Time is a fickle thing. It ebbs and flows seemingly at random. Sometimes you can feel as though an hour is a day, and others a week can disappear in the blink of an eye. For me, time was slipping away ever faster.
I turned sixteen recently, and I couldn’t even tell you how it happened. The days sort of blurred together, my routines having established a similar pattern that aided in that feeling. Normally I wouldn’t have given it much thought, but there was a disturbing trend that I had noticed in Garth as of late.
The old dwarf had been slowing down. It wasn’t noticeable at first, but it had become more obvious as time went on. He would have trouble standing if he knelt to do anything, he lost his breath quicker than before, and I noticed that when we sparred, he wasn’t as forceful with his strikes.
He was running out of time, it was obvious to see, and I felt a bottomless pit forming in my chest. I didn’t want to think about it, but I couldn’t help but see it anyway. Age was an insidious and slow killer. Not only did it affect the one suffering from it, but everyone that was close to them as well. Garth was the closest thing to a family I had, and I was loathe to lose one again.
I didn’t know when it would happen, and just thinking about it was painful, so I did my best to simply make sure that I spent as much time as possible with him. Garth was stubborn as always though and refused to take it easy despite any insistence that I made. He remained active, even though I could tell at times that it was forced.
One day, after we had finished a sparring session, Garth had been at a loss of breath and was forced to sit down in order to recover. I watched him with some level of concern, but then I noticed as he regained his composure, he started to fiddle with his training weapon a bit, seemingly contemplating it. A memory of him talking about his past as a mercenary resurfaced, and I felt a desire to finally question him about it.
Casually, I walked over and sat next to him to begin the conversation. “Garth, what happened to you when you were a mercenary?”
I admit, the question was a little out of nowhere, so I couldn’t blame him for the quizzical look he gave me. “What are you talking about kid?”
I wasn’t sure how to approach the conversation in a delicate way, but I tried my best. “It’s just... I see you get lost in thought sometimes. You get this look on your face, like you're remembering something painful, and I recall that you had a similar look when you talked about your past. What happened?”
He became impassive for a moment and stared out into the forest around us. The quiet was tense, but he did eventually speak up. “It’s not a pretty story kid, and it’s one that I consider to be my greatest shame.”
“If you don’t want to...”
Garth shook his head a little. “No, I might as well tell you.” He shot me a sly grin. “Wouldn’t want you to be wondering about it for the rest of your life.”
With a weary sigh and a fortifying breath, he began to tell his story. “I believe I mentioned before how my work was mostly protecting my employers from the occasional malcontent. Do you recall as much?” I nodded in affirmation. “Well, there were other, less reputable jobs that I accepted. Intimidation, debt collection, delivering ‘messages’ to people, that sort of thing. However, I never had a problem completing those jobs. It was another task that broke me, one that most people would consider to be a public service.”
He took a moment to gather himself before continuing. “There was a lord who was having trouble with banditry in his territory. Apparently, a local village had a run of bad luck. Disease had hit both their crops and their livestock, leaving them without a means of income or survival. It was mostly humans, those who had no options for supporting themselves or their families other than to work the land, and the decision between starving and stealing was an easy one to make for them.”
“The job offer went out at the behest of the lord, a pompous little elf who took the attack on the caravans as one personally made against him. It was anything but. Anyone could see that it was a matter of survival for the bandits, but a job was a job, and I took it along with two dozen other mercenaries.”
“The attacks on the caravans mostly targeted those transporting food goods, though jewelry and coins weren’t ignored if they presented themselves. Casualties from the attacks were low, but the injuries and damage to the local market prices were enough to warrant retaliation. We set a trap, baiting them to attack what they probably assumed was a lonely caravan travelling through the area.”
Garth’s eyes were downcast, shaded with aged pain. “It was a slaughter. The men who emerged to attack still looked like farmers, wielding tools and simply relying on numbers to intimidate the caravans into submission. They had no training, no experience fighting as they desperately flailed their makeshift weapons about to ward us off. It was pitiable really, and we ended up killing most of them before the rest ran off.”
“It should have ended there. They were too few to be any real threat anymore, but we were ordered to capture or kill them all, so we followed them, tracking their escape for half a day before we found their camp. It was filled with the rest of the families, dirty and half-starved as they were. We descended upon them all. There were few men left to resist us, and we ended up killing some more before the rest surrendered.”
“I didn’t think much about what might happen after that. I assumed that the men would probably be forced to labor, maybe a few of them executed to set an example, and I was fine with that, they knew the risks of what they were doing. But it didn’t turn out that way.”
