"You better not tell anybody but God. It'll bring you misfortune"

It has always been about God, and it will most likely always be about God, who is God and why would he bring me misfortune?

Most of the religions and denominations point to one God, do religious people know this  'God'? And why do they dedicate their lives to him?

Speaking of religion, in my household, 'God' is taboo, both me and my mother do not believe in God, but Robert Schmidt does. Robert Schmidt is my father though I would never call him dad. He left our home and took most of our belongings with him after he had finally gotten enough of the suffering, pain, and abuse he had put me and my mother through. He said he had the right to do whatever he wanted with us because he had the favor of God. Does simply saying you believe in something earn you the right to do such cruel things? Is it that easy for sins to be overseen?

I won't deny the fact that there are lots of religious people that have good hearts out there, but given that I lived with an abusive follower of God for the first 8 years of my life, I couldn't care less about these good-hearted people.

'Robert Schmidt'. As much as I'd like to forget about this man, I am cursed by daily reminders of him because of the Family name he has left me with. My mother's name is Aika Takao, and no matter how much I dream to inherit her family name, I am unable to inherit it without Robert Schmidt filing a lawsuit against us, he's a wealthy man and he runs an international business, that's how he ended up in Japan in the first place, therefore, winning a lawsuit against him is basically impossible. So my mother always told me to "just live with it Shin, for now at least."

My mother tried to act like our household was a normal one, but at a young age, I already knew that wasn't the case. After Robert abandoned us my mother didn't have the power anymore to act like she was okay, hence she ended up in a depression she couldn't hide anymore.

I have lived the life of always being an outsider, the misfit. I can't even blame Robert anymore because it was my fault just as much as it was his, he made me an outsider, but I never even tried to do anything about it. I did well in school results-wise so I thought I'd be okay with just my good grades, but the truth is... I wasn't satisfied at all, I wanted to know what it was like to have friends and a girlfriend, I wanted to know what it was like to trust people and to share secrets, I wanted to know what it was like to go to mixers and karaokes.

My time in college wasn't particularly noteworthy either, I hate to admit it, but I didn't change at all. I was still the same loser and misfit I was when Robert was still around. However, there were some things that helped me clear my mind, I liked RPG games, Japanese RPG games to be exact, diving into a fantasy world, playing with strangers who don't personally know me or my story, it felt like I could escape real life while playing. I also got into reading manga, going to college was an hour-long bus ride so I read manga to kill time.

After my time in college, I finally became a working adult at the age of 22. I thought I could finally become a normal member of society now that I had a job, and for the first time, it actually felt like I was. There was a calming atmosphere at my workplace and I had some nice co-workers. A co-worker of mine, Tomiko Kuromiya who was also my upperclassman in college, even though she probably doesn't even know who I am, sat at the desk in front of me.

My boss has an eye on her and gets jealous when she speaks to other men. I don't know what their relationship is like but I'd rather stay out of it.

Tomiko-senpai, a 24-year-old woman around 165 centimeters tall wearing a suit with a red tie matching her red hair that perfectly falls on her shoulders, and gentle hazel colored eyes, confronted me at the end of my first day at work.

"Hey you're Shin, right?"

"yea.. you know me?"

" Of course I do, don't you remember me?"

I do, I do, Tomiko-senpai, right? We went to the same college. I'm surprised you know who I am.

"Yup, there's nobody I don't know!" she smiled as she said this, making a good first impression on me

So, Senpai, can I help you?

"ahh right, you got any plans today?"

mmm, I never really have any plans after work.

"well then, wanna go grab something to eat together? I'd like to get to know my new colleague better" She said in a youthful tone.

sure, I'd love to.

3 months later.

I've been working here for three months now and my job has been going well, even though my boss doesn't like me, but that's probably because I've been hanging out with Tomiko-senpai so much for the last three months.

"Hey shin are you free after work today?"

yea, you wanna go grab something to eat again?

"No there's actually somewhere I've been wanting to go with you"

Hmm, somewhere you want to go?

"uhu, you'll see" she smirked.

o-okay.

As we walked out of the building we approached a big matte black jeep.

Is that your car?

"yea, isn't she pretty?" She said, while proudly taking her keys out of her purse.

pretty expensive-looking yes.

We got in her car and she started driving.

"Oh, by the way, I've been wondering, you never told me your family name."

"That's because I don't have a family name," I said softly

"what do you mean you don't have a family name?"

I'm just Shin.

"Just shin?" she asked.

y-yea.. just Shin.

"humu, just shin huh, okay.  nice to meet you just shin," she said while laughing at her own joke.

Senpai, are we almost there yet?

"Can you start calling me Tomiko from now on?"

Sure, if that's what you want, Tomiko. But where are we going?

"I already told you, you'll see" she then flicked me on my forehead and we both laughed.

There was a nice vibe, we turned on the radio and sang some mainstream songs together.

