The tunnel was littered with bones and half-rotted excrement; apparently, the goblins used this area as some sort of storage area for refuse. Another alert flashed to life in the corner of my eye, ‘Oh Gods, the Smell -5 to perception’. I gagged as a draft drove the smell into me. It felt almost like hitting a physical wall, such was the stench. I placed the shield on my back, securing it to a leather strap kept there for such a purpose. My hand now free, I pinched my nose securely shut, though it hardly helped, as I could actually taste the stench in the foul air, but any relief was better than nothing.

The book must have been paying attention to the carvings on the wall, as it piped up in a smug know-it-all voice, “Did you know—goblins are wont to carve records in the walls of their caves? They actually have a fairly complex society despite their generally dull dispositions. Here, we find that the Goblins of this clan have deposited roughly thirty Human corpses, seventeen horses, and over one-hundred vole-like creatures.”

I shushed the book, hissing a hushed reply, “We’re supposed to be quiet, we don’t want to alert any patrols,” I glanced at the walls, “Do they really keep records like that? How would you know something like that, anyway?”

“Blood, blood, blood,” whispered the sword.

The book sneered at the sword, “Can you please stop with the chanting? Or at least add some variety to your vernacular? It’s getting quite old,” I could feel its attention settling back on me, “One of my owners in times past was Arch-mage Veritas. He was a prominent scholar on Human-like monsters, and an avid researcher on Goblin culture. Most of what we know about their inner workings today is mainly due to his studies.”

I nodded my head, “Well, do you have any information which would help me to kill the Goblins here?”

The book declared pridefully, “Yes, in fact, I do. Goblins have extremely high resistances to dark magik, and a weakness to light magik—this is mostly owed to the fact that Goblins are either subterranean or deep-forest dwelling creatures. Dark magiks have actually interwoven the essence of Goblinkin as a whole.”

“So, are they inherently evil then?” I asked, stepping over what looked to be the skull of a small humanoid. I hoped it wasn’t Human.

The book 'tsked' loudly, “Now, now. I thought we’d covered this earlier in our relationship-”

“Remind me,” I interjected.

“Fine, fine. No, Goblinkin and other dark races are not inherently evil. In fact, there was a Dark Elf not more than a hundred years back who allied with a couple humans and a dwarf—they were considered to be great heroes. They had a large cat which came and went as well.”

“A Dark Elf?” I asked, incredulous.

The sword hissed in distaste, “His people are strong and bloodthirsty. He was a disgrace.”

“Anyway,” the book continued, “dark magiks aren’t evil, they are merely a different side to the same coin. Dark magiks are predatory, powerful, and hungry. That being said, does not fire fit the same description? A fire will consume a forest whole, killing every life within, but is it evil?”

“No,” I whispered, “fire just does what fire does. There is no evil or malicious intent.”

“And so it is with dark magik,” concluded the book, “Without the influences of dark magik in the world, very few things would exist. Humans, for one—you all have at least a sliver of dark-mana in your bodies. You have a sliver of all forms of magik in your vessels.”

“I hate to interrupt the lesson, but there’s something up ahead,” whispered the shield.

It was right; I could just make out a snuffling noise against the backdrop of distant drumming. I cursed the -5 to perception debuff, knowing that I should have noticed the sound earlier. I moved my hand away from my nose, staggering for a moment at the renewed power of the stench. I unclasped the shield, and slowly moved it to my side. I stalked forward, moving inch by interminable inch. Finally, I rounded the slight curve in the cave, and stilled to take in the sight. Three goblins stood next to their own massive tusked boars, each affixed with a rough harness. I began calculating my odds of success—the goblins would be little trouble, but the boars posed more of an issue. I considered using magic, but I was loath to alert any others to our presence in the cave. I decided to try and incapacitate them with a sleeping gas. I pulled a phial from my rucksack, the thick grey liquid sloshed heavily in the crystal container. I was hesitant to use such a valuable item, but I was pretty sure this could keep me from being killed outright…it was a whole gold piece, though…still, if I lived, my reward would be worth the expense.

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I sucked in a deep, vile breath of air and threw the bottle directly between the goblins. The bottle clinked against the stone floor…and nothing else. It didn’t break. The goblins walked towards the source of the noise, picking the bottle up, making curious sounding grunts. I shrugged my shoulders, and snuck up behind one of the distracted goblins, readying my sword—I could feel the weapon practically vibrating with anticipation. As I came within three paces of the goblin, a thundering sound erupted from where the boars were foraging—one of the beasts was charging right for me.

