“Send me now,” I announce, puffing out my chest and ready to conquer this new world. “I am ready!”

“No! You are going to die immediately! This… I… I shouldn’t have picked a ginger…” Amarys groans, shaking his furry head like I’ve just suggested we host a tea party with raccoons.

“Hey! What’s wrong about being ginger!?” I protest, indignant.

“Nothing,” he replies, his tone slightly defensive.

“Good! At least I ain’t gray; those guys are straight inciters… I think they’re with the mafia. The whites? They complain a lot! Oh, and the blacks are kind of cool, but they can be a bit edgy—”

“Stop. I get it.” Amarys interrupts, looking thoroughly exhausted by my cat-themed sociology lecture.

“I can go on, you know… There are Persians, those bald pinks, Chihuahuas, raccoons—”

“No, I am fine, thank you. But Chihuahuas? Raccoons? Anyway, forget it… Let’s discuss how you are going to survive in another world,” he says, clearly eager to move past my detailed analysis of cat society.

“Fine, fine,” I say, waving my paw dismissively. “But I will have you know, my observations were insightful!”

“Sure, let’s focus on surviving,” he sighs, rubbing his temples as if trying to relieve a burgeoning headache. “You’ll need to find food, establish alliances, and avoid danger—”

“Food? Easy! I’m a cat. I can charm food out of anyone. Just wait until they see my royal ginger charm!” I brag, practicing my most irresistible gaze.

“Right. But you can’t just meow and expect to get tuna,” Amarys replies, his expression skeptical.

“Oh, ye of little faith!” I retort. “They’ll see my majestic presence and realize I’m the feline king. Who wouldn’t want to offer a cat like me some delicious treats? I mean, look at this fur!” I preen, flicking my tail proudly.

“Let’s hope it works out that way,” he mutters, his voice filled with doubt. “And about alliances… you might need to be careful who you trust.”

“Trust? Pfft! I’ll have my loyal subjects eating out of my paw in no time! Just wait until they hear the legend of Kaiser, the Cat God!” I declare, brimming with confidence.

“Alright, Mr. Cat God, but you’ll have to deal with potential threats too,” Amarys warns, a serious tone creeping into his voice. “There are creatures out there that won’t take kindly to a new champion.”

“Threats? I laugh in the face of danger!” I boast, imagining all the grand battles I will fight. “Just point me in the direction of my enemies, and I shall unleash my glorious might!”

“Okay, okay, but let’s make sure you don’t end up as someone’s dinner first,” Amarys says, rolling his eyes again. “Listen, I think I can give you boons like how the others do it, but I doubt just how much your mortal vessel can take. I might not look like it, but I am rather powerful!”

“Then just make my vessel stronger,” I say, my tone as casual as if I’m requesting extra catnip.

“But in exchange, it will be your soul that will suffer,” he warns, looking quite serious.

“Then just make my soul stronger!” I counter, puffing out my chest with confidence.

“That’s impossible,” he replies, exasperation creeping into his voice.

“Hmmm… I am fine with anything, really… My super charm is irresistible,” I insist, grinning widely.

“You don’t have super charm,” he mutters, shaking his head like I’m a pesky fly buzzing around his ear.

“How about you give me the power to wish tuna rain from the skies?” I suggest, my imagination running wild with visions of myself basking in a downpour of delicious fish.

“I don’t have the authority for it,” Amarys shoots back, his tone dripping with frustration.

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

“Then where do you get your tuna?” I ask, tilting my head innocently.

“From the Fisherman God—stop it, stop derailing the conversation, please!” he pleads, looking as though he’s about to pop a vein.

“Why do you sound so stressed?” I tease, enjoying this way too much. “Are you feeling a little fishy today?”

“Very funny,” he says, but I can see a tiny smile creeping onto his face despite his attempts to be serious. “Listen, we need to focus. You have to pick your boons wisely. There are powerful forces in the other world, and you can’t just wish for every little thing.”

“Alright, alright, I’ll tone it down,” I reply, trying to contain my giggles. “But seriously, I want to be powerful enough to defend my tuna.”

“Defend your tuna?” he asks, perplexed.

“Yes! What if there are other cats who want my tuna? I can’t let them steal my royal snacks!” I say, my eyes wide with the gravity of the situation.

Amarys pinches the bridge of his nose or the cat-equivalent of it, clearly fighting a headache. “How about this? I’ll give you increased agility, strength, and pyrokinesis to help you fend off any attackers, but it will also require you to be more… focused.”