"Tadaa, we're here"

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"Woah, a bar.. this looks pretty fancy." I stepped out of the car as I gazed at the lights coming from the bar.

"I know right? my dad runs this place so it's aaalll on the house tonight!" she said as she grabbed my hand and went to a table just big enough to fit a party of two.

After a couple of drinks, I decided it was time to go home "I should head home now, thanks for everything today, Tomiko"

"Whaa? you should stay for the night, my apartment is upstairs. Also, trains aren't riding anymore and I can't bring you home because of the alcohol." she argued.

"Ah, you're apartment is upstairs okay. WAIT YOUR APARTMENT?" I said with a shocked expression on my face, she must've schemed this.

"No no, it's fine I'll find somewhere to sleep, thank you for your offer though," I said, trying to get out of this awkward situation which I'm not ready for yet.

"bleh, wussy.. shin's a wussy," she said while pulling me upstairs.

"Tomiko is right don't be such a wussy, kid." the voice of an old man said,

I looked in the direction from where the voice came, Tomiko's father approached me.

"Tomiko has told me lots about you, Shin it was, right?"

"Y-yes, sir," I said as I completely stiffened up.

"You're both already in your twenties you should live your lives, come on kid don't be such a wussy."

a wussy hmm, Is that even a word? But he's right, I'm already a grown man. this is the time I have to both man up and grow up. "okay, thanks for letting me stay over then." we were just about to go upstairs and...

"HOWEVER"

however?

"IF YOU TRY ANYTHING LEWD WITH MY DAUGHTER I'LL KILL YOU"

"Yes, sir," I uttered out.

Well, I guess he's still her father so I expected this much.

The moment we went upstairs I immediately fell asleep, it was my first time drinking this much after all, which is a shame.

As I opened my eyes again the next morning, I saw Tomiko laying next to me, wearing pink pajamas which were extremely revealing, she was still asleep. "control yourself,  Shin. I'm not like that scum so control yourself." I said to myself.

"Goodmorning Shin," Tomiko said as she yawned.

G-goodmorning, Tomiko.  I back off scared she might've seen the lewd look on my face.

"huhu look at you, sleeping with your senpai after only our first real date" She chuckled.

"date hmm" because she brought that up, I realized the situation I was in. my face turned red and I couldn't say anything back.

she started brushing her fingertips through my hair as we both stayed silent.

"By the way, who were you talking about when you said "I'm not like that scum?" she asked while still brushing her fingers through my hair, now more passionately.

"Ahh, you heard that," I said, remembering that scum makes me sad, but I don't want to lie to Tomiko about my past anymore.

"mhm," she hummed.

"do you remember when I told u I'm "just shin" in the car yesterday? My name is actually Shin Schmidt, my mom married a german man, and let's just say we had a difference in beliefs. That man, my father wasn't the type to adapt or listen to others so he resorted to violence and abuse, at first he did it to prove his right, but I feel like quickly forgot the reason why he beat us and he now just did it out of thirst for power, this kept going on for years until he eventually ran off with our belongings and with another woman when I was 8. My mother is still traumatized and we have a strange relationship now, it's difficult to speak to her without her bringing up to past."

"That man robbed me of both my childhood and of my mother. This had a big impact on me when I was younger, and apparently, my classmates' parents knew about my situation at home and told their kids to stay away from me so I never really experienced friendship or love in my life. But these last three months I feel like you have given me many great experiences and memories, so I'm grateful to you for that" I added.

I could tell Tomiko wasn't really sure what to say so I didn't expect her to have any kind of reaction after I told her my story, I got flustered so I just closed my eyes to try and hide my embarrassment, I didn't mean to tell her all of this, in so much detail, I just let it all out and  small tears I couldn't hide started falling down my cheek

Suddenly I heard Tomiko's breath come closer while her hands were still brushing through my hair, I can sense Tomiko's body coming towards me but I don't move, I can't move. her breath starts coming closer, so much closer so that I can feel her breath blowing against my face. I then softly felt her lips touching mine, I realized this wasn't the time for me to act flustered, Tomiko gathered up the courage to take this step so I have to gather up courage as well. Our lips then went from simply touching to kissing.

"Sorry, I didn't know what to say when you told me about your past," Tomiko said while sobbing

"It's alright Tomiko, you don't have to feel bad about that." I tried calming the now crying girl which I had  embraced in my arms

"I just feel bad for not being able to help, and for never talking to you in college, I always had an easy life and I grew up with a lovely family so I couldn't even dream to imagine how you felt, so I feel bad. I wish I knew you sooner so I could've helped you carry the weight," she says., she seems calmer now but I can tell she's seriously emotional, does she really care that much about me?

"You shouldn't feel bad for me because you grew up in a healthy environment, I'm happy you did. It's alright, you're here now and that's more than enough." I ended up having to comfort her.

