Once on board, Cross’s group was escorted by the apprentices, marveling at the ghosts and zombies doing work on the ship.

“…and that’s our room, we’re supposed to stay in there if there’s trouble. But no one really cares if we’re in there or not.” Riley said, pointing at a cabin.

“The boss’s been really busy. He found a guy who can magically speed things up, I’m surprised he didn’t catch on fire.” Connor said, avoiding a zombie swabbing the floor. It groaned at them as they passed.

“This is...unusual.” Leo said as they came on deck.

“Like boss said, when you run with a necromancer, you travel in style.” Riley said, giggling. Oh, the expressions on their faces! This was too much fun! “He’s in the captain’s quarters. Oh, speaking of…”

“By JOVE! Jolly good to have you aboard, jolly good!” Captain Blackwell bellowed, forcing his hand in theirs, shaking vigorously in turn, often accompanied by a hearty slap on the back. At least for those who could perceive him.

“What? Who’re you talking to?” Vanessa squeaked, trying to stay away and not touch anything. Nigel moaned as he was carried in a stretcher manned by skeletons.

“Hmm, poor lad. He didn’t get dengue fever, what what?” Blackwell asked.

“Don’t think so, it seems to be related to what’s going on, maybe. It started at the same time, at least.” Leo said.

“Damnable shame. Don’t worry, our medics’ll have him on his feet in no time, what what!” the captain said, slapping him on the back. Behind him, Riley saw the chain coming out of his back jostle.

“Hey Captain, something’s bugging me. Why’re you here? I thought you were bound to your house.” she asked.

“Oh, it’s thanks to young master Scott, lass.” he said, patting his generous belly. “I have little idea how, but he said he needed someone with sailing expertise, and I, having such expertise, immediately volunteered my services. The Simmons’s elected to stay behind, but the lad severed my spirit’s chain and connected it to the S.S. Dead Man’s Hand here, as you can see. I say, it was a shock and a half to be in command of a flying galleon, what what!” he explained, sweeping his hat off to gesture at the ship. “Indeed, though I am the captain of this fine vessel, I’m afraid it’s a bit in name only. The lad’s in charge of our heading, and the one who supplied us with the crew. I just make sure we get where we’re going sound as a church bell. Fortunately, in nearly sixty years of sailing, I’ve only had three shipwrecks! Jolly good record I say, JOLLY GOOD!” He puffed out his chest and laughed uproariously, and Cross, Leo, and the kids had to cover their ears. Being at ground zero when he laughed boisterously was murder on the eardrums. “Come! The lad is in his quarters now. I certainly don’t need sleep, what what!”

“What’s going on?” Vanessa whispered to Leo.

“The ghost ship has a ghost captain. We’re seeing Scott now, maybe he can help you to see spirits.” he said.

“Great.” Vanessa groaned, and they were led to the stern as the sky was growing orange, the red tinge doing funny things to the sun’s light.

“What ho, lad! Are you busy?” Blackwell said through the door, knocking loudly. “I have the rest of your gang!”

“C’mon in.” The doors were opened. The group entered, Cross at the lead. Scott was sitting at a new oak desk, Amber to the side, going over the Necronomicon.

“Hey, everybody! Guess what! Turns out death isn’t-” Cross didn’t stop, she wrapped her fingers around his neckbones and hauled him above the table.

“WHY! CHILDREN! APPRENTICES! WHY SHIP! WHY SKELETON! EXPLAIN, NOW!”

“Good to see you too, detective.” he said cordially, not affected in the slightest by her squeezing. She shook him and judo flipped him to the floor. “Y’know, that doesn’t actually hurt me anymore.”

“Shut it.” Cross growled, kneeling over him. “You’re lucky you’re dead already. I’m thinking of killing you again, just to be sure.”

“Ha! Good luck with that!” Scott guffawed.

“Uh, Detective? Maybe wanna get off so he can talk to us?” Amber said. Cross snorted, but hauled him to his feet.

“Explain.” she said in a tone that brook no argument.

“Of course. Well, as you can see, I died. Turns out though if you use and abuse the Necronomicon, it sucks out your soul when you die. I met the original author, Abdul Al-Hazred. He explained how I could get back, and I got eaten by a worm that gave me KNOWLEDGE.” he said, his eyelights flickering. “After snatching up a guy who can speed things up, we got everyone together and headed here, sounded like there was trouble. So then, how was your day?” he asked, folding his hands beneath his chin.