“Cool,” I reply, feeling a surge of excitement. Pyrokinesis? I can already picture myself throwing fiery catnip at my enemies! Hmmm… On second thoughts, I shouldn’t probably throw and burn catnips…

“Also, just to inform you, cats in this other world will look vastly different from how we look… Don’t be too hard on them, okay?” he adds, looking serious.

“I am a magnanimous cat!” I declare, puffing out my chest proudly for the nth time. “I will be the most benevolent ruler ever!”

“Any other requests for your boons, anything? I think we can squeeze in more power. And no! No raining tunas!” he insists, cutting me off before I can even start thinking about it again.

“Awww… fine!” I pout dramatically, but then I have a brilliant idea. “How about swordsmanship? Fatso used to tell me it’s the most romantic thing in the isekai genre… whatever isekai means… But swordsmanship sounds delicious.”

“Swordsmanship? You know what? Fine… You can have swordsmanship,” Amarys says, looking flabbergasted, bemused, and at a lost.

“Excellent! I can see it now: Kaiser, the Ginger God of Swordsmanship!” I say, striking a heroic pose that would make any cat proud. “I’ll slice through my enemies like butter!”

“Just remember that you can’t slice tuna like butter,” Amarys reminds me, a smirk playing on his lips. “Because you know, tuna is tuna and butter is butter.”

“Details, details!” I wave him off. “With my boons, I’ll be unstoppable! I will carve out my kingdom in no time!”

Amarys can’t hide his amusement. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. You still need to learn how to use these skills effectively.”

“Pfft! I’m a natural! I was born for greatness!” I boast, already envisioning myself leading an army of felines into battle, shooting fiery swordsmanship from my eyes. “Just watch, I am going to be Justin Bieber!”

Amarys sighs, clearly not sharing in my enthusiasm. “That’s a bold claim, Kaiser.”

“Send me away,” I demand, bouncing on my paws like a coiled spring, ready to launch myself into adventure.

“Wait,” Amarys says, summoning a floating book and reading glasses that magically perch on his face, adjusting to suit his majestic features. “Let me check the tutorial guidebook that was sent just yesterday.”

“Tutorial guidebook? Is this a video game now?” I quip, my tail flicking with curiosity.

“Sort of. I am not very good at magic and non-cat stuff, but it should be feasible,” he mutters as he flips through the pages, squinting through the glasses.

“Just tell me what I need to do! I’m ready to be fabulous!” I insist, practically vibrating with excitement.

Amarys suddenly swings his claws, tearing open a rift in space and time with a dramatic flourish. The air crackles with energy as a swirling portal emerges before me, glowing with otherworldly light. “That’s it. Jump through the tear, and you’ll be fine.”

“Jump? Is that it?” I ask, peering into the shimmering void. “What if I land in the middle of a cat fight or something? Do I need a parachute?”

“You won’t need a parachute. Just trust me, and don’t think too much. Cats are instinctual beings!” he assures me, his tone almost serious.

“Instinctual beings who wish for tuna rain,” I remind him, still skeptical but feeling the pull of adventure. “But alright! If it’s an epic adventure, how could I resist?”

“Just remember: focus on your training, use your new powers wisely, and don’t challenge anyone to a duel right away,” he adds, giving me one last piece of advice. “Also, I will bestow the Tiger’s blessing on you… This way, you shouldn’t be affected by misfortune too much.”

“Focus, training, no duels. Got it! I’ll just be the fabulous king I am meant to be!” I grin, my heart racing at the thought of stepping into a new world.

With a dramatic flourish, I leap into the portal, my paws outstretched like a majestic superhero. The world around me blurs into a whirl of colors and sensations, and for a brief moment, I feel like I’m soaring through the sky.

And then— whoosh! I land on something soft.

“Oof!” I exclaim, tumbling over. As I shake my head to clear the stars, I look around and realize I’ve landed in a patch of grass under a brilliant blue sky.

“Where am I?” I ask aloud, my voice echoing in the new world.

The scenery is surreal; the colors are more vibrant, and there’s a distinct smell of something delicious wafting through the air. My stomach growls in response.

“Okay, first order of business: find food!” I say, standing up and brushing myself off, feeling ready for anything. “Then I’ll plot my rise to power!”

I stride forward, filled with determination and a healthy dose of cat-like curiosity. With my fiery swordsmanship and newfound agility, I’m confident I can handle whatever this world throws at me. After all, I’m Kaiser, the soon-to-be legendary Cat God!