I stabbed into the startled goblin’s back; the sword screamed in pleasure, desiccating the goblin almost instantly. Its husk of a body hit the ground with a light thud. The remaining pair of goblins looked on in terror, fleeing from the scene. I decided I'd deal with them later as I turned towards the charging boar; holding my sword before me in a light hand, I kept my weight on the balls of me feet. As the boar was about to strike, I dodged nimbly to the side, slashing across its flank with the sword. The beast roared with pain and thudded heavily against the cave wall. The other two boars had gotten the message and were hot on the heels of the first—I jumped just before they would have leveled me, and pirouetted mid-air, slicing my sword into the nearest beast’s spine. I landed on the ground with a thud, satisfied to see the body of the boar now lying still on the cave floor. The remaining two boars huffed steamy breath, scraping their hooves in preparation for another charge. I swore, realizing that stealth was completely out at this point.

“Use ‘Acid Spray’, boy!” called the book. I nodded and raised my hand, flicking to the suggested page. The boars began their charge, throwing up chunks of rock as they ran. “Acidum Trabem!” I yelled.

A spray of acid burst out from my hand, coating the boars. Smoke billowed out from their hides where the acid had burned into their flesh as they slammed into the ground, screeching in pain. I ran up to the leftmost boar, deftly slashing across its throat. I didn’t wait to drain the beast of blood, instead hopping over to the second boar, stabbing hard through its arm, and piercing its heart—it died almost instantly. Taking pity on the screaming, bloody mess of the other boar, I severed its spinal cord with a swift chop.

I stood, panting in exhaustion. Gradually, I walked on unsteady legs over to the goblin I had killed, intent on searching its body. I swore loudly and unimaginatively as I finished rummaging through its belongings.

“All that fucking effort and the potion is gone anyway?! Son of a bitch!” The other two goblins had obviously stolen away with the potion right when the boars attacked.

“Don’t worry, master, we will drink the blood of those little thieves,” comforted the sword, “Speaking of…what are the chances I could finish off those three blood bags we left behind?”

I swore again, stabbing the sword into the nearest boar. The sound of happy slurping echoed loudly through the cave.

The boars having been drained of blood, I sheathed the sword, who was now snoring lightly in a post-gorging slumber.

"We need to find that potion, and those goblins. I don't want to be out an entire gold piece," I said.

"Plus, we need to track those two down so they don't warn the others," cautioned the shield, "If they alert their kin, you could be killed."

"Yeah, that too," I replied.

I turned and picked up a rapid walk through the cave, keeping an eye out for any signs of the little green thieves.

“At lease that psychopath of a sword will be quiet for a while…but can we please just try and leave? The goblins will know we’re coming, and I don’t want to die…” moaned the boots.

“Not if we track them down first," I reminded, "Plus, you’re enchanted gear. I don’t think you can actually be killed, right? Worst case scenario, you’re broken until someone finds you,” I said, trying to keep the irritation I felt out of my voice.

“You try being broken for a whole century or two! It has happened before! I don’t want that!”

“When were you ever broken?” sneered the book.

“Well, not me personally, but I knew a pair of gauntlets who sat broken in an attic for a few decades! You should see the neuroses he developed!”

“You’re right,” I chuckled, starting my way back down the tunnel, “it would be terrifying to imagine any of you being more neurotic.” I laughed, and to my surprise, the book joined in.

“Yes, they are quite neurotic aren’t they, Henry? At least they have the two of us to keep them grounded, eh?” I smiled sardonically, “Yeah, it’s a miracle we’re both here to be the sane ones.”

Remarkably, the boots joined in on the laughter as well, while the book just seemed puzzled at missing the joke. “What?” it asked, “What in the name of all the Gods is so funny?” At our failure to stop laughing, it huffed and spoke sullenly, “Ignoramuses like you haven’t the least bit of a sense of humor.”

All save the blade laughed heartily, the sword made tiny snoring sounds, only interrupted by the faint sound of “Blood...blood...blood...” on its slumbering voice.

I picked my way quickly down through the refuse, looking for signs of the goblins' passing. I noted with some irritation that the debilitating -5 to perception debuff still made it nearly impossible to spot tracks along the ground. I wondered exactly how that worked—how could a smell impact your ability to spot things? I was so distracted by the terrible smell and thoughts of the debuff that I tripped over something as I walked—the bodies of two goblins, the very ones I had been hunting down! Next to them was a shattered bottle. I gasped in surprise, and immediately regretted the action. A small notification flashed in the right corner of my vision, ‘Sleeping potion inhaled, goodnight!’