Hu hu hu! I have a very good subordinate now. Her name is Sylvia Moor, and she can teleport. Currently, I’m perched atop her head, enjoying the breeze as she zips through space and time. With each teleportation, we cover miles in a blink. Eventually, she stops, gasping for breath.

“I need to rest…” she huffs, leaning heavily against a tree. “Did you really fight Xanxer and win so one-sidedly?”

Even now, she doubts me? Such an ingrate. I mean, I kind of exaggerated about the whole one-sided fight thing, but as a majestic feline, it’s only natural for people to think I’ll win. So by extension, of course it was one-sided… Yeah, my logic is flawless!

“Your teleportation is incredible!” I purr, stretching luxuriously atop her head. “You can traverse miles within seconds. Even I can’t do that! How did you get such an awesome supernatural ability?”

“A golden apple…” Sylvia says, still panting. “I don’t know exactly what happened, but according to the lore, it unlocks a person’s potential. Sometimes it changes their luck, grants them supernatural powers, or optimizes their talents… After eating one, I can teleport, and my perception of martial arts drastically improved.”

I blink, intrigued. “Does the Golden Apple have something to do with Xanxer chasing you?”

“Yeah…” she nods, wiping the sweat from her brow. “Apparently, he was looking for the Golden Apple because it’s an essential ingredient for the Elixir of Immortality.”

My eyes light up at that. “I want it!”

“You can’t.” Sylvia shakes her head. “No one knows how to make the Elixir. That was just a rumor, but I think there’s truth to it, considering how far Xanxer chased me… I’ve run from three kingdoms to this cursed forest just to escape him.”

I narrow my eyes, pondering. Immortality, huh? That sounds like something that could be useful…

Sylvia picks up branches while I remain perched atop her head. Her silver hair and fluffy ears sway slightly with each movement. She sets the firewood in place, and with a flick of my paw, I light them using my pyrokinesis. Leaping off her head, I take my rightful place on a log nearby. The sky is dimming; night approaches. Come to think of it, I haven’t slept or even used the litterbox since coming to this world. Weird.

“So, how did you come to this forest, Kaiser?” Sylvia asks, as the fire crackles. “I don’t know exactly how long I’ve been here, since this place distorts time, but I think it’s been around three days. If the lore is true, though, it’s probably been three years.”

“It’s Your Majesty for you!” I remind her, flicking my tail.

“Sorry,” she says quickly.

“What do you mean distorts time?”

“You seriously don’t know?” Sylvia’s silver ears twitch, and she looks at me like I’m supposed to know everything already.

“Speak!” I command.

“This is the Forest of Forgetfulness,” she begins. “It distorts your perception of time. You might think you’ve only been here for days, but it’s likely been years or even decades. The worst part is… it doesn’t exhaust your lifespan. Instead, it halts your aging process until your mental faculties give up on you. I thought Xanxer would stop chasing me if I entered here, but the longer you stay, the more your mental endurance deteriorates, and it happens exponentially.”

“Ooooh… Scary…” I stretch, pretending not to care, but that does sound pretty messed up. “Tell me about the desert!”

“The desert surrounding this forest is called the Mirage Sand. It appears and disappears randomly, and it’s our only way out.”

“Huh? That sounds... very bad, doesn’t it?” I blink, not entirely liking the sound of that. A disappearing exit? How inconvenient.

“So how long do you think you’ve been here?” she asks.

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

“Me? I don’t know… I can’t tell,” I shrug, because really, I have no clue.

"Oh… I see..." Sylvia sounds disappointed, her voice trailing off into the night.

Shortly after, she drifts into sleep, her breathing becoming slow and steady. I stay perched on a nearby branch, keeping watch, my keen eyes scanning the surroundings. Nothing stirs in the darkness, just the quiet crackle of the dying fire.

Eight hours pass, and Sylvia finally stirs awake. Without hesitation, I leap back onto her head, curling my tail around her silver ears.

“Hoist the sails—uhhh… I don’t know what to say, but anyway, forge ahead!” I exclaim, trying to sound grandiose.

“Aye, aye, captain!” Sylvia replies with a tired smile, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She stretches, then quickly gathers her things. In a blink, we’re off, her teleportation carrying us through the forest in rapid bursts.

The world blurs past, miles disappearing in seconds. Each jump feels like a jolt of energy. I cling to her head with my claws, trying not to topple off as she moves with incredible speed.

"How much longer until we're out of this cursed forest?" I shout over the wind whipping around us.

