Milo felt cramped and horribly sore after last night's stay beneath the short bed frame. He was ungodly hungry too, and thirsty as all hell, his throat feeling like blasted glass. The lights had come back on at about nine a.m, the sudden flood of light had caused Milo to jump and hit the back of his head on a wooden board. He had bit back a curse as he crawled out groggily from beneath the bed, his eyes leaden with sleep deprivation.

He absolutely could not have possibly slept last night with how crazy this situation was, not to mention the mysterious Ikea monster he had heard trudging about last night. Milo sincerely hoped that he wouldn’t run into whatever that was anytime soon. Sure, he was well over three hundred pounds of muscle, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t afraid of things he didn’t understand.

His stomach gurgled and he almost hunched over as hunger pangs assaulted him. He needed to get something in him soon, there should be some meatballs around here somewhere right? Milo knew damn well that there should be a food court somewhere in this madhouse, and he was going to eat everything in it out of spite. He was a big man and had a way bigger appetite, if he didn’t maintain a steady diet he could begin to lose muscle, and he’d be damned if he would let the Swedes steal his gains!

With new found determination, Milo readied himself to set forth into the unknown. Hopefully he could find something to eat around here soon. Milo hesitated after slipping his shoes back on, however, as a terrifying realization hit him. If he left this aisle to go find food, he wouldn't be on his straight path to the exit… and who was to say if Milo could ever find his way back here? What if he got lost in a tangle of infinite aisles?

He scrunched his brow in thought. Wherever the exit was, it sure as hell wasn't in this aisle… maybe he really did pass into another without noticing? It wasn’t like he really couldn’t find his way back to this particular aisle, how hard could it be to keep count of how many he passed through?

All he really needed to do was decide if he wanted to go left, or right. Milo soon came upon the nearest intersection, hand on his aching gut as he peered in both directions. To his left was an aisle of tables it seemed, and to the right he saw kitchen sets… and he heard some jazz music playing lightly from that way as well. He wasn’t quite sure how far away it was based on the echoing saxophone, but it couldn’t have been too far from where he was now.

He began heading that way, keeping track of the amount of aisles he passed through until he finally found the source of the jazz. Much to his satisfaction, it appeared to be a food court, loaded with goodies.

His mouth watered as his eyes found several steaming meatballs, freshly cooked salmon, and steamed veggies among others, all steaming up the glass behind the checkout counter. There were no employee’s behind the register but that food looked as if it had been freshly re-stocked.

He took a step forward, stopping only to note that there still was no one else around… Not even a fellow customer, though in truth he half-expected that. The many wooden tables sat empty before the check-out counter and Milo heard nothing aside from the smooth jazz that played over the radio installed above. The food court seemed to have its own ceiling, just like many of the displays in the aisles he passed; all separate from the mega-ceiling above. How was he going to buy the food he would eat? He wasn’t going to ring himself up-

He cursed as he forced himself forward, Milo wasn’t going to be paying a dime for any of this. His hanger overwhelmed his sense of morality as he took a big blue tray and walked around the counter to the unprotected flank of the steaming food. Milo licked his lips as he began stacking the plastic tray high with all the protein he could handle, which was a lot.

The tray was soon stacked like a meat pyramid consisting mostly of salmon and meatballs, decorated with a couple handfuls of peas, carrots and diced potatoes. When finished decking out his tray, He sat down at a pristine wooden table, leaning forward in the clean seemingly unused chair as he began tearing into his morsels with gusto, not a single person around to stop his thievery. When he was done, he wiped at the corners of his mouth with a napkin and breathed a sigh of relief.

Now that his stomach was nearly full to bursting he just needed to drink some water. He stood slowly from the chair, feeling like a bloated muscle bag as he stormed the food-court once more. There was a refrigerator next to the counter filled with different kinds of sodas and juices, but Milo currently only had eyes for the water bottles he saw through the glass door of the fridge. Cold blasted out from the fridge, the frigid air hitting Milo's face as he snatched up a bottle and drained it without stopping for breath. Milo gasped as the bottle was killed, tossing the container away and snagging up another to repeat the action.

He had to stop himself from grabbing a third bottle, not wanting to burst his stomach open. Milo already felt like he was gonna pop after he ate his food... if he kept drinking his stomach may actually pop like a balloon. Best to let it soak for now, he’d drink more after he sat down for a while… Which he did, sitting down next to an exposed wall outlet and pulling out his phone. Almost dead, but luckily he never went without his charger.

He opened the thigh pocket on his pants, pulling out the cord and slipping it into the outlet. Milo then slid the usb into place and watched as the device began to charge. He had half-expected it to just not… Well, work. Considering the fact that the fridge was running and the lights functioned in the store...

Well it worked, and that was good enough for Milo. Still no signal though, and nothing he did got his phone to re-connect to the internet. He must have restarted it four or five times and yet nothing came of it. He shook his head and just let his phone sit next to him, leaning back and shutting his heavy eyes.

Maybe he could take a quick nap… but what if whatever that thing was walked in here and found him? The thought kept him awake and alert, but his drooping eyes fought against his paranoia for dominance. A couple hours passed of him just sitting there, letting his phone charge as he let his stomach process the barrage of food he had just forced upon it.

When he had more room in his gut, he snagged another water and some soda, draining them and tossing them aside without a care. Milo had a feeling that no one was going to mind in here. His thoughts again turned to theorizing about how he had come to be trapped in this Ikea, the ideas whirring through his head while his face hardened.

Clearly this wasn’t a normal Ikea.

Proud that he could state the obvious to himself, Milo nodded, indeed it was not a normal Ikea.

He was a genius.

Was this some kind of hell dimension? Had Milo died and gone to hell? No, Milo didn’t really think he was deserving of going to hell, and even if he was, why the hell would hell be… Ikea? No, scratch that idea entirely, this wasn’t Satan's hang-out. Was it heaven? Milo winced. This just couldn’t be the afterlife, it was simply too goofy to think of an Ikea as such.

An alternate dimension? He winced again. It wasn’t like this place could be infinite, it was just a retail store, why the hell would it be an entire realm? Milo’s brows climbed high as he had an idea. Why not get a better vantage point? He could easily climb to the top of this food court's roof and look over the aisles, after all, they didn’t connect to the high ceiling above.

He groaned as he stood, putting his phone and charger back in his pockets and stretching. His hanger was gone, and now that his thinking was clear he was certain that climbing the roof was a good idea. Perhaps he could see the exit or maybe even someone else wandering the aisles? Only one way to find out.

Getting atop the roof had been no issue for Milo, his limbs were all well strong enough to support and pull his great weight, the hard part was staring out across the endless horizon of furniture. Standing atop the smooth brown roof he looked around with his jaw agape at the sheer scope of the Ikea surrounding him.

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He knelt down in despair and began praying to God; praying that this nightmare would come to an end and he could go back to pumping iron in peace instead of being stuck in this Swedish madhouse. Yet when he was done praying and he opened his eyes, he was still stuck in Ikea. He took a deep breath to calm himself, the first step was to pray, the second step was to seek and he sure as hell wasn’t going to let himself sit here and die. The big G above would help him get out of here, Milo would just have to apply himself.

He stood up and collected himself, staring not at the infinite horizon of aisles and shelves, but to the nearby aisles that he could see over. Milo saw every kind of desk, chair, and bed, but saw no sign hanging anywhere that read ‘exit’. There were signs though, hanging over intersections between aisles.

No exit though, the golden sign that would free him from this retail hell.

Milo drew in a deep breath and shouted as loudly as he could “Hello!?”

His voice echoed far across the Ikea realm, yet no one answered his call. He tried again, and again countless times, but only his own voice returned to him. Milo sighed, and moved to begin climbing down the roof when he spotted it.

To Milo's left in an aisle of desks, was a figure in a yellow shirt marching well away from Milo’s position, seemingly hunched over. Whoever it was they were too far away for Milo to discern any details other than their gait and the color of that shirt.

“Hey!” Milo shouted “You in the yellow shirt!”

Was it a staff member? He knew they wore yellow shirts as a part of their uniform. The employee didn’t respond, simply walking forward without even pausing. Maybe this guy was deaf or something? Well either way he better get ready for Milo to run up on him. There was no way he was gonna keep being alone in this store and there may be a chance that they knew where the exit was.

Milo quickly scaled down the roof and ran out of the food court toward the aisle of desks where he had seen the employee. It wasn’t long before he found the desks, and began running toward the employee, shouting after the fella as he approached, Milo's echoing voice and footfalls surely reaching him. Surely the guy had to have heard him by now… unless he really was deaf.

Milo ran up behind the man, for it had to be a man based on that broad torso, and almost touched him before Milo noticed the… strange proportions of this employee. Long ape-like arms almost dragged across the tiled floor, ending in hands large enough to crush a watermelon, and its legs were far too short for its long body. Despite the shortened legs, this deformed man was taller than Milo by about half a foot maybe, and the oddest thing Milo noticed was the lack of ears on that bald head.

Why would Ikea hire someone this deformed? Well that explained why the employee couldn’t hear Milo but… no, this went beyond just being deformed, he was… inhuman. Milo stopped following when he realized that this must have been the thing; or at least one of the things that he had heard moving around last night. Milo was only about ten paces behind the creature when it paused at an intersection of aisles, not moving an inch more.

Milo’s breath caught when it finally turned back around lazily to face him. A completely smooth face greeted Milo, not smooth as in free of blemishes- smooth as in no freaking facial features whatsoever. The head was nothing more than a smooth gleaming dome beneath the store's lights above. Milo screamed in sheer terror as he grabbed a nearby desk, flinging it at the monster as hard as he could.

It was a big computer desk and made of wood, but the force of Milo’s toss shattered the furniture across the creature's bulk, knocking it flat on its back with the sound of snapping wood. Adrenaline took control of his actions as he turned to flee, seeing that the creature was beginning to stand. Milo didn’t turn to look behind him as he fled, but he heard booted feet pounding tiles behind him.

And those footsteps were gaining fast. How could that thing run so quickly with such stubby legs!? Milo’s thoughts became a tangled mass of fear, not able to focus on anything aside from running faster. Yet no matter how much faster he ran, the thing still gained on Milo. He didn’t round any corners, he just kept running in a straight line until finally, Milo felt fingers grabbing at his tank top.

Without thinking Milo spun, now facing the back of the monster who was still running forward. It reared to a stop, almost falling over before righting itself. In a brief instant of clarity Milo realized that there would be no running from this thing, he needed to kill it now or it would catch him and crush his skull with those monstrous hands.

So Milo struck out with his fist, the haymaker colliding with that faceless head and knocking it to the ground before it could finally regain its balance. Its head felt fleshy and Milo suppressed a feeling of revulsion at having touched the creature before grabbing another desk. This one seemed to be made of heavier stuff, and Milo lifted it over his head before throwing it down atop the creature.

Unlike the last desk, this one didn’t break but the monster still lived, swiping long-reaching arms for Milo’s legs as the heavy desk pinned it. Milo fell backward as the thing grabbed his ankle and tugged. Thankfully only Milo's back hit the tiles and not his skull, but the collision still jarred him. It dragged him closer, throwing the desk off of itself with its free hand while it squeezed Milo's ankle to the point where he could feel the bones start creaking.

Milo screamed as he reared back his free leg and kicked, the flat of his foot colliding with the monster's head and snapping it backward. Milo struck again and again with his foot, until the creature's grip went slack. Even then, Milo kept kicking until his breath gave out and he fell back on his shoulders from exhaustion, sliding away from the creature as far as he could while he tried to catch his breath. His ankle throbbed with pain but didn’t feel broken thank God. Walking on it was going to be a pain for a while though but…

Milo had just killed an honest-to-God monster. An Ikea beast. A Swedish demon. He was alive and it was dead. He felt such a wave of relief that he almost cried, Milo had thought that was going to be it, that he was going to die right there. He had never been so close to death in his life… Milo slowly got to his feet, using a nearby desk to stand while favoring his uninjured leg. A big red hand mark was wrapped around his ankle now, the agony of it a distant thing in his mind as he tried to come to terms with what had just happened.

The creature lay on its back, unmoving as its noticeably more flat face stared at him. Or at least it seemed as if it was. He shuddered as he looked away from that horribly smooth face and down to the yellow shirt it sported, reading Ikea on the breast just beneath the navy blue collar. This was an employee of the Ikea hell realm…? Milo shuddered again as he came to the realization that there were likely to be more of these things skulking about. Milo would need to be ready to fight again since he now knew that running was fruitless, especially now with this messed-up ankle.

Hopefully there wasn’t anything broken but only time would tell. He pulled out his phone to check the time, seeing that it was only twelve p.m. It felt like it had been so much longer than that though… He grabbed a nearby lamp, smashing the bulb against the floor and using the thin metal pole as a walking stick.

Might as well head back to the food court, he was a lot more thirsty now and he had a feeling that he was going to be in here for a while, might as well stock up on what he could take with him. There were some bags in the food court for take out, right?