“Not as good…because I think that’s the air force out there.” Leo said worriedly, looking out the window at the helicopters approaching. Cross’s cell phone buzzed.

“Oh joy, it’s Crenshaw. He’s on a chopper, and wants to know what a pirate ship is doing flying above New York.” she said flatly.

“Perfect. Invite him down, will you? We should get everybody here, and we don’t want to get blown out of the sky.”

Once a bewildered Agent Crenshaw had been filled in on the situation, a line was dropped onto the deck and he was ushered to the captain’s quarters by a cheerful zombie. He stood, staring at them, blinking.

“I see you’ve had a weird time of it, too. I never imagined the end of the world would involve all this.” he said.

“Ah, it’s your first time, you’ll get used to it.” Scott said, then turned serious. “Now, we’re all together, but we’ve still got Delacroix and the Serpent to deal with. That’s bad. Anyone know where they are?”

“We don’t precisely, but we know he’s on route to Australia. Apparently reality’s weaker there.” Cross said, and Scott stroked his jaw.

“Hmm, should’ve known, makes sense. Well, if I’m right, we’ve got a couple days before he can complete the ritual. I know which one he’s using, normally it takes about ten years for the proper incantation to be recited and the proper circles drawn.”

“Ten years? But that’s-” Crenshaw started, but Scott cut him off.

“-going to happen in two days, max. See that guy over there?” He pointed to Dalton, resting on a couch with a cool cloth over his face. He waved. “He’s a velociomancer. That means he knows spells that can increase or decrease speed as he sees fit. Now, he learned it from Taboo, which is made from the Libris Arcana Malefactorum, which the Poisonous Thoughts freaking wrote. I have no doubt he’s been using those spells. Hell, I have.” Silence followed this proclamation.

“Um, S-Scott?” Amber said nervously, brow knit. This wasn’t good. “I hate to uh, bring this up. But. Uh. I’m, I’m an uylata now. The uylata spider, she-she only gave me a w-week to be here. I’ll need a day to get back, it took me twenty-eight hours to get here. I, I don’t know if I have enough time.” The words tumbled out, breaking her heart to say them, but duty was duty. Scott knew that. He would understand. Right?

He turned on her, eyelights dimming.

“A week? A week. Huh. And it’s almost up?” he said. A somber mood fell on all of them. His bones rose and fell as he sighed, then stood in front of her. “Listen, I need to know. Do…do you have to go back? Do you want to go back?” he said. Amber bit her lip.

“I mean, of course I do. It’s important work, a job that needs to be done. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to stay with you. I…I love you. All of you. You’re my friends, my family. I don’t want to give that all up!” she said, misty-eyed. She knew she’d have to go through this. But she never thought she’d have to do this with Scott. “But…the uylata are my family, too. They need my help, the universe has to keep growing to keep up with all the matter. I can feel them, even now so far away. I need to help alleviate that burden. So I have to. It’s, it’s too important. For you guys, too. You know that, right?” She couldn’t stop the tears now.

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“So you’re just going to leave, no questions asked.” Scott said, his voice cold, unless you knew him. He was trying to keep it together.

“I don’t…I don’t have a choice. Mother Spider needs me. Needs all of us. How can you ask me to abandon that? I-” She was trembling, and Scott couldn’t take it anymore.

“That’s not what I asked!” he shouted, thumping his fist on the desk. Everyone flinched; it was super awkward watching them fight, but nobody felt it right to interfere. “I asked you once, I’ll ask again. I want your honest answer. Do you want to go back or not?”

“No, you dumbass!” Amber yelled, eyes blazing yellow. “Of course not! I’ve got a good place, but everyone else I’ve known and loved is here! I wanna stay here with you forever! But-” Her tirade was cut off with a boney finger to her lips, a grinning skull in her face.

“Attagirl. All I wanted to hear.” He grabbed the Necronomicon off the desk, pulled out a piece of chalk and began to draw on the floor, to the confusion of everyone else.

“Scott? What are you-” Amber began.