"Not sure!" she yells back between breaths. "But I can feel the distortion getting weaker... we’re close!"

Her stamina is impressive, but I can sense the strain on her body. I’ll have to keep an eye on that. As much as I love the speed, I can't have my new subordinate collapsing on me before we escape. I need her alive and well for my grand plans.

And just like that, we find ourselves in a desert. Neat!

"Okay, your majesty," Sylvia starts, brushing the sand from her clothes. "Here's the deal—forge ahead. Inside this desert, supernatural abilities or any special powers won’t work. So, it’s going to be a long walk. We’ll feel thirsty and hungry, but don’t panic… It’s only psychological. We can’t die from starvation or dehydration here.”

I blink at her. No powers? That means I can’t even light a fire if we need it. Ugh, this desert is already sounding like a nuisance.

Days drag by. We walk and walk. The sand shifts beneath our feet, and the sky never seems to change. Sylvia’s right. We don’t die of thirst, but the hunger pangs still gnaw at me. It’s all in the head, she said, but my stomach doesn’t seem to care about logic.

Finally—after what feels like an eternity—we step out onto soft, green grass. Freedom! I leap off Sylvia’s head and dive into the grass, rolling around in it like a mad cat. The cool earth feels like a dream compared to the burning sand.

"Finally!" I shout, sprawled out in the greenery. "I never want to see sand again."

Sylvia chuckles, watching as the Mirage Sand shifts behind us, disappearing and reappearing like a distant mirage. “It’s gone now,” she says, nodding to where the entrance once was. “Seems like it vanishes and reappears randomly. An accursed place.”

I sit up, the weight of the desert already behind us. “Good riddance, I say. Now… where’s the nearest kingdom for me to conquer?”

Sylvia looks at me, her silver ears twitching slightly. “Your majesty, it’s time we part ways—"

“Whu?” I cut her off, widening my eyes and giving her my best impression of a pitiful, abandoned kitten. My killer charismatic pitiful eyes, I like to call them.

“Huh?” She blinks, obviously caught off guard.

“Are you going to leave me alone?” I ask, my voice dripping with innocence. It’s not manipulation if it’s for survival, right?

Sylvia hesitates, scratching the back of her head. “Well… I mean, I’ve got my own stuff to handle. I can’t be babysitting you forever.”

I pout, jumping back onto her shoulder, draping myself lazily over her like a fluffy scarf. “Babysit? I am a majestic and powerful cat, not some helpless kitten!”

She sighs. “I know, I know, but I’ve got quests to complete, guild obligations—"

“Do they have teleporting cats? Because I’m starting a kingdom, and I need strong allies.” I try to sound dignified, but it comes out more like begging. I can't help it—Sylvia's the only one who knows the weird things about this world. “You are going to become my right hand woman!”

She narrows her eyes, clearly not convinced by my grand vision of conquest. “You... starting a kingdom?”

“Yes! A great one! With fluffy pillows and an army of furballs!”

Sylvia stifles a laugh. “You’re serious about this, huh?”

I nod vigorously. “Of course! And I need a knight—"

“Let me guess,” she says, rolling her eyes, “you want me to be that knight?”

“Well, yeah,” I reply with a smirk, “unless you prefer to leave me at the mercy of another evil dragon or desert monstrosity.”

Suddenly, something passes by us, fast and loud, shaking the ground beneath our feet. It’s big, mean, and noisy.

“Oooh, I recognize this… it’s a train, right?” I say, watching the massive metal thing roll by, its wheels clanging against the tracks. It’s huge, unlike the toy trains Fatso used to collect back home, but the concept is the same.

Sylvia looks confused. “What? What is that… monstrosity?”

I blink. “You’ve never seen it before? Oh, I think I know what this is.”

Her expression doesn’t change, just deepens into more confusion.

I pause, realizing she genuinely has no idea. “It’s a train. You know, like… a big machine that moves really fast on tracks, transporting people and stuff.”

She looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. “We don’t have anything like that where I’m from.”

I rub my chin with my paw, feeling like a wise sage. “Ah, of course. This is probably one of those tropes where we’ve been thrown into a future timeline, or maybe a parallel world. You know? Classic story setup!”

“B-but, but…” Sylvia stutters, clearly overwhelmed.

I leap onto her head, perching comfortably between her silver ears. “Let’s go! Yip yip!” I urge, wiggling my little paws in excitement.

She sighs, still hesitant. “You’re way too eager for this…”