Milo rubbed tired eyes as he passed through the many aisles of well-made Swedish furniture. How hard was it to just find a simple lazy chair? He’d been looking for what felt like an hour inside this damned Ikea, and he hadn’t seen one comfy chair since, just beds. Not even normal chairs or tables, just beds. Sure, he did take some interest in the beds and was taking his sweet time looking them over, but could it have really been that long a time?
Was he going crazy? Surely it couldn’t have really been one hour since he entered the store… he pulled out his cell phone, pressing one of his thick fingers on the power button and reading the time. It has been an hour and a half now… He blinked and furrowed his brow in confusion, turning the phone back off and sliding it back into his pants pocket. He looked to each row of beds on either side of him and pursed his lips as he followed the rows down the aisle with his eyes…
To see that it stretched as far as his eyes could see. He blinked again and frowned, turning back to see the same sight behind him. Again going well farther than what his eyes could possibly see. He looked above him to see if there were any signs that could help point him along his way, but what he saw shocked him.
The ceiling lay far above his position, far higher than it had any right to be based on the exterior of the store. He could hardly even see where the lights were up there, but even still he could hear the dull buzzing of the bulbs. His breathing quickened for a moment before he quickly recollected himself, wiping his face and plopping down on a nearby bed.
Was he tripping? He hadn’t gotten high since he was a teenager… but what else could this mean? The bed he sat in groaned beneath his great weight, and it was then he noticed that it had been a child-sized bed that he had fallen back on. He stood quickly, turning to inspect the damage. There was a small imprint where he had sat himself, but otherwise it looked fine, and that imprint would fill back out eventually…
Out of all the beds to sit on, why did he, a heavy-ass bodybuilder, decide to sit on the kiddie one? He supposed it was because he simply wasn’t thinking straight, after all, Milo had just hallucinated. No Ikea was an hour and a half walk across the building, that was crazy. He nodded sagely to himself and turned ahead once more to get this shopping trip over with, only to see the same sight greeting him.
An infinite aisle of beds.
Milo frowned and looked about.
Where were they? The cameras? They had to be around somewhere, this was clearly some kind of elaborate prank. He began lifting mattresses and calling out that he had figured out that he knew this was all a prank, yet no voices answered him… and the ceiling was still high above his head. His voice echoed across the store, repeating himself three times across its great ceiling.
Well, if this was a prank then all he had to do was prove that the ceiling was fake. Simple as. He removed his tank top, balling it up tightly in his fist and chucking it as hard as he could at the ceiling above, expecting it to meet painted resistance. Yet it kept going, higher and higher before finally falling back onto his face. Milo stared in shock, not noticing as the shirt bounced off his face and rolled to the foot of a nearby bed.
The tiles beneath his feet suddenly felt cold despite the shoes he wore, as did his prickling flesh. A sort of primal fear bubbled up in his spine, standing the short hairs on his neck on end. This was either a dream or real, but either way he wanted out of this damn Ikea. Taking his tank top up, he slid it back over his head and turned to the direction he had come from.
He hadn’t deviated that much from his straight path, it should be a simple matter of heading right back to where the exit had been. Sure, it was going to take him a long time to get back, but he was willing to spend all day walking if it meant it would get him the hell out of here. He had gains to make and shows to perform at, he had no time to be lost in an oversized meatball dispensary!
He walked quickly, not deviating from his pace to look over the furniture as he had initially. Milo cursed himself for taking so much time looking for a new bed... it wasn't like his current bed was even all that old, it was just sort of lumpy. Damn his desire for a pillowtop, making him get stranded deep in Swedish territory. Though, in truth the fact that he was deep within the worlds apparently largest Ikea wasn't what deeply unsettled Milo.
It was thehe lack of people. There had been no one around, not other customers inspecting wares nor those yellow-shirted employees. Seemingly no one but Milo, he was all alone in this massive complex as far as he knew. Milo quickened his pace at the thought. He needed to turn his focus on something else to calm him down... It wouldn't do for him to have a mental breakdown in a crisis situation if this really was one anyway. That was then Milo began thinking instead of his autographed olympic bar that he had received from the legendary Ronnie Coleman.
It was one of Milo’s most prized possessions, what would Ronnie do in this situation? He probably wouldn’t be too stressed. Yeah, Milo just needed to focus on getting out of here and not freaking out. So what that this Ikea was massive and completely devoid of life? Milo was a beast, he wasn’t scared of no furniture store! Light weight baby!