“We brought the camp before the lord to complete our job, and I didn’t expect the tirade that was to come. He stood above them, shouting, cursing, calling them traitors and ingrates that threatened the peace of the land. It wasn't directed just at the men, but the women, and children too. Even as the families clutched their crying kids close, he started to sentence them all to execution. Every last one of them was to hang by his order.”
Garth closed his eyes tight, a slight tremble finding its way into him. “I should have said something, should have argued for some leniency or alternate punishment, but I didn’t. Our standings were too different, and I was afraid that if I spoke up, I would be subject to his wrath as well. I try to tell myself that he wouldn’t have listened to me anyway, some nobody mercenary with no social standing, but the truth is I was just a coward.”
“The villagers were hanged the next day, and the look of terror in the eyes of those kids who were marched up onto the gallows, it haunts me. I remember the mothers consoling their children, offering them sweet words and reassurances while forcing smiles on their faces. It was shocking to me, to see those who live such short lives smiling in the face of an early death just to ease another's fears.”
The look on Garth’s face told me he could have spent hours describing everything he felt and saw that day, but he just skipped to the end for the sake of sanity. “We were promptly paid after that and told to leave. Those were the heaviest coins I had ever held. It took me months before I even spent one of them, and when I did, it felt like I was dealing in souls.”
“Working after that became progressively harder. Every time I drew my sword it became heavier, until eventually the weight was too much to bear. I gave up on being a mercenary, sought other means of making a living, and eventually settled on woodworking. I’ve been doing that, among other things, for nearly two-hundred years now.”
Garth sighed and tilted his head up. “I guess I can take some comfort in knowing that lord was killed in an uprising spurred on by his rival and the discontent population. The area is much better nowadays, and I hope that they never have a situation like that again.”
His story seemed to have ended there, the melancholy notes still hanging heavy in the air. “Well kid, you wanted to know, and now you do.”
I wasn’t sure what to say at first. That was quite the story, and he had many emotions invested in it that were difficult for me to understand completely. “Garth... I’m not entirely sure how to respond, and I can’t claim to know exactly what you feel, but you’re not a monster. You weren’t the one who ordered their deaths, and you were probably right when you said that your argument wouldn’t be listened to.”
I continued. “When I... lost my parents, I could only stand there and watch as they died. I thought about that moment a lot, if I could have done something different, if I could have saved them, but deep down I know that I wouldn’t have been able to do anything. It hurts, to admit that you were helpless, but I realized that you can’t beat yourself up for what you couldn’t possibly change. The fact that you feel that way proves that you cared, proves that you aren’t soulless. You helped me so much, you saved my life, and you’re a good person. I’m glad that I met you, and I consider you to be as good as family.”
Garth’s features softened immensely, and I even caught him with a little moisture in his eyes before he covered them with his hand. “Damn it all, I'm too old to be crying.”
That made me chuckle a little bit. He was ever the one to act stoic, just another one of his charming qualities. I put my arm around his back and rested my hand on his shoulder in a side-hug manner. Garth gave a little chuckle of his own and patted me on the back twice before standing.
“I think that’s enough emotional stories for one day. Let’s move on to reading, shall we?”
I shot an amused smile at him, but capitulated. “Sure, sounds great.”
This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.
That conversation deepened our respect for one another, and I felt that we had grown closer in that time. The old dwarf seemed happy, and I saw him much more relaxed, sometimes just grinning contently as he worked through the day. It was a shame that this time was so short lived.
Over the next winter Garth’s wellbeing took a turn. What was left of his stubborn strength seemed to have run out. He couldn’t move well anymore, struggling to even stand. His gait became hobbled, and despite his complaints, I had to help him move to where he wanted to go. It pained me to see him grow so weak.
By the time the snow finally started to melt, he had become practically immobilized, relegated to bedrest more often than not and only able to make short walks for basic needs. A near constant stream of grumbling came from his bed as he lay there. I tried my best to maintain a light mood with him, smiling whenever possible, but the future was constricting my heart ever more.
My seventeenth birthday was a small celebration just over some good food that I ended up preparing for the both of us. If I could have received one gift that year, it would have been the return of Garth’s health, his ability to be that stubborn boulder he used to be instead of this withering husk. Despite my wishes', fighting time was a futile endeavor as it inevitably came for us all.
Warmth and life returned to the world around us. The animals were in full motion, frantically going about their lives in the wild. I was unable to partake in this renewed vibrance of the world.
Garth hadn’t moved from his bed for the last few days. His appetite was nonexistent, barely even able to eat the smallest amount of anything I offered him. I knew what was coming, but I just didn’t expect it to last so long and hit so hard.
