White, John Moses Browning.
CURRENT ENEMIES
Hades, The Forces of Darkness, Seagulls, HOA’s, PETA, The Entire Middle East.
CURRENT ALLIES
Murder Cube, The United States Marine Corps, Bartenders, Grunts, Phone Sex Operators, Dogs.
DURABLE 20 (You’re tougher than John Wayne!)
INTELLECTUAL 20 (Wait… what? You have got to be joking!)
The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.
PHYSICAL 20 (Holy shit you’re strong!)
SOCIAL 20 (It’s the muscles, people dig the muscles.)
SPIRITUAL 20 (The other realm has become aware of your existence.)
ATTACK (MAGICAL) 0
ATTACK (MELEE) 0
ATTACK (RANGED) 0
DEFLECT 0
ARCANE 0
BUSINESS 0
BYPASS 0
CHEMISTRY 0
CONSTRUCT 0
CRIME 2
CORRELATE 0
CULINARY 0
DEFENSE 0
DRIVE 0
EDUCATED 0
ENTERTAIN 0
LANGUAGE (GRUNT) 10
MECHANICAL 0
MEDICINE 0
NATURE 0
NAVIGATION 0
NECROMANCY 0
OBSERVATION 0
OTHERWORLDER 1
PRECISION 0
RESIST (MENTAL) 0
RESIST (PHYSICAL) 0
STEALTH 0
SWAY 0
You have reached max level but still have points to spend…
Congratulations! You have ascended to Tier 6.
Wait a moment… you still have points to spend?
How many people did you kill????
Congratulations! You have ascended to Tier 7.
You are finally out of points to spend.
Please select a class…
United States Marine is not a valid class.
United States Fucking Marine is not a valid class.
FUCK YOU is not a valid class.
Warlock? That’s an interesting choice…
Murder Cube has offered to become your patron.
Do you accept?
YES/NO
Murder Cube has become your patron.
Would you like to multi-class?
YES/NO
Please select a class…
Celestial Sorcerer? That's strange. Are you picking at random?
Select a celestial being as the source of your power…
Murder Cube has been selected as the source of your power.
Would you like to assign skills manually?
YES/NO
Would you like to see a list of currently available skills?
YES/NO
Attack Magical: The ability to attack with magic spells. Grants understanding of combat magic.
Attack Melee: The ability to attack with melee weapons. Grants understanding of Melee weapons.
Attack Ranged: The ability to attack with ranged weapons. Grants understanding of ranged weapons.
Arcane: The ability to cast or dispel magic, interact with or understand magical devices. Grants understanding of magic.
Business: Grants understanding of business, government, common practices, and economics. May allow insight into how organizations operate.
Bypass: the ability to find ways into places, around guards, or avoid obstacles.
Chemistry: Grants access to knowledge of chemistry. Making acids, adhesives, and explosives. Can be combined with Arcane or Nature to brew potions.
Chirp: Taunt or insult creatures to get a reaction, start a fight, or draw aggression.
Construct: The ability to build and craft. Grants basic understanding of crafting and building.
Correlate: The ability to combine pieces of information, sometimes even seemingly unrelated ones, to realize things about the world or creatures in it.
Crime: Grants knowledge of criminals, gangs, how to operate in their world or gain their trust.
Culinary: Grants understanding of food and culture. Allows preparations of food, brewing, smoking.
Defense: Raises Base Deflection
Drive: Grants understanding of vehicles of sea, air, or land and how to control them.
Educated: Know details and facts. Research information. Understand scientific principles and logical arguments. Grants basic understanding of Science.
Entertain: Amuse people, play instruments, dance.
Language
Mechanical: The ability to pick locks, understand mechanical devices, break, sabotage, or fix machines. Grants understanding of machines.
Medicine: The ability to understand physiology and heal creatures. Diagnose illness, cause of death, and medical conditions. Grants knowledge of medicine and herbal remedies.
Nature: Grants knowledge of animals, plants, creatures, their habits and habitats. Grants knowledge of the natural world. Make animals like you.
Navigation: Understand and draw maps, find your way through mazes, navigate unfamiliar territory.
Necromancy: Grants understanding of Necromancy. Allows manipulation and control of undead.
Observation: The ability to notice and recall details.
Otherworlder: Apply knowledge acquired in other realms.
Precision: The ability to make precise and dexterous movements. Picking pockets, assembling complex devices, sleight of hand.
Resist Mental: Resist mental effects.
Resist Physical: Resist physical effects, poisons, alcohol.
Stealth: The ability to hide and move unseen.
Sway: Convince people to do or think what you want.
Assigning skills manually…
Damn, you have a lot of skill points.
Wait…
No. Don’t do that! That’s illegal!
Well, it should be…
Min Maxing skills doesn’t make you cool!
Fine.. have it your way.
Loading Final Stats…
NAME Francis Francis Francis the 3rd
LEVEL 30
TIER 7
HP 6300
MP 6300
PRIMARY CLASS
Combat Warlock: Pact of the Boom (10)
SECONDARY CLASS
Celestial Sorcerer: Shotgun Soul (20)
HERITAGE Human
GENDER Male
HEIGHT 2 Meters
WEIGHT 150 Kilos
RELIGIOUS AFFILIATIONS
Murder Cube, The United States Marine Corps, Johnny Cash, Chesty Puller, General Mattis, Betty White, John Moses Browning.
CURRENT ENEMIES
Hades, The Forces of Darkness, Seagulls, System, HOA’s, PETA, The Entire Middle East.
CURRENT ALLIES
Murder Cube, The United States Marine Corps, Bartenders, Grunts, Phone Sex Operators, Dogs.
DURABLE 30 (Your armor wears you for protection.)
INTELLECTUAL 30 (Wait… what? You have got to be joking!)
PHYSICAL 30 (Holy shit you’re strong!)
SOCIAL 30 (Everyone likes you. But nobody knows why.)
SPIRITUAL 30 (The other realm is trying to contact you about your soul’s extended warranty.)
ATTACK (MAGICAL) 10
ATTACK (MELEE) 10
ATTACK (RANGED) 10
DEFLECT 10
ARCANE 10
BUSINESS 0
BYPASS 0
CHEMISTRY 0
CONSTRUCT 0
CRIME 2
CORRELATE 0
CULINARY 0
DEFENSE 10
DRIVE 0
EDUCATED 0
ENTERTAIN 0
LANGUAGE (GRUNT) 10
MECHANICAL 0
MEDICINE 0
NATURE 10
NAVIGATION 0
NECROMANCY 0
OBSERVATION 10
OTHERWORLDER 1
PRECISION 0
RESIST (MENTAL) 10
RESIST (PHYSICAL) 10
STEALTH 0
SWAY 10
Would you like to stop bothering me and enter the world?
YES/YES
Suddenly the text vanished and Francis was back in the black room with the glowing shotgun avatar in his hands. He rubbed his head and grunted. A few seconds later the shotgun disappeared and a portal opened. But, because System was mad at Francis, it opened the portal directly beneath him. He fell into it with a grunt of surprise, and vanished.