"I love you,  Shin"

"I love  you too, Tomiko"

The next workday after a weekend together with Tomiko, my boss asked Tomiko to come to his office. 20 minutes later, Tomiko walked out of his office but she now carried a conflicted look on her face and her eyes were swollen from the tears she had already wiped off. I walked up to her and asked her what's wrong.

She didn't say anything and looked the other way, I could only assume the worst so I grabbed her shoulder and turned her around, "Did anything happen in there ?" I  bluntly asked her.

"N-nothing happened.." She answered in a cold tone but with a face screaming out the word 'shame'".

I took a step back and I couldn't hide the shock from my face, Tomiko looked away again. I noticed bruises on her arm which she didn't have before. The old me would've just turned around and gone back to my desk, but I'm different now. I was filled with anger as I went to the desk in a room surrounded by curtains, it was the boss's office.

"What did you do to Tomiko," I said in an angered tone but still trying to keep my composure.

"'do'? I didn't DO anything thing to her, we just had a little chat but that's none of your business." He answered, with a grin on his face unable to hide his evil intentions.

I clenched my fists out of anger, I knew something was going on. "Who do you think you are" I let out without thinking.

"Who I think I am? I am someone who has the authority to do whatever I want, I can do what I want, whenever I want, with both her and with you. So if you don't want to get fired you should watch your tone." he obviously had the intention of making me mad, so  I could give him a reason to fire me. As much as I would like to punch him right now, I have to be there for Tomiko right now, her mental state is more important than feeding this man's ego. So I turned my back and went on my way to walk back out of the glass door which he had beclothed with a curtain.

"Have I given you my permission to leave my office already? Mister Schmidt." He added, with an even more foul grin on his face.

I stopped, with my back still facing my boss, saying nothing.

"I want you to get on your knees apologize to me."

"I have no reason to get on my knees for you."

"You should just do as I say unless you don't mind getting fired, and me having your dear girlfriend all to myself."

People never thought much of me, and I didn't either, which is why I don't mind swallowing my pride, I also felt like I would regret not doing what this mans says, I was scared.

The boss kept calling Tomiko to his office almost every day since then, as she kept growing more distant from me, even if I approached her, she was too ashamed to speak to me.

One day as I walked into the office, I noticed a certain unease, you could call it chaotic but it was much too calm for that. everyone was talking but the office felt quieter than it ever was.

"hey did you hear? About what happened to Tomiko?" a man said, whose desk is next to mine. my co-workers don't know about my relationship with Tomiko so the man assumed he could just talk to me about her without me making a big deal out of it.

"What happened to Tomiko?" I asked, becoming paranoid.

"I heard she's in hospital after an attempted suicide."

It felt as if my world just collapsed in one second, I was hoping it was a prank but it can't be, everyone in this office has been talking about it, that's where that uneasy feeling came from. "Tomiko... Tried to kill herself?" I felt paralyzed, I couldn't believe what I had just heard.

"oy, you alright buddy?" the man said, putting his hand on my shoulder.

"It's all my fault, this all happened because of me." It really was my fault, I knew what she was going through, but I was too naïve to accept the truth. I didn't do anything about it because I was scared to get fired, it was all my fault. I was selfish, even though I said I loved her, I still couldn't help her. She was the first person to ever tell me she loved me and this is how I repaid her. I'm an even bigger scum than both my boss and my father.

"I have to go to the bathroom real quick," I told the man who was looking at me go through a mental breakdown.

"O-okay.." the man let out.

In the bathroom, I stared at myself in the mirror and I saw the figure of a monster, I couldn't recognize myself anymore. Unable to accept what had happened, and unable to accept the reflection of myself in the mirror, I clenched my fist and threw it against the mirror. With the now-broken reflection of myself in front of me and my knuckles covered in blood, I strolled out of the bathroom. Both my head and my heart were filled with guilt.

"I should've been there for her, I should've stood up against boss, even if it meant getting fired, I'm the only one who could've prevented this from happening."

  I repeatedly mumbled "I don't deserve to live" as I went up the stairs in the hallway.

I finally made it to the top of the stairs and walked onto the roof. without hesitation, I kept walking forward towards the edge of the building's roof.

"Maybe if I leave this world, Tomiko can be happy again," I told myself.

I looked down to the ground which was approximately 200 meters further down, and before I knew it I was already falling. I didn't regret it, this is what I deserved, so I closed my eyes and waited for this life to end.

It felt like I had been falling for ages so eventually, I opened my eyes again.

I found myself in a huge room surrounded by white walls decorated in gold and silver. in front of me, I saw a throne with its back facing me. A tall figure stood up from the throne and turned towards me. What stood before me was the most beautiful being I had ever seen. I immediately knew who the man that stood before me was. His long blond hair, elegant blue eyes, a masculine body, and the cleanest clothes I had ever seen. he who stood before me was none other than God, the man to who 84% of the world dedicate their lives too.

"Kakaka, welcome, human," he said in a playful but soothing voice.