One night while I was tending to the fire, Garth called out to me. “Kid, come here for a second.” I dropped the logs and quickly made my way to his side. He cleared his throat before continuing. “Help me up, to the table please.”
I did as he asked and supported his weight before letting him come to a rest in his seat. He raised his weakened arm and pointed at his bed. “The sword, get it for me, would you?”
Normally he wouldn’t let me come anywhere close to touching it, but I didn’t argue and lifted his bed to retrieve the weapon. When I offered him the wrapped blade, he simply cupped my hands around the weapon. His weathered and tanned skin pressed into my own with a firm yet tender grasp. Then, he spoke.
“This weapon has had a troubled past. It has hurt people who might not have deserved it and killed others that did. I’m hoping that you can write a new story for it, a better one where it is used to protect you, and others.”
“Wha-what are you saying?” A tinge of panic seeped into my voice.
“It’s yours now kid, and I'm hoping that it will keep you safe in my stead.” My heart rate rose, my breathing became more labored. Garth continued to talk. “There’s also some money I have hidden in the cabinet in the kitchen behind a false back. Just push it in and to the side. It should be enough to last you a while, but-”
“No.” I stopped him as I couldn’t bear to hear another word. “No no no no no. I-I-I don’t want this, I don’t want any of this, please, stop, I don’t want it.”
“Kid...”
“NO! I don’t, I can’t! Please, no! I can’t lose you too, I won’t! I can’t!”
“Samuel.” All the words died in my throat as Garth fixed me with his gaze. His hands left mine and came up to hold the sides of my face. “You’ll be alright Samuel; I believe in you. You’re a strong kid with a good heart and a clear head. The world may not be kind to you at times, but I know that you will still help people. Be smart, be brave, remember what I taught you. You’ll be fine.”
I could feel tears streaming down my face. “Garth...”
“Don’t be sad, Samuel. You did something amazing for me. You made me feel like a had lived another full life in such a short period of time. I’m glad you found your way to me kid, you made these last few years truly special.”
He dropped his hands from my face and leaned back in his seat before closing his eyes. “I’m tired, Samuel. I think I want to sleep now.”
“Right, okay.” I wiped my eyes and placed the sword on the table before helping Garth back into bed. He settled in with some groans before releasing a content sigh with his current position.
I didn’t want to leave his side, so I ended up resting on the edge of his bed, listening to Garth’s steady breathing while being thankful for every inhalation he took. Eventually, the emotional exhaustion finally caught up to me, and I fell asleep next to him.
I don’t know what you could have called it. Instinct, subconscious, hell, maybe just attribute it to my normal senses telling me something had changed. Whatever it was, I woke up in the middle of the night to a quiet house. Normally, silence wouldn’t be anything to be concerned about, but this quiet induced a panic in me that I couldn’t immediately place. Then, like a hammer, it struck me. Garth wasn’t breathing.
“Garth? Garth!” I shook his shoulder a little, but he remained unresponsive. My breath came heavily again as panic and sorrow started to build, but then the air caught in my throat as I saw a blue light emerge from his body.
The wisp that slowly exited from his body was larger than that of the animals I had seen, but smaller than those that had come from humans. Before I could even contemplate anything about it, it started to float away. With a panicked gasp my hands lashed out and seized the wisp before it could escape.
My reaction was not thought out, and I simply sat there with the wisp in my grasp, panting with a maelstrom of emotions turning around inside me. I was holding Garth. This little light, this wisp, his soul. Everything that made him what he was in the palm of my hand.
I didn’t want to let him go, and I didn’t know what to do, so I sat with a vacant head, just hoping that an idea would come to mind that would tell me how to fix this. Deep in my mind though, I already knew something that I could do. Before I even realized what I was doing, my hands were dropping towards his body again, dragging the wisp with them.
Numbness filled me, drowning out the pain as I pulled Garth down. No plan, no good reason, no deeper thought, I just wanted him back. My hands were just above his still chest, mere inches away from him, but then I blinked, and I froze.
My likeness became that of a statue, still as stone, a feeling of horror growing inside of me. Was I really about to do that? Force Garth back into an aged body? Deny him the right to pass peacefully in his sleep just to make me feel better?
Disgust at myself began to break through the numbness. If I had gone through with it, I would have violated everything that Garth was to me, forcing him to live longer than he should have for selfish reasons. He had lived a full life, he deserved to rest.
I swallowed the lump in my throat before forcing a weak smile onto my face. With an unsteady voice, I said my last words to him. “Thank you, Garth, for everything. I hope that you find peace wherever you go.”
