I stepped into the library with heavy footsteps. Wiping the sweat that had gathered on my brow, I plopped down onto the mattress and sighed.

Another day ended with no success.

It’s been nearly three weeks since I first arrived in this world, and nearly five days since I recovered. Throughout all this time, I’ve devoted myself to exploring the castle. Yet, despite all that, despite spending nearly the whole day everyday searching, despite all of my tireless effort, I still couldn’t find the armory.

Time was tight. Even with the most liberal estimates, we only had four more days of food left. While I hated the taste of moldy bread in the morning, it was better than waking up hungry and falling asleep starving.

But why, we’ve searched for so long so why haven’t we found it yet?

This castle was large, and it was evident that searching a little bit at a time wasn’t going to cut it anymore. What’s more, I was starting to believe that the armory was located all the way on the other side of the estate. With our current pace, and factoring in all the dead ends and ruined passages, it would probably take about another week or so before we could reach the front gates.

After arriving at such a conclusion, I couldn’t help but sigh.

Why was this castle so ridiculously complicated? Wasn’t this place worse than a labyrinth?

If I really wanted to find the armory in time, these half-assed methods had to go. I needed to make a big decision soon. Either keep up with our current pace and thoroughly explore the castle slowly, or skip all of that and head straight for the other side of the estate.

I don’t know which of the two choices was better. After my recent mishap with magic, I’ve come to hesitate in the face of big decisions like this. I was afraid of making more mistakes. I was afraid of adding more regrets to the already growing pile that I own.

With a sigh, I turned towards the open window. The sun had begun to set. A soft, orange hue cascaded over the castle walls. Mereli was still outside, somewhere in the hallway, but considering the time, she would probably arrive soon.

At almost the exact moment, the door suddenly opened.

A boisterous voice echoed through the library interior. “Brother Karm?” She shouted. “Are you here?”

Her eyes scanned the room, before they fell onto my prone figure. With a slight smile on my face, I motioned for her to come closer.

“I guess it’s that time of the day again, huh?” I asked with practiced ease, as I grabbed a nearby bed sheet, and used it to wipe the sweat from my face.

Mereli furiously bobbed her head up and down. “Will you do it again today? Please, pretty please?”

I nodded. “Sure, I don’t actually have a reason to refuse, so why not.” I extended out my hand towards her. “Then, give me the book.”

Mereli’s favorite time of the day was when the sun loomed just over the horizon. Everyday, at exactly the same time, she would ask me to read her book to her. Despite repeatedly doing this for the past two weeks, Mereli seemingly never grew tired of it. The eagerness in her eyes, the anticipation in her voice, those were all openly revealed at this moment.

Since I didn’t particularly mind, I would always comply to her requests.

Also, in truth, this tiny event concurrently served to help quell the growing worry and anxiety that I buried deep within my heart. Just as it was with Mereli, these moments were equally important for me.

“Then, here!” She smiled a goofy smile, as she pulled out the old picture book, and handed it over to me.

I moved my hand to receive it, but at almost the exact same time, I felt that familiar, discomforting sensation.

“Ah—”

My right hand fell limp. I lost control of everything from below the elbow. My wrist, thumb, fingers, everything stopped functioning.

The book loudly fell on to the floor. A cloud of dust rose from the impact, while my eyes dully gazed at its worn-out cover.

“I, I’m sorry…” I apologized with a sigh. Two seconds later, the feeling in my hand returned, and I moved to pick up the book.

Just before I could reach it though, Mereli’s small hands had picked it up first. She brushed the dust and grime off of the cover with careful, practiced motions, before she handed the book back to me.

“Thank you…” I stated.

Mereli merely shook her head. She looked up at me with a frown that wasn’t quite a frown. “Is Brother Karm okay?”

I blinked in surprise. Caught off guard by her abrupt question, I couldn’t help but ask, “Okay with what?”

“No…” Mereli’s frown deepened as her expression conveyed a look of thought. “It’s just, Brother Karm was looking sad.”

“I was?”

She nodded her head. “Actually, Brother Karm looks sad a lot of the times.”

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Hearing her evaluation of me, I couldn’t help but let out a sarcastic smile. “If we’re talking about sad, then Mereli also looks sad sometimes too, you know?”

“Mereli knows.” Surprisingly she agreed. “Mereli is sad sometimes, but Mereli knows why she’s sad. Brother Karm… I don’t know why you’re sad. Are you hungry? Does your arm hurt?”

Mereli’s response caused a slight chuckle to escape from my lips.

“What’s funny?” She pouted as she tilted her neck in confusion.

I shook my head, and hurriedly explained, “No, it’s not funny, but just that… it’s not that I’m sad. Its more that I have a lot of things to think about.”

“Things to think about?” She blinked. “Then, tell the things to Mereli, so Mereli can think about them too. You know, Mereli has also been thinking…”

“Thinking about what exactly?” I asked curiously.

“That Mereli is actually the big sister.” A confident, almost forceful smile stretched out her cheeks. “And big sisters are always helpful and kind and can do everything right. So, tell Mereli about the things you are thinking about, okay? Because Mereli is the big sister, Mereli can explain it all to you. That is a big sister’s job, after all.”

Hearing her brazen words, I almost choked on my own saliva. I looked at her with creased eyebrows as I let out a strained cough. “Since when were you the big sister?”

She looked up at me with a face as if she was looking at an idiot. “The big sister is the one with the oldest age and Mereli is obviously older. Does Brother Karm not know this?”

