Loki drove like a madman. I always wondered who those crazy people were that wove through traffic like they were playing a video game where they had unlimited spare lives. I wondered how death worked for us. In the world created by Gleipnir, I went through cycles of life, and that had been more normal than this current state. Hati drove even faster than us. Sometimes I would spot her in the dark, the single streak of her motorcycle’s tail light racing past everything else. I would have liked her in the car with us, but this feeling felt familiar. Loki had said both Hati and Skoll were wild children.
In the myths, all three of us were wolves. All three of us were more beast than human, although that seemed to have changed with time.
“How is this world different from Bronton?” I asked.
“Most of it is the same,” Loki said. “It’s still the same world. Think of this world as the template that Gleipnir used each time it repeated the ruse for you. It would take too much effort to create a whole new world, and it wouldn’t be convincing either. All the celebrities you know of still exist. It’s the same TV shows, the same languages, countries, and politics. Except in this world, Bronton doesn’t exist.”
“And neither does my family, right?” I asked.
Loki sighed. “None of them ever existed. The daughter this time was adorable. Gleipnir was made better than I thought. I’d given up hope when I left, you know. I thought you would have to come back in the next life.”
He laughed, “I thought Gleipnir would weaken with time, when you were first bound. Instead, it got stronger. You were happy to give in to the false lives, and it was like the binding dug into you deeper each time. I don’t know how you were able to break free now. You loved that life, didn’t you?”
I did love the life I had. It was a simple life, and it still felt like if I fell asleep I would wake up back in my bed, to Luna yelling from downstairs for pancakes.
“Can I go back to it?” I asked.
“No. That magic was an old one, a lost one. The Gleipnir once broken cannot be put back together, at least not by us. Perhaps the dwarves could, if any still live. Even if we could have it put back together, there’s no saying that you would get this particular life back. You might start all over again, as a newborn to loving parents. I wouldn’t suggest taking the risk, or going on some foolish quest to put back on the shackles you threw off.”
Loki pulled off the freeway and drove through rural roads until we reached a state highway, one of those scenic stretches of road that had less traffic and more soul. He pulled into an exit overlooking rolling hills, simple old-fashioned farms, and got out of the car. He offered me a cigarette as he slid onto the hood of the car and leaned back against the windshield.
“I know this is all too much, too fast,” he said. “But me, Hati, Skoll, and the others have been waiting now for millennia. We’re not a patient family, and our situation is not one where we can think before we proceed. We’ve spent all of this time waiting, thinking, and planning.”
“Planning for me to kill Odin?” I asked. I had seen different versions of the names I was hearing. Loki the trickster, Odin the All-father, and there was Thor.
“What about Thor?” I asked.
“Thor is Jormungandr’s responsibility,” Loki whispered. I leaned against the car, looking out at the night sky. The stars looked different. I no longer felt the unease and worry I felt while looking at the night sky. Perhaps it was because I knew that Hati now chased after the moon while on solid ground, or because I knew exactly what I was looking for all those years.
“Each of you have big responsibilities,” Loki said. “I want our family to survive this last trial. I want the future to be something we can hope for, instead of something to fear.”
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In all the stories I read, Loki was a gray character at best. Almost always, he was a villain. Odin and Thor were good and upright, but now I saw that they could not be. This war could have occurred right after it was prophesied. Instead, they let me live life after life of lies. They banished Hel to the underworld, and they made Jormungandr carry the weight of the world across his scales. I knew Loki was punished too, but I did not remember how. They all seemed to hesitate before speaking to me of the past. I was the luckiest out of them, yet somehow they were the ones treating me gently.
People became products of their environment and their experiences. After thousands of years of torture, how could Loki and his kin be anything but evil? Revenge after such an amount of suffering could not be reasonable. It would be terrible. I took out my phone, but got no signal.
“It won’t work,” Loki said. He opened the glove box of the car, where there was a new phone. “Although I suppose you could make it work, if you wanted to.”
“What do you mean?”
“We’re magical beings, Fen,” Loki said. His hair moved with the wind, and he motioned his hands like the conductor of an orchestra. In front of us, the long grass of the fields swayed in tune with his movements. “You lived as a human for a very long time, but now your full powers are at your disposal. All you need to do is to want something, and it shall be yours.”
Loki paused, and the grass in front of us froze. “Of course, like most things there are limits. You can create illusions of your false family, but they will be like mannequins. They will only do what you want them to do, say what you want them to. They will not have independent will or thought.”
“How do I do that?”
“Just want to do something, and it will happen,” Loki said, letting the grass free from his control. I looked up at the sky, and made a wide arc with my arm. The sky moved, the constellations shifting around to a more familiar arrangement. This was the sky I was used to, and I realized it must have been a sky from ages ago. It was the sky that Hati and Skoll ran across, in our family’s brief days of happiness.
“Did I really change the sky?” I asked.
“Just an illusion. You can’t turn back time,” Loki commented. “Maybe you could actually change the sky, but that would require a lot more effort than a flick of the arm.”
“I think I’m sick of illusions,” I said, snapping my fingers. The stars jumped back to their original places, and the sky grew a bit lighter. After all, this wasn’t Bronton.
“Where are we?” I asked.
“We’re near the Pennsylvania-New Jersey border,” Loki said.
“Where are we going?”
“You didn’t ask this many questions when you were a child,” Loki complained. “We’re headed to New York City. I have a home there, and some people that have been waiting to see you again.”
“I used to live as a wolf, didn’t I?” I asked. The more time I spent as a person in this real world, the less it felt natural. Being bipedal felt like some stupid choice I made instead of something inherent.
“You were more comfortable that way,” Loki said. “Although I wouldn’t suggest it now. Being a wolf large enough to block out the sun– that wouldn’t be a very discreet way to travel.”
I briefly considered turning myself into a golden retriever. Being human, I was realizing, was incredibly complicated. Canine lives were simpler. One had a territory to protect, a pack to live with, and instincts to follow. War was just a fun time, food was paramount. I smiled. I could feel myself shedding the identity of Fred, quicker than I imagined possible. I was Fenrir, mostly wolf, some parts god, and almost eager to face whatever came my way.
“And son, please don’t turn into a dog,” Loki said. “I don’t like how they smell.”
He scrunched up his nose at the thought, and I wondered if it would be fun to do it just to spite him.
“Can you tell me more about what we’re planning?” I asked. “I’m remembering some things, or remembering myself, but I’d rather not be so much in the dark.”
“The three goddesses of fates gave out many prophecies regarding Ragnarok. You are destined to kill Odin, and be killed by his Vioarr. Jormungandr and Thor are destined to kill each other. Hel, we do not know her fate, but she may also die, if not during Ragnarok, then after it.”
“Then we should stop Ragnarok, shouldn’t we?” I asked. I knew the end of the world was never a peaceful transition. Saying that people would die was an understatement. Entire populations would die, and me as well, if Loki’s plan didn’t work.
“No no. There’s no stopping a flood, I’m afraid. We can only take shelter, build flood gates…” Loki trailed, looking at my surprised look.
“I’ve had a few centuries of waiting for you, and the last few decades, I had television to pass the time. I watched a lot of documentaries on natural disasters.”