“The nucleus of the Bluffroom’s centrepiece is easy to dry when left on its own. Used to toss it a lot; it never ended up any better. Nevertheless, if your hands are unreasonably careless, the various properties turn into mumbo-jumbo required for a beautiful blast ruining your place. And you.”
Linlin retrieved a thumb-sized, green-veined marble from under the pile and presented it to Kassmera while turning it continually in his hand to help her distinguish it from the sap lump of the Millennia Pitcher Plant that occupied his other hand.
Since that one was also greenly nerved with only shape and form providing important clues, it wouldn’t be unusual for the woman to misperceive.
Anyhow, a sap lump shouldn’t be differentiated based solely on appearance... but that was too much information to discuss in one lesson. It wasn’t the point either.
“If you absolutely must, you can mix Bluffroom’s centrepiece with non-poisonous, common herbs. Oh, and the fewer the better. Trust me on that one.
But never,” Linlin stared warningly at Kassmera through his blindfold, causing another shiver to run down her spine. Though she felt his gaze, she had no way to verify his intentions nor seek closer contact. After all, the eyes were key to the soul!
As a result, Kassmera was constantly worried about getting Linlin’s body language wrong, “staple it with the sap lump of the Millennia Pitcher Plant.
That’s gonna end badly. It creates something like a reactor that pollutes every single herb in range. And let me tell you, the range is nothing to laugh at. It is rare for an adventurous alchemist to use this combination more than once during his short life. Hehe~.
In fact, doing so spares his family the hassle of proper funeral costs and inheritance tax all in one, an enviable package. So it’s not as if this practice is pointless.
Well, if there are still some croaking family members to lay claim to... This is information you learn to appreciate as a half-baked stooge who has often read through the basics of the basics.”
‘Of the basics of the basics of the basics–’ ‘She won’t get that!’ ‘...I do the talk you do the walk!’ ‘Argh...’ “So listen carefully.” This poorly conceived crash course for wannabe herbalists was clearly Pansy’s brainchild and a stroke of questionable genius.
Yet, no matter how much the agent begged, the Master Strategist would not give in. Rather than teaching with actions, Pansy hoped the other personality would learn how to impart things through words.
To that end, Kassmera was the best dummy they could get. Or rather, the only one here out in the boonies. She would surely die if the agent came at her like a short-tempered brute, as her body was not at all resilient. In all honesty, Pansy’s reasoning was sound.
Pansy’s occasional intervention and correction was only necessary because the agent’s unedited explanation would pretty much be the prelude to the Lost Wood’s comprehensive destruction by the time Kassmera began her first innocent experiment.
It’s unlikely she’ll ever be left alone with a cauldron anytime soon, but one never knows... However, this tho and fro only resulted in strange behaviour patterns because Linlin’s overexaggerated, vivid descriptions only called for overstrained facial muscles suffering from fasciculation.
Whenever both personalities wanted control over the body, the result had always been unsatisfying. As the body got many mixed signals, it sometimes followed what one personality decreed, sometimes followed what the other demanded, and most of the time it mixed the commands up for good.
Either way, no one was ever happy with the results. Therefore, both personalities strove to protect the delicate balance that was respect for one another. Yet sometimes conflict was unavoidable...
In Linlin’s mindscape, a war was rampaging; in reality, killing intent raging. A normal woman couldn’t understand a thing amidst all these distractions.
To do so, she would have to become just as abnormal... Kassmera, who became Linlin’s first student just a few odd hours ago, was panicking.
She was jotting down everything in her head without trying to understand anything–––which only served to deepen the mess she created.
Why she did it is a question even the collective intelligence of the hivemind might not be able to answer. Kassmera’s only repeated behaviour was to bend over repeatedly, begging for forgiveness when she should have taken her time to learn and ask meaningful questions.
