One, two, three, four, five. Counting was all I could do to distract myself from the insanity. Six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Wait, insanity? What had caused such a thought? What deserved such an undermining title?

Eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen. I opened my eyes to find myself enveloped in the purest form of darkness I had ever seen. Despite the darkness, I felt a sense of safety similar to hugging one’s mother, knowing nothing in the world could hurt you.

However, beneath such comfort were fear and caution, originating from within me. How mysterious. Why was a part of me trying to flee?

Sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen—what?

I stared forward. Something had occurred, and I was sure of it. I squinted my eyes and saw a colourful dot underneath the blanket of darkness. It flickered on its axis, gravitating towards something I wasn’t aware of. It moved, wriggling anywhere it pleased.

My eyes locked onto the yellow shine, unable to be pried off. It was out of place, unfamiliar, inappropriate, and wrong.

I wasn’t sure what it was, but it blemished the pure darkness around me. More and more appeared out of thin air, bulbs of colour staining the black sky and surrounding me with their painful brilliance.

Something was peculiar. The longer they came into existence, the more erratic their movements became. Two collided, ricocheting in resistance. After multiple such occurrences, a yellow bulb of light acted abnormally.

Like an ember, it bolted around the darkness, devouring its companions and increasing in size. The more it consumed, the brighter and bloated it became. Eventually, the yellow bulb turned into a yellow orb. When it did, it froze in its tracks and flashed brighter.

Was it too full to continue its feast?

Wait. Was it…staring at me?

Without warning, it flung itself, heading towards me. Alarm bells rang inside my head as I struggled to keep track of the yellow blur. With newfound urgency, I tried to get away from its path.

But it proved to be useless when something locked me in place. It was invisible, but I could feel it. It prevented me from moving a muscle, much less allowing me to dodge the orb.

I needed to hurry. Something within me warned me of the consequences of not doing so, that I would experience pain and suffering beyond my imagination.

But what was I even capable of doing? Not to mention moving my body. Even a twitch of a finger was too much to ask for, thanks to this invisible barrier. All I could do was watch helplessly as the orb crashed into me.

It dispersed into a yellow mist and coiled around me, seeping through the invisible membrane. The mist invaded my head through my nose, turning my head blank and yanking away my consciousness.

It was painful, very much so. It forced itself upon my thoughts, planting seeds of knowledge without my permission. I felt bile rising in my throat and forced it back down. I was sure that I would fall on my knees and hack my throat away should this invisible membrane disappear.

The acidic aftertaste lingered at the back of my throat as I desperately tried to process what had just happened. In mere moments, the yellow mist had shoved days of visions and memories, causing my soul to tremble in pain.

It was memories of people I wasn’t acquainted with. I witnessed the struggles of desert vagrants as they starved, begging for a miracle to relieve them of their dehydration. In the end, the remaining survivors tore into each other, consuming blood and organs as replenishment to go further, before succumbing to the fierce sandstorm.

Disgusting.

I had experienced all of that from the body of a cannibalistic vagrant. His despair, relief, remorse, and hatred at the world right before death’s doorstep, together with his fellow cannibals.

How very disgusting. Even now, my throat struggled to believe it wasn’t parched from days of thirst.

My body staggered once more. I tilted my eyes in despair as green mist flowed into my mouth and nostrils. Once again, it yanked my consciousness away and forced upon me days of suffering.

This time, it was a forest dweller. We went through his tribe’s coming of age when a flaming arrow lit a nearby tree on fire. We cursed the blasphemers of the forest and battled them for days and nights. Yet in the end, only scorched stumps and burnt grass remained, decorated by the heads of our people on spears.

My head felt like it was being split apart, slowly but violently by a chisel. Not even a movement of my mouth was permitted, forcing my taste buds to savour the taste of vomit.

I furrowed my eyebrows and gritted my teeth, a futile attempt to weaken the pain. Then, they came to my attention. The orbs, every single one of them, had ceased their movements.

An ominous premonition rose inside my chest.

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No way, right?

But the reality was cruel. They flew towards me, emanating sparks as they ricocheted from one another. In shock, I shut my eyes and braced myself, for this surely would become one of the most painful experiences of my life.

Sure enough, something climbed up my nostrils and invaded my head. My eyelids shot open in pain, letting the blinding rainbow fill my vision.

I screamed, unlike ever before, begging for the torture to stop.

A wave of nausea assaulted my senses, almost enough to knock me out cold. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to do so. One by one, memories pierced my thoughts, showering me with suffering and emotions.

Their voices collided, reverberating through my head endlessly. Illusory visions and sentiments piled upon each other, cutting off every single one of my senses.

—…

—…

—…

Make it stop.

Make it stop.

Make it stop… please…!

***

I woke up with a scream.

Damn it, not this again!