My hands trembled as I let go of him. The wisp lingered in the air for just a few moments before it began its rise once again. I watched it leave, refusing to look away for even a split second. Once the wisp had just about touched the ceiling, it dispersed as if melting into the air, leaving me officially alone.
I slumped down in the dark, my whole body hanging loosely like a puppet with its strings cut. Everything felt so far away, like I was disconnected from the world around me. After who knows how long, my vision became blurry. When I blinked, tears fell, and that was when the tremors started.
Curling up a little, my whole body was violently shaking as I was blinded and gasping for breaths between sobs. My pain came quietly. I could have screamed, shouted, cursed, there was no one around that could have reproached me for it, but I didn’t. Instead, all my emotions drained from me in near silence as I mourned all throughout the night.
By the time morning had come around, I found myself sitting against the wall next to the bed that held Garth’s body. My eyes felt swollen, my throat hoarse, my body weak. If someone had walked in on this scene, they might have assumed that there were two corpses in the room.
Despite the day having come like any other, I did not rise to meet it. I continued to remain slumped in my position on the floor, an empty shell after having expelled everything over the course of the last few hours. It wasn’t until the sun was high in the sky that I moved.
With shambling gait, I made my way to my feet and outside. In the chest that had held all the tools, I extracted a shovel, and started digging. My mind was vacant of any stray thoughts, it was probably the only reason I was able to complete the work before me in any reasonable amount of time.
The grim task was only halfway finished, and I went inside to bring it to completion. I found the cleanest cloth sheet that we had, dusting it off a little from where it was in storage. When I stood before Garth again, I could do nothing but stare for several long minutes before I worked up the courage to continue.
I managed to get him into his best clothes, straightened his hair a bit, tidied up his beard, and made him look presentable. The way he looked here was like he could have just been taking a nap before heading out to town. Fighting back tears the whole time, I started the final process of wrapping him up in the cloth, hesitating for a moment when I reached his head. I took in the last sight I would ever have of him, burning this image into my permanent memory. In the end, I placed my hand upon his chest for a second before covering his face.
I carried his body cradled in my arms to the hole I had dug. He would be laid to rest next to his garden, I thought it was a fitting enough place. The finality of placing him in that hole coupled with the first shovel full of dirt being placed back in it nearly broke me. The well of tears that I thought had run dry seemed to have a little more left in it, and they fell as I shoveled more dirt into the hole.
After I finished, I stood above the mound of earth and marked it the best I could. I considered what I could do for a sendoff and figured it would be best to call upon Garth’s deity. Thumping my fists against my chest, I called out to the void.
Just a heads up if it hasn’t already happened, but you’re about to receive a rather grumpy dwarf. I know he might come off a crass, but he’s kind and deserves every comfort that could be provided to him. Please look after Garth, make sure he’s happy, rested, and at peace. He’s earned it.
With another thump on my chest, I ended the prayer. I managed to summon one last strained smile as I looked down at the soft ground that held Garth. “Behave yourself, would you? I put in a good word for you, and it would be embarrassing if you didn’t match my description.”
A morose chuckle escaped me, and I wiped my eyes before turning and going inside. The first thing I grabbed was Garth’s travel pack. He usually went to town with the purpose of filling it up, but now I was going to do the opposite. I packed my clothes, food, fire starting equipment, a bedroll, and lastly the hidden stash of coins that Garth had told me about.
The only thing I hesitated to prepare was the sword that was still sitting on the table. He gave it to me as an extension of himself. This sword had a lot of history to it, hundreds of years in fact. That alone was enough to make me feel unworthy of it, not to mention Garth’s hopes for me. If I picked it up, my life would go down a path I could never have predicted, but if I left it here, I would be letting Garth down.
My choice may have been simple to make, but that didn’t mean it was an easy one. I took the blade, feeling the hefty weight of the steel in my hand. It didn’t feel nearly as heavy the last time I held it, and I was now beginning to see what Garth had meant. How heavy was this sword for him? With an act of finality, I strapped it to my hip.
I took one last look around the inside of the house. This place had been a true home to me. I had made so many memories here, but now it felt cold. Without Garth here, I could only imagine that I would slowly sink into depression if I remained.
The only option for me was to face the world with all the knowledge that I had gained over the years. There were still a great many things that I didn’t understand, but I felt that Garth had prepared me enough that I could survive to learn them as well. I stepped outside, pausing for a moment to look at where Garth was buried.
“I’ll do my best, Garth, I promise.” With those final words, I left the life I knew behind in search of my purpose in this world. Little did I know how convoluted that path would be.