This, of course, didn’t sit well with a certain someone. The agent couldn’t stomach who had given up on him– or herself. They took time out of their busy schedules only so the woman wouldn’t upset the queen and mimic further. Only for her.
What did Kassmera do instead of appreciating their efforts? Begging?! ‘What fucking use does begging have?! You willingly hand over your fate to somebody else.’
‘That’s what you’re angry about? Humans do this sort of thing when they face difficulties. It's the cowards’ way out. They can’t be held responsible for what happens later.
I rather find it disgusting that she listens intently but does comprehend jackshit. Waste. Of. Time!!!!’ Even the Master Strategist didn’t know how to deal with uneducated folks in a way that was not destructive.
All these years, they had always plotted against intelligent people. Because upper society only barely cares about the talented, the dumb ones in their family’s employment had been filtered out long before they got to call the literal shots.
This presented a thorny problem: They had scant experience in dealing with stupid people... And, to make matters more difficult, Kassmera was not a foe worth happily plotting against. After all, she did nothing wrong and posed no risk...
As a result, Pansy turned to a less than stellar option. Kassmera’s apology for something she could not be held liable for was already an unacceptable waste of their time, alright. But Pansy’s particular choice was even more pointless.
Under the Master Strategist’s direction, the agent resisted his urge to knock her out cold. Instead, he went through each and every herb, root, fungus, sap lump, stalk, pitch lump, leaf, peeling, stem, fruit, seed and flower composing their stockpile.
In the spirit of their hated homeroom teacher’s nefarious methods, Kassmera was made to repeat after Linlin and summarise at predetermined intervals. Hours passed. Then some more.
Slowly, their method bore fruit, only... Even dear Master Strategist was on the verge of giving up. Over and over again, Pansy contemplated kicking the donkey away, as he watched helplessly as the ingredients lost their potency because of delayed or retarded reactions.
Whenever Pansy was about to give in, Kassmera’s maniacal effort to live up to their moderate expectations and the unmistakable look of desperation in her eyes prevented him from calling it a day.
Seeing her in this state reminded both personalities of their sorry existence on Earth: Memories of incessant struggles looming like shadows over them they could never forget.
‘She never attended school. It’s only natural.’ ‘Patience. Patience.’ ‘Yes, patience. Patience.’ ‘Pansy, you ain’t no preacher. Just one of us needs to undergo this torture. That’s enough. Let. Me. Go!’ ‘Patience.’ ‘Fuck... now I did it. You... argh.’
The silver lining was the discovery that Kassmera could be very stubborn and pursue her goal if she so desired. It was just... Her awful upbringing, excessive self-doubt and toxic self-loathing undermined her talents and everything else she did.
All in all, Kassmera was better than most hillbillies hailing from her village for the sole reason that she remembered a few things. Just not the right things...
“Viny Toddlerstick?” The agent asked icily, thinking about how many wasted hours had ticked by just like that. Hours he could have used for training and the Master Strategist for troubleshooting.
“…not to confuse with the Whiny Toddler, poisonous from stem to root. Differentiated by the brownish colour with some white freckles visible during daytime, whereas the Whiny Toddler… Whiny Toddler…” Kassmera’s robotic voice came to an abrupt halt.
Minutes flew by. The woman finally burst out in tears because she couldn’t remember what Linlin had worked so hard to patiently repeat thrice.
Our disgruntled protagonist cut her off with practised routine before she could plead for mercy for who-knows-what, “is a fruit that looks exactly as its name suggests.
The Whiny Toddler is synonymous with nourishment for the whole body, regardless of race; it is striped at the upper and lower ends of the umbilical cord, and grows on at least three hundred metres high trees in places that are forever shrouded in reddish fog.”
The woman nodded feverishly, rubbing her lower belly unconsciously, to which Linlin asked, “you know why that’s important?” to have her stop immediately, frozen.
“…Sir… Great Cultivator… I… you?” She was flustered, like totally. It might sound strange, but the anxiety she was suffering from was unlike anything she had ever experienced before.
