The empty ground looked like the aftermath of a colorful war. There were flattened trails of grass where wheels were dragged through, litter here and there, and people packing up the entire fair into trucks.
The carnival was no longer the celebration of color and chaos that it was the night before. In the daylight, everything looked smaller and more rickety. Somehow the traveling fairs, circuses, carnivals always felt like an amalgamation of fraud and entertainment. Everyone knew they were paying for an illusion, that the games were rigged, the haunted houses filled with underpaid high schoolers in costumes older than they were, but it didn’t take away the feeling of overpaying for some temporary fun.
I usually hated whenever the circus, carnival, or other traveling show came to town. Normally Bronton settled down by sunset. It was a farming community, and people operated mostly from dawn to dusk. After that, the lights turned off in each window, and people went to sleep early. There was almost no light pollution, and before going to sleep I’d spend a few minutes with my telescope, looking through the constellations. When the shows were in town, they washed out the night sky and obliterated any hope of seeing all but the brightest of stars.
Yet we came back, each time. Perhaps it was that the carnival was something so out of the ordinary for our little town. For a few days, we could look at absurd people like children looking into a store display, without a fear of being impolite. The people at the carnival advertised their weirdness, profited off of it. They lived lives that people in Bronton couldn’t imagine, without a house or a hometown.My daughter loved the stars now, too. Instead of bedtime stories I told her the stories behind the constellations.
I paused at the entrance of the ground. None of this was any of my business, and I didn’t care about the lives of carnies. I was only back here to find a lost doll. It was a near hopeless endeavor, but my daughter insisted I try. On the off chance I found it, for a few moments I’d be her hero. That alone was worth the drive out to the field early in the morning in the cold.
I tried to find a person who didn’t look half-dead or busy packing up. Leaning against one of the vans, there was an older man with dark hair streaked through with white. He was small and slender, and used a cane with a handle shaped like a snake’s head.
He looked like he was some sort of supervisor, and I walked over, avoiding the people dismantling rides. It felt like there should have been some caution signs or someone keeping me out, but I reached the older man without issue.
“Hi, do you know if there’s a lost and found out here?” I asked. “I’m looking for a small doll.”
The old man paused to look at me. His eyes were clear, despite the wrinkles surrounding his face. They were the eyes of a much younger man, clearer and almost sparkling against his pale, translucent skin.
He withdrew a doll from the pocket of his coat. It was a creature on its own, the coat. The garment wore him as much as he wore it, and it was covered in a multitude of pockets. The doll was of the same style as my daughter’s, but it was different. Upon closer inspection, it was a doll of my daughter Luna. The doll had the same dark brown hair, wore the same denim overalls she’d been wearing when we came to the carnival the night before. I reached out an arm to look closer.
“Oh no, wrong doll,” the man said. From another pocket, he brought out the doll I was looking for. “Someone found it after we closed up for the night.”
“Thank you,” I said. This time he handed the doll over, and I took it. He gazed at the simple doll even after it was in my hands.
“A daughter?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said, unnerved. “She loves this thing. Won’t go to sleep without it.”
I was probably going to douse the doll in hand sanitizer as soon as I got in the car, but that didn’t seem like information I should be sharing with the man in front of me.
“I have one daughter, and the rest sons. Fine children, all of them. I hope to see them soon.”
I hoped this wouldn’t turn into one of those conversations where the man would whip out a wallet from one of his other pockets and show me pictures of his children and grandchildren.
“I hope you have fun with them,” I said, inching away back to the safety and normalcy of my car. Unfortunately, I could not move. I tried to lift my feet and found they were stuck to the ground. I tried again to move and ended up falling backwards, my feet still firmly rooted to their position. The man helped me up.
“Pardon this little trickery, young man. I feel in the mood to share my story, and you are my unwilling audience today. What is your name?”
“Fred,” I said, a bit scared now. It was occurring to me how isolated the field was now. The only people here were people that the man knew, strangers to me. They were people meant to be gone by the end of day, and if I disappeared along with them no one would suspect anything.
“My name is Luke, in this life. Do not worry, I’m not one to harm you. I only want to tell this story a few more times before it becomes history.”
My feet came free, and Luke motioned for me to sit on the ground. He followed suit, and he was more limber than I expected. I didn’t make an attempt to escape. Something told me I would fail, and he would just make me freeze in a more uncomfortable position than now.