The nightmare ended as hastily as it appeared. Without a moment to even breathe, everything around me shattered like cracked glass. I gritted my teeth and endured the pain, both mentally and physically.

I rolled off my wooden bed and plopped myself on the floor, gasping for breath as I desperately held my head together with my palms.

Bit by bit, pieces of my body caved inward. Flesh and bones melted into nothing, emerging from my skin as countless red ants. The same must be happening with my eyes, as my view of shattered glass began to be littered with black spots.

I couldn’t do anything except watch as my fingers slipped out of my palm, causing parts of my head to fall from their sockets. I tried to draw a casting circle with my mana tendrils but failed to do so as they fizzled in and out of existence due to the torment I felt.

A sharp sting pierced my mind, causing me to stumble over my arm and crash to the floor. Something must have broken, proved by how unresponsive my limbs were. I saw an army of red ants scurrying around at the edge of my sight, crawling everywhere—to the bathroom, mirror, closet, and even back to the bed.

My eyes went to my mahogany desk, where blueprints and reagent bottles lay bare.

No, not the reagent—! Damn, those ants had pushed it over.

It was a fortune it didn’t crack. I muttered helplessly as the rest of my vision turned to darkness.

All that connected me with the world were my ears, transmitting the subtle noise of insects and the occasional clank of glass and other objects. Finally, even those sounds disappeared, leaving me in a world of nothingness together with the pain.

Perhaps this was for the better. Seeing countless creatures all over your home was not a pleasant sight. It would have been perfect if the persistent pain in my mind and body disappeared as well.

Even without Detect, I could already envision the room being swarmed with ants while a slab of what used to be me spasmed on the cold floor. If someone walked in, how would they react to this?

A regular person would definitely scream in terror and seek help, while a mage would at least try to blockade the room before requesting reinforcement. Of course, it’s not like anyone had enough leisure to break into a building and go to the bedroom.

Finally, the pain in my body cut off. If today’s rupture followed its predecessors, then that would occur any time soon. I calmed myself and tried to forget what had happened during the nightmare.

The only thing resulting from the nightmare were blurry memories and mental agony. It had been a long time since the last rupture, leading me to believe I was finally free from it. Well, I guess it’s settled. I’m still stuck with the ruptures.

Thinking back to my family and happy memories showed significant results the last time I went through a rupture, so I tried it again to relieve the stress my mind went through. Soon enough, the throbbing in my mind subsided, leaving me with a sense of relief.

I didn’t have time to appreciate the serenity I felt when something dragged me. It was an unfathomable force, hauling me away from whatever was left of my body. In other words, what remained of my body had finally transformed into a red ant, ejecting my soul from it.

I thrashed around before realizing what had happened. With a sigh, I dropped from the air and “landed” on the ground, letting the ants phase through my soul. Yes, I am currently a soul, the kind that floats around and passes through walls.

Small red ants were creeping into every inch of my room, wreaking havoc and knocking over reagent bottles and tools from their places. I let out a silent cackle, chiding myself for being foolish enough to leave them out in the open. But then something caught my eye.

I squinted and stared at the floor beside my mahogany desk, trying to see through the muffled layer of reality that enveloped my senses. There, amidst the chaos, I spotted my blueprints—covered in ink and corroded by chemicals.

“No!” I cried out, but my panicked attempt to pick them up only made my hand phase through their ruined surface.

I cursed. If I couldn’t touch them in this state, then what could I do? My lips curled upwards as I manifested my mana tendrils, which should have been invisible, but were perfectly visible to me as a soul.

To my surprise, it worked perfectly. The tendrils obeyed my command and drew a casting circle on the floor, consisting of various forms of geometric shapes, runes, and illusory signs. I bent my knees and stifled my laughter, failing to do so as chuckles escaped my throat.

It wasn’t hilarious, though.

The laughter was something that I had no control over. It took me much effort to tone them down during the daytime, but no one was around to hear me in my soul state. So, why not indulge a little and let out the disturbing urge?

Basking in the euphoria, I inserted twenty units of mana into the circle, overcharging and activating the spell it contained. Through the muffled layer of reality, I saw the inner parts of the circle detach from the ground, passing through several red ants and floating in the air.

The end result was as expected. I focused on controlling it and made the various objects on the floor—excluding the ants—gravitate towards the ceiling. Float, a simple second-tier spell with an effect as straight as its name. The blueprints, fallen ink bottle, reagent bottles, and other objects requiring rescue all floated several feet from the ground.

I swam to one particular bottle and stared at it; eyes crescent as a single red ant moved in panic.

Well, look who’s bothering who now?

The victory was short-lived. My vision abruptly blurred, accompanied by a sharp stinging sensation throughout my soul. With a yelp, I bent down and grasped my head in agony.