Anxious to miss the chance provided by heaven. Anxious to get kicked back into the hell she’d escaped from. Despite the obvious fact Kassmera had racked her brain to the utmost for that answer, Linlin was not satisfied.
Our protagonist was pissed, which turned the already scared woman into the grovelling thing he saw this morning. It only made things worse. “How can one be so… argh.
You dumbass! Go to hell! What did I stress over? The ingredients?! Five hours ago, I buried the intention of having you become a capable helper. Five. Hours. Ago!”
There sure was a limit to everything. Despite Pansy’s repeated pleas for patience, the agent bellowed furiously, disregarding also the human wreckage in front of him. ‘Argh, screw this, I’m no Budda!’
Amidst the seventh or so plea, Pansy followed suit. Having experience in this regard, the Master Strategist was well-versed in living with just a woodcutter slicing pretty thoughts as one would foul wood and take everything so damn seriously.
Although it was sickening, at least the agent understood his intentions when laid bare so openly! It wasn’t that the agent was dumb, he was just tense and loved to act before thinking.
But this was different. Pansy had never experienced anything like this before. This was just another level of insanity entirely! There was no need for her to do anything but learn.
Nobody wanted her to beg all day long or screw around. This was really too much. His mind raced back to the agent who had suggested she become their handyman. Afterwards, not even Pansy could maintain his calm. ‘I. Refuse!!!!’
He was sure he would turn into a retard if such an interaction occurred every day. “Again, woman. Fry that tiny brain of yours if you must, but listen closely and don’t make me seem like a dang clown!!”
Taking two aggressive steps forward, Pansy grabbed the terrified woman by her slumped shoulders. He shook her in anger until her pelt fell almost off, and pressed his mouth against her left ear.
“One. Millennia Pitcher Plant’s sap lump is extremely beneficial to your tendons and eroded bone structure if applied daily to the skin for at least three months.
Ignoring the hellish itch that comes along with its effects is the only price you have to pay. Two. Bluffroom’s centrepiece burns like hell but helps you purge the troublesome madness that’s festering in your body.
Particularly the one in that useless lower half you seem to be so worried about. Third. Lover’s Seeds put a curse on you only if you carelessly damage one and stupidly leave the other be.
If cooked and eaten with fish, it restores the spirit and helps overcome mental trauma–––the only condition is having a true lover who has passed on already, giving blessings from the afterlife.
Often, they are found where young beasts roam the land. Fourth. Cursed Carrot. A ten-times heftier cousin of the vegetable regarded as a priceless delicacy in that barn you hail from.
The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
It is purple–––and pay attention, it is–––wound like a screw and grows between branches at low height or under the ground, which is rare but possible.
Its body emits pheromones that drive all insects near it crazy. Keep your eyes open for meek critters that are easily spotted even by the likes of you, and trek in a direction they do not appear.
Don’t bother the ants with this. It’d be torture for the lovely bunch. If you eat the peel–––and only the peel–––it will do something good for your frail body.
Five. Viny Toddlerstick, often found crawling up nearby vegetation where manure is dumped on regularly, has a nourishing effect on a weakened body.
Six. Though it’s out of your range, Whiny Toddler is the best you can hope for, a natural resource capable of fixing your disease-ridden body so that you won’t expire in autumn.
It's definitely the most effective tonic for you right now, but it's the same for beasts as well. Despite looking like a newborn, it's a veggie! Seven... no. Let’s simply forget about the rest, shan’t we? You won’t remember much of it anyway.
Pray tell, still unaware of my intentions?” The indignant Master Strategist let go of her suddenly before he plodded back to the pile of herbs he’d pushed to the back of his mind for this useless lesson.
On the one hand, the ingredients essentially screamed for their attention, on the other they were both suffering in silence. These few moments of close contact were all they could handle.