“When I was young, I committed mischief. I played a joke, and one arrogant boy lost his life because he and his mother were foolish. They thought themselves invincible, and I proved them wrong. Later, my wife and I had one lovely son. Narfi. He was a perfect boy, but one of his friends was jealous of him. A boy named Vali, who wasn’t as witty, who didn’t shine so brightly. His sole purpose was to avenge the death of his arrogant brother, and that only made him bitter, to think he was brought into existence for that singular purpose. It was a different time, a lawless time, and this other boy slayed my son. My son died unavenged, because I was weak. Vali’s father was stronger, and his will was absolute. I did not forgive, nor did I forget. They could have killed me, but instead went after my child.”
Luke sighed. “I accepted, since death evades no one and I thought it was what the three goddesses of fate had written for him. I accepted that I too had a hand in Narfi’s death and had other children. I met a woman quite unlike myself, a giantess, and had three children with her. These new children were unlike both of us. I thought them miracles, each of them so unique and so powerful. They exceeded my own abilities in many ways, and for a time we were happy.”
The man paused. From yet another pocket, he withdrew a cigar and lit it. THere was no matchbox, no lighter, just his little finger dipped once into the cigar and the cigar was lit. Luke began again.
“I thought that we were equal now, you see. A son for a son, and both of us had grieved. Vali’s father had also had children with a giantess, and those children were proclaimed to be heroes. My children, born of the same combination, were called monsters. My son was growing too fast, too strong, and so they chained him. My other son, they considered to be completely a beast, and they made him carry a burden for all eternity. He carries the weight of the universe with his body. My daughter, they made her the queen of hell. She reigns there, so much that the place itself has earned her name now.”
Luke looked proud of his daughter.
“I have not seen my children for eons now,” Luke sighed. “But they will come soon. As all other things were written have come into truth, so will this. The world is being ravaged now by storms. Everywhere, the world is on fire. I wondered about that part of the prophecy, until I saw war. Gunfire is also a kind of fire, I realized. I suppose the fates too, have their little jokes.”
Luke ran his hand over the snake’s head on his cane again. “I worry most about my son Jormungandr. He was always such a sensitive child, and now he is in the depths of the ocean somewhere, holding the world together with his jaws. Soon the day will come when he will no longer be stuck in the cycle of time and he will be free.”
Some of the names were familiar to me. Maybe from children’s fantasy novels or from movies, but it seemed more than that.
“The worst they did to my son Fenrir,” Luke said. “They tried to bind him with metal and stone and failed. So they chose a binding that was softer, that was less threatening. They bound him with Gleipner. The stories say that it was some sort of ribbon, something that looked weak but was impossible to break. A ribbon, or silk. But stories are told by the victors, and victors often cheat and lie their way to victory. Gleipnir was not a physical binding, but an illusion. Gleipnir made Fenrir believe he was only a mere human, and made him live normal lives over and over again, lives of bland happiness that he’d never dream of leaving. It’s a binding that gives him comfort.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“As a monster, Fenrir had nothing close to a normal family. His sons were forever chasing the sun and moon, and he himself was a creature considered too dangerous for most to approach him. But as a man, Fenrir had life after life of a home, a wife, of children who adored him. He spent the centuries living idyllic lives and being reborn to repeat it all over again.”
“Only it was never the truth,” I said.
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“Fenrir would still miss something he no longer remembered. He would be a stargazer in most lives, looking for his two sons in the sky without knowing what he was looking for.”
“Your grandchildren?” I asked.
“I can hardly call them that,” Luke said. “They are wild children now, off somewhere in the universe. Their father tethered them to this world, but without him they wander. They find other suns and moons to chase, in far off galaxies. They shall come back too, I suppose, for our grand reunion.”
“Why are you telling me all of this?” I asked.
“I’m hoping this time that you’ll understand, that this time you might be able to break free.”
Luke looked at me, and I knew… he looked at me the same way I looked at the sky. Yearning and searching.
“I need to– I need to get home,” I said. “Please let me go.”
I felt the power coming back to my legs, and I stood up quickly, ready to run.
“I guess this is not the time, then. Perhaps in the next life Gleipnir will weaken enough.”
Luke stood slowly, using his cane as a support. He looked older as he moved slower. The white in his salt-and-pepper hair hit the sunlight, and I moved forward instead of back. I held onto his arm as he straightened himself out and brushed some invisible dust off of his coat.
“I’ll see you around, Fen,” he said.