This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.
Despite that thought, he began to jog, urgently wishing to be free of this place. Yet no matter how far he ran, he saw no exit ahead of him. He slowed and began catching his breath, a sheen of sweat across his brow. He checked his phone, only to see that he had been jogging for an hour. Considering the fact that he had taken the time to stop and inspect several beds along the way… he should have reached the entrance by now…
It was two minutes till nine… wasn’t that the closing time? What was he going to do? Sleep on one of the mattresses? He looked to the array of comfy-looking beds to his left and quirked a brow.
Well…
Yeah, he would if he couldn’t find someone or get the hell out of here. Milo kept moving down the bed aisle until sudden darkness overtook the entire store, leaving him in near pitch blackness. His breathing quickened as that primal fear overtook him once more, that itch in his monkey brain that made him want to run and scream like a little pansy.
That would be a sight, a big six foot eight bodybuilder screaming like some kind of sissy la-la. If there were indeed cameras around then he’d never live that down. He took another deep steadying breath, taking out his phone to check the time. It was nine p.m exactly now, closing time. What should he do?
Well, if he couldn’t get the hell out of this Swedish hell realm then he’d have to make himself comfy, he wasn’t a fan of running around in the dark. Sure, he could use his phone flashlight but-
Milo slapped his forehead, how could he have been such an idiot?
His fingers dialed nine-one-one and he shakily put the phone next to his ear, hearing only a slow high pitch beep indicating that the call hadn’t gone through. He looked back at the phone to see that there was no signal…
Oh God in Heaven.
Where the hell was this place!? This was supposed to be the new Ikea that had opened up in Idaho, the place had used to be a grocery store he was sure, not an alternate Ikea hell realm created by Satan himself!
“Steady breaths…” He told himself "Lightweight baby."
He repeated the mantra until he finally reached a shaky semblance of calm. Milo wasn’t about to go traipsing through the dark trying to find an exit that he was sure was no longer there. He shone his light upon a nearby bed, seeing a pillow-topped king-sized mattress. It was just like what he'd been looking for in this particular aisle... how could he have missed this one? He had examined both sides of the aisle pretty thorougly his first time through... Milo then removed his shoes before crawling atop the soft mattress, pulling the blankets up over his head, and sinking his head into one of the two big pillows that were atop the bed.
Sleep did not come however, his thoughts running wild and trying to come up with an explanation for his current situation. Though, nothing he thought of made any sense. Milo had already determined that this likely wasn't a prank... who let a joke like this run on for this long? Pranksters would've come out by now, and they wouldn't just let Milo sleep in their stage. These hypothetical pranksters also wouldn't build a prop to be this massive all for a joke on just Milo... That is unless they were planning on pulling this prank on multiple people in the future. Even with that thought, Milo still doubted it was pranksters at this point. If it was revealed to be pranksters in the near-future, then Milo would slap them around a bit for putting him through this.
Did he teleport to the largest Ikea in the world somehow? Maybe, but then why were there still absolutely no people around? How would Milo have even be teleported here? No, the answer was very clear as to how Milo came to be here. It was very simple really, the government did this. It was always the government... right? What would the government gain from putting a body-builder in an Ikea? That was just plain stupid, even for the government. He lay there with nothing but his thoughts, unmoving for what felt like hours until he heard something… shuffling nearby, like someone with short stubby legs was trying to walk quickly.
He scrunched up his brow as he listened, cold fear freezing his breath. Short shuffling feet certainly… as well as something being dragged, two something’s, heavy and soft across the tiles. It made a light squealing sound as if it were flesh being dragged across those tiles. Whatever that was, he wasn’t going to introduce himself. Readying himself to kill or be killed, Milo tensed, his breathing shallow and silent as the thing slowly trudged on past him. His heart was beating so hard that he feel it throb in his ears, his shallow breaths unheard over its cacophonous beating.
When he could no longer hear the shuffling feet, he breathed a quiet sigh of relief, taking the blanket from over his head and sitting up in bed to look around.
Nothing, at least nothing he could see in the darkness. He bunched up the blankets and pillows and squeezed himself beneath the bed frame. He wasn’t sure if this really was all that much safer than just being hidden beneath the blankets, but it sure felt safer. Milo rubbed at heavy lids that would not shut, and stared into the blackness from beneath the bed frame, body not un-tensing for the rest of the night.