“I…needed to know. If, if you still wanted to…y’know.” he said, burying his face in the book. “Now, if you wanna stay, you should’ve brought it to my attention right away. I need to…negotiate with her anyway.” he said, drawing sigils. “This’ll let us get in touch with her. ‘Course, we don’t have any offerings, so it might take awhile…”

“I can speed this up.” Amber looked around, then held out a hand to a corner. “C’mon little guy. I need your help.” A small spider crawled into her hand. “Here you go.” She placed it in the circle, and the runes lit up. The spider froze, and a phantom of the uylata spider appeared in the cabin. Everyone except Scott, Amber and Leo gasped, feeling the barest whisper of a fraction of the spider’s presence.

‘Amber! Oh, you’ve called!’ they felt telepathically. ‘How are you? Is everything alright? How-YOU.’ she thought, noticing the grinning Scott.

“Me. Hi there, Scott, Scott Havenbrook, professional necromancer, we’ve never met but your reputation precedes you, how’ve you been?” he asked cheekily, extending a hand.

‘Amber. He is…why are you with him. His very presence is…obscene! Come away from him right now!’

“Mother spider, please.” Amber begged.

“Now now, is that any way to talk to a potential future son-in-law?” Scott said.

BBZZZZZZZKKKKRRRRRRRRKKKKKKKKK!

After the world came back, Bess rubbed her ear, trying to get the ringing out. Oh right, telepathy. It was literally all in their heads. Amber was trying to soothe the spider, glaring daggers at Scott.

“Calm down, calm down, he’s just an ass. Right?” she shot at the skeleton.

“Eh, she don’t like me only ‘cause my soul’s stained with dark magic.” he said simply.

‘Too right! Amber, this rude boy is a horrible influence! He should have stayed dead!’

“Mother uylata!” Amber snapped sternly.

“Kinda harsh, don’tcha think? Especially when if you’d be willing to listen to me, I could get you about, oh say, a million new disciples in a year.” he said nonchalantly.

‘That’s-huh?’ The spider was taken aback. ‘What are you talking about? There’s no way you could find a million worthy mortal converts in such a short amount of time.’ she snorted.

“Bet’cha I could. Let me ask you something: how many mortals do you get, in Earth time? On average?” he asked sincerely. She glared at him with eight glittering eyes, but could sense no deception in the rot of his mind.

‘About-from all worlds, five every 4.38862 years. But that’s only after extensive observation.’

“And brainwashing. But I’m talking volunteers, people who wanna make a difference in the world, err, universe.” Scott nodded. “Look, your method’s fine and dandy, but there’re a lot more mortals around now, and you’re too busy spinning the universe to spy through your spiders personally all the time. It’s a demanding job, trust me, I know demanding jobs. But this’s a problem for employers on Earth, too! That’s why we humans invented things called ‘job fairs’ and ‘recruitment drives!’”

The group stared at him in shock. He…he was really proposing this to an Elder God. Bess’s eye was twitching, and it didn’t seem like it would stop anytime soon.

“What? Really?” Vanessa said, sounding unsure. Scott nodded.

“Yeah! See, there’s a whole load of qualified employees around, but their either unaware or uninterested in a better job than the one they have now. Similar concept to your position; there’s a ton of people, good people, people who’d probably meet your standards if they only knew. It’s the twenty-first century, we gotta update your hiring practices and advertising campaign.” he said animatedly, gesturing wildly with his phalanges. “Fact of the matter is, your current methods are too old and slow to keep up in today’s fast-paced mortal market.”

‘My methods have served me well for millennia longer than you have been around.’ she thought indignantly.

“And that was fine…millennia ago. Today your business has to grow and evolve, or you’ll get left behind. Now, you provide an important service and great benefits, but the people don’t know. You gotta advertise, get your name out there! There’s tons of people, thanks to our society, that feel like they can’t do anything or are disenfranchised with the status quo. You can give ‘em an out, along with a family, a sense of belonging, magical powers and immortality. I’m pretty sure the DNA alteration and brainwashing could fix a lot of mental problems, too.” he said, wondering aloud.

‘The disciple’s physical and genetic irregularities are recoded to be standard to the lifeform’s DNA…’ the spider thought, intrigued despite herself.

“Yeah! Forget about conscription, you’d have so many volunteers you’d have to drive them away with a stick!” Scott said confidently. The spider squinted all eight eyes at him. She had seen many beings in her infinite time across multitudes of worlds. She had seen war, and birth, and lives lived, all different in the specifics, but usually following the same patterns. She was an expert judge of behavior. And all that experience was telling her there was no falsehood in his actions. He sincerely believed this would work.

