The meaningless pain Can't be translated

I understand

The more I believe my sweet lies

the more I betray my truth

How did I become like this

and why didn't I become what I wanted?

I've lost myself

Where am I in all of this?

Even my words have lost their beauty

My voice has lost its rhythm

And my movements have lost their grace

What always preoccupies me is the way back

Back to at least something

But knowledge is a disease

Ignorance is a remedy

The rain's ceremonies beat

The breezes of life vanished

And the letters split from the language of the era

The storm's calm prevailed

and the corpses of dreams poured from above

I couldn't bear the farewell

The repeated questions stem from incomplete knowledge

I want peace within my mind

So my thoughts surrender

There's no way to win in a war with imagination

Imagination is just an illusion

Never tire of yourself because of it

I finally opened my eyes and looked around, trying to answer the question: Where am I?

I'm in the hospital, that's for sure, but what am I doing here? Was I really saved from death? Maybe some girl who was waiting for Marian outside noticed the incident and did what was necessary. Thank God we survived. I got up from the bed and looked at my feet. They looked strange. Have I been sleeping for a long time and the nurses have been taking care of me or something? My toenails were neatly trimmed and painted with a clear polish, something I've never done in my life. And the hospital room looked different from the usual hospital rooms. Was I taken to a private hospital because I was with Marian?

The questions started piling up in my mind, and I couldn't find a logical explanation for what was happening. The only way to find out was to look for someone I know.

I went out to the hallway and tried to look for anyone I knew, but my parents weren't there, nor was a single teacher from the school. When I felt tired again after failing to find anyone, I decided to go back to the bed, but suddenly someone grabbed me from behind and pulled me into a tight hug. Despite my complete bewilderment, I couldn't move due to exhaustion, but I felt a strange feeling - this embrace was not unfamiliar to me, and this scent was somewhat familiar. But looking at the shape of the body and the muscles I found myself leaning on, this man could not possibly be my father, and this is definitely not his belly. But apart from my father, what man would dare to hug me like this?

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I raised my head to look at him, and what a surprise! In what parallel world have I been resurrected to see this face again?

His eyes were unusually tired, and his hair was completely disheveled, but his face still maintained its handsomeness. He looked at me with worry and sadness that almost translated years of friendship, but I didn't understand anything. I didn't know I meant so much to him, or had he made a mistake ? He must have been looking for Marian, but how could he have mistaken between us when our hair colors are so different.

I tried to gather some of the strength I had and tried to move away from him while maintaining my balance. I stepped back and looked at him, asking, "What are you doing?"

He looked at me, and the signs of worry never disappeared, then he answered, "Do you know how worried I was? Do you know how scared your parents were?"

My parents? Where are they?

"They're talking to the police... If you want, I can ask the nurse to inform them that you've woken up."

The police? Why?

"I think they'll file a complaint against the school and against Nermin."

What? Why would my parents file a complaint against me?

"Marian, don't you remember what happened? You got into a fight with Nermin, and you two fell into the school pool. Someone saved you and called the ambulance. If it weren't for that person, I don't know what would have happened."

Wait, I don't understand. You must have made a mistake. Did you say I got into a fight with Marian?

"Marian, what happened to you? Have you forgotten who you are, or what?"

"I haven't forgotten who I am. I know very well who I am, but I'm Nermin. Have you forgotten?"

When I said that, he looked completely astonished, so I left him and went back to the room, leaning against the wall, trying to reach into the bathroom to wash my face. But as soon as my eyes fell on the mirror, I saw the reflection of Marian's surprised face—an expression I had never seen her take, even when the girls were joking with her. Who is this person? I touched this strange face that smiles with my smile, moves with my movements—my hands and legs, even the size of my breasts are different. Is this really Marian's body?

I screamed when I finally understood what was going on, and Melo rushed into the bathroom after he heard my scream and asked repeatedly, "What's wrong? Are you okay? Are you in pain somewhere?"

I looked at him and said, "Do you see me? Do you see what I see in the mirror?"

He smiled a little and replied, "What's wrong? You've just come back from death. What were you expecting? I know you care about your appearance, but you're exaggerating now."

What is he saying? Have I become Marian because I came back from death? What about my body? Is it Marian's now?

"Melo, where is my body? I mean, where is Nermin?" His expression changed again, and he looked at me seriously and answered, "She's in another hospital. We transferred you after the doctors allowed us to."

"Can you take me to her? I want to see if she's okay."

"You can see her when you're discharged. There's no need to rush, and you're still under observation so they won't let you leave anyway."

"I can't wait, Melo. I need to make sure about this now. I'm fine, so don't worry. Please help me."

"Okay, you've never been reckless, so you must have a good reason."

Melo took a light coat from the closet and helped me put it on.

we left the room, holding hands. I followed him as he was busy trying to avoid the nurses. We quickly entered the emergency exit when we saw a police man walking with an old couple looking worried were approaching us. Melo said to me, "I feel bad about them. Your father didn't sleep the night before and he made all the calls that he could make just to find out what happened. Why don't you come back and explain to them what happened? They will worry more if they couldn't find you."

How can I tell him that I'm not feeling sorry about anyone and all I care about for now is finding my real parents and my body so I can figure out a way to come back to be me again?

I said, "Don't worry, Melo. I will explain everything to them once I see Nermin."

"Okay, but if we have to avoid them, the only way is to take the stairs. Can you handle going down the stairs?"

"I think so."

We went down to the ground floor and then went out of the hospital, where we stopped the first taxi we encountered. Melo told the driver the address of the other hospital, and we set off.