Haphephobia already made the nerves tingle and sweat flow down the brows, so it wouldn’t be long before they snapped. ‘We care for her for life, that’s the agreement.
If she dies and it is not due to anything we did or didn’t do, we should get away from this pain in the ass mistake.’ ‘...how vicious. Might work out tho.
But you must know we are oblivious to the higher powers who govern this place, much less the whole universe as karma is said to do.’ ‘Pansy, it took me a while to figure this out, so fill the gaps and stop talking nonsense.’
‘Which only shows how much you detest her.’ ‘You. Know. Why!’ ‘...’ ‘Wasting more time is unacceptable. The schedule is not exactly tight, but there are many things to do that take precedence over this.
Training, for example. Finding ways to increase our bioenergy intake and so on.’ ‘If what I need to do is to work my mouth until it collapses for that prick to know the difference between cracking a nut and bursting a nut, you have my permission.
No goddamn ingredient can survive such abuse or wait for a million questions to be answered during synthesis. Also, I’m thinking about the special ones I’d like to touch soon–––shit really is on fire if things go wrong with them.’ ‘So you’re cool with this idea?’
‘Yes. We tried. We failed. End of the story. By the way, I also have something to share with you.’ ‘...which is?’ ‘Now you see what good comes out of that brain fart of yours?’ ‘Urgh... I’ve learned my lesson. I told you so, no?’ ‘It never hurts to be reminded.’ ‘Why?’
‘Humans tend to forget the past easily. There is so much we can learn from prior experiences and mistakes if we keep them in mind while dealing with present problems.
I’m not even talking about learning from other people’s mistakes, an extremely difficult proposition.’ ‘...what now?’ ‘Pardon?’ ‘She obviously ain’t the helper we’re looking for.’ ‘Indeed. With so many applicants, there's no way we can test them all.’
‘Spare me your sarcasm. Hey, I got an idea! What if we kidnap others?’ ‘Guess what?’ ‘No?’ ‘Your reasoning tells me you understand where I’m coming from. Let me just fill in the gaps as you requested. Kassmera is dedicated, although for the wrong reasons.
This is a quality that’s difficult to find even among educated people, let alone the riffraff that populates these lands. Given the premises, there can only be one logical conclusion. However!’ ‘Y-yes?’ ‘Wanna seriously kidnap a renowned noble and happily accept the consequences?’ ‘...we won’t find a helper anytime soon, got it.’
‘Nope. But! I might allocate more time for training. At least a little more than you get now.’ ‘So you know why I...’ ‘Of course. I merely didn’t tell you because I had some hope as well.’
Pansy was happy to see the agent figuring things out on his own. This was the main reason why the Master Strategist went with the flow, refusing to reveal the real intention behind the proposal of teaching Kassmera.
After Pansy understood that conscripting Kassmera was not helpful to their cause, he also told her only bits and pieces that could be very useful to her. Though his consideration did not include the problem of how much she remembered...
‘Will have to hurry now.’ ‘Few ingredients ain’t wasted already.’ ‘The ones not included will be so soon. The moon’s contamination shall make sure of that. We do need a lot of time to settle this mess.’
‘If she doesn’t croak, we can try something else. So, you do your thing, I do mine. My goal is to create a situation where Kassmera meets the baby snake without ringing Azariah’s bells.’
‘A tall order. Make sure to tell me first so as not to give away our intentions. Azariah is totally opposed to this and we really have better things to do than upset her.’ ‘Will do.’
While Pansy disentangled the herbs with furious precision and vowed he wouldn’t easily train a possible helper again, Kassmera was left to her own devices.
Uncertain of what to do, she continued to plead for forgiveness. But the situation where nobody seemed to give a damn–––as she was pleading to empty air itself–––cascaded into something beyond her meagre understanding.
Could it be that everything she’d learned over the years was completely useless here? As time went on, the woman finally stopped talking and sat there like a lost lamb, her mind reeling.