That sort of unbreakable, steel-like logic was what hurt my heart the most. “L-listen Mereli, not everything is about physical age. There are some things you need to consider, before arbitrarily deciding these things…”

“Like what?” she innocently asked.

“Like… like mental age.” I explained.

“Then how old is Brother Karm, mentally?”

“That I don’t know, but…”

“If you don’t know, doesn’t that mean that Mereli is older?”

“No, that’s not exactly— that might not necessarily be the case…”

I could feel it, the impending premonition that I was about to lose this argument. Without hesitation, I reached out a hand and furiously rubbed the crown of Mereli’s head. By the time I finished, her eyes were completely hidden underneath a cloud of messy, tangled grey hair.

“Let’s forget about this conversation, alright?” I weakly stated. “Don’t you want me to read this book to you?”

With a slight smile on her face, Mereli did not say anything, before she forced me to sit down beside the mattress. A few seconds later, she climbed up on top of my lap, and quietly clutched onto my chest. Glancing up at me with an almost pleading expression, Mereli beckoned for me to start.

I sighed, and began reading.

I read the book to her up until nightfall.

By the time I finished, Mereli had fallen asleep. Silvery rays of moonlight illuminated her face, while a slightly glossy, slightly metallic sheen coated her usually dull grey hair.

I lifted her off of me, and placed her back down on to the bed.

With a quiet sigh, I stretched out my limbs and approached the only window in the library.

Because I spent the most of my time exploring the castle, nightfall was the only real opportunity for me to do other things. In particular, these days, I’ve found myself reading the Alchemical Compendium whenever the moon peaked out from amidst the starry sky.

Although it wasn’t very useful right now, it never hurt to fill up this empty head of mine with even the slightest bit more of information. Since I didn’t want to waste any of our limited resources, instead of burning the midnight oil, I could only rely on the moon’s soft, transient glow.

The window provided a very good view of the outside world. The starry dots in the sky that both looked foreign and familiar, the remnant ruins illuminated by faint silver light, they were all a part of a much bigger, and much more beautiful composition.

A quiet night in a new world. It gave off such a fantasy feeling.

Even the things that lay beyond that, it too added to the scenery. The darkness, and the forest obscured in black. That too, was a part of this world.

Looking out into the distance, I couldn’t help but sigh. I’ve noticed lately, that I’ve grown fond of sighing. Rather than calling it a fondness, it was more of an uncontrollable habit.

Just how long will this period of suffering last?

Despite all the things that Mereli and I talked about, I couldn’t help but worry.

Always hungry, a stomach that could only grumble out in pain, and the constant worry in the back of my mind… at this point, should I just try my luck and head into the forest? If I was just even a little bit lucky, I could probably snag a few berries or maybe even some weird fantasy fruit.

In the first place, I was really beginning to wonder just how dangerous the forest really was. After all, it didn’t really make sense. We’ve stayed in this castle for so long, and we’ve been so near that ominous forest so many times, yet nothing has appeared so far.

Were there really monsters hiding amidst the dark trees? What if none of them existed? What if Mereli’s childish worries were simply childish worries?

All of a sudden, a third option was placed in front of me.

Instead of exploring the castle slowly, and instead of heading off into the other side of the estate, I could simply walk into the forest and try my luck there. Monsters, danger, none of those were ever things that I was one hundred percent certain on. Surely, not every single one of my worries were real, right?

Exploring the forest…what was the worst that could happen?

Just as I mulled over this option, I caught sight of movement within the darkness.

I could not see it properly, but I knew it was there.

It was a shadowy figure, large and hulking. The shadows were too obscured for me to properly make out its appearance, but it appeared to be hunched, with arms as thick as tree stumps. It was slightly humanoid, but more resembled that of an ape, than an actual man. It kept its huge frame plastered against a tree, so it was difficult to make out whether or not it was really there.

I strained my eyes to see, but again, I couldn’t see anything more than a vague impression.

For the longest time, I stared at it. I stared at it as if it were an illusion. I stared at it hoping it was an illusion. The shadow hesitated. It appeared timid and afraid, and did not dare leave the edge of the forest.

Its skittish movements were hard to ignore. Its body swayed ever so slightly, sometimes leaning forward, as if it were about to enter the castle grounds, and sometimes leaning backward, as if it were about to sprint back into the forest.

It repeated these nonsensical movements for a long time, but after a while, I noticed that it had suddenly disappeared. Its body retreated into the forest, and its shadowy outline melted with the rest of the darkness.

Only after it was gone, did I release the breath that I had unconsciously held.

A cold sweat trickled down my back.

“What was that thing?” I mumbled quietly to myself, afraid of making too much noise, in fear of attracting that creature back here.

Was that a monster from the forest? The very same monster that Mereli originally feared? Why did it not approach the castle? It was hesitating… but why? Was it afraid of something? If so, then what? What was it so afraid of?

With all these thoughts and questions floating around in my mind, I couldn’t help but let out a despondent sigh.

I shook my head. Was it really still safe to stay within the library? Maybe it was better if I moved back down to the underground cavern… Then again, going right now was a bit dangerous too. Who knows what could be lurking in the middle of the night?

That night, I fell asleep, with all my fears, worries, and hesitations making their own personal appearances within my dream. The only thing that I was sure of was that somewhere in the dark recesses of my fretful consciousness, I had firmly decided to visit the other side of the castle.