‘A million…’ she pondered. While he was a thrall of that one, the stench of corruption unmistakable, she could not deny that a million new disciples would be…helpful. ‘You present interesting ideas. But I’m afraid I’m all set for now. All I want is my daughter back.’ she thought. Sensing the blood in the water, he moved in for the kill.

“Well, that is a shame. It’s unfortunate we couldn’t reach an accord. Oh well, maybe Ardc’rassen would be more interested.” he said, putting his hands behind his head and leaning away. The uylata spider froze.

‘That shameless sun-eater? Hmph, do what you will.’ The spider turned away, realizing she made a mistake. Scott grinned. It was too late, he had her now.

“Well, Ardc’rassen is only one of the other Elder Gods who expressed interest in my ideas. Even some of the Great Ones started floating me offers. Maybe I’ll take Lagdinras up on his offer to meet with Zet-Mathaig.” He grinned as he saw the phantasm visibly flinch.

‘Z-Zet-Mathaig?’

“Mm-hmm. Truth be told, kinda got an in. Leo’s a champion, he can get me insider access.” Scott whispered conspiratorially, pointing to a confused Leo, who was bewildered when the spider turned to him.

“What? Uh-” He caught Scott pointedly glaring at him. “Uh-right. Yeah, we’ve got a meeting in two weeks, should we live through this.” he said with a charming smile. The spider could see the brightness of the champion’s light, and knew he actually was of Zet-Mathaig’s flock.

“So y’see, I was gonna offer you an exclusive chance at prime Earth mortals, but you’re not interested. For the low, low price of only two little favors, too. Damn shame.” Scott sighed forlornly. Amber, Cross, and the rest of them were all staring at him, mouths agape in horror, admiration, or both. Scott smiled; these elder gods, they met plenty of supplicants, but never had to deal with hucksters in their entire existences. Probably, he reflected, because they would disintegrate or eat whoever tried to pull a fast one on them. But he wasn’t cheating anyone out of anything, it was just a hard sell, was all.

The spider wavered, but she had to know everything before she refused for good.

‘What…what would those favors be?’ she asked. And like that, he knew he had her.

“Nothing much, really. First one is you should’ve seen coming, releasing Amber from eternal service, She’ll be free to come and go as she pleases, do whatever she wants with whomever she wants for the rest of her days.”

‘Hmm. And I suppose you will forbid her from returning to me, should she wish it?’ the spider sniffed disdainfully.

“Not at all! It’s her life, she gets to do what she wants with it. I’m hoping she’ll live here, but I can’t tell her what to do. Sound good to you, babe?” he asked her, eyelights bright and nervous. All she could do, with her knees weak and tense muscles was give a bark of laughter and shake her head helplessly.

“Yeah. That’ll do fine.” she said, feeling…she didn’t know what.

‘Hmm. A million new disciples for one, who has business elsewhere. I suppose that could be arranged. What else did you want?’

Scott put his hands in his pockets and rocked on his heels, grinning but feeling nervous inside. This was the make or break; but he reassured herself there was no way she could say no.

“Two’s simple, really. A pledge form you and yours to completely follow any order I may issue, without hesitation or restraint, and place every single resource you have at my disposal, to use as I see fit.” he said.

‘WHAT! That’s ridiculous!’ the spider said telepathically, the phantom image waving her legs in anger.

“Rest assured, it’s only temporary, just until this little mess s cleaned up. But you’re gonna do it, and do it happily.”

‘No! No amount of potential recruits is worth what you propose! How dare you even conceive of such an insult!’ the spider thundered. The power emanating from the projection was palpable, forcing the group back, finding it hard to breathe. Even Amber looked uncomfortable. Scott however merely stood there, smiling serenely.

“Here’s why you’ll agree. You know what the Last Alarm’s up to?” he asked.

‘Hmph. What another does on a planet is none of my business. I must expand the universe.’

“Actually, it does concern you. All of us, in fact. Every single thing that has ever existed. See, thanks to the Necronomicon’s little brain-blast, I caught a glimpse of what he’s really after, what his goal is.” His bones shivered, but he steadied himself and stared at them all.

“He wants to wake Azathoth.”