Did any of her actions even help? …help? All the ingredients she had learned about today had one thing in common, which was... Suddenly, Kassmera opened her eyes wide as she cast an ashamed glance at Linlin, leaving her feeling particularly guilty.
When she glanced over with the Devil’s timing, Kassmera caught him bending down to arrange some herbs. She also spotted terrible marks carved on his lean body that had yet to fade. Seconds later, Linlin readjusted his loose day suit, interrupting her line of vision.
The first ecdysis of [Apocaliptic Hide Of The Devourer] hadn’t been as throughout as advertised. The ordeal did not completely remove the effects of a certain lamia’s impeccable care; rather, it only made it so that there was no pain.
“Lamias mark their prey,” the man said emotionlessly as he felt Kassmera’s aghast gaze linger on him. Since the State was familiar with lamias and their wretched nature, he long knew of his plight.
The markings would fade over time or when the culprit who had inflicted them was dead. So... The hunter had singled him out and marked him as prey.
Pansy also considered this when he hindered the agent from following the ants into the Lost Woods, engaging in exploration activities under the guise of training. One must not tempt fate at every corner! Therefore, Linlin was grounded for the time being!
“According to my gut feeling, the markings won’t remain for–” Gratitude was an odd thing, as the recipient might not necessarily think it is worthy of celebration.
The same happened to our Linlin. Before he was aware, Kassmera had already reached his back, gently tracing the reddish skin on his neck as if it would burst open if it was pressed too hard.
“What are you doing?” Linlin’s bland question contained no emotion, just a hint of curiosity. “N-nothing, Sir Cultivator…” Kassmera abruptly realised who she was wantonly touching and returned to her shivering self before even finishing her sentence.
Yet she still continued to cling to Linlin’s tight! The following events took a familiar turn. As she closed her eyes, she awaited punishment that never came.
Meanwhile, the agent finally decided to ignore his pride and seek consultation from the hivemind, which in turn returned nothing noteworthy.
In a fit of frustration, he even used all the daily charges of [Bloodoscope] to determine whether a few responses he had in mind would be harmful down the line.
The feedback was so varied that Pansy interrupted his musing and dropped a bombshell: All answers were both yes and no simultaneously... Out of this mess, one fact stood corrected: The agent couldn’t use this information in his decision making.
‘What the heck, first molesting, then breaking down. Someone, please explain!’ ‘It is not just the cultivation that makes this world different from ours.
If culture is seen as a strange impetus and all actions are interpreted as whimsical, then perhaps...? Anyway, [Bloodoscope] is useless in such situations!’
‘Is this to say I have to look out for every female I stumble upon? And when it comes to that, what are we gonna do?! We’re talking about crime here. Oi, Pansy!!’
‘When it comes to that, the answer is simple: Despair. Why? Because it’s your problem. Hehehe~. Imagine a stronger one who expressed the desire to keep us, what then?
Can we do something against that? Lemme give you a hint: Think!’ ‘Didn’t this already happen? Azariah made us a kept man! She’d be the first to protect her claim.’ ‘Yes and no. My point is we have to remain as unassuming as possible… Low key, Stupid. Low. Key.’
‘…this never works out, Pansy.’ ‘It never did. Here, however, we are not on Earth. My guess is that you, too, don’t want to be under constant surveillance 24 / 7.’
‘35 / 40, there is no concept of weeks here, remember? Which means... you’re kidding me.’ ‘No way~. Ahem. At least this time you didn’t succumb to our haphephobic nature. I’m proud of you.’
‘…I forgot.’ ‘That’s impossible and you know it.’ The agent pushed the whole ridiculous notion to the back of his forgetful mind. The discourse took on too philosophical a note for his tastes.
However, the silence that hung heavy over the two people reminded him that something had to be done. Naturally, it was only more difficult for Kassmera.
This time, she really wished to die as a means of escape from the toxic mix of embarrassment, self-blame, and... longing. She was left in a bind by that mess of ridiculously conflicting emotions.