“It’s Fred,” I responded, although now I wasn’t so sure. I went back to my car and drove to my little house. On the way, everything was perfect. The gloomy weather had dissipated, replaced by a bright sunny day. It was the kind of day where I would usually take my wife and daughter to the local park for a picnic, but today the weather felt like a tightening around my neck.
Bronton was too bright, too cheery as I drove back home. All the neighbors were nice people, there was never a bad harvest, there was never a natural disaster. My wife and I had started dating in high school, and she was my first serious girlfriend. I’d never had any heartbreak, any truly bad relationships.
Life worked out for me in the way I wanted it to. Things went my way, and for some reason despite the universe seemingly bending itself to my desires, my desires were never big. I still lived in the same town I grew up in, not even moving out of the street where my parents lived. My parents were normal, well-adjusted people and I’d had a normal, well-adjusted childhood.
As I drove, I realized that everyone around me was more than just nice. They were like the generic NPCs in the video games my younger brother played. We all lived like the characters in a wholesome family sitcom, and I’d never questioned the lack of problems in our lives. Even my adoring wife now seemed a bit too adoring. Her love was unconditional and unending, with no friction or conflict ever existing between us. Was that normal? Was one weird old man making me question my wonderful life?
My wife and daughter were waiting outside when I pulled into the driveway. Olivia was holding Luna’s hand, and as I parked Luna came running towards the car. She was in my arms the second I opened the door, and something tightened around my heart.
It was like a Chinese finger trap. The harder I pulled to free myself, the tighter the trap closed. Gleipnir. But I wasn’t Fenrir, I was Fred Bailey, accountant and happy family man. I was on the PTA, I was a coach for Luna’s softball team, and I went stargazing in my free time.
I wasn’t a wolf. I wasn’t a god. I wasn’t the child of the little strange man who played tricks. Whatever was around my heart loosened, just a bit. I took a deep breath.
“Daddy!” Luna yelled, her arms around my neck.
“Yes, Lunamoon?” I asked, absentmindedly. She started asking me for ice cream, but her voice now felt like an echo. Luna was Selina, was Chandrika,, was Cynthia… she was just the latest version of an established template. A loving daughter who was the apple of her father’s eye. Olivia was pregnant now, and I remembered the names we were thinking of. Olivia wanted to give him a normal name, but I’d wanted to name him Aster, a star. A star like the sun.
I was perhaps only drawing conclusions where there were none, but it felt more like I was trying to rub away the connections that truly existed.
“Babe?” Olivia asked. She was beautiful today, even more than usual. The whole scene in front of me could be framed. A beautiful expectant wife, a charming bungalow, a perfect blue sky.
“I need to go back,” I told her.
“You didn’t find my doll?” Luna asked, her eyes wide and innocent. “Can I come with you?”
“No, stay with your mother,” I said. I kissed the top of her head and backed out of the driveway. The tightening got worse as I drove back to the carnival grounds, but the grounds were completely empty. The caravans, machinery, and people were all gone like they’d never been there. Even the litter I’d noticed before was gone.
I must have lost my mind, thinking I was a Norse God’s son. Maybe the little old man was a hypnotist. It could explain why I couldn’t move, why I was so willing to buy into his little story. However, this didn’t explain how the entire fairground was cleared in a matter of minutes.
I walked through the ground again, finding the spot where Luke and I had talked. I sat down, knowing I looked ridiculous. I was a grown man, sitting in an empty ground in the middle of the day for no reason. But this moment, this strange act, felt infinitely more real than the life I would have to drive back to.
My life now felt like a video game I couldn’t save and exit from. If I left, I’d never see Luna again. Whether my life was real or not, my love for Luna and Olivia definitely was. I had to loosen myself from Gleipnir without breaking the binding. But breaking the binding meant breaking the illusion. It meant saying goodbye to Luna, to Olivia, to all my family and friends. It meant walking feet first into a life that felt like a forgotten dream.
Among the grass, something glinted brightly. It was the cane. The eyes of the snake on its handle were embedded with emerald jewels for eyes. As I picked up the cane, it came apart, the wooden sheath falling away to reveal a rapier.
What I needed to do with the rapier, I couldn’t guess, but I felt better, having a weapon in my hands. I looked around, hoping for a glimpse of Luke– or Loki, as I realized he actually was. I wondered how he’d gotten past Gleipnir and spoken with me.
And what would happen to my family if I left? Were they real or just magic? Did being magic make them less real? I ran a hand through my hair and got up. I drove back home, this time not forgetting to grab Luna’s doll from the backseat of the car.
