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Madness, with a pinch of salt
Chapter 3: Hey, hey, hey!

Chapter 3: Hey, hey, hey!

Lucia had woken up in a good mood to a fine summer morning.

The day was crisp and clear, the roses bloomed beautifully, the cicadas buzzed in a familiar rhythm and the bubblebirds all snored peacefully in their nests. Humming an old tune, she skipped out of her room, and sniffed the morning air delightedly. There was a slight breeze and warm sunshine, the kind that made you want to curl up lazily in the grass like a housecat.

But she was a prestigious maid of the Winsten manor, not a housecat, so Lucia steered her thoughts back into the right track and went ahead to have breakfast. It was a delicious, fulfilling breakfast, complete with soft, handmade bread and honey and of course, Mrs Tabitha’s signature salty omelet. Lucia straightened her uniform and happily skipped over to the kitchen to start her day’s work.

Mirian greeted her with a nod when she stepped inside. Lucia cheerfully waved back.

“Lucia, you are in charge of taking the breakfast to Lady Joanna’s room today,” was the first thing Mirian said to her.

Lucia’s mood took an immediate nosedive.

It was evident from the faces of the other maids that they were still reeling from the shock of last evening’s bizarre phenomena. Lucia, the like colossal idiot she was, had completely forgotten about it. No wonder Mrs Tabitha kept telling that she had the attention span of a goldfish.

The petite little maid considered making puppy eyes to plead her case, but then decided against it. There was no wriggling out of it today, no sir. Besides, Mirian had allowed her to sit out on breakfast duty for two whole weeks. No way is she going to consider it today of all days.

Lucia heaved a sigh of resignation. She had taken her sweet time today, leisurely skipping over into the kitchen late into the morning, so maybe she it coming. All the others must have already discussed this with Mirian, so it had left her with no choices.

Ah, there went her happy summer morning.

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Lucia expertly balanced the heavy tray of food on her tiny hands and took off towards the western wing of the Winsten manor.

On one hand she wanted to increase her pace and reach the dreaded room as soon as possible, lest the lady flew into another one of her rages. On the other hand, if she dropped the tray, breakfast and all, there would be hell to pay for. This time, lady Joanna might seriously fire her. The maid kept a steady pace and walked down the brightened halls with a furiously beating heart.

When the door to the Lady’s bedroom came into view, she took several deep breaths, as if preparing for her final moments in this world. Why, oh why couldn’t she have a kinder mistress?

The door burst open before she could even knock. Lucia stumbled back a few steps, and if it weren’t for her excellent reflexes, the food would have crashed straight to the floor. She was thanking her lucky stars when out came Lady Joanna; groggy face, crumpled dress, bed hair and all.

Lucia stared at her in horror. This looked all kinds of wrong, and she didn’t want to be the first one to see it, hey!

“Err, I want ---, ah !” Joanna began nervously, and then blurted out. “Can I have breakfast?”

Lucia’s eyes almost popped out in shock. ‘Can I?!’

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Hey, hey! What has gotten into her? Lucia thought hysterically, gripping the tray of food tighter. Usually she is screaming around and threatening us if we are a measly minute late in the morning!

Hey, is she still going along that farce from last evening?

The maid gingerly took a step back in fear.

Meanwhile, Joanna was screaming awkwardly inside her mind. ‘Did I say something wrong? Isn’t this how I am supposed to ask? How the hell are noble ladies supposed to ask?!’

“My Lady!” Lucia gasped in horror, “You are all dressed up!”

Eh? It was Joanna turn to balk. Was I not supposed to ?!

Oh God! Do noble ladies usually strut around inside their homes in nothing but underwear?

Before the maid could start examining her from head to toe, Joanna hastily led her inside the room.

“Err look, forget about that.” She said quickly before Lucia could interrupt again. “Do you have the breakfast with you or not?”

“Ye-yes! I do! I do” the latter nodded her head vigorously, and put the tray down on a polished glass table beside her, lest the lady tried to say (or do) something bizarre again. Lucia thought that the hunger was perhaps making Lady Joanna act even stranger than she already was, so she hastily busied herself with serving the breakfast as carefully as possible.

Hey hey, she just wanted to get out of this room, dammit! Why did she have to go through all this today of all days? Hey!

Lady Joanna folded her skirts and carefully sat down on the bed. Lucia stealthily took a glance at her. Her movements were noticeably stiff and awkward, as if she was learning etiquette for the first time. The maid shrugged. How the lady of the manor wanted to act was the lady’s own business, not hers. You cannot go around telling nobilities how to act in front of their servants.

The Lady took the knife and fork and began her breakfast quietly. Lucia stood on one side, silent as a shadow. She was trying desperately and failing to keep her eyes down towards her shoes. They kept getting drawn towards the other occupant of the room. Was it her or Lady Joanna’s eating habits were getting messier by the minute?

After approximately seven minutes of awkwardly fumbling with the fork and the knife and the spoon, Lady Joanna finally put them down on the side. A furtive glance was sent towards Lucia, before she abandoned all pretences of etiquette and wolfed the food down with her hands at lightning speed.

“H-hey ---!” Lucia began, alarmed, before hastily clamping her mouth shut in horror. Even after months of strict training with Mirian, her “Hey”s kept slipping out in the presence of the Lady every now and then. Lady Joanna loathed that way of speaking, and the first time Lucia had accidentally ‘Hey’ed in front of her, she had kicked the maid behind her knees and sent her crashing on the floor. She had rubbed her heels on her face and spat venomously: “You better be grateful that I let you off this time. The next time, I will personally feed you to the dogs.”

Lucia had nursed her bruised face and run back to Mirian, sobbing quietly all the way.

However, this time, Lady Joanna gave no indication that she’d even heard her.

“My lady?” Lucia bravely tried again, which might have been foolish once upon a time, but right now there were more pressing matters at hand. “My Lady Joanna?”

“Mmm ?” the aforementioned lady was currently drinking her soup directly from the bowl like a neanderthal, and was not acting ladylike at all. She set down the bowl with a clatter and let out a satisfied sigh. Lucia shuffled her feet and considered her next words carefully.

“Are you quite all right, my lady?” tried the maid, deciding that this was the safest bet for now. “You are not behaving as usual.”

The lady winced, as if she was expecting this question all along. She squared her shoulders and cleared her throat, staring directly at Lucia with a determined look.

“Errm, what’s your name?”

“L-Lucia, my lady.”

“Lucia. Uhh look…” Joanna said, with all the authority she could muster at the moment, which wasn’t quite a lot. “You needn’t wait on me every morning while I’m having my breakfast. Just leave the food in front of my room and give me a knock, will you? That will do.”

“E-Eh? My lady, that is ---!”

“That’s an order.” Joanna finished. ‘The less time I spend with these people, the better.’ She thought.

“He—umm” The maid stopped herself in time; it was way more difficult to restrain the “Hey”s when she was surprised. “Understood, my lady. What about the—the other things in the morning?”

Her lady’s eyes twitched. “What other things?”

“My lady was already dressed up when I came this morning. Usually it is the duty of one of us maids to help you get dressed, among other things, after breakfast” Lucia boldly pressed on. “Usually we do your hair as well, but ---”

Lady Joanna glanced briefly at the mirror. Her long black hair was tangled from sleep and sticking out at odd places. The image clashed horribly with the velvet silk dress that she was wearing, but Joanna couldn’t be bothered. In her mind she was busy scrambling up for new excuses to let the matter be. What was wrong with the nobles? No way in hell was she having anyone else dress her up first thing in the morning. She was not some little baby, and she wanted some privacy, dammit!

“Ahahaha! Don’t worry about it. I can do it myself from tomorrow onwards. No, no! I think that it will be for the best if I do it by myself from tomorrow onwards!”

Lucia widened her eyes in alarm. “But, my lady Joanna ---!”

“Alright, that’s done!” the aforementioned Lady Joanna gave another nervous laughter and began piling the empty silverware on the tray, before Lucia jumped in and took it from her hands. “I will do it, my lady! Please don’t stress yourself, my Lady!” She looked as if she might faint.

‘How weak do they think I am?’ Joanna thought, before remembering that she was currently a noble. And that one of the duties of a noble was to leave all trivial their duties to their servants. It sure looked like such a comfortable way of living, but for unsuspecting common folk like her who’d suddenly had an occupation change and transformed into the said nobles, it was a jarring experience. Old habits die hard, after all.