Meanwhile, both personalities continued happily bickering as they failed to find any common ground. They all had different ideas as to how to proceed and Linlin once again began to behave strangely.
All the hivemind suggested was to demand more information. This time, Queen Azariah remained strangely silent, which only convinced the duo that she couldn’t be trusted in times of need.
The agent took the thought a bit further and nursed the sentiment that the queen may have been unsure of the right answer too, hence her inaction.
In other words, they couldn’t just pat Kassmera’s head and be done with it... Regardless of their eventual reaction, the two knew they had to hurry up. Pansy’s earlier statement had been a little too positive.
In close proximity to another creature, they grew more and more panicked with every second. Ultimately, Pansy bucked the trend and followed the hivemind’s instructions, opting for a question while hastily breaking free and increasing the distance.
“So tell, Kassmera. Why is your body filled with poison? Not just one mixture, or two... or ten. Are you sure those villagers wanted you to live?” Kassmera’s sobs abruptly ended.
She tucked back her long, curly, brown hair that clung to her haggard cheeks, wet with tears and snot. A wrinkled face was revealed, with orange freckles dotting the end of a sharp nose, and dirt clinging to slanted eyebrows and the narrow upper lip.
As long as she ate well and wore the right clothes, she would have looked stunning in her own way. But because of how poor Kassmera’s living conditions had been due to those she never dared call family, such a fate was not hers to claim.
And that, she recalled clearly. Extensively. Kassmera’s appearance quickly deteriorated. And Linlin... felt it. Not the emotional venom, but Kassmera’s declining vital signs.
As a result of spending more than half his life on battlefields, his senses had grown abnormally sharp–––and this was before the System’s upgrades.
However, what bothered Pansy most was the fact that her death would put him at risk due to a broken promise the agent came to dislike so much.
So there was only one solution on the rapid. Linlin shook his head, kicked up some loose grass stalks in defiance and grabbed himself a cigar. “Forget it, leave.” Kassmera was startled.
“You just leave and go find the materials. Or die a dog’s death soon. Your choice.” Kassmera rose slowly, staring at him with doubting eyes that were uncertain in which light to see him in.
While thinking, she turned her head as if to get a new perspective on the world. Eventually, the rescued villager opened her mouth just for the sake of leaving it open and soon ran away as if she were escaping prison guards.
‘Hm, better this way. Though, it feels like the ants–’ ‘no. Wrong. The ants can help her, so can’t we.’ Linlin laughed demeaningly at her sudden departure and retrieved a greenly veined marble from under his spotless day suit while puffing heavily on his cigar.
With his attention drifting back to his hand, he played gently with the nucleus of the Bluffroom’s centrepiece. The curling smoke of the fig-strawberry cigar lapped gently against his furrowed brows. ‘What sense does it make?
To live means to suffer, to keep moving forward no matter what. If you give up, it’s over. Only you can be your own driving force. This is why the will is so imperative. We help today, save tomorrow… but what about the day after?’
‘There’s no doubt she needs to rediscover her drive. She’s one hell of a battle to fight.’ ‘Sigh... are you afraid that if she runs amok in our garden and destroys the many valuable plants growing here, it’s our big loss?’
‘Yeah. Something like that.’ ‘Really?’ ‘...’ ‘Hm, you see, Stupid. There are many ways to die–––inattention can never be seen as our failure, no matter what.
Anyway, now we have to take care of the ingredients and continue our research.’ ‘...’ ‘Sigh... C’mon, big boy. We don’t exist to serve her. If that’s her fate, so be it.’ ‘...’
‘It might even be better if she croaks!’ ‘And here I thought I was the devious one. Fine.’ ‘Good.’ ‘And Pansy?’ ‘Yeah?’ ‘...thanks.’ ‘...suit yourself.’
----------------------------------------
----------------------------------------
End of Part IV