When I came to the house, they were again on the driveway. The exact same spot, the exact same smiles. It had made me question Luke’s story the first time, that warm welcome back home. Now, it reinforced my belief in it. It was Glepnir trying to reel me back in, and even now I wanted to forget all I knew. I wanted to pretend that my life was real and that the owner of the cane in my hand was just a man out of his mind.
When they saw the cane in my hand, their smiles disappeared.
“Why do you have that thing?” Olivia asked.
“I found it,” I said. “I think it looks cool.”
“Throw it away, daddy,” Luna said, her face turning red in the initial warning signs before one of her tantrums. She wasn’t even looking at her doll in my other hand. She wasn’t acting like a normal child. Neither of them stepped forward now.
“Fred, throw that thing away,” Olivia said. “Lunch is ready. I made your favorite lasagna. Let’s have lunch, and then we can go to the park.”
She was making sandwiches when I left to go to the park. It was a stupid thing to remember, but her recipe took hours. It wasn’t possible that they would have lasagna. I walked into the house, ignoring Olivia’s calls to throw away the cane. The table was set for lunch. Everything was exactly as I liked it, but now everything looked too perfect. Things were not adding up. Things hadn’t added up for a long time, but I had never taken the time to count. I had taken my wins with glee and just accepted that I had a blessed life.
“How did you make this?” I asked.
“It’s a secret,” Olivia said, although her playful smile was a bit too wide. Luna followed behind her. We started to eat, the cane laying across my lap. Luna didn’t complain about eating her vegetables, Olivia didn’t talk about her irritating mother who lived in Chicago. They were trying too hard, or perhaps it was Gleipnir trying to convince me to not break free. If I could overlook the break in the lie, I didn’t need any other family. The one in front of me was perfect.
But somewhere, Gleipnir’s binding was starting to fray. In a year, two, or ten, the spell would be broken completely, and I would have to spend an entire life among magical automatons, doing all they could to please me. In this little bubble of a world, I would live as a lonely god, until I died and started all over.
I had to break the binding. I had the rapier, but I didn’t know what to cut.
“Just leave that dirty old thing outside, Fred,” Olivia coaxed me.
“No,” I said. I had to break the spell, and perhaps I did that by doing something that a complacent Fred would never do. The doll was also on my lap, although Luna seemed to have forgotten it existed at all.
I unsheathed the rapier and placed the point of it against the center of the doll’s chest. I looked down and realized why Luna didn’t care about the doll. It was the other doll, the one that resembled her. She wore the same dress that Luna was wearing at the moment, her hair in the same pigtail held with the same red hairband. When I had put it in my car, it was a different doll. Somewhere along the drive, Loki had played a trick, or Gleipnir had. It was either a clue, or an appeal to sentiment.
I pushed the rapier down until it touched the fabric of my pants, spearing the doll. There was no complaint from Olivia or Luna. Perhaps Gleipnir had given up. The walls of our bungalow started to melt. Framed pictures fell off the wall, Olivia and Luna disappeared into tendrils of smoke, and all the sensations around me started to disappear. I could no longer smell the food in front of me, I could not hear the birdsong from outside, and slowly everything started to fade into a mist.
I was in the fairground again, but it was warmer now. Loki stood at the fairground. Behind him there was a shiny, new luxury sedan.
“Welcome to the real world, Fen,” he said.
It was dusk. The moon was rising against a lavender sky, and in the distance I could hear the roar of a motorcycle.
“Hati’s come to welcome you,” Loki said. “She’s missed her father for a long time now.”
“Hati?”
The woman who arrived looked older than me. She rode the motorcycle without a helmet, without grips, and without a jacket. She was tall and willowy, her long straight hair an ash blonde so light it almost looked white. I thought back to Luna, her chubby arms and her room full of stuffed toys. This child I now had was not a child. She looked older than me, and tired of the world.
“Skoll will meet us in the morning,” she said, avoiding my gaze. This new family was odd and fragmented. I was just a man without memories of them, and I didn’t know what the memories held.
“What happens now?” I asked.
“We rest. You have much to do,” Loki said. He looked younger now, most of the gray gone from his hair. He took the cane from my hands, making me realize that it was the one thing that had come with me from Gleipnir’s illusion.
“I do?”
“You are now free, and the world is back on track to fulfill the prophecies from eons ago. We have to make sure now, that only the prophecies we desire will be fulfilled.”
“And what are those?” I asked.
“First and foremost, the death of Odin